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My child is biting others



 
 
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  #1  
Old February 10th 06, 08:43 PM posted to misc.kids
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Default My child is biting others

I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other
kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my wife
had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times
that this was 'not ok'.

I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy
all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he bites
his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no
biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and
looks puzzled.

I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding
him and take away some of his privilages.

What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to
advance into serious problems later.

TIA

John Dalberg
  #2  
Old February 10th 06, 09:17 PM posted to misc.kids
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Default My child is biting others

In article ,
(John Dalberg) wrote:

I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other
kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my wife
had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times
that this was 'not ok'.

I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy
all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he bites
his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no
biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and
looks puzzled.

I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding
him and take away some of his privilages.

What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to
advance into serious problems later.


He's 2-1/2: nothing you do at home is likely to change what he does at
day care.

If he's biting at home, get something ELSE to bite between the object of
his "affection" and his mouth , and say, "We bite whatever, not
people." If he bites anyway, put him down/away from you immediately,
and make sure he knows you're hurt.

But the bottom line is that any day care that takes 2-1/2 year olds
ought to have a protocol for dealing with biters -- it comes up often
enough -- and if all they do is send them home, it probably won't help.
(Especially if the kid LIKES going home!) You need to work with them to
find a way for them to react in the moment and immidiately to have any
effect on his behavior there.

He's too young for anything you do long after the fact to change his
behavior -- and at 2-1/2, anything beyond "right now" is too long after
the fact. About all I'd do is make sure that the days he gets sent home
from school for biting he doesn't have an especially good time: no
stops at the park, no special shopping -- get home and let him play by
himself while you go about other things; if you can take work home, do
that -- remind him that this is your WORK time, so you aren't avaiable
to play. You don't have to make it punative -- it just shouldn't be fun.

--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care
  #3  
Old February 10th 06, 09:47 PM posted to misc.kids
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Default My child is biting others


"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
In article ,
(John Dalberg) wrote:

I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other
kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my
wife
had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times
that this was 'not ok'.

I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy
all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he
bites
his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no
biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and
looks puzzled.

I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding
him and take away some of his privilages.

What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour
to
advance into serious problems later.


He's 2-1/2: nothing you do at home is likely to change what he does at
day care.

If he's biting at home, get something ELSE to bite between the object of
his "affection" and his mouth , and say, "We bite whatever, not
people." If he bites anyway, put him down/away from you immediately,
and make sure he knows you're hurt.

But the bottom line is that any day care that takes 2-1/2 year olds
ought to have a protocol for dealing with biters -- it comes up often
enough -- and if all they do is send them home, it probably won't help.
(Especially if the kid LIKES going home!) You need to work with them to
find a way for them to react in the moment and immidiately to have any
effect on his behavior there.


IMO, if sending a child home were the protocol for 2yo biting, I would be
concerned about this DCP in general.

He's too young for anything you do long after the fact to change his
behavior -- and at 2-1/2, anything beyond "right now" is too long after
the fact. About all I'd do is make sure that the days he gets sent home
from school for biting he doesn't have an especially good time: no
stops at the park, no special shopping -- get home and let him play by
himself while you go about other things; if you can take work home, do
that -- remind him that this is your WORK time, so you aren't avaiable
to play. You don't have to make it punative -- it just shouldn't be fun.

--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care



  #4  
Old February 10th 06, 09:54 PM posted to misc.kids
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Posts: n/a
Default My child is biting others

In article aZ6Hf.25$qI.3@trndny03, "Stephanie"
wrote:

"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
In article ,
(John Dalberg) wrote:

I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other
kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my
wife
had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times
that this was 'not ok'.

I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy
all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he
bites
his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no
biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and
looks puzzled.

I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding
him and take away some of his privilages.

What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour
to
advance into serious problems later.


He's 2-1/2: nothing you do at home is likely to change what he does at
day care.

If he's biting at home, get something ELSE to bite between the object of
his "affection" and his mouth , and say, "We bite whatever, not
people." If he bites anyway, put him down/away from you immediately,
and make sure he knows you're hurt.

But the bottom line is that any day care that takes 2-1/2 year olds
ought to have a protocol for dealing with biters -- it comes up often
enough -- and if all they do is send them home, it probably won't help.
(Especially if the kid LIKES going home!) You need to work with them to
find a way for them to react in the moment and immidiately to have any
effect on his behavior there.


IMO, if sending a child home were the protocol for 2yo biting, I would be
concerned about this DCP in general.


I agree. But I also know it IS the protocol in some places.

My oldest got bitten a few times in day care when she was this age. I
adored our DCP, and she only had 3 kids in care with her, but one of
them was a biter and nailed my daughter a few times. (The worst was
when she sat on her butt and bit her in the middle of the back!) I
think the DCP and the other parents were more upset than I was, but I'd
have been horrifed if she'd called the other parents to send the child
home, because *that would be unlikely to change the behavior*. Instead,
she started shadowing her more closely, and so she could stop it, and
when she failed to stop it anyway (it happens) she took care of my
daughter, and put the other girl in isolation for a time. Eventually,
it stopped.



He's too young for anything you do long after the fact to change his
behavior -- and at 2-1/2, anything beyond "right now" is too long after
the fact. About all I'd do is make sure that the days he gets sent home
from school for biting he doesn't have an especially good time: no
stops at the park, no special shopping -- get home and let him play by
himself while you go about other things; if you can take work home, do
that -- remind him that this is your WORK time, so you aren't avaiable
to play. You don't have to make it punative -- it just shouldn't be fun.

--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care




--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care
  #5  
Old February 10th 06, 10:45 PM posted to misc.kids
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Posts: n/a
Default My child is biting others

In article , John Dalberg says...

I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other
kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my wife
had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times
that this was 'not ok'.

I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy
all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he bites
his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no
biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and
looks puzzled.

I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding
him and take away some of his privilages.

What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to
advance into serious problems later.

TIA


I had this problem with my son at that age, and was able to fix it. HOW I fixed
it will sound very strange, so hear me out.

At two, the child bites because it feels good to his mouth, and he gets an
amusing reaction from the folks he bites. He does NOT connect the pain others
are feeling with his bite. Not at two and a half. So, not to worry - this isn't
a little sociopath in the making This is very, very common.

How you fix it - bite him back immediately after he bites you (or your wife do
it - whichever he bites first.) Maybe repeat a time or two if he does it again.

This is *sorta* a punishment, but not really - it's how you get him to associate
his bite with the pain it causes. It's not like spanking or anything like that.
It's a first simple lesson in empathy - connecting his action to pain it causes.
Bite him enough to have him feel the sting of it, then state calmly that that's
why he should not bit other people, because that's how it feels when he does it
to t hem.

Don't do it in anger; it's a demonstration.

Banty (I still remember my son with tears, rubbing his arm, nodding silently
with my exaplanation when I did that - awwwwww)

  #6  
Old February 10th 06, 11:13 PM posted to misc.kids
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default My child is biting others

In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article , John Dalberg says...

I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other
kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my wife
had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times
that this was 'not ok'.

I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy
all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he bites
his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no
biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and
looks puzzled.

I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding
him and take away some of his privilages.

What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to
advance into serious problems later.

TIA


I had this problem with my son at that age, and was able to fix it. HOW I
fixed
it will sound very strange, so hear me out.

At two, the child bites because it feels good to his mouth, and he gets an
amusing reaction from the folks he bites. He does NOT connect the pain
others
are feeling with his bite. Not at two and a half. So, not to worry - this
isn't
a little sociopath in the making This is very, very common.

How you fix it - bite him back immediately after he bites you (or your wife
do
it - whichever he bites first.) Maybe repeat a time or two if he does it
again.

This is *sorta* a punishment, but not really - it's how you get him to
associate
his bite with the pain it causes. It's not like spanking or anything like
that.
It's a first simple lesson in empathy - connecting his action to pain it
causes.
Bite him enough to have him feel the sting of it, then state calmly that
that's
why he should not bit other people, because that's how it feels when he does
it
to t hem.

Don't do it in anger; it's a demonstration.

Banty (I still remember my son with tears, rubbing his arm, nodding silently
with my exaplanation when I did that - awwwwww)


Personally, I don't like the idea of an adult biting a child to show
that biting is wrong, any more than I think it's a good idea to hit a
kid to show that hitting is wrong.

OTOH, I can remember Brazelton saying that the quickest way to stop a
biter was to put them in a playpen with ANOTHER biter.

--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care
  #7  
Old February 10th 06, 11:27 PM posted to misc.kids
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default My child is biting others

In article ,
dragonlady says...

In article ,
Banty wrote:

In article , John Dalberg says...

I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other
kids at the day care. Today he bit a kid so hard he broke skin and my wife
had to pick him because he was isolated. We have told him numerous times
that this was 'not ok'.

I don't know if he's frustrated, stressed or angry. He seems to be happy
all the time and we take very good care of him at home. Sometimes he bites
his mother to 'show affection'. We always tell him 'do not bite' or 'no
biting'. When we ask him why he's biting, he doesn't have an answer and
looks puzzled.

I wanted to know how others manage this issue. I am thinking of scolding
him and take away some of his privilages.

What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to
advance into serious problems later.

TIA


I had this problem with my son at that age, and was able to fix it. HOW I
fixed
it will sound very strange, so hear me out.

At two, the child bites because it feels good to his mouth, and he gets an
amusing reaction from the folks he bites. He does NOT connect the pain
others
are feeling with his bite. Not at two and a half. So, not to worry - this
isn't
a little sociopath in the making This is very, very common.

How you fix it - bite him back immediately after he bites you (or your wife
do
it - whichever he bites first.) Maybe repeat a time or two if he does it
again.

This is *sorta* a punishment, but not really - it's how you get him to
associate
his bite with the pain it causes. It's not like spanking or anything like
that.
It's a first simple lesson in empathy - connecting his action to pain it
causes.
Bite him enough to have him feel the sting of it, then state calmly that
that's
why he should not bit other people, because that's how it feels when he does
it
to t hem.

Don't do it in anger; it's a demonstration.

Banty (I still remember my son with tears, rubbing his arm, nodding silently
with my exaplanation when I did that - awwwwww)


Personally, I don't like the idea of an adult biting a child to show
that biting is wrong, any more than I think it's a good idea to hit a
kid to show that hitting is wrong.

OTOH, I can remember Brazelton saying that the quickest way to stop a
biter was to put them in a playpen with ANOTHER biter.


Biting-by-proxy!

Banty

  #8  
Old February 10th 06, 11:37 PM posted to misc.kids
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Posts: n/a
Default My child is biting others

On 10 Feb 2006 19:43:08 GMT, (John Dalberg) wrote:

What are best ways to make him stop biting? I don't want this behaviour to
advance into serious problems later.


Biting is a difficult issue, but as a preschool teacher, here is what
I advise in general.

Shadow him to prevent biting when possible. If he starts out to bite
mom, catch him quickly and put him down, then walk away and ignore
him for about 2 minutes. Do this every time he starts to bite. At
2.5, he most likely knows the difference between a bite and a kiss,
but you can say *we don't bite people, we bite apples or bagels or
some other thing that it is ok to bite and give him one of those* and
you can show him *kiss* instead of *bite*.

Ask the teachers what they see when he does bite. Is it over wanting
a toy that the other child has or something else? When you find this
out, use puppets or dolls to dramatize what happens and show him
alternatives to biting that will solve the problem. If he is verbal
enough, you can ask him what to do and then play that out with
the puppets.

Read some books about feelings. When Sophie gets Angry,
Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang is a good one to start with.
Another good book is Teeth are not for Biting by Elizabeth
Verdick. I am sure you can find others. Talk to him about what
people do to express their feelings appropriately. He's not too
young to teach him how to self-calm by breathing in and out
either.

There is a nice book on teaching preschoolers to self-
calm called A Boy and A Bear by Lori Lite. Lori Lite has lots
of good books for this.

Her website is
http://www.litebooks.net/boy-bear.htm

Good luck!


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits
  #9  
Old February 11th 06, 07:38 AM posted to misc.kids
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Default My child is biting others


I work at a school for development delayed children that specializes in
children with severe behavior problems. Biting is a common problem
behavior with our kids and they are much older than this child. The
most important thing to do is be vigilant. If you can only react after
another child comes to you with a bite mark you are to late. The parent
or instructor must monitor the children. Not only will it prevent some
occurances it more than likely will allow the caregiver to determine if
the biter's surrounding environmental conditions lead to the child
making the choice to bite. The child's biting behavior could be
triggered by another child or by an adult. It could be a another child
taking his or her favorite toy. It could be a teacher whose personality
the child finds disagreeable. With some children it could be another
discomfort. (ie Is the child being left it soiled clothes or is the
child being exposed to other uncomfortable seating or air conditions.)
If a environmental stimulus for the behavior can be found it could be
possible to remove the stimulus from near the child or the child from
the stimulus.

A common intervention method in my profession is holding the nose of
the biting child while he or she is biting. This method requires
vigilance and you might wonder if you can respond in time, but if the
child is causing tissue damage and even drawing blood it is a needed
procedure. Usually a bite that causes bleeding requires the biter to
take a good grip. Bites rarely last less than 10-15 seconds.

The procedure for the nose holding procedure is as follows. Secure the
victim at the point of the bite. This can be done by holding the arm,
leg or head preventing movement of the injured limb by either the
victim or aggressor. This helps prevent any more damage to the victim.
Next use your index and middle fingers to "clothes pin" the aggressor's
nose. This does not require excessive force and if done properly should
not be painful to the aggressor. It is important to make sure that your
fingers are in position to prevent any air from entering or exiting the
nose. The discomfort and reduced breathing ability will cause the
aggressor to release relatively quickly within 3-5 seconds of the
initial application of the procedure. It important not to speak
directly about the incident to the child as the attention he or she
receives could actually reenforce the behavior.

The discomfort (not pain) of the procedure works well as a deterent at
our school. It should be extremely effective to a normally developing
child. The child will begin to associate the discomfort of the
procedure with biting and will lose interest.

  #10  
Old February 13th 06, 05:42 AM posted to misc.kids
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Posts: n/a
Default My child is biting others

John Dalberg wrote:

I am having an issue this week with my 2 1/2 boy who started biting other
kids at the day care.


My 2.5-year-old Pillbug is developmentally
delayed and went through a biting phase.
It started with his little brother being
born and he would bite _him_, then bite
us, then he bit a teacher, until he finally
bit another student. We did everything
("no bite", hold him, time out for him,
we left the room, etc.) short of biting
him back. (Well, I tried to bite him
back, but I couldn't, and he thought
it was funny that I'd put his fingers
in my mouth.)

Eventually, we figured out he was biting
because he's hungry. So, our solution
was to give him a bottle in the car,
on the way to therapy.

Now, since Pillbug is delayed and still
has no words, this was one of the ways
he communicated with us. YMMV.

-- Anita --
 




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