Nursing at other peoples' houses?

cjra wrote:

As it turns out, it wasn't the older folks who had an issue, it was my
sisters! both of whom BF'd their kids. I was pretty discreet
(discrete?), but when my 7 yr old niece came close to watch, my sister
threw me the blanket. She said she didn't want to "deal with the
questions yet", esp from her 9 yr old son. WTH?

I was nursing Rocky at a friend's house.
This friend has breastfed three kids and
so her 6-year-old son was very knowledgeable
about it. He watched me unlatch Rocky, then
adjust him and asked "are you changing sides
now?" right before I did it. I thought it
was so cute.

-- Anita --

xkatx wrote:
I'm sure someone might have come across a similar problem... Just wondering
what I should or shouldn't do...

Here's the situation...
DD2 will be 2 weeks old tomorrow. Bfing is going great. I'm nursing only,
and I am also pumping and storing. I am currently nursing on demand. At
home, I find I normally walk around in just a bra. For me, it's just easier
than fiddling around with a shirt or something, and it's just more
comfortable. DH has no complaints and doesn't mind, nor do the other kids.
I feed whenever, wherever, and it's not unusual for me to nurse DD2 at the
supper table while trying to shovel some food in my mouth while it's still
kind of warm.
While NIP, though, I obviously don't walk out the house without a shirt on.
I normally try and find a bfing friendly shirt (either an actual nursing
top or something with buttons or something loose) and I do carry around a
receiving blanket and cover up, as I am aware that nursing does bother some,
and often people don't really care to see a baby nursing. Just to keep it
simple and discreet, I just toss the blanket over DD2 in a way that allows
for me to see her, her to see me and for others to have it seem more like a
baby being held.
At other peoples' houses, I do the same as while out in public. I carry the
blanket around and do use it. At my parents' house, no one has a complaint
about me nursing DD2. My dad is alright with it, and after some silly
comment like, 'Oh sick!' from one or both of my younger brothers, they tend
to kind of go elsewhere, but, it's really not a big deal at all. My mom has
been the one and only person in my family who has encouraged and has been a
support for me while nursing all my kids.
With my aunt and uncle, OTOH, it's been kind of hard. My aunt is alright
with bfing, but my uncle is not. They have 1 child who is now in his 30s.
He was bottle fed, my uncle is in his 60s and my aunt is in her 50s. To my
uncle, breasts are not for babies. He sees them as something sexual, not
something that is there for the purpose of feeding a baby. He literally
freaks out if and when I nurse.
I remember when DS was an infant, he told me that I had to stop and not 'do
that' infront of him because it made him uncomfortable. With DD1, I
remember it was either his birthday or my aunt's birthday when we were over
at their house - that would have made DD1 either around 3 weeks or around 2
months, can't exactly remember... I got ready to feed DD2 and he asked me to
leave the room because everyone was visiting in the living room, and again
it made him uncomfortable. He told me I should go in the spare bedroom and
do that alone, as he doesn't like it and was sure others didn't as well.
Spare bedroom's bed was covered in jackets, purses and bags so I ended up
sitting on the floor in the laundry room, and really, that was far from fun
or amusing.
Now with DD2, I really want to find a good way to deal with this. At *my*
home, if you don't like it, the door is over there, although even if in my
own home, I would make sure to have a shirt on or something when I have
company, but when it comes to homes of others (mainly my aunt and uncle's
house), I really don't know what to do, as it seems that the blanket idea
just isn't good enough. There were times when I had been feeding a baby
with a blanket over me for 5 or 10 minutes before someone (my uncle) even
noticed, so a blanket must make it less obvious, somewhat. I'm really NOT
alright with excusing myself from visiting to go sit in a back bedroom,
bathroom or laundry room when DD2 needs to feed. I also am really unsure as
to how to deal with this... Avoiding this aunt and uncle really isn't
possible, and all I've been able to think of doing is when the invite comes
our way to go over to their house to visit or have supper is to simply say
that we will only be able to make it under these conditions (like, I am able
to feed the baby when she needs to be fed - with a blanket - without being
basically forced to leave the vicinity of humans) otherwise we are going to
have to decline...
I really don't know... Anyone have any suggestions or ideas?





Personally I would let them know that last time you were uncomfortable
nursing your child on the laundry room floor and that this time you
expect to have a nice comfortable place to nurse your baby. If that is
not possible then you will not be attending the function at their home.

Hi --

Ask your aunt and uncle to prepare a semi-private space for you. For
example, a wing chair that can be turned away from the crowd, but have
you still in with everyone else.

It sounds as though you also need to sit down and have a chat with your
uncle about this. Try to understand exactly where he's coming from, and
see if he can understand you. A chat without the baby present would be
ideal!

Good luck and happy nursing,
--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
As it turns out, it wasn't the older folks who had an issue, it was my
sisters! both of whom BF'd their kids. I was pretty discreet
(discrete?), but when my 7 yr old niece came close to watch, my sister
threw me the blanket. She said she didn't want to "deal with the
questions yet", esp from her 9 yr old son. WTH? Questions about
breastfeeding? Perfect opportunity to discuss that it's not sexual. I'd
understand if she never BF'd, but she BF'd both her kids for 1 yr. My
other sister was similarly weirded out, although her two teenaged sons
could care less. They saw me nursing, didn't act awkward, but also
didn't stare.

yeah, I think the younger you talk about bf, the more normal it seems, I
can't imagine my son (3.5) thinking anything wierd about breastfeeding
unless it manages to fade out of his life completely at any time, just
yesterday, he said to me, I have very small boobies, so I won't be able to
feed babies, but I can feed firemen (they were fisherprice firemen!)


I think I have to agree about this...
All my friends with babies (I'd say everyone would be 20 at youngest, 30 at
oldest) have nursed, or tried to nurse. I really wouldn't have a problem
nursing infront of any of them, and for a few of them, I wouldn't dream
about using a blanket or something to cover up a bit. DS is 5 and he thinks
it's normal - he's had little comments as well about babies eating - I'll
take the baby to feed and he'll say, "Oh, it's the baby's supper time as
well!" and he also has said stuff like, "We're eating spaghetti for supper,
so is the baby - but she's eating our supper through your milk."
I know I did use a blanket one time sitting at McDonald's at the mall, and
DS actually asked me why I had a blanket around us and why can't the baby
just eat like she always does, not under a blanket - and I just said that
some people don't always understand how some babies eat, so it's just
easier.
I've found that people younger as well as much older tend to be alright. My
grandma is in her 70s, and she's alright with bfing. All my friends seem to
be alright with it. With the exception of my mom (and dad) who are both
just about 50, that age bracket (around the 40s to 60s) seems to be a little
less alright, and, of course, not all, but just in my circle of family and
friends, it does seem to be that way!

I actually went to their house the other day...
I needed to try and hunt down some sleepers for DD1, so I tried the Goodwill
store which happens to be just down the block from my aunt and uncle's
house. I believe this was on Saturday evening. It was just DD2 and I, and
I called them to see if they were home and would be home, seeing as we would
be just down the block. We did our shopping and DD2 decided she wanted to
dirty a diaper and eat, so it was kind of convenient stopping at aunt and
uncle's house before heading home. They also hadn't seen DD2 since she was
4 days old.
I stopped there and first thing I did was change her diaper and then my aunt
held her for a few minutes until she started to try and feed off of my
aunt's arm.
I had worn a nursing top, which I find are fantastically convenient while
out in public. With this shirt and the blanket kind of up like a fortress
wall around DD2, my uncle didn't say a word. He did carry on any
conversation that was going, and he didn't seem to have a problem with it.
I'm wondering if it might have something to do with it being less obvious
(like I'm not struggling with a bra, then a T-shirt and yanking it up to
feed, or something, and not having half my body exposed for the world to
see)
He seemed to be alright with it, and I kind of get the feeling that my aunt
only seemed to have a problem if my uncle did. I just kind of sat back on
the sofa, fed the baby and it was alright. I think I might go out and about
on the hunt for more of these shirts. I'm really not OK with buying them
brand new, as I know they're overly expensive, so I'm going to see if I can
find some second hand, which I think will come in handy over Christmas,
which I know I can't avoid or turn down the invatations to! (Christmas Eve
at Grandmas, Christmas Day at this aunt and uncles, Boxing Day at my
parents' - for my mom's birthday)

xkatx wrote:
I actually went to their house the other day...
I needed to try and hunt down some sleepers for DD1, so I tried the Goodwill
store which happens to be just down the block from my aunt and uncle's
house. I believe this was on Saturday evening. It was just DD2 and I, and
I called them to see if they were home and would be home, seeing as we would
be just down the block. We did our shopping and DD2 decided she wanted to
dirty a diaper and eat, so it was kind of convenient stopping at aunt and
uncle's house before heading home. They also hadn't seen DD2 since she was
4 days old.
I stopped there and first thing I did was change her diaper and then my aunt
held her for a few minutes until she started to try and feed off of my
aunt's arm.
I had worn a nursing top, which I find are fantastically convenient while
out in public. With this shirt and the blanket kind of up like a fortress
wall around DD2, my uncle didn't say a word. He did carry on any
conversation that was going, and he didn't seem to have a problem with it.
I'm wondering if it might have something to do with it being less obvious
(like I'm not struggling with a bra, then a T-shirt and yanking it up to
feed, or something, and not having half my body exposed for the world to
see)
He seemed to be alright with it, and I kind of get the feeling that my aunt
only seemed to have a problem if my uncle did. I just kind of sat back on
the sofa, fed the baby and it was alright. I think I might go out and about
on the hunt for more of these shirts. I'm really not OK with buying them
brand new, as I know they're overly expensive, so I'm going to see if I can
find some second hand, which I think will come in handy over Christmas,
which I know I can't avoid or turn down the invatations to! (Christmas Eve
at Grandmas, Christmas Day at this aunt and uncles, Boxing Day at my
parents' - for my mom's birthday)

That's great that it worked out ok.

I find nursing tops *much* easier than hiking up regular shirts. With
regular shirts there's so much fabric bunched up it feels
uncomfortable,a nd I have to hold it up. If I don't, it falls on DD's
face and she hates that, starts squirming. All if it makes more of a
scene. I've found some nursing tops better than others, and there's
still always that half a second in getting her latched on, but once on,
you have to be 2 inches from my breast to see anything.

And yeah, they're stupidly expensive, but I haven't found any second
hand ones