Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?

My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her
school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat
last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old"
zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I
thought I'd raise the question here.

What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When
I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started
in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her
one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue
into the teens?

Thanks for any insight.

beeswing

"beeswing" wrote:

My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her
school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat
last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old"
zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I
thought I'd raise the question here.

If she's old enough to think of that, then she's probably too old to
go. If one of my kids said something like that it would be instantly
evident to me that they were too old to go.


But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us.

What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When
I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started
in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her
one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue
into the teens?

My older kids went out with their little brother and sister sometimes.
I don't remember how long, actually. I know my dd#3 went trick or
treating on her pony (so she would have had to be at least 10 or 11
because that's when she got the pony) as the Headless Horseman. But
we only went in the neighborhood where people knew us. Her brother
was 3 years younger, and her older sisters were 5 and 7 years older..

(And she stayed in the street with the pony while someone else got
her treats for her IIRC - she didn't ride across the lawns or the golf
course). The pony had a reflective thing on his tail, and her 'head'
had a flashlight in it (a pumpkin), and I followed in the car..

Rosalie B. wrote:
"beeswing" wrote:

My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her
school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat
last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old"
zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I
thought I'd raise the question here.

If she's old enough to think of that, then she's probably too old to
go. If one of my kids said something like that it would be instantly
evident to me that they were too old to go.

She's precocious ("gifted," even)...but that doesn't make her old. So
her mental prowess isn't going to be a deciding factor for me. And, for
that matter, she's tall for her age and more developed than some girls
her age.She's gonna *look* older than she is. That confuses the issue
for me, but I don't think I should let it weigh into the issue. It's
not her fault she's big for her age.

But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us.

For some reason, it's really important to her this year.

What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When
I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started
in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her
one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue
into the teens?

My older kids went out with their little brother and sister sometimes.
I don't remember how long, actually. I know my dd#3 went trick or
treating on her pony (so she would have had to be at least 10 or 11
because that's when she got the pony) as the Headless Horseman. But
we only went in the neighborhood where people knew us. Her brother
was 3 years younger, and her older sisters were 5 and 7 years older..

(And she stayed in the street with the pony while someone else got
her treats for her IIRC - she didn't ride across the lawns or the golf
course). The pony had a reflective thing on his tail, and her 'head'
had a flashlight in it (a pumpkin), and I followed in the car..

My kid is an only, so she has no siblings (or even younger children she
can borrow) that she can ferry around. She argues that at 11, she's
still a child and should be allowed to trick-or-treat. But she doesn't
stop there...she tries to tell me that she'll be a child until she's
18. (She should have stopped while she was ahead!) I told her we have
vastly different definitions of what "child" means.

So, barring the fact that she's an advanced thinker...how old *is* too
old, in your opinion?

Love the pony story. And thanks for your comments.

beeswing

"beeswing" wrote:

Rosalie B. wrote:
"beeswing" wrote:

My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her
school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat
last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old"
zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I
thought I'd raise the question here.

If she's old enough to think of that, then she's probably too old to
go. If one of my kids said something like that it would be instantly
evident to me that they were too old to go.

She's precocious ("gifted," even)...but that doesn't make her old. So
her mental prowess isn't going to be a deciding factor for me. And, for
that matter, she's tall for her age and more developed than some girls
her age.She's gonna *look* older than she is. That confuses the issue
for me, but I don't think I should let it weigh into the issue. It's
not her fault she's big for her age.

I'm not sure she's really that much out of the ordinary. I was the
same way - I was once mistaken for my dad's wife (and my mom for his
mother which didn't make her too happy).
http://p.vtourist.com/649151-Zoo_gar...50-Antwerp.jpg is
a picture of my sister (age 10), my mom and me (age 12). I was dating
(single dating not in a group) at 12, although I was dating a boy my
own age, so his dad had to drive us to the movies. I think I was
probably precocious too, at least mentally, but socially I was quite
naive.

The kids that were in my 6th grade homeroom (when I was teaching) -
the girls were adult looking while the boys were still little kids.
One of the girls dropped out of school (6th grade) because she was
pregnant.

But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us.

For some reason, it's really important to her this year.

Maybe you should find out why. What is going to be going on that she
doesn't want to miss. Is it something that you wouldn't approve of?
It would have my mom antenna going.

What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When
I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started
in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her
one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue
into the teens?

My older kids went out with their little brother and sister sometimes.
I don't remember how long, actually. I know my dd#3 went trick or
treating on her pony (so she would have had to be at least 10 or 11
because that's when she got the pony) as the Headless Horseman. But
we only went in the neighborhood where people knew us. Her brother
was 3 years younger, and her older sisters were 5 and 7 years older..

(And she stayed in the street with the pony while someone else got
her treats for her IIRC - she didn't ride across the lawns or the golf
course). The pony had a reflective thing on his tail, and her 'head'
had a flashlight in it (a pumpkin), and I followed in the car..

My kid is an only, so she has no siblings (or even younger children she
can borrow) that she can ferry around. She argues that at 11, she's
still a child and should be allowed to trick-or-treat. But she doesn't
stop there...she tries to tell me that she'll be a child until she's
18. (She should have stopped while she was ahead!) I told her we have
vastly different definitions of what "child" means.

I think if she won't tell you why she wants to go so much, then she
shouldn't go.

So, barring the fact that she's an advanced thinker...how old *is* too
old, in your opinion?

I've had quite old kids come around - definitely mid teen or high
school age. I didn't like it too much, but it wasn't awful. In the
old days (like back when my dad was a child - pre WWI) I think it was
primarily older kids that did it, but that was when "Trick or Treat"
was really a threat.

Love the pony story. And thanks for your comments.

Rosalie B. wrote:

I'm not sure she's really that much out of the ordinary. I was the
same way - I was once mistaken for my dad's wife (and my mom for his
mother which didn't make her too happy).
http://p.vtourist.com/649151-Zoo_gar...50-Antwerp.jpg is
a picture of my sister (age 10), my mom and me (age 12). I was dating
(single dating not in a group) at 12, although I was dating a boy my
own age, so his dad had to drive us to the movies. I think I was
probably precocious too, at least mentally, but socially I was quite
naive.

That's a great picture. Yeah, my kid could be said to be mentally
precocious but socially naive... But she's not at all interested in
dating, either. (In fact, she's in a private all-girls' middle school
and quite happy to be there, without the distraction of boys.)

For some reason, it's really important to her this year.

Maybe you should find out why. What is going to be going on that she
doesn't want to miss. Is it something that you wouldn't approve of?
It would have my mom antenna going.
SNIP
I think if she won't tell you why she wants to go so much, then she
shouldn't go.

She wants to design costumes in conjunction with a friend of hers. The
friend is 13...maybe 14. Plus she thinks it's fun. She doesn't have any
secret evil plans, at least as far as I can sense.

So, barring the fact that she's an advanced thinker...how old *is* too
old, in your opinion?

I've had quite old kids come around - definitely mid teen or high
school age. I didn't like it too much, but it wasn't awful. In the
old days (like back when my dad was a child - pre WWI) I think it was
primarily older kids that did it, but that was when "Trick or Treat"
was really a threat.

Thanks. At this point, I'm inclined to let her...with the admonishment
that this *really* will be the last year.

I appreciate your input!

beeswing

On Sun, 17 Sep 2006 14:19:58 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:

She wants to design costumes in conjunction with a friend of hers. The
friend is 13...maybe 14. Plus she thinks it's fun. She doesn't have any
secret evil plans, at least as far as I can sense.

One of the young teenagers who came to our house last year was dressed
as a cat, and was also carrying a well-behaved real cat in a basket. I
was impressed with the cat, and also with the costume that was chosen
for impressiveness rather than cargo-carrying ability.

Perhaps you could offer to host the group of friends after the
trick-or-treating and drive them home or have them sleep over, so they
could socialize, eat candy together, enjoy each other's costumes,
watch scary movies ... which are all pastimes that could become part
of their tradition in later years as the trick-or-treating becomes
less central.

Louise

Hi --

In our neighborhood, kids go even into high school. However, they stop
asking for candy and instead tote a Unicef box at some point. (They
take the candy if offered :-)

I honestly think that if she wants to go, she should go. Once she's
embarassed about going, she'll stop. Or she'll find an excuse that has
her looking mature but lets her go around the neighborhood anyway (such
as collecting for Unicef or chaperoning some younger kid(s).)

My two cents,
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

Beth Kevles wrote:
Hi --

In our neighborhood, kids go even into high school. However, they stop
asking for candy and instead tote a Unicef box at some point. (They
take the candy if offered :-)

I honestly think that if she wants to go, she should go. Once she's
embarassed about going, she'll stop. Or she'll find an excuse that has
her looking mature but lets her go around the neighborhood anyway (such
as collecting for Unicef or chaperoning some younger kid(s).)

My two cents,
--Beth Kevles

Thanks, Beth. I've decided to let her go this year, but leave it on the
table whether or not she will next year. I appreciate all the advice
I've gotten here -- and so does my daughter!

beeswing

On Sat, 16 Sep 2006 20:53:07 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:

But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us.

For some reason, it's really important to her this year.

Then let her go. You are picking an age to stop arbitrarily, anyway.
There are no hard and fast rules on it and, as you said, you went
until you were in seventh grade. 11 isn't even a teenager yet. Tell
her that her years are numbered but that because it is so important to
her (not because she will be a child until 18), she can go this year.
Use the goodwill engendered by noticing and responding to what seems
to be really important to her whether or not you can understand why to
bolster up your relationship for the oncoming teen years. That will
be much more important to you than what year she stopped trick or
treating, when all is said and done.

--
Paula
"Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy,
so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay

Paula wrote:
On Sat, 16 Sep 2006 20:53:07 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:

But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us.

For some reason, it's really important to her this year.

Then let her go. You are picking an age to stop arbitrarily, anyway.
There are no hard and fast rules on it and, as you said, you went
until you were in seventh grade.

No, the last year I was allowed to go was 6th grade, my final year of
elementary school. It hasn't been as easy for me to decide by school
attended because she started middle school in 5th grade...obviously
young.


11 isn't even a teenager yet. Tell
her that her years are numbered but that because it is so important to
her (not because she will be a child until 18), she can go this year.
Use the goodwill engendered by noticing and responding to what seems
to be really important to her whether or not you can understand why to
bolster up your relationship for the oncoming teen years. That will
be much more important to you than what year she stopped trick or
treating, when all is said and done.

--
Paula

I told her that I considered her viewpoint and asked the question in a
newsgroup I respected...and that I was willing to change my mind.

I hope what she learns from this is that I *will* listen to her and her
reasons (but not necessarily in every case agree with her) and that I'm
open to taking advice and suggestions from people whose viewpoints I
respect...and finally, that I'm open to changing my mind if the
evidence weighs that way.

I think those are good lessons for a kid to have no matter what his or
her age.

Thanks for writing.

beeswing