family goals, family rules?

I'd be interested in hearing from anyone who has actually gone through
the excercise of verbalizing and establishing a set of family goals and
rules. In order to get a handle on behavior/discipline issues with ds
age 5, dh and I have decided to try a more structured approach so that
everyone, parents and kids, are really on the same page. We're generally
dissatisfied with the way things are going on a day to day basis, we're
experiencing too much yelling, arguing, and general discord, and not
nearly enough happiness, cooperation, and general feeling of being
content in our daily life as a family.

We did very recently move across the country, and our days are very
loose right now, with no one in school or employed. We have been feeling
like this for a while now though, so while I think some regressive
behavior is due to the move, overall we have a feeling of things not
quite being what we envisioned when we decided to start a family.

I think ds is feeling at loose ends, so we want to shore things up a
bit, give some structure to our days and weeks leading up to school
starting when structure will be imposed upon us, but also give some
overall structure to the understanding of the kind of family we want to
be so that ds can feel like an active participant in creating the kind
of family life we'd all like to enjoy.

Thanks for any ideas and advice,

-Karen, mom to Henry 5 and William 15 months-

"dkhedmo" wrote in message
k.net...
I'd be interested in hearing from anyone who has actually gone through
the exercise of verbalizing and establishing a set of family goals and
rules. In order to get a handle on behavior/discipline issues with ds
age 5, dh and I have decided to try a more structured approach so that
everyone, parents and kids, are really on the same page. We're generally
dissatisfied with the way things are going on a day to day basis, we're
experiencing too much yelling, arguing, and general discord, and not
nearly enough happiness, cooperation, and general feeling of being
content in our daily life as a family.

We had a family meeting, picked some of the behaviors that were the most
troubling and set up four basic rules. I had their input to what they
thought the rules should be. I printed them out on the computer and stuck
them on the refrigerator. If the rules are broken, they are sent to their
room for a time out (this what works for our family) or something is taken
away. I am working basically on one behavior at a time until that behavior
is no longer an issue. With one of our children, it is taking longer to
reinforce, but I am confident that we can get through it as long as we
remember to talk out our feelings to them and not yell. Yelling is
definitely a no-no and I was very guilty of that. It wasn't getting us
anywhere at all.

I think ds is feeling at loose ends, so we want to shore things up a
bit, give some structure to our days and weeks leading up to school
starting when structure will be imposed upon us, but also give some
overall structure to the understanding of the kind of family we want to
be so that ds can feel like an active participant in creating the kind
of family life we'd all like to enjoy.

I put them to bed at the same time everyday. I have been starting to get
them up at the time they will need to be up for school and we have
breakfast, I have an exercise class that we go to and then lunch. I work at
home, so in the afternoon I have to work and the girls have chores to do,
some school work to do, practice their instruments and then they can do
whatever they choose after those things are done. I am very routine/schedule
oriented and I have found that my girls do much better when they know what
to expect. Also, being too tired and hungry can cause some major discipline
issues in my house, so if those two things are taken care of, I find that we
have much better days. It might mean that meals need to be eaten at regular
intervals and the amount of sleep they need, needs to be taken in account.
We are far from perfect, but I have to say things are getting much better.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)