A Parenting & kids forum. ParentingBanter.com

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » ParentingBanter.com forum » alt.support » Single Parents
Site Map Home Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

I don't like my kid's friends!



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old September 29th 04, 06:13 PM
Tiffany
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
As a minister, do you ever counsel teens on sexual issues? Do you have
the
whole confidentiality issue's to deal with?


Yes, and I tell the parents exactly what I intend to say. And I tell kids
upfront that if I think their parents need to know something I'll tell
them and
I tell them why I think it's important that their parents know what is
going on
...I also talk about how just because parents may react to something
negatively
and with anger and disappointment right away, it doesn't mean they don't
love
them and that they aren't going to be there to help them through whatever
it is
they have gotten themselves into.

If that means they won't tell me stuff, well that's too bad, but I don't
believe it is helpful to kids to keep secrets from their parents.

An actually confession of sin is something else. Except for sexual abuse
which
I am required by law to report, anything said in the context of confession
cannot be repeated but I can encourage the kid to tell their parents.


Sexual abuse is the only form of abuse you are required to report? What
about if the child is threatening to harm oneself?


I understand certain conversations my daughter has with counselors and
ministers are not going to be reported to me. But I don't expect people
like
my kids friends parents to advise them about where to get birth control.


I understand what you mean, I would want to know also. But first and
formost, I want my kid to not do anything stupid and if another adult
prevents that, that is good too. I would just hope that the adult could
confide in me also.


T


  #22  
Old September 29th 04, 06:25 PM
Joelle
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Sexual abuse is the only form of abuse you are required to report? What
about if the child is threatening to harm oneself?


Thinking about suicide isn't usually something that one brings into the
confession...of course I'd tell their parents, but legally the only thing
clergy are required to report is sexual abuse. Everything else is really up to
our own discretion. But if someone tells me in confession that they murdered
someone, I can't be required to testify to that. Although the law's changing
and there is less and less respect for clergy so I suppose that will come to an
end soon...

I want my kid to not do anything stupid and if another adult
prevents that, that is good too.


I just don't think telling a kid where to get free birth control is preventing
anything stupid.

I would just hope that the adult could
confide in me also.


That's all I'm asking for. "Hey, Tiffany, your kid was at my house asking
about birth control, you might want to check that out" "Oh thanks Joelle, and
I'll try to bring it up in a way so it doesn't look like you came tattling" is
a conversation that can do a kid a lot more good than an address for a clinic.
IMO.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle
  #24  
Old September 29th 04, 07:33 PM
CME
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
Sexual abuse is the only form of abuse you are required to report? What
about if the child is threatening to harm oneself?


Thinking about suicide isn't usually something that one brings into the
confession...of course I'd tell their parents, but legally the only thing
clergy are required to report is sexual abuse. Everything else is really
up to
our own discretion. But if someone tells me in confession that they
murdered
someone, I can't be required to testify to that. Although the law's
changing
and there is less and less respect for clergy so I suppose that will come
to an
end soon...

Good. I also think that should apply to other areas of confidentiality in
the case of murder. But that's my own personal opinion.

I want my kid to not do anything stupid and if another adult
prevents that, that is good too.


I just don't think telling a kid where to get free birth control is
preventing
anything stupid.


Huh? I don't see the logic in that sentence.

I would just hope that the adult could
confide in me also.


That's all I'm asking for. "Hey, Tiffany, your kid was at my house asking
about birth control, you might want to check that out" "Oh thanks Joelle,
and
I'll try to bring it up in a way so it doesn't look like you came
tattling" is
a conversation that can do a kid a lot more good than an address for a
clinic.
IMO.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle


Nah I'm with Cele on this one. You both have great points and I don't see
an end in sight to this disagreement so let's all agree to disagree shall
we?

Christine



  #25  
Old September 29th 04, 08:38 PM
Joelle
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Are there issues besides sex that you'd keep a kid's confidence about?

From their parents? That involved their health and safety? "Please pastor,
don't tell my Mom I copied my sermon report"...I 'd probably not tell. Unless
they made a habit of it..

That's making quite an assumption about the parent's response.


Well, see that's what kind of ****ing me off. There seems to be an assumption
that parents are the worst people to tell about what's going on in their kids
life. I don't believe that assumption . And I don't like the idea that other
people assume they know better than me what's good for my kids.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle
  #26  
Old September 29th 04, 08:42 PM
Joelle
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I just don't think telling a kid where to get free birth control is
preventing
anything stupid.


Huh? I don't see the logic in that sentence.


I don't believe telling kids where to get birth control prevents them from
doing stupid things. How is that illogical?


Nah I'm with Cele on this one


Oh I'm well aware I'm in the minority on this subject - not just here but in
life. II happen to believe that is part of the problem.

I don't see
an end in sight to this disagreement so let's all agree to disagree shall
we?


Well ya know, I usually do let Cele have the last word but I just might not
this time.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle
  #27  
Old September 29th 04, 09:51 PM
Tiffany
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I just don't think telling a kid where to get free birth control is
preventing
anything stupid.


Huh? I don't see the logic in that sentence.


I don't believe telling kids where to get birth control prevents them from
doing stupid things. How is that illogical?


Nah I'm with Cele on this one


Oh I'm well aware I'm in the minority on this subject - not just here but
in
life. II happen to believe that is part of the problem.

I don't see
an end in sight to this disagreement so let's all agree to disagree shall
we?


Well ya know, I usually do let Cele have the last word but I just might
not
this time.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle


lol.... I don't think you are alone in your thinking. I think each situation
must be dealt with on an individual bases. Each child is different as well
as the parents.

I just spoke with my daughter..... kind of just a... "You know, you can talk
to me if and when you are ready for anything sexual to happen. Whether I
agree or not, I want you to have the right knowledge and protection. If its
not me, talk to someone at school, NOT a friend, as they are lacking
knowledge too." She just says.... "Mom, I am not going to have sex anytime
soon." She still insists that you don't have sex unless you want a kid.
Yeah, sure, its that easy. lol

T


  #29  
Old September 29th 04, 10:34 PM
Joelle
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

So you make subjective decisions about what to tell parents about

That's right everyone does.

The
crux of this is not privacy,


I never thought it was about privacy


it's that you see sex as a health and
safety issue and cele sees it as a social issue -- or maybe even a
"public health" issue rather than a moral issue.


None of which changes my view.

I don't see a difference between an assumption that a parent would
react positively and an assumption that a parent would react
negatively.


I certainly see a big difference. It makes a difference of whether or not the
parental role is going to be supported, and that has a big impact on soceity.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle
  #30  
Old September 29th 04, 10:52 PM
CME
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I just don't think telling a kid where to get free birth control is
preventing
anything stupid.


Huh? I don't see the logic in that sentence.


I don't believe telling kids where to get birth control prevents them from
doing stupid things. How is that illogical?


I think pointing them in the right direction, in this case for birthcontrol,
is preventative. They take the medication, it prevents teen pregnancy...
that's logical. These kids are already having sex so the abstenance
arguement doesn't apply.


Nah I'm with Cele on this one


Oh I'm well aware I'm in the minority on this subject - not just here but
in
life. II happen to believe that is part of the problem.


You see it as a problem, I don't.

I don't see
an end in sight to this disagreement so let's all agree to disagree shall
we?


Well ya know, I usually do let Cele have the last word but I just might
not
this time.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle


Fair enough, but it's an arguement that will have no winners.

Christine


 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Article by Carol Ummel Lindquist, Ph.D. - Happily Married with Kids Jane Smith General 0 July 27th 04 02:17 PM
misc.kids FAQ on Good things about having kids [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 June 28th 04 07:42 PM
WSJ: How to Give Your Child A Longer Life Jean B. General 0 December 9th 03 07:10 PM
FWD bad judgement or abuse Trunk kids begged to ride Kane General 2 August 5th 03 05:54 PM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 09:59 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004-2024 ParentingBanter.com.
The comments are property of their posters.