Child with behavior problems

Hi,

I have a 5 year old with behavioral problems. I wouldn't say he's
hyperactive, but he love throwing tantrums in school, in stores, at
home. Just about anywhere. He's driving my wife an I crazy. We were
wondering if there is special school for kids with behavioral issues. We
live in Queens, NY, and although chances are slim that someone in this
newsgroup would know specifically of any schools in our area, we would
like to know what to look for. What questions should we be asking? Or is
it just a matter of parenting?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Angel Toledo wrote:
Hi,

I have a 5 year old with behavioral problems. I wouldn't say he's
hyperactive, but he love throwing tantrums in school, in stores, at
home. Just about anywhere. He's driving my wife an I crazy. We were
wondering if there is special school for kids with behavioral issues. We
live in Queens, NY, and although chances are slim that someone in this
newsgroup would know specifically of any schools in our area, we would
like to know what to look for. What questions should we be asking? Or is
it just a matter of parenting?

Many areas do have schools for children with such problems,
but in general, they're not usually a great choice unless you've
exhausted other options. What have you done at home, and have
you enlisted professional help to deal with this? Assuming there's
nothing actually *wrong* with him, even if you should be so lucky
as to find the perfect school for him, it will likely only fix
his issues at school. Whatever set of circumstances that is
allowing the behavior to continue now at home will likely still
be in place and thus the behavior at home will continue.
What do the teachers say at his current school?
Is he beyond their ability to cope? Have they made any
suggestions? Have you had him evaluated to see if this is
just normal but challenging behavior, or if this is something
beyond normal? By and large, you can't divide and conquer
here. It's not like you can send him to a school that will
fix his problems and then he'll be fine at both school and
home. So, you'll need a coordinated approach. If you've
run out of ideas, it might be time to enlist some professional
help, which may also provide some help in coordinating with
folks at his current school to help them be more successful
dealing with him.

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Angel Toledo" wrote in message
...
Hi,

I have a 5 year old with behavioral problems. I wouldn't say he's
hyperactive, but he love throwing tantrums in school, in stores, at home.
Just about anywhere. He's driving my wife an I crazy. We were wondering if
there is special school for kids with behavioral issues. We live in
Queens, NY, and although chances are slim that someone in this newsgroup
would know specifically of any schools in our area, we would like to know
what to look for. What questions should we be asking? Or is it just a
matter of parenting?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

What have you done to help your son with this problem? What consequences
does he get? For example, if he has a temper tantrun over a candy bar, do
you give in and give him the candy bar?

Have you talked to the school and the school psychologist about this?

JEff

On Sat, 20 Jan 2007 11:19:12 -0500, Angel Toledo
wrote:

Hi,

I have a 5 year old with behavioral problems. I wouldn't say he's
hyperactive, but he love throwing tantrums in school, in stores, at
home. Just about anywhere. He's driving my wife an I crazy. We were
wondering if there is special school for kids with behavioral issues. We
live in Queens, NY, and although chances are slim that someone in this
newsgroup would know specifically of any schools in our area, we would
like to know what to look for. What questions should we be asking? Or is
it just a matter of parenting?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Has he been evaluated by a developmental pediatrician? What kinds
of discipline are you using? Does he go to the public school now?
Does he have an IEP? Is he being supported by any special education
teachers?


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

Hi Angel,

I would agree with Jeff and nos replies to you.

I have 4 children. They excel in school. My oldest will graduate high
school at the age of 16. I only write this to give you a background
and tell you that ANYTHING is possible. I had behavioral problems with
them when they were young.

It is most definitely an issue of parenting. A great show to watch is
Super Nanny (not nanny 911). 99% of behavioral issues are related to
the parents' systems of reward and punishment. Your child is five.
Five minutes of time out. No exceptions. You must show who the
authority figures are--who is in charge. Love WHEN it is appropriate.
Award only for good behavior. Give your child goals with rewards, lots
of play time, lots of fun trips (play areas don't necessarily cost any
money-no need to break the bank) etc. You and your wife must agree.
She must use the SAME methods. Keep your child with the rest of the
children in school. If you are in a store and the child throws a
tantrum, give the consequences you've determined. Sometimes the
hardest thing for a parent to do is stick with a punishment, because it
also prevents the parent from doing what he/she desires to do. Use the
restroom in stores for disciplinary action. Other patrons wills
appreciate this as well. Do not let your child rule your house. This
will require much patience, determination, and consistency on your
parts. Give several weeks to see results. "Train up a child..in the
Way he/she should go, and when he/she gets old he/she will not depart
from it..."
In love and with experience,
~dflint


On Jan 20, 10:35 am, toto wrote:
On Sat, 20 Jan 2007 11:19:12 -0500, Angel Toledo
wrote:

Hi,

I have a 5 year old with behavioral problems. I wouldn't say he's
hyperactive, but he love throwing tantrums in school, in stores, at
home. Just about anywhere. He's driving my wife an I crazy. We were
wondering if there is special school for kids with behavioral issues. We
live in Queens, NY, and although chances are slim that someone in this
newsgroup would know specifically of any schools in our area, we would
like to know what to look for. What questions should we be asking? Or is
it just a matter of parenting?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

ThanksHas he been evaluated by a developmental pediatrician? What kinds
of discipline are you using? Does he go to the public school now?
Does he have an IEP? Is he being supported by any special education
teachers?

--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

"Angel Toledo" wrote in message
...
Hi,

I have a 5 year old with behavioral problems. I wouldn't say he's
hyperactive, but he love throwing tantrums in school, in stores, at home.
Just about anywhere. He's driving my wife an I crazy. We were wondering if
there is special school for kids with behavioral issues. We live in
Queens, NY, and although chances are slim that someone in this newsgroup
would know specifically of any schools in our area, we would like to know
what to look for. What questions should we be asking? Or is it just a
matter of parenting?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

We have been using Parenting the Strong-Willed Child by Rex Forehand. The
techniques have been successful, but they take a lot of effort and time. I
can see that when we start to ease off on the methods, things start sliding
back to square one. I am really working on it to make the techniques feel
more natural to me so that I will do them without thinking. We are on week
#4 (it's a 5 week program). Right now, I am working on giving directions.
I'm looking forward to week 5.

From the book, the answer to your problem with tantrums would be to ignore.
Don't talk to him, don't look at him, don't touch him, don't have anything
to do with him. Walk out of the room if you have to. As soon as he is
better behaved, attend. Do lots of attending and rewarding all day. There
is a certain way to attend that they describe in the book. Ignoring doesn't
work without attending and rewarding. I've done this with DS last week
(that was the week I learned to ignore). It works great. DS stops his
tantrums pretty quickly when he realizes I'm ignoring him. The authors do
warn that things may get worse before they get better when you are using the
ignore technique. I did not find that so, because DS figured it out pretty
quickly. They say just stick with it, it will work.

wrote:
Hi Angel,

I would agree with Jeff and nos replies to you.


I agree with these postings as well. My two cents in this is this: Has
this been ongoing for your son's whole life? I read in Barbara
Colorosa's book Kids are Worth it that children pass through a couple
of stages of rebellion. Once at two (or the second year of life as I've
seen others refer to it rather than the actual age of two to three),
and again at 5. I've been experiencing this with my 5 yo daughter. She
had a pretty easy two year stage, but then my response to temper
tantrums in toddlers is to pick them up and set them on their beds in
their rooms until they've calmed down. That's a little harder to do
with a 5 yo, and in my mind, isn't totally appropriate or effective.
They have a lot more tools at their disposal, fake crying, hitting,
kicking (which packs a little more punch at 5 than at 2). If this is a
recent (within the past few months) development, it may simply be a
phase which needs to be dealt with calmly and consistently. I tell my
own daughter that whatever it is she's doing to get what she wants
isn't appropriate, and she needs to stop because it isn't going to get
her anything beyond a ****ed off mother. (Ok, oddly this works...what
kid wants a ****ed off mother? I don't even have to get mad, she just
knows I could.)

Stasya

"Jeff" wrote in message news:u0ssh.469$JB.305@trnddc05...

"Angel Toledo" wrote in message
...
Hi,

I have a 5 year old with behavioral problems. I wouldn't say he's
hyperactive, but he love throwing tantrums in school, in stores, at home.
Just about anywhere. He's driving my wife an I crazy. We were wondering
if there is special school for kids with behavioral issues. We live in
Queens, NY, and although chances are slim that someone in this newsgroup
would know specifically of any schools in our area, we would like to know
what to look for. What questions should we be asking? Or is it just a
matter of parenting?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

What have you done to help your son with this problem? What consequences
does he get? For example, if he has a temper tantrun over a candy bar, do
you give in and give him the candy bar?

Have you talked to the school and the school psychologist about this?

JEff


I would suggest seeing a real psychologist .. not a school psychologist.
IME every school psychologist that we have seen has been worthless.

wrote in
:

On Sun, 21 Jan 2007 11:14:11 -0500, in misc.kids "Knit
Chic" wrote:



I would suggest seeing a real psychologist .. not a school
psychologist. IME every school psychologist that we have
seen has been worthless.

Then they risk having their get labeled and drugged for
life.

no they don't.
i was DX'd by a school psychologist as schizophrenic/manic-
depressive. i'm not any of that. i am autistic.
the school psychologist wanted my parents to remove me from
the public schools & put me in an institution. yeah, that
would have been a real good idea
a real psychologist, especially a pediatric developmental
one, will be far less half-baked than anyone working for the
school system. it's the school psychs that push the drugs.
lee



--
Question with boldness even the existence of god; because if
there be
one, he must more approve the homage of reason than that of
blindfolded
fear. - Thomas Jefferson

wrote in
:

The psychologist will milk money from the family for a few
years then say they can't help and refer to a psychiatrist
who will label and drug.

bull****. prove it.

Also being autistic is just too trendy right now for me to
take anyone seriously when they say they have it. You
should not even be here having a conversation if you are
truly autistic in the classic sense of the word.

whoo hoo! i'm trendy now! that's a first in 52 years.
it's also bull**** that all autistics are unable to
communicate, are anti-social (ok, i am that) & sit in corners
drooling.
are you my old school psych? you think i should be in an
institution somewhere instead of owning a farm & raising a
family, just because it doesn't fit *your* idea of autistic?
assclown.
*you* are clueless. you are giving rotten "advice". what is
*your* problem?
lee not in the mood for idjits
--
Question with boldness even the existence of god; because if
there be
one, he must more approve the homage of reason than that of
blindfolded
fear. - Thomas Jefferson