when enough is just enough.............

I really do not know what I can possibly do for her anymore. I remember
the sweet little girl growing up happy and full of life. Never did I
ever think this would have turned out the way that it has. I have stood
by her through everything she ever went through, even when I knew
sometimes I was making mistakes along the way to support her. Maybe it
is my fault she treats me the way she does, but as of late , I know I
made it clear that I could no longer allow her to live under my roof
and throw her life away. For all of five years now I have sacrificed my
career, my health, my life, to see her get well and capable of facing
her own responsibilities , accepting the consequences of her own
choices. For a moment I thought we made it. She was doing so well,
taking her medication , choosing to go back to school, becoming more of
what she needed to be for herself and her daughter. Then another B/F
came into the picture. I met him , can't say he is not decent enough,
he works ,shares expenses and lives with other "kids" his age 18- 20.
Has his own car, seems to be responsible enough to like. Apparently, my
daughter thinks she needs to throw away her life her responsibilities ,
her child and the family that has been there for her all this time. She
stopped going to school , leaves in the middle of the night , for days,
comes back , appears to be involved in drinking and at least smoking
pot again. Stopped taking her meds, stopped being a mother to her
child, who is here only half the time . I dont get it, with all the
free time this custody change has given her why has she decided to
throw away what she does have?
I can't allow this , I can't change this, I have no power over her
choices . I do not want her coming and going as she pleases using my
home as a flop house in between whatever the hell she is doing now. I
am so tired, I feel ineffective with her . She does not care about
anything but herself. I have told her over and over if she does not get
her act together that I no longer want her coming here, this is the
hardest decision i have had to make , but I have to stop this.It may be
different if I didn't know what she is capable of, I have seen her
manage , but it always turns out the same , she gives up , she quits as
soon as a guy enters her life. It is not the guys fault, she makes her
own choices. She keeps claiming it is because of losing the father to
her child........they have been apart now 2 years in July, she has not
moved forward at all. I just can't find any more excuses for her, she
just can not continue to treat herslf, her child, and her mother this
way. I have done all that I can , and yet
I can't save her. What am I supposed to do ? Can I close the door ?
Last psych eval. says border line personality disorder, I just don't
know what to do anymore..............she is 18 , is as cocky as an 18
year old gets ! Is totally ****ed off that I will not allow her to
drive my car. I can not trust her to allow that. I am tired of feeling
I am stuck to this for the rest of my life, I am ashamed of how I feel
wanting her to just go away. I am her mother and I am disgusted with
her. I also feel guilty for that. I feel like a failure to give up , I
feel like I cant give up because she is "not right" I could babble all
night not saying much more than I just don't know what to do anymore. I
dont.

'Kate wrote:
On 2 Mar 2006 18:58:14 -0800, "Bev" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

I really do not know what I can possibly do for her anymore. I remember
the sweet little girl growing up happy and full of life. Never did I
ever think this would have turned out the way that it has. I have stood
by her through everything she ever went through, even when I knew
sometimes I was making mistakes along the way to support her. Maybe it
is my fault she treats me the way she does, but as of late , I know I
made it clear that I could no longer allow her to live under my roof
and throw her life away. For all of five years now I have sacrificed my
career, my health, my life, to see her get well and capable of facing
her own responsibilities , accepting the consequences of her own
choices. For a moment I thought we made it. She was doing so well,
taking her medication , choosing to go back to school, becoming more of
what she needed to be for herself and her daughter. Then another B/F
came into the picture. I met him , can't say he is not decent enough,
he works ,shares expenses and lives with other "kids" his age 18- 20.
Has his own car, seems to be responsible enough to like. Apparently, my
daughter thinks she needs to throw away her life her responsibilities ,
her child and the family that has been there for her all this time. She
stopped going to school , leaves in the middle of the night , for days,
comes back , appears to be involved in drinking and at least smoking
pot again. Stopped taking her meds, stopped being a mother to her
child, who is here only half the time . I dont get it, with all the
free time this custody change has given her why has she decided to
throw away what she does have?
I can't allow this , I can't change this, I have no power over her
choices . I do not want her coming and going as she pleases using my
home as a flop house in between whatever the hell she is doing now. I
am so tired, I feel ineffective with her . She does not care about
anything but herself. I have told her over and over if she does not get
her act together that I no longer want her coming here, this is the
hardest decision i have had to make , but I have to stop this.It may be
different if I didn't know what she is capable of, I have seen her
manage , but it always turns out the same , she gives up , she quits as
soon as a guy enters her life. It is not the guys fault, she makes her
own choices. She keeps claiming it is because of losing the father to
her child........they have been apart now 2 years in July, she has not
moved forward at all. I just can't find any more excuses for her, she
just can not continue to treat herslf, her child, and her mother this
way. I have done all that I can , and yet
I can't save her. What am I supposed to do ? Can I close the door ?
Last psych eval. says border line personality disorder, I just don't
know what to do anymore..............she is 18 , is as cocky as an 18
year old gets ! Is totally ****ed off that I will not allow her to
drive my car. I can not trust her to allow that. I am tired of feeling
I am stuck to this for the rest of my life, I am ashamed of how I feel
wanting her to just go away. I am her mother and I am disgusted with
her. I also feel guilty for that. I feel like a failure to give up , I
feel like I cant give up because she is "not right" I could babble all
night not saying much more than I just don't know what to do anymore. I
dont.



For what it's worth, the disease is taking her from you and that's what
you're railing against. It's hard to cope with because it doesn't make
someone look sick. It just makes them act in hateful ways, blame you,
apologise, make up, act hatefully, apologise... there's no stability and
there's very little you can do to create a healthy, loving relationship.

This is exactly what it is like, I wanted for it to be different and it
has taken a while for me to grasp that I can not fix it.


It's time for her to be on her own. Your relationship with her will
improve when she is. She'll feel better about herself when she's no
longer dependent on you. If she's not already on disability, then it's
time to get that rolling. If she is on disability, then job training,
help finding an apartment on a bus line, and working should be her
goals. She needs someone else, not you, to work the system for her.

Yea, I think you are right . She has SSI that they would not release to
her , It is in my name for her, I guess I will contact a social worker
, If that is who can help her work all this out. I have her set up with
the Occupational rehab. office but she had chose to go back to school
and wanted to focus on that first, she would have graduated in June.
She does need to break from me, she does not like my expectations of
her, concerning her daughter in the least. I have to protect this baby
from what she is doing with her life. The court has a stipulation on
her custody that it is supervised through me , because everyone trully
does know what we have been up against. I guess it is just time to move
to the next level of life when this kind of thing is involved. Thanks
Kate, your advice helps a great deal.
Bev

'Kate wrote:
On 3 Mar 2006 05:48:38 -0800, "Bev" the
following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


For what it's worth, the disease is taking her from you and that's what
you're railing against. It's hard to cope with because it doesn't make
someone look sick. It just makes them act in hateful ways, blame you,
apologise, make up, act hatefully, apologise... there's no stability and
there's very little you can do to create a healthy, loving relationship.

This is exactly what it is like, I wanted for it to be different and it
has taken a while for me to grasp that I can not fix it.

It took me too many years to get there with Phil. The lesson he was
teaching me was that no matter what I did, or how I tried to make things
ok, it wasn't going to be ok. He proved it over and over again... I just
wasn't willing to look. He wanted me to know him in his mind - to see
his pain. When I felt that, and saw that, I knew that I had only enabled
him to continue living, and suffering, on the precipice and not taking
steps on his own to come to terms with his reality. We were playing a
"game" together - the "who's the sick one" game. Only, I didn't know the
rules. He did.

Take a step back from her. It's the only way to help her.

(((Kate))) I know how hard that was for you....and Phil, you trully
know where I am at with this and I am grateful to have your
understanding and knowledge to help me to understand these feelings I
am going through.

It's time for her to be on her own. Your relationship with her will
improve when she is. She'll feel better about herself when she's no
longer dependent on you. If she's not already on disability, then it's
time to get that rolling. If she is on disability, then job training,
help finding an apartment on a bus line, and working should be her
goals. She needs someone else, not you, to work the system for her.

Yea, I think you are right . She has SSI that they would not release to
her , It is in my name for her, I guess I will contact a social worker
, If that is who can help her work all this out. I have her set up with
the Occupational rehab. office but she had chose to go back to school
and wanted to focus on that first, she would have graduated in June.
She does need to break from me, she does not like my expectations of
her, concerning her daughter in the least. I have to protect this baby
from what she is doing with her life. The court has a stipulation on
her custody that it is supervised through me , because everyone trully
does know what we have been up against. I guess it is just time to move
to the next level of life when this kind of thing is involved. Thanks
Kate, your advice helps a great deal.
Bev

Just so long as you know that it isn't just you.. it's the game. Her
independence isn't punishment - it will allow her to grow on her own and
maybe, over time, she'll understand why things have to be this way now.
Growing and changing can be very painful and she will blame you. Be
strong enough to not make things ok for her. Do what you're doing - get
her outside support then disengage from the game. It'll be hard but
it'll be worthwhile.

'k

She came by the house this afternoon while I was out.....I don't know I
had a feeling to call home and when Mari answered she said Sara was
there, getting some of her things, I was close enough to be able to get
back home before she was gone. I gave her some money and said we needed
to talk further on how things had to be, but that she needed to live
somewhere else. She is currently staying with the boyfriend, which I
assumed was where she would be. Her SSI money is given to me for her
they would not release it to her after she turned 18 probably for the
obvious reasons. I told her I would pay the woman that owns the home
she is staying at, but that she needs to talk to a social worker about
her medical needs and job search and school and what not.
I'll help her get it rolling and then I do need to be less available to
the game.
I also got a phone call from her teacher to tell me she was there at
the school to try and sign herself out today, and that they would not
allow it that I have to sign her out. Not something I want to do, it is
like saying "o.k. forget your diploma" , your future, she is/was 4-5
stinkin months away from graduating, I've been crying today , I am sad.
Bev

"Bev" wrote in message
oups.com...
I really do not know what I can possibly do for her anymore. I remember
the sweet little girl growing up happy and full of life. Never did I
ever think this would have turned out the way that it has. I have stood
by her through everything she ever went through, even when I knew
sometimes I was making mistakes along the way to support her. Maybe it
is my fault she treats me the way she does, but as of late , I know I
made it clear that I could no longer allow her to live under my roof
and throw her life away. For all of five years now I have sacrificed my
career, my health, my life, to see her get well and capable of facing
her own responsibilities , accepting the consequences of her own
choices. For a moment I thought we made it. She was doing so well,
taking her medication , choosing to go back to school, becoming more of
what she needed to be for herself and her daughter. Then another B/F
came into the picture. I met him , can't say he is not decent enough,
he works ,shares expenses and lives with other "kids" his age 18- 20.
Has his own car, seems to be responsible enough to like. Apparently, my
daughter thinks she needs to throw away her life her responsibilities ,
her child and the family that has been there for her all this time. She
stopped going to school , leaves in the middle of the night , for days,
comes back , appears to be involved in drinking and at least smoking
pot again. Stopped taking her meds, stopped being a mother to her
child, who is here only half the time . I dont get it, with all the
free time this custody change has given her why has she decided to
throw away what she does have?
I can't allow this , I can't change this, I have no power over her
choices . I do not want her coming and going as she pleases using my
home as a flop house in between whatever the hell she is doing now. I
am so tired, I feel ineffective with her . She does not care about
anything but herself. I have told her over and over if she does not get
her act together that I no longer want her coming here, this is the
hardest decision i have had to make , but I have to stop this.It may be
different if I didn't know what she is capable of, I have seen her
manage , but it always turns out the same , she gives up , she quits as
soon as a guy enters her life. It is not the guys fault, she makes her
own choices. She keeps claiming it is because of losing the father to
her child........they have been apart now 2 years in July, she has not
moved forward at all. I just can't find any more excuses for her, she
just can not continue to treat herslf, her child, and her mother this
way. I have done all that I can , and yet
I can't save her. What am I supposed to do ? Can I close the door ?
Last psych eval. says border line personality disorder, I just don't
know what to do anymore..............she is 18 , is as cocky as an 18
year old gets ! Is totally ****ed off that I will not allow her to
drive my car. I can not trust her to allow that. I am tired of feeling
I am stuck to this for the rest of my life, I am ashamed of how I feel
wanting her to just go away. I am her mother and I am disgusted with
her. I also feel guilty for that. I feel like a failure to give up , I
feel like I cant give up because she is "not right" I could babble all
night not saying much more than I just don't know what to do anymore. I
dont.


I'm sorry but there's a difference between enabling someone and helping
them. She's an adult and needs to grow up. Trust me, I of all people know
what I'm talking about. I wouldn't be the person I am today, if my mother
held my hand like you do to your daughter. I know you love her, but
sometimes it takes more love to kick someone in the ass and slam the door.

Christine

"Bev" wrote in message
oups.com...

CME wrote:
"Bev" wrote in message
oups.com...

snip


I'm sorry but there's a difference between enabling someone and helping
them.

I know what you are saying ......and I know I am influenced by many
different situations over the past five years that I myself have had to
learn to grow with. In the beginning of all this, grief was a main
factor for me. I have had to grow a lot in my life and learn how to be
a single parent when G died. Add mental health issues for my daughter,
again something I hadn't dealt with before as a parent let alone by
myself. Yes I can look back and see the mistakes I have made while I
was learning how to live a life I didn't know very well. I did my best
with something that I could not control, this in itself was a big step
for me. I let my heart lead me in areas that maybe I shouldn't have ,
but ya know even now , that I have come to realise that Mommy cant fix
this boo boo , and mommy has to let go and let the chips fall wherever
they may for her, I didn't have a "how to" booklet to show me how to
accept my daughter is different and she always will be. I have learned
to accept this in my own time, I have accepted what she herself still
has not accepted, now if I have enabled her or not I don't know, maybe
I have . She is 18 and a half now and I am pretty sure I had to see her
to this age to finally be able to accept that I am done raising her, I
did the best I could and what I felt I needed to to support her through
her grief, her illnesses, and her choices and the consequences she
faces now for those choices. If that is enabling then yea, I'm ready to
stop that. I still do not regret my choice to try and make a difference
in her life.


Who cares about the past, what you should care about is what you're doing
right now. Stop the cycle.

She's an adult and needs to grow up. Trust me, I of all people know
what I'm talking about. I wouldn't be the person I am today, if my
mother
held my hand like you do to your daughter.

Yes she is an adult , she lacks that mentality though. The way our
mothers treated us surely plays a part in the "who we are today" game.
I may have been different myself if mine had held my hand just a
little. Maybe it all is just a viscious cycle of mothers that either
hold their childrens hands too much or too little that creates all this
sadness in the world. Let's blame the mothers............NOT! I resent
that you blame me. Oh well.

I'm not blaming you, you can't change her, only your reaction to her so yes
take some responsibility for that. Her illness though is not your fault,
yet you sure look at it that way. And since when does having a mental
illness get people off of their own personal accountability? It's time for
her to grow up. Let her accept the consequences of her actions, and if that
means she's going to sit on welfare for the rest of her life, then oh well.
Still love her, but stop trying to live her life for her.


I know you love her, but
sometimes it takes more love to kick someone in the ass and slam the
door.

Christine

It takes even more love than that to raise a child with mental health
issues. It takes a whole lotta love to learn to let go of your hopes
and dreams for your child, and to accept they cant be like the other
kids. Sometimes I can't sleep at night, worried that she is o.k.
wherever she is...................I'm still crying but thanks for
trying.
Bev

Look. All you can do as a parent is raise them as best you can, then cross
your fingers all your hard work pays off. But Bev, you need to let go. I'm
sure my mother cried her eyes out many a night, but she was a strong woman
to let me make my own mistakes. Some of them had terrible consequences but
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I'm going to dinner at my parents on Monday and I owe my Mom a hug for what
I put her through. Thanks for showing me that I need to do that.

Christine

CME wrote:
"Bev" wrote in message
oups.com...

CME wrote:
"Bev" wrote in message
oups.com...

snip


I'm sorry but there's a difference between enabling someone and helping
them.

I know what you are saying ......and I know I am influenced by many
different situations over the past five years that I myself have had to
learn to grow with. In the beginning of all this, grief was a main
factor for me. I have had to grow a lot in my life and learn how to be
a single parent when G died. Add mental health issues for my daughter,
again something I hadn't dealt with before as a parent let alone by
myself. Yes I can look back and see the mistakes I have made while I
was learning how to live a life I didn't know very well. I did my best
with something that I could not control, this in itself was a big step
for me. I let my heart lead me in areas that maybe I shouldn't have ,
but ya know even now , that I have come to realise that Mommy cant fix
this boo boo , and mommy has to let go and let the chips fall wherever
they may for her, I didn't have a "how to" booklet to show me how to
accept my daughter is different and she always will be. I have learned
to accept this in my own time, I have accepted what she herself still
has not accepted, now if I have enabled her or not I don't know, maybe
I have . She is 18 and a half now and I am pretty sure I had to see her
to this age to finally be able to accept that I am done raising her, I
did the best I could and what I felt I needed to to support her through
her grief, her illnesses, and her choices and the consequences she
faces now for those choices. If that is enabling then yea, I'm ready to
stop that. I still do not regret my choice to try and make a difference
in her life.


Who cares about the past, what you should care about is what you're doing
right now. Stop the cycle.

I am workin on it, I hear what you are saying, It is tough , but it is
what she needs.

She's an adult and needs to grow up. Trust me, I of all people know
what I'm talking about. I wouldn't be the person I am today, if my
mother
held my hand like you do to your daughter.

Yes she is an adult , she lacks that mentality though. The way our
mothers treated us surely plays a part in the "who we are today" game.
I may have been different myself if mine had held my hand just a
little. Maybe it all is just a viscious cycle of mothers that either
hold their childrens hands too much or too little that creates all this
sadness in the world. Let's blame the mothers............NOT! I resent
that you blame me. Oh well.

I'm not blaming you, you can't change her, only your reaction to her so yes
take some responsibility for that. Her illness though is not your fault,
yet you sure look at it that way. And since when does having a mental
illness get people off of their own personal accountability? It's time for
her to grow up. Let her accept the consequences of her actions, and if that
means she's going to sit on welfare for the rest of her life, then oh well.
Still love her, but stop trying to live her life for her.

Sorry I took it that you blamed me. It has taken me a bit to realize I
can not change her, but I have reached the point of knowing I can not
help her the way I have tried to. I do know her illness is not my
fault, I think the inability to let go of trying to fix it is from
feeling sorry for her ? I dont' know. It doesn't get them off of their
personal accountability, but they are sure good at manipulating the
people that love them into feeling the blame etc.

I know you love her, but
sometimes it takes more love to kick someone in the ass and slam the
door.

Christine

It takes even more love than that to raise a child with mental health
issues. It takes a whole lotta love to learn to let go of your hopes
and dreams for your child, and to accept they cant be like the other
kids. Sometimes I can't sleep at night, worried that she is o.k.
wherever she is...................I'm still crying but thanks for
trying.
Bev

Look. All you can do as a parent is raise them as best you can, then cross
your fingers all your hard work pays off. But Bev, you need to let go. I'm
sure my mother cried her eyes out many a night, but she was a strong woman
to let me make my own mistakes. Some of them had terrible consequences but
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I am hoping that she grows positive and not negative out on her
own................

I'm going to dinner at my parents on Monday and I owe my Mom a hug for what
I put her through. Thanks for showing me that I need to do that.

Christine

You are a fiesty one, I bet you owe her two hugs and a kiss! Have a
nice time...........
Bev

On 2 Mar 2006 18:58:14 -0800, "Bev" wrote:

I really do not know what I can possibly do for her anymore. I remember
the sweet little girl growing up happy and full of life. Never did I
ever think this would have turned out the way that it has. I have stood
by her through everything she ever went through, even when I knew
sometimes I was making mistakes along the way to support her. Maybe it
is my fault she treats me the way she does, but as of late , I know I
made it clear that I could no longer allow her to live under my roof
and throw her life away. For all of five years now I have sacrificed my
career, my health, my life, to see her get well and capable of facing
her own responsibilities , accepting the consequences of her own
choices. For a moment I thought we made it. She was doing so well,
taking her medication , choosing to go back to school, becoming more of
what she needed to be for herself and her daughter. Then another B/F
came into the picture. I met him , can't say he is not decent enough,
he works ,shares expenses and lives with other "kids" his age 18- 20.
Has his own car, seems to be responsible enough to like. Apparently, my
daughter thinks she needs to throw away her life her responsibilities ,
her child and the family that has been there for her all this time. She
stopped going to school , leaves in the middle of the night , for days,
comes back , appears to be involved in drinking and at least smoking
pot again. Stopped taking her meds, stopped being a mother to her
child, who is here only half the time . I dont get it, with all the
free time this custody change has given her why has she decided to
throw away what she does have?
I can't allow this , I can't change this, I have no power over her
choices . I do not want her coming and going as she pleases using my
home as a flop house in between whatever the hell she is doing now. I
am so tired, I feel ineffective with her . She does not care about
anything but herself. I have told her over and over if she does not get
her act together that I no longer want her coming here, this is the
hardest decision i have had to make , but I have to stop this.It may be
different if I didn't know what she is capable of, I have seen her
manage , but it always turns out the same , she gives up , she quits as
soon as a guy enters her life. It is not the guys fault, she makes her
own choices. She keeps claiming it is because of losing the father to
her child........they have been apart now 2 years in July, she has not
moved forward at all. I just can't find any more excuses for her, she
just can not continue to treat herslf, her child, and her mother this
way. I have done all that I can , and yet
I can't save her. What am I supposed to do ? Can I close the door ?
Last psych eval. says border line personality disorder, I just don't
know what to do anymore..............she is 18 , is as cocky as an 18
year old gets ! Is totally ****ed off that I will not allow her to
drive my car. I can not trust her to allow that. I am tired of feeling
I am stuck to this for the rest of my life, I am ashamed of how I feel
wanting her to just go away. I am her mother and I am disgusted with
her. I also feel guilty for that. I feel like a failure to give up , I
feel like I cant give up because she is "not right" I could babble all
night not saying much more than I just don't know what to do anymore. I
dont.
Hi Bev
I believe you might be looking at a mask of your friend and not
knowing how to remove it. It might be an ugly mask that is frightening
you which makes you recoil.

I believe you have more skill than that to probe her to find her real
hurt. DON'T GIVE UP ON HER. She is not knowing her own answers to her
problems. You are at a lost to search for those answers yourself.

Keep probing her with questions about her hurt. Identify key words in
her answers to your questions. Back off of her when she resists. Give
her time to reflect on her hurt. But stay with her and question her
again making an attack at her hurt. Don't ask the same question over
and over again. But rephrase your questions so that she will not get
irritated that you are trying to get behind her mask and find out the
truth in her hurt.

I have confidence in you that you have the skill to do this. Rely on
intuition. God gave women intuition as one of their talents which
drive men crazy. I just accept women that they have this quality and
admire it.

I will pray to my Higher Power for both of you.

t Michael t

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On 3 Mar 2006 23:43:00 -0800, "Bev" wrote:


MichaelLikeGod@Heaven wrote:
On 2 Mar 2006 18:58:14 -0800, "Bev" wrote:

I really do not know what I can possibly do for her anymore. I remember
the sweet little girl growing up happy and full of life. Never did I
ever think this would have turned out the way that it has. I have stood
by her through everything she ever went through, even when I knew
sometimes I was making mistakes along the way to support her. Maybe it
is my fault she treats me the way she does, but as of late , I know I
made it clear that I could no longer allow her to live under my roof
and throw her life away. For all of five years now I have sacrificed my
career, my health, my life, to see her get well and capable of facing
her own responsibilities , accepting the consequences of her own
choices. For a moment I thought we made it. She was doing so well,
taking her medication , choosing to go back to school, becoming more of
what she needed to be for herself and her daughter. Then another B/F
came into the picture. I met him , can't say he is not decent enough,
he works ,shares expenses and lives with other "kids" his age 18- 20.
Has his own car, seems to be responsible enough to like. Apparently, my
daughter thinks she needs to throw away her life her responsibilities ,
her child and the family that has been there for her all this time. She
stopped going to school , leaves in the middle of the night , for days,
comes back , appears to be involved in drinking and at least smoking
pot again. Stopped taking her meds, stopped being a mother to her
child, who is here only half the time . I dont get it, with all the
free time this custody change has given her why has she decided to
throw away what she does have?
I can't allow this , I can't change this, I have no power over her
choices . I do not want her coming and going as she pleases using my
home as a flop house in between whatever the hell she is doing now. I
am so tired, I feel ineffective with her . She does not care about
anything but herself. I have told her over and over if she does not get
her act together that I no longer want her coming here, this is the
hardest decision i have had to make , but I have to stop this.It may be
different if I didn't know what she is capable of, I have seen her
manage , but it always turns out the same , she gives up , she quits as
soon as a guy enters her life. It is not the guys fault, she makes her
own choices. She keeps claiming it is because of losing the father to
her child........they have been apart now 2 years in July, she has not
moved forward at all. I just can't find any more excuses for her, she
just can not continue to treat herslf, her child, and her mother this
way. I have done all that I can , and yet
I can't save her. What am I supposed to do ? Can I close the door ?
Last psych eval. says border line personality disorder, I just don't
know what to do anymore..............she is 18 , is as cocky as an 18
year old gets ! Is totally ****ed off that I will not allow her to
drive my car. I can not trust her to allow that. I am tired of feeling
I am stuck to this for the rest of my life, I am ashamed of how I feel
wanting her to just go away. I am her mother and I am disgusted with
her. I also feel guilty for that. I feel like a failure to give up , I
feel like I cant give up because she is "not right" I could babble all
night not saying much more than I just don't know what to do anymore. I
dont.
Hi Bev
I believe you might be looking at a mask of your friend and not
knowing how to remove it. It might be an ugly mask that is frightening
you which makes you recoil.

I believe you have more skill than that to probe her to find her real
hurt. DON'T GIVE UP ON HER. She is not knowing her own answers to her
problems. You are at a lost to search for those answers yourself.

Keep probing her with questions about her hurt. Identify key words in
her answers to your questions. Back off of her when she resists. Give
her time to reflect on her hurt. But stay with her and question her
again making an attack at her hurt. Don't ask the same question over
and over again. But rephrase your questions so that she will not get
irritated that you are trying to get behind her mask and find out the
truth in her hurt.

I have confidence in you that you have the skill to do this. Rely on
intuition. God gave women intuition as one of their talents which
drive men crazy. I just accept women that they have this quality and
admire it.

I will pray to my Higher Power for both of you.

t Michael t

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Look dood she's not my friend , she is my child, I used my mothers
intuition, therefore I drove no men crazy in the process. I haven't
given up , I have given in to the truth.
Let us pray
May the Goddess in all her earthly glory help you to find the
door....ah-chew
What a shame...another child grew up to be like their own parent.

What an ugly mask that child has.

What an ugly attitude you have about your own child.

That's what this world needs to do is give up on the children. That is
the answer.

Sorry that sin spreads sin, it's in the Bible

t Michael t

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Look dood she's not my friend , she is my child, I used my mothers
intuition, therefore I drove no men crazy in the process. I haven't
given up , I have given in to the truth.
Let us pray
May the Goddess in all her earthly glory help you to find the
door....ah-chew
What a shame...another child grew up to be like their own parent.

What an ugly mask that child has.

What an ugly attitude you have about your own child.

That's what this world needs to do is give up on the children. That is
the answer.

Sorry that sin spreads sin, it's in the Bible

t Michael t

__________________________________________________ _____________________________
I checked you out Pretty boy and you fool no one. It is sicko's like
you that the children need to be protected from, go back to the rock
you crawled out from under.
Let us pray
May the Goddess in all her earthly glory suck this slime back into the
earth....ah-chew

On 4 Mar 2006 05:48:30 -0800, "Bev" wrote:






Look dood she's not my friend , she is my child, I used my mothers
intuition, therefore I drove no men crazy in the process. I haven't
given up , I have given in to the truth.
Let us pray
May the Goddess in all her earthly glory help you to find the
door....ah-chew
What a shame...another child grew up to be like their own parent.

What an ugly mask that child has.

What an ugly attitude you have about your own child.

That's what this world needs to do is give up on the children. That is
the answer.

Sorry that sin spreads sin, it's in the Bible

t Michael t

__________________________________________________ _____________________________
I checked you out Pretty boy and you fool no one. It is sicko's like
you that the children need to be protected from, go back to the rock
you crawled out from under.
Let us pray
May the Goddess in all her earthly glory suck this slime back into the
earth....ah-chew
Yeah, I agree lock the children up in your house and train them up
your way. You are the perfect mother to have as a woman to a husband
and a mother to a child.

My rock is the corner-stone of the Church. That is Jesus Christ. The
Church is rising up. The darkness trembles because it's days are
short. Read Revelations.

t Michael t

__________________________________________________ _____________________________
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