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#1
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her
school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old" zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I thought I'd raise the question here. What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue into the teens? Thanks for any insight. beeswing |
#2
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
"beeswing" wrote:
My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old" zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I thought I'd raise the question here. If she's old enough to think of that, then she's probably too old to go. If one of my kids said something like that it would be instantly evident to me that they were too old to go. But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us. What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue into the teens? My older kids went out with their little brother and sister sometimes. I don't remember how long, actually. I know my dd#3 went trick or treating on her pony (so she would have had to be at least 10 or 11 because that's when she got the pony) as the Headless Horseman. But we only went in the neighborhood where people knew us. Her brother was 3 years younger, and her older sisters were 5 and 7 years older.. (And she stayed in the street with the pony while someone else got her treats for her IIRC - she didn't ride across the lawns or the golf course). The pony had a reflective thing on his tail, and her 'head' had a flashlight in it (a pumpkin), and I followed in the car.. |
#3
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
Rosalie B. wrote:
"beeswing" wrote: My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old" zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I thought I'd raise the question here. If she's old enough to think of that, then she's probably too old to go. If one of my kids said something like that it would be instantly evident to me that they were too old to go. She's precocious ("gifted," even)...but that doesn't make her old. So her mental prowess isn't going to be a deciding factor for me. And, for that matter, she's tall for her age and more developed than some girls her age.She's gonna *look* older than she is. That confuses the issue for me, but I don't think I should let it weigh into the issue. It's not her fault she's big for her age. But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us. For some reason, it's really important to her this year. What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue into the teens? My older kids went out with their little brother and sister sometimes. I don't remember how long, actually. I know my dd#3 went trick or treating on her pony (so she would have had to be at least 10 or 11 because that's when she got the pony) as the Headless Horseman. But we only went in the neighborhood where people knew us. Her brother was 3 years younger, and her older sisters were 5 and 7 years older.. (And she stayed in the street with the pony while someone else got her treats for her IIRC - she didn't ride across the lawns or the golf course). The pony had a reflective thing on his tail, and her 'head' had a flashlight in it (a pumpkin), and I followed in the car.. My kid is an only, so she has no siblings (or even younger children she can borrow) that she can ferry around. She argues that at 11, she's still a child and should be allowed to trick-or-treat. But she doesn't stop there...she tries to tell me that she'll be a child until she's 18. (She should have stopped while she was ahead!) I told her we have vastly different definitions of what "child" means. So, barring the fact that she's an advanced thinker...how old *is* too old, in your opinion? Love the pony story. And thanks for your comments. beeswing |
#4
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
"beeswing" wrote:
Rosalie B. wrote: "beeswing" wrote: My daughter will be 12 in December and is in 6th grade, which in her school is the second year of middle school. I let her trick-or-treat last year but feel like this year she has crossed into the "too old" zone. She's accused me of trying to take away her childhood (!), so I thought I'd raise the question here. If she's old enough to think of that, then she's probably too old to go. If one of my kids said something like that it would be instantly evident to me that they were too old to go. She's precocious ("gifted," even)...but that doesn't make her old. So her mental prowess isn't going to be a deciding factor for me. And, for that matter, she's tall for her age and more developed than some girls her age.She's gonna *look* older than she is. That confuses the issue for me, but I don't think I should let it weigh into the issue. It's not her fault she's big for her age. I'm not sure she's really that much out of the ordinary. I was the same way - I was once mistaken for my dad's wife (and my mom for his mother which didn't make her too happy). http://p.vtourist.com/649151-Zoo_gar...50-Antwerp.jpg is a picture of my sister (age 10), my mom and me (age 12). I was dating (single dating not in a group) at 12, although I was dating a boy my own age, so his dad had to drive us to the movies. I think I was probably precocious too, at least mentally, but socially I was quite naive. The kids that were in my 6th grade homeroom (when I was teaching) - the girls were adult looking while the boys were still little kids. One of the girls dropped out of school (6th grade) because she was pregnant. But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us. For some reason, it's really important to her this year. Maybe you should find out why. What is going to be going on that she doesn't want to miss. Is it something that you wouldn't approve of? It would have my mom antenna going. What do parents here think? How old is too old to trick-or-treat? When I was growing up, 6th grade was my last year, but junior high started in 7th. Am I being reasonable stopping her at this age, do I give her one last year, or do folks here think trick or treating should continue into the teens? My older kids went out with their little brother and sister sometimes. I don't remember how long, actually. I know my dd#3 went trick or treating on her pony (so she would have had to be at least 10 or 11 because that's when she got the pony) as the Headless Horseman. But we only went in the neighborhood where people knew us. Her brother was 3 years younger, and her older sisters were 5 and 7 years older.. (And she stayed in the street with the pony while someone else got her treats for her IIRC - she didn't ride across the lawns or the golf course). The pony had a reflective thing on his tail, and her 'head' had a flashlight in it (a pumpkin), and I followed in the car.. My kid is an only, so she has no siblings (or even younger children she can borrow) that she can ferry around. She argues that at 11, she's still a child and should be allowed to trick-or-treat. But she doesn't stop there...she tries to tell me that she'll be a child until she's 18. (She should have stopped while she was ahead!) I told her we have vastly different definitions of what "child" means. I think if she won't tell you why she wants to go so much, then she shouldn't go. So, barring the fact that she's an advanced thinker...how old *is* too old, in your opinion? I've had quite old kids come around - definitely mid teen or high school age. I didn't like it too much, but it wasn't awful. In the old days (like back when my dad was a child - pre WWI) I think it was primarily older kids that did it, but that was when "Trick or Treat" was really a threat. Love the pony story. And thanks for your comments. |
#5
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
Rosalie B. wrote:
I'm not sure she's really that much out of the ordinary. I was the same way - I was once mistaken for my dad's wife (and my mom for his mother which didn't make her too happy). http://p.vtourist.com/649151-Zoo_gar...50-Antwerp.jpg is a picture of my sister (age 10), my mom and me (age 12). I was dating (single dating not in a group) at 12, although I was dating a boy my own age, so his dad had to drive us to the movies. I think I was probably precocious too, at least mentally, but socially I was quite naive. That's a great picture. Yeah, my kid could be said to be mentally precocious but socially naive... But she's not at all interested in dating, either. (In fact, she's in a private all-girls' middle school and quite happy to be there, without the distraction of boys.) For some reason, it's really important to her this year. Maybe you should find out why. What is going to be going on that she doesn't want to miss. Is it something that you wouldn't approve of? It would have my mom antenna going. SNIP I think if she won't tell you why she wants to go so much, then she shouldn't go. She wants to design costumes in conjunction with a friend of hers. The friend is 13...maybe 14. Plus she thinks it's fun. She doesn't have any secret evil plans, at least as far as I can sense. So, barring the fact that she's an advanced thinker...how old *is* too old, in your opinion? I've had quite old kids come around - definitely mid teen or high school age. I didn't like it too much, but it wasn't awful. In the old days (like back when my dad was a child - pre WWI) I think it was primarily older kids that did it, but that was when "Trick or Treat" was really a threat. Thanks. At this point, I'm inclined to let her...with the admonishment that this *really* will be the last year. I appreciate your input! beeswing |
#6
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
On Sun, 17 Sep 2006 14:19:58 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:
She wants to design costumes in conjunction with a friend of hers. The friend is 13...maybe 14. Plus she thinks it's fun. She doesn't have any secret evil plans, at least as far as I can sense. One of the young teenagers who came to our house last year was dressed as a cat, and was also carrying a well-behaved real cat in a basket. I was impressed with the cat, and also with the costume that was chosen for impressiveness rather than cargo-carrying ability. Perhaps you could offer to host the group of friends after the trick-or-treating and drive them home or have them sleep over, so they could socialize, eat candy together, enjoy each other's costumes, watch scary movies ... which are all pastimes that could become part of their tradition in later years as the trick-or-treating becomes less central. Louise |
#7
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
Hi -- In our neighborhood, kids go even into high school. However, they stop asking for candy and instead tote a Unicef box at some point. (They take the candy if offered :-) I honestly think that if she wants to go, she should go. Once she's embarassed about going, she'll stop. Or she'll find an excuse that has her looking mature but lets her go around the neighborhood anyway (such as collecting for Unicef or chaperoning some younger kid(s).) My two cents, --Beth Kevles http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner. NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would like me to reply. |
#8
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
Beth Kevles wrote:
Hi -- In our neighborhood, kids go even into high school. However, they stop asking for candy and instead tote a Unicef box at some point. (They take the candy if offered :-) I honestly think that if she wants to go, she should go. Once she's embarassed about going, she'll stop. Or she'll find an excuse that has her looking mature but lets her go around the neighborhood anyway (such as collecting for Unicef or chaperoning some younger kid(s).) My two cents, --Beth Kevles Thanks, Beth. I've decided to let her go this year, but leave it on the table whether or not she will next year. I appreciate all the advice I've gotten here -- and so does my daughter! beeswing |
#9
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
On Sat, 16 Sep 2006 20:53:07 EDT, "beeswing" wrote:
But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us. For some reason, it's really important to her this year. Then let her go. You are picking an age to stop arbitrarily, anyway. There are no hard and fast rules on it and, as you said, you went until you were in seventh grade. 11 isn't even a teenager yet. Tell her that her years are numbered but that because it is so important to her (not because she will be a child until 18), she can go this year. Use the goodwill engendered by noticing and responding to what seems to be really important to her whether or not you can understand why to bolster up your relationship for the oncoming teen years. That will be much more important to you than what year she stopped trick or treating, when all is said and done. -- Paula "Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy, so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay |
#10
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Trick-or-treating -- how old is too old?
Paula wrote:
On Sat, 16 Sep 2006 20:53:07 EDT, "beeswing" wrote: But actually trick or treat wasn't that big a deal for us. For some reason, it's really important to her this year. Then let her go. You are picking an age to stop arbitrarily, anyway. There are no hard and fast rules on it and, as you said, you went until you were in seventh grade. No, the last year I was allowed to go was 6th grade, my final year of elementary school. It hasn't been as easy for me to decide by school attended because she started middle school in 5th grade...obviously young. 11 isn't even a teenager yet. Tell her that her years are numbered but that because it is so important to her (not because she will be a child until 18), she can go this year. Use the goodwill engendered by noticing and responding to what seems to be really important to her whether or not you can understand why to bolster up your relationship for the oncoming teen years. That will be much more important to you than what year she stopped trick or treating, when all is said and done. -- Paula I told her that I considered her viewpoint and asked the question in a newsgroup I respected...and that I was willing to change my mind. I hope what she learns from this is that I *will* listen to her and her reasons (but not necessarily in every case agree with her) and that I'm open to taking advice and suggestions from people whose viewpoints I respect...and finally, that I'm open to changing my mind if the evidence weighs that way. I think those are good lessons for a kid to have no matter what his or her age. Thanks for writing. beeswing |
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