A Parenting & kids forum. ParentingBanter.com

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Go Back   Home » ParentingBanter.com forum » misc.kids » General
Site Map Home Authors List Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Web Partners

How to break 4 year old from shyness?



 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old October 10th 06, 06:04 PM posted to misc.kids
Catherine Woodgold
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 153
Default How to break 4 year old from shyness?

My suggestions:

-- provide security: avoid ever shouting at the girl
or letting anyone shout at her. Aviod letting anyone
ever hit her. Avoid scary TV shows and scary or unexpected
situations -- except very gradually expose her to slightly
scarier things so she can get used to them, but no more
scary than children of that age are usually expected to experience.
Maybe considerably less scary. Avoid angry voices or
sudden unexpected punishments.

-- Consider taking her out of daycare and looking after her
at home. She may not be ready for a daycare type situation.

-- Try to gradually get her used to ONE (or a very few) other
child. Arrange to have another child visit in the home
frequently -- perhaps a next-door-neighbour, or someone you
offer to babysit frequently. Preferably someone not too hyperactive
or violent. Expect her to be shy in the presence of this other
child for a long time, but eventually to get used to the child
and treat him/her more like a member of the family.

-- Take advantage of the fact that she seems relatively
comfortable with adults. Bring her into situations where
she can socialize with other adults -- for example, invite
an adult into the home so the girl feels comfortable because
her parents are present. Leave her time to get used to the
person. Maybe she needs to meet the adult many times before
feeling comfortable. Encourage her to socialize with the
adult. Maybe a teenager, too, or other older child.

-- Think about whether she's had any bad experiences with
children: maybe another child scared her or attacked her.
Maybe during a quiet bedtime talk you can get her to
talk about this.

-- Spend time doing the things that she does feel
comfortable doing, i.e. games with only the family present.

-- Make any changes gradually. Expect her to take time
to get used to things.

-- On any given day, aim to have her in situations she
feels comfortable with for the majority of the time, and
situations that are slightly challenging to her shyness
a small part of the time (in order to gradually get her
used to things), with a very gradual increase in the
level of challenge.

Those are just my ideas/suggestions. Maybe you're already
doing a lot of them. Maybe you don't like some of them --
that's fine.



"IMAFriend" ) writes:
I'm not sure if this is the right group or not.

I have a daughter, almost 4 years old. We put her in daycare,
partially to learn, but primarily to be more 'social'.

She usually will sit just by the teacher, she does not play with other
children. She usually either plays by herself, or sits and does
nothing.

Occasionally, she will participate in 'group' activities, when all kids
are doing something, but if the leader (the teacher) leaves, she has to
follow the teacher, she won't stay with the other kids.

Out on the playground, she does not play much if at all. She stands
right by the teacher. If the teacher ignores her, she still stands
there. Almost like the teacher were her parent.

I don't believe it's anything the teacher is doing, because she was
like this with two other teachers before this one. In fact, today, her
teacher was not there, so she sat down all by herself against the wall
with a pouty face.

I tried putting her into a very social and interactive environment,
that is daycare / preschool. At home there's interaction, and games.
So, can anyone make any suggestions or reasons or comments?

Thanks.
Doug(Concerned parent)B



  #12  
Old October 10th 06, 07:03 PM posted to misc.kids
lkfraley
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 7
Default How to break 4 year old from shyness?

I am 26 years old now. I was always so shy. I had a hard time in school
because I was so shy. I always had friends but I had the same friends.
I would be close with a select few friends and I would stay with that
bunch. I did require security to be comfortable. I'm all grown up now,
and I am a Mother of four. I am still shy. It's not as bad as it was
when I was in school, but I'm still quiet. My personality is just to be
a quiet person. I'm not outgoing and talkative. That's just the way
that I am. And I've turned out fine.
I don't think there is anything either one of my parents could have
done to help me not be shy. I guess that's just the way I was born to
be.
Although there are times when I wish I wasn't shy.



Catherine Woodgold wrote:
My suggestions:

-- provide security: avoid ever shouting at the girl
or letting anyone shout at her. Aviod letting anyone
ever hit her. Avoid scary TV shows and scary or unexpected
situations -- except very gradually expose her to slightly
scarier things so she can get used to them, but no more
scary than children of that age are usually expected to experience.
Maybe considerably less scary. Avoid angry voices or
sudden unexpected punishments.

-- Consider taking her out of daycare and looking after her
at home. She may not be ready for a daycare type situation.

-- Try to gradually get her used to ONE (or a very few) other
child. Arrange to have another child visit in the home
frequently -- perhaps a next-door-neighbour, or someone you
offer to babysit frequently. Preferably someone not too hyperactive
or violent. Expect her to be shy in the presence of this other
child for a long time, but eventually to get used to the child
and treat him/her more like a member of the family.

-- Take advantage of the fact that she seems relatively
comfortable with adults. Bring her into situations where
she can socialize with other adults -- for example, invite
an adult into the home so the girl feels comfortable because
her parents are present. Leave her time to get used to the
person. Maybe she needs to meet the adult many times before
feeling comfortable. Encourage her to socialize with the
adult. Maybe a teenager, too, or other older child.

-- Think about whether she's had any bad experiences with
children: maybe another child scared her or attacked her.
Maybe during a quiet bedtime talk you can get her to
talk about this.

-- Spend time doing the things that she does feel
comfortable doing, i.e. games with only the family present.

-- Make any changes gradually. Expect her to take time
to get used to things.

-- On any given day, aim to have her in situations she
feels comfortable with for the majority of the time, and
situations that are slightly challenging to her shyness
a small part of the time (in order to gradually get her
used to things), with a very gradual increase in the
level of challenge.

Those are just my ideas/suggestions. Maybe you're already
doing a lot of them. Maybe you don't like some of them --
that's fine.



"IMAFriend" ) writes:
I'm not sure if this is the right group or not.

I have a daughter, almost 4 years old. We put her in daycare,
partially to learn, but primarily to be more 'social'.

She usually will sit just by the teacher, she does not play with other
children. She usually either plays by herself, or sits and does
nothing.

Occasionally, she will participate in 'group' activities, when all kids
are doing something, but if the leader (the teacher) leaves, she has to
follow the teacher, she won't stay with the other kids.

Out on the playground, she does not play much if at all. She stands
right by the teacher. If the teacher ignores her, she still stands
there. Almost like the teacher were her parent.

I don't believe it's anything the teacher is doing, because she was
like this with two other teachers before this one. In fact, today, her
teacher was not there, so she sat down all by herself against the wall
with a pouty face.

I tried putting her into a very social and interactive environment,
that is daycare / preschool. At home there's interaction, and games.
So, can anyone make any suggestions or reasons or comments?

Thanks.
Doug(Concerned parent)B


  #13  
Old October 10th 06, 09:20 PM posted to misc.kids
Penny Gaines
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 328
Default How to break 4 year old from shyness?

Jen wrote:
[snip]
I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I
discovered I had social phobia. It is very debilitating, but can be helped.
Try starting with your GP or school counsellor. She sounds much like I was,
but I would find one friend instead of a teacher.

I hope you can find help for her, it would be extremely hard for her.

Jen


I think the OP's child is a bit young to be diagnosing with social
phobia. Many people are shy as children/teenagers, but become much
less shy as adults.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

  #14  
Old October 11th 06, 03:49 AM posted to misc.kids
Chris
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 223
Default How to break 4 year old from shyness?


I agree Penny, as I'm sure the folks that know me as an adult would
wish that I could shut up most days. lol. I still have problems
speaking in public, but not shyness. My daughter appeared to be
painfully shy, but when she hit kindergarten, she was the loudest kid
in class. lol.


On Oct 10, 4:20*pm, Penny Gaines wrote:
Jen wrote:[snip]

I was extremely shy all my life. *It isn't till I was 35ish that I
discovered I had social phobia. *It is very debilitating, but can be helped.
Try starting with your GP or school counsellor. *She sounds much like I was,
but I would find one friend instead of a teacher.


I hope you can find help for her, it would be extremely hard for her.


JenI think the OP's child is a bit young to be diagnosing with social

phobia. *Many people are shy as children/teenagers, but become much
less shy as adults.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three


  #15  
Old October 12th 06, 03:29 PM posted to misc.kids
Catherine Woodgold
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 153
Default How to break 4 year old from shyness?

"lkfraley" ) writes:
I am 26 years old now. I was always so shy. I had a hard time in school
because I was so shy. I always had friends but I had the same friends.
I would be close with a select few friends and I would stay with that
bunch. I did require security to be comfortable. I'm all grown up now,
and I am a Mother of four. I am still shy. It's not as bad as it was
when I was in school, but I'm still quiet. My personality is just to be
a quiet person. I'm not outgoing and talkative. That's just the way
that I am. And I've turned out fine.
I don't think there is anything either one of my parents could have
done to help me not be shy. I guess that's just the way I was born to
be.
Although there are times when I wish I wasn't shy.


Shyness is based on a protective instinct. It's safer to avoid
interaction with people we're not familiar with. Shyness can save
us from danger, or from less serious things such as teasing,
surprises, or being cheated or let down. Like most instincts,
there are times when it's useful and times when it's more
of a hindrance.

There are at least two aspects to shyness: personality type
and behaviour. Maybe there's no use trying to change personality type,
but people can change their behaviour. When you become
comfortable with a friend by getting to know them, you
change your behaviour by interacting easily with that person
rather than staying away from them.

It's possible (though not necessarily what one would want
to do) for a shy person to expand the number of people they
feel comfortable treating like friends, and the number of
behaviours they feel comfortable doing. For example: suppose
a shy person is terrified of speaking in front of a group
such as a classroom. There are techniques for learning
to feel more comfortable doing that. Basically, you get
used to it step-by-step, similarly to how you get used
to each new friend.

For example, suppose you feel nervous but not terrified
if you tell a long joke in front of 5 people. Then a
technique could involve doing that many times. Usually
with practice, one feels more comfortable doing it.
Then you can move on to the next step, which might be
giving a longer speech or in front of slightly more
people. With enough gradual practice, one can feel
nervous but not terrified, or one can even feel comfortable,
giving a speech in front of a large crowd. Other
shy or anxious people have gone through this sort of
gradual process. Sometimes the author of a book
will admit they used to be shy but are now
giving speeches in front of crowds. There's a group called
Toastmasters which is helpful for this.

Of course, speaking in front of a crowd is not the
only behaviour a shy person might (or might not) decide
they want to learn to feel comfortable with.
Similar techniques can help with other things too.
It doesn't mean your personality changes: only the
list of things that are within your usual set of
behaviours.

Parents can help their children by gradually expanding
their horizons. Trying to expand it too fast can backfi
the child experiences too great a feeling of
terror, and afterwards avoids things more. Ideally you
increase the situations gradually so the child feels
reasonably comfortable. For example, parent and child
could play with each other at a playground where other
children are at a distance. After many times, they could
play a little closer to the other children, and
gradually over many days get closer until they're
quite close. Then interact with the other children
a very little, and so on. (or maybe only interacting
with a child they're familiar with, at first.)

I see nothing wrong with being a quiet person or
enjoying having a lot of time alone each day.
Different people like different things. There are
a few times when it's important to be loud, for
example when you see that someone's about to be
hit by a truck.
  #16  
Old October 12th 06, 03:30 PM posted to misc.kids
Catherine Woodgold
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 153
Default How to break 4 year old from shyness?

Jen wrote:
[snip]
I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I
discovered I had social phobia.


"Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy".
  #17  
Old October 12th 06, 04:13 PM posted to misc.kids
Rebecca Jo
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 144
Default How to break 4 year old from shyness?

"Catherine Woodgold" wrote:

Jen wrote:
[snip]
I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I
discovered I had social phobia.


"Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy".


That is not true. That is like saying depression is just a fancy word for
sad.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/soc...595/DSECTION=2

rj


  #18  
Old October 12th 06, 05:01 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default How to break 4 year old from shyness?

In article , Rebecca Jo says...

"Catherine Woodgold" wrote:

Jen wrote:
[snip]
I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I
discovered I had social phobia.


"Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy".


That is not true. That is like saying depression is just a fancy word for
sad.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/soc...595/DSECTION=2

rj



Well put.

Shyness is just an attribute of certain tempraments. Social anxiety is a
pathology.

Banty

  #19  
Old October 13th 06, 01:59 PM posted to misc.kids
Jen
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 165
Default How to break 4 year old from shyness?


"Rebecca Jo" wrote in message
...
"Catherine Woodgold" wrote:

Jen wrote:
[snip]
I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I
discovered I had social phobia.


"Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy".


That is not true. That is like saying depression is just a fancy word for
sad.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/soc...595/DSECTION=2


I was just going to say the same thing. Social phobia is a phobia! It's a
serious fear of social situations. It's not about being a loner or a bit
nervous with strangers.

I don't mean to imply this child has it. I just mean it's a good idea to be
aware of it

Jen


  #20  
Old October 13th 06, 02:05 PM posted to misc.kids
Jen
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 165
Default How to break 4 year old from shyness?


"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...
"lkfraley" ) writes:



I see nothing wrong with being a quiet person or
enjoying having a lot of time alone each day.
Different people like different things. There are
a few times when it's important to be loud, for
example when you see that someone's about to be
hit by a truck.


The difference is being able to socialise, if you actually want to. Humans
are naturally social creatures whether we like them to be or not. Alone
time and one on one time is fine. But being debilitated by fear is another.

Jen


 




Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 November 18th 05 06:35 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 October 19th 05 05:36 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 December 29th 04 06:26 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 November 28th 04 06:16 AM
misc.kids FAQ on Breastfeeding Past the First Year [email protected] Info and FAQ's 0 April 17th 04 12:24 PM


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:19 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©2004-2024 ParentingBanter.com.
The comments are property of their posters.