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Help! 9 yr old son wont change his clothes



 
 
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  #1  
Old March 2nd 05, 06:14 PM
baxi
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Default Help! 9 yr old son wont change his clothes

hi all,

my 9 year old son has over the last couple of years become EXTREMLY
private to the point where i don't think he likes to be naked even when
he's alone in the shower.

so i have a battle with him every morning (on schooldays only -- i have
backed off on the weekends) about him getting into clean clothes. it
makes me feel awful because this is a daily thing and i don't like
having to fight with him that much, but on the other hand it's not
really something i can let go is it?

he keeps his underwear on in the shower sometimes (i'll find them later
in the laundry), sneaks out of bed after he finally has his pajama
pants on and puts his jeans (with belt cinched tight) back on and
sleeps in them. then in the morning he would just go to school in all
the clothes he just slept in (which sometimes includes a sweater). he
is sneaky about it so if i don't stand there all night he'll just get
his stuff back on.

i've told him that if he doesn't change he will start smelling and the
kids at school will tease him and i've told him that it's not healthy,
but i think his selfcounciousness is stronger than those concerns.


aargh. any ideas?

thanks.

  #2  
Old March 2nd 05, 06:58 PM
dragonlady
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Default

In article .com,
"baxi" wrote:

i've told him that if he doesn't change he will start smelling and the
kids at school will tease him and i've told him that it's not healthy,
but i think his selfcounciousness is stronger than those concerns.


SOME degree of this is not uncommon in boys this age, but his seems
extreme to me. Especially the shower with his shorts on, and wanting to
sleep fully clothd and with his belt cinchd. I might want him to talk
to a therapist to figure out what's going on; this could turn into a
serious issue.

As far as what to do -- well, if he's at all likely to be upset by the
pother kids commenting on him smelling bad, you could just let it go and
allow hom to experience the natural consequences. Some kids just never
know anything until they've done it themselves!
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #3  
Old March 2nd 05, 07:00 PM
Scott
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Posts: n/a
Default

baxi wrote:
hi all,

my 9 year old son has over the last couple of years become EXTREMLY
private to the point where i don't think he likes to be naked even when
he's alone in the shower.

so i have a battle with him every morning (on schooldays only -- i have
backed off on the weekends) about him getting into clean clothes. it
makes me feel awful because this is a daily thing and i don't like
having to fight with him that much, but on the other hand it's not
really something i can let go is it?

he keeps his underwear on in the shower sometimes (i'll find them later
in the laundry), sneaks out of bed after he finally has his pajama
pants on and puts his jeans (with belt cinched tight) back on and
sleeps in them. then in the morning he would just go to school in all
the clothes he just slept in (which sometimes includes a sweater). he
is sneaky about it so if i don't stand there all night he'll just get
his stuff back on.

i've told him that if he doesn't change he will start smelling and the
kids at school will tease him and i've told him that it's not healthy,
but i think his selfcounciousness is stronger than those concerns.


aargh. any ideas?

thanks.


DS did this, although not to the point of your son. DS just
has a sweatshirt to which he is very very attached. He still
listened to us, however, when we told him it's time to wear
something else. Otherwise we'd have to schedule something
he really wants to do, and then say he can't do it 'til he
changed. It really helps DS to have lead time -- so we tell
him in the evening that he won't be wearing the sweatshirt
the next morning, and then he grudgingly would give it up.
This advanced notice thing is something that's necessary in
all aspects of his life, he just doesn't like unannounced
change.

For his birthday last month, he got two new fleece sweatshirts,
and they've been incorporated into his clothing choices,
thankfully.

For your son, I'd just tell him you don't like it, and that's
good enough reason for the moment. Be very matter-of-fact
about it. Not all decisions have to be explained in full to
9-year-olds. New house rule, clean shirt/pants every day.
Then enforce it. Your son obviously knows you're feeling
ambivalent about enforcement. You have to follow through.

You might consider doing laundry at night and not
running the dryer 'til the next day. I presume your son won't
sleep in wet jeans or wear them to school. As long as he has
other clothes that are similar to the clothes you temporarily
won't let him wear, this might work.

Don't sweat the underwear showering. I might mention to
him that most people shower naked, but he undoubtedly knows
that.

Scott DS 11 and DD 9

  #4  
Old March 2nd 05, 10:20 PM
Jeff
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Posts: n/a
Default


"baxi" wrote in message
oups.com...
hi all,

my 9 year old son has over the last couple of years become EXTREMLY
private to the point where i don't think he likes to be naked even when
he's alone in the shower.

so i have a battle with him every morning (on schooldays only -- i have
backed off on the weekends) about him getting into clean clothes. it
makes me feel awful because this is a daily thing and i don't like
having to fight with him that much, but on the other hand it's not
really something i can let go is it?

he keeps his underwear on in the shower sometimes (i'll find them later
in the laundry), sneaks out of bed after he finally has his pajama
pants on and puts his jeans (with belt cinched tight) back on and
sleeps in them. then in the morning he would just go to school in all
the clothes he just slept in (which sometimes includes a sweater). he
is sneaky about it so if i don't stand there all night he'll just get
his stuff back on.

i've told him that if he doesn't change he will start smelling and the
kids at school will tease him and i've told him that it's not healthy,
but i think his selfcounciousness is stronger than those concerns.


aargh. any ideas?


This sounds pretty normal to me. I think a lot of kids are like this.

However, if this is a sudden change, I would try to find out why. Some sort
of abuse comes to mind. It could be bullying at school, someone touching
him, or whatever. I think the abuse thing is unlikely, but the consequences
are serious.

Jeff

thanks.



  #5  
Old April 2nd 05, 07:19 AM
electroscopillan
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Posts: n/a
Default

This sounds pretty normal to me. I think a lot of kids are like this.

However, if this is a sudden change, I would try to find out why. Some

sort
of abuse comes to mind. It could be bullying at school, someone touching
him, or whatever. I think the abuse thing is unlikely, but the

consequences
are serious.

Jeff


That's what first came to my mind, from the tone of your post.. ..that this
is a little extreme - esp. bathing with underwear on, and cinching his belt
tight. Did this start very suddenly, and if so, can you think of anyone new
who's care/presence he may have been in at the time?



 




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