Husband is not excited expecting twins

My husband and I had been trying for a couple of years to get
pregnant. i recently found out I am pregnant, and in fact am expecting
twins. My husbnad seems to think the world has ended. He is no longer
excited at all about hvaing children. He has no interest in
participating and seems to be unhappy when I mention anything
regarding the pregnancy. He never wanted more than one child and is
pretty upset we are habing two.

Is this normal? What can I do to help him? He is worried he will
resent the babies once they are born. I am worried he will resent me,
little less the kids.

On 30 Mar 2007 07:48:26 -0700, wrote:

My husband and I had been trying for a couple of years to get
pregnant. i recently found out I am pregnant, and in fact am expecting
twins. My husbnad seems to think the world has ended. He is no longer
excited at all about hvaing children. He has no interest in
participating and seems to be unhappy when I mention anything
regarding the pregnancy. He never wanted more than one child and is
pretty upset we are habing two.

Is this normal? What can I do to help him? He is worried he will
resent the babies once they are born. I am worried he will resent me,
little less the kids.

Yes, it can be normal when faced with the reality of getting more than
you were expecting. The thought of having to take care of two babies
instead of one can be very daunting.

You might try pulling back a bit and giving him some space to digest
and process this. It's going to take him some time to get used to it.

If he talks about resenting the babies when they're born, give him
room to talk about that, and be understanding. You might need a third
party to talk with, if it seems to be getting worse.

Nan

wrote in message
oups.com...
My husband and I had been trying for a couple of years to get
pregnant. i recently found out I am pregnant, and in fact am expecting
twins. My husbnad seems to think the world has ended. He is no longer
excited at all about hvaing children. He has no interest in
participating and seems to be unhappy when I mention anything
regarding the pregnancy. He never wanted more than one child and is
pretty upset we are habing two.

Is this normal? What can I do to help him? He is worried he will
resent the babies once they are born. I am worried he will resent me,
little less the kids.

I think it is a little normal. My husband wasn't all that excited about my
first pregnancy and we planned it and it was just one. He got a little bit
crazy and irresponsible (well more so then usual, lol) and I was worried.
He got more excited about it as I began to grow but even then he wasn't
really *into* it. He was totally in love with e baby as soon as he was born
however.

As you know, twins is a heck of a big shock. I imagine it is even more
amplified in a first pregnancy and it sounds as if you are still in the
first trimester?? I think you should just give him some time to mull the
thought of being a daddy of twins over. I know for me personally I want to
talk of nothing but the babies when I'm pregnant but my husband - well not
so much. Give him some space. I bet he'll warm up to the idea and as your
tummy begins to grow, he'll warm up to the idea. The ultrasounds are kind
of cool for dad's if he'll go to one. I've only been able to drag my dh to
one.

With our twins we didn't know until 20wks so the shock of the pregnancy was
already over before the shock of twins. It wasn't our first either or
we may have totally flipped out.

If he continues to have trouble with the idea for the duration, counseling
may be in order but I wouldn't worry about that yet.

So - anyway. Twins are great. Lots of fun, so exciting, CONGRATS Twins
magazine has a message board that is great for twin mom's and dad's.
http://www.twinsmagazine.com/


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

You husband is correct.

Put one up for adoption or kiss your marriage goodbye.

wrote in message
oups.com...
My husband and I had been trying for a couple of years to get
pregnant. i recently found out I am pregnant, and in fact am expecting
twins. My husbnad seems to think the world has ended. He is no longer
excited at all about hvaing children. He has no interest in
participating and seems to be unhappy when I mention anything
regarding the pregnancy. He never wanted more than one child and is
pretty upset we are habing two.

Is this normal? What can I do to help him? He is worried he will
resent the babies once they are born. I am worried he will resent me,
little less the kids.

He's probably in flat out shock.

My husband and I married in our 30's and had our first at 34, and we
really, really, REALLY wanted children - and even so, when we found
out we were having our first, we both had a sobering period
of....omigod, this is real, can we do this, are we going to screw this
poor kid up for life, how will our lives change, how can we adapt,
whats ahead, what if something goes wrong, what if the baby has
problems etc. Most of us have trepidations - the looming physical
reality of pregnancy, the lifelong commitment, all the fears and
worries - you'd be a little strange if you weren't at least a little
scared of the unknown, particularly when you don't have much control
over the process (i.e. you can take good care of yourself, but its a
biological crapshoot).

We now have three kids, and yeah, I think having two at once the first
time out would have been even scarier - I know my husband was as
worried about ME as he was about becoming a father when pregnancy
became real. He was scared of the whole process, of the birth, could
he handle me in pain, etc. etc.

Pregnancy is also very abstract for a lot of men. After all, its not
happening in their body, and the whole idea is very strange (in the
early stages I think a lot of women have a hard time believing in it
either). It takes a while to get your head around the whole notion.

Give the guy some space. He'll be alright. Its like reactions after
the birth. Even people who really want kids and totally love them as
they grow can be kind of shocked or detatched when they get handed
their baby. Doesn't mean they won't be adoring and terrific parents.

Plus not everyone is a "baby" person. I think my husband started
really bonding with our kids once they turned into toddlers and he
could see the interesting little people they were growing into. He was
a stellar father of babies, but wasn't quite sure what to make of them
in the very early months.

M