To interfere or not to

"Lisa" wrote in message
...
snip Sorry Tiff, I'm of the mind your own business but keep your kids away
camp.
Of course, this is with the disclaimer that imminent danger would require a
very quick 911 call.

We have neighbours across the street, we call them "The Gruesomes".
He's a total asshole and holds nothing back when he yells at his daughters,
or wife, in the house and out. Unfortunately, we can't pick who buys
houses around here.

If you rent, you can complain to the landlord about noise, but as far as
intruding into their personal lives (fights), stay out of it.

Lisa


Absolutely not.
That is bad advice. I know this b/c I am directly involved in working with
abused women.
She can not call, or she is the bad guy , but you can call and may get her out
of immediate danger.
He would more than likely be a primary agressor and might be going to jail if
there are marks on the wife or the son.
Do not shut your ears off to abuse and violence.
V

"Karen O'Mara" wrote in message
om...
snip

My advice is DO NOT INTERFERE with this one. Keep a diary, document,
and gather information, but do not report this one.

So you can give it to the death investigator, eh?


I know you want to, but you will not win and you may regret it.


How do you know? It take the average abused woman (or man) 8 times of abusive
situations to leave. They go back for many reasons, but it will eventually
sink in.

I suspect that ones to really worry about are the quiet ones, anyway.

Karen

OMG. Please explain that comment! Quiet ones?
V

"Tiffany" wrote in message ...

Win what? This isn't about winning or losing. This is about maybe helping
someone and a child. And can I honestly ask what for documentation you are
referring to?

I am not sure what I want to do (besides kicking this asshole) but nice to
see you think I know what I want to do. And its not always the quiet
ones..... I know this from experience.

You won't win the battle you are beginning. You will be on the
offense. You will be distanced from the child.

I suggest documenting further problems so that if things do get worse,
you will have a history that is documented and you won't have to rely
on memory. Just keep track of things you see and hear as those details
may come in handy. That is where you may be helpful.

If you call authorities because of yelling, you will labeled a
neighborhood busibody.

Why did you say, "nice to see you think I know what I want to do?" You
asked for advice and I gave my opinion, that's all.

Karen

"slykitten" wrote in message
news
I tried. I really did try. there were never physical bruises though and I
was too afraid to continue on with pressing charges. The only reason I was
afraid was for the safety of my son.
I was hesitant to even reply to this... now I'm sorry I did...

--


This is what makes me not interested in calling the police. I think when
someone is ready to leave, they leave and no amount of interference will
help. I have had friends in this sort of situation so you are not the only
one that has said that.

I hope my posts aren't making you sorry you replied, any insight is good in
my opinion.

T

"Karen O'Mara" wrote in message
om...
"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Win what? This isn't about winning or losing. This is about maybe helping
someone and a child. And can I honestly ask what for documentation you
are
referring to?

I am not sure what I want to do (besides kicking this asshole) but nice
to
see you think I know what I want to do. And its not always the quiet
ones..... I know this from experience.

You won't win the battle you are beginning. You will be on the
offense. You will be distanced from the child.

I don't see it as my battle...... its the women who is living it. As for
distancing me from the child, I have only said hi to the child. He is never
outside.


I suggest documenting further problems so that if things do get worse,
you will have a history that is documented and you won't have to rely
on memory. Just keep track of things you see and hear as those details
may come in handy. That is where you may be helpful.

If you call authorities because of yelling, you will labeled a
neighborhood busibody.

No, I can call without saying who I am. That I already knew.


Why did you say, "nice to see you think I know what I want to do?" You
asked for advice and I gave my opinion, that's all.

" I know you want to, but you will not win and you may regret it." That is
the sentence I asked that question about. I wasn't sure what I was going to
do.........

Opinions are always great.



Karen

"Tiffany" wrote in message ...

I don't see it as my battle...... its the women who is living it. As for
distancing me from the child, I have only said hi to the child. He is never
outside.

I was thinking that an optional course of action may be to become
(kinda sorta) friends with this woman and offer to babysit if things
get too tough for the parents. Maybe she and her boyfriend could use a
time-out now and then.

I've heard this advice given for people who want to help mothers that
are at their wits-end and seem sick and tired of it all. If someone
offers relief, it may be well-received.

Just an idea.

Karen

"Karen O'Mara" wrote in message
om...
"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

I don't see it as my battle...... its the women who is living it. As for
distancing me from the child, I have only said hi to the child. He is
never
outside.

I was thinking that an optional course of action may be to become
(kinda sorta) friends with this woman and offer to babysit if things
get too tough for the parents. Maybe she and her boyfriend could use a
time-out now and then.

I've heard this advice given for people who want to help mothers that
are at their wits-end and seem sick and tired of it all. If someone
offers relief, it may be well-received.

Just an idea.

Karen

AHhhh funny.... I barely have enough time with my own kid now a days.
Honestly, that isn't my style. I like my kid but am very glad she is older.
Little kids and me...... nope, don't mix. I watch my niece who is 4 but she
is my family. I adore her.
This women can't be that stressed as far as the kid goes..... he goes to
school all day now and she is home. Bored to death I am sure but she gets
time out. Not to many mothers have that option.

T

"lm" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 01 Oct 2004 16:10:14 GMT, "CME"
wrote:


"lm" wrote in message
. ..
On Fri, 01 Oct 2004 03:37:41 GMT, "CME"
wrote:


"slykitten" wrote in message
...
I honestly don't know what I would do. See, my exhusband was deaf but
that
didn't stop him from trying to stab me or pull a gun on me... it
didn't
stop him from sexually assaulting me or throwing things at me. My
neighbor
was also kinda in your shoes because she'd hear me scream hysterically
at
my
ex to put down the knife he was holding or whatever and she would call
the
cops.... only, she'd remain anonomyous. Since there is a child
involved,
I'd
recommend that you do notify the authorities but ask that you remain
anonomyous. This way that abusive SOB doesn't direct his nastiness
towards
you... it could have come from any one of the other neighbors... but
only
the one who made the call would know who it truly was. does that make
sense?
I hope this helps....

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

No offence but you frequently bring up your past abuse. We've all been
through tough situations, I just question why you feel the need to let
everyone else know. I'm not talking about the abuse in general but the
specifics you seem to present quite frequently in your posts. I don't
know,
maybe it's just me but I find that odd.


You've got to be kidding me. Why don't we just skip the actual
sentences and use a multiple-choice format so everyone posts the same
way.

lm

No I'm just asking why she feels the need to revel in victim mode. I find
full disclosure to a bunch of strangers odd, when this isn't an abuse
forum.
It's like sitting on the bus and someone starts telling me their life
story
because I asked them how they were.

It's nothing like that. It was related to the OP, whereas your
comments aren't.


How are the specifics of her abuse relevant? That's my point. Not that she
was abused but the constant "my ex did this to me" post.

Christine

I find it odd how rarely parenting is discussed on this forum.

lm.

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

"slykitten" wrote in message
news
I tried. I really did try. there were never physical bruises though and I
was too afraid to continue on with pressing charges. The only reason I
was
afraid was for the safety of my son.
I was hesitant to even reply to this... now I'm sorry I did...

--


This is what makes me not interested in calling the police. I think when
someone is ready to leave, they leave and no amount of interference will
help. I have had friends in this sort of situation so you are not the only
one that has said that.

I hope my posts aren't making you sorry you replied, any insight is good
in my opinion.

T

Yeah I tend to think that way too. Perhaps calling child welfare would be a
better option in this case, rather than the police. My neighbours used to
fight constantly but it was physical abuse and I really didn't give a ****
if they knew it was me that made the call. I don't want MY children to have
to overhear something like that. They were evicted recently anyways but
when it comes to just yelling, I don't know if the police would take your
report seriously. Doesn't hurt to try though Tiff.

Christine

no, your post isn't making me sorry that I replied... It was the nasty reply
from that cmedwards creep. I had that person killfiled but the reply came
up.... that's ok though.... I understand that there are many reasons that
we're in the situations we're in.... I'm just no longer afraid of the reason
I'm in mine. In fact, I advocate mostly for helping victims of DV to
recognize that the situation is either toxic or turning toxic and dangerous.
I've attended support groups, I've been in counseling, I'm still working
through the nasty emotions that are still coming up. I may never be "over
it" so to speak but I'm certainly no longer afraid of it. In some ways, I
wish that someone was there who saw what I didn't. I wish someone was
willing to point it out to me and help me by reporting what was happening
when I was too afraid to. I've read some of the responses here.... Some said
don't get involved... if DV wasn't such a horrendous thing, I might even be
on that bandwagon.... (please don't misinterpret what I'm saying. everyone
thinks and believes differently.) I think that it's a judgement call. I
think you should weigh out how severe the situation is. Have you ever seen
bruises on this woman or the child or both? has she ever been visibly
frightened? Is she withdrawn? Is the child scared to death when this man is
around? Is everyone "walking on eggshells" when he's around? If the answers
to any or all of these questions is "yes" then I believe that it would be
important to call the authorities and place a report, even if you ask to
keep yourself anonomyous.... I think that V and Istara hit the nails on the
head pretty well.... Too many people turn away from violent situations
because they either don't want to get involved or they're afraid to get
involved or they're not sure whether to get involved or not. Then there's
the issue of where you live and the laws there.... Again, I believe it to be
a judgement call for you. I wish you good luck.... I really do. This is a
tough decision in some ways.