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#11
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
My suggestions:
-- provide security: avoid ever shouting at the girl or letting anyone shout at her. Aviod letting anyone ever hit her. Avoid scary TV shows and scary or unexpected situations -- except very gradually expose her to slightly scarier things so she can get used to them, but no more scary than children of that age are usually expected to experience. Maybe considerably less scary. Avoid angry voices or sudden unexpected punishments. -- Consider taking her out of daycare and looking after her at home. She may not be ready for a daycare type situation. -- Try to gradually get her used to ONE (or a very few) other child. Arrange to have another child visit in the home frequently -- perhaps a next-door-neighbour, or someone you offer to babysit frequently. Preferably someone not too hyperactive or violent. Expect her to be shy in the presence of this other child for a long time, but eventually to get used to the child and treat him/her more like a member of the family. -- Take advantage of the fact that she seems relatively comfortable with adults. Bring her into situations where she can socialize with other adults -- for example, invite an adult into the home so the girl feels comfortable because her parents are present. Leave her time to get used to the person. Maybe she needs to meet the adult many times before feeling comfortable. Encourage her to socialize with the adult. Maybe a teenager, too, or other older child. -- Think about whether she's had any bad experiences with children: maybe another child scared her or attacked her. Maybe during a quiet bedtime talk you can get her to talk about this. -- Spend time doing the things that she does feel comfortable doing, i.e. games with only the family present. -- Make any changes gradually. Expect her to take time to get used to things. -- On any given day, aim to have her in situations she feels comfortable with for the majority of the time, and situations that are slightly challenging to her shyness a small part of the time (in order to gradually get her used to things), with a very gradual increase in the level of challenge. Those are just my ideas/suggestions. Maybe you're already doing a lot of them. Maybe you don't like some of them -- that's fine. "IMAFriend" ) writes: I'm not sure if this is the right group or not. I have a daughter, almost 4 years old. We put her in daycare, partially to learn, but primarily to be more 'social'. She usually will sit just by the teacher, she does not play with other children. She usually either plays by herself, or sits and does nothing. Occasionally, she will participate in 'group' activities, when all kids are doing something, but if the leader (the teacher) leaves, she has to follow the teacher, she won't stay with the other kids. Out on the playground, she does not play much if at all. She stands right by the teacher. If the teacher ignores her, she still stands there. Almost like the teacher were her parent. I don't believe it's anything the teacher is doing, because she was like this with two other teachers before this one. In fact, today, her teacher was not there, so she sat down all by herself against the wall with a pouty face. I tried putting her into a very social and interactive environment, that is daycare / preschool. At home there's interaction, and games. So, can anyone make any suggestions or reasons or comments? Thanks. Doug(Concerned parent)B |
#12
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
I am 26 years old now. I was always so shy. I had a hard time in school
because I was so shy. I always had friends but I had the same friends. I would be close with a select few friends and I would stay with that bunch. I did require security to be comfortable. I'm all grown up now, and I am a Mother of four. I am still shy. It's not as bad as it was when I was in school, but I'm still quiet. My personality is just to be a quiet person. I'm not outgoing and talkative. That's just the way that I am. And I've turned out fine. I don't think there is anything either one of my parents could have done to help me not be shy. I guess that's just the way I was born to be. Although there are times when I wish I wasn't shy. Catherine Woodgold wrote: My suggestions: -- provide security: avoid ever shouting at the girl or letting anyone shout at her. Aviod letting anyone ever hit her. Avoid scary TV shows and scary or unexpected situations -- except very gradually expose her to slightly scarier things so she can get used to them, but no more scary than children of that age are usually expected to experience. Maybe considerably less scary. Avoid angry voices or sudden unexpected punishments. -- Consider taking her out of daycare and looking after her at home. She may not be ready for a daycare type situation. -- Try to gradually get her used to ONE (or a very few) other child. Arrange to have another child visit in the home frequently -- perhaps a next-door-neighbour, or someone you offer to babysit frequently. Preferably someone not too hyperactive or violent. Expect her to be shy in the presence of this other child for a long time, but eventually to get used to the child and treat him/her more like a member of the family. -- Take advantage of the fact that she seems relatively comfortable with adults. Bring her into situations where she can socialize with other adults -- for example, invite an adult into the home so the girl feels comfortable because her parents are present. Leave her time to get used to the person. Maybe she needs to meet the adult many times before feeling comfortable. Encourage her to socialize with the adult. Maybe a teenager, too, or other older child. -- Think about whether she's had any bad experiences with children: maybe another child scared her or attacked her. Maybe during a quiet bedtime talk you can get her to talk about this. -- Spend time doing the things that she does feel comfortable doing, i.e. games with only the family present. -- Make any changes gradually. Expect her to take time to get used to things. -- On any given day, aim to have her in situations she feels comfortable with for the majority of the time, and situations that are slightly challenging to her shyness a small part of the time (in order to gradually get her used to things), with a very gradual increase in the level of challenge. Those are just my ideas/suggestions. Maybe you're already doing a lot of them. Maybe you don't like some of them -- that's fine. "IMAFriend" ) writes: I'm not sure if this is the right group or not. I have a daughter, almost 4 years old. We put her in daycare, partially to learn, but primarily to be more 'social'. She usually will sit just by the teacher, she does not play with other children. She usually either plays by herself, or sits and does nothing. Occasionally, she will participate in 'group' activities, when all kids are doing something, but if the leader (the teacher) leaves, she has to follow the teacher, she won't stay with the other kids. Out on the playground, she does not play much if at all. She stands right by the teacher. If the teacher ignores her, she still stands there. Almost like the teacher were her parent. I don't believe it's anything the teacher is doing, because she was like this with two other teachers before this one. In fact, today, her teacher was not there, so she sat down all by herself against the wall with a pouty face. I tried putting her into a very social and interactive environment, that is daycare / preschool. At home there's interaction, and games. So, can anyone make any suggestions or reasons or comments? Thanks. Doug(Concerned parent)B |
#13
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
Jen wrote:
[snip] I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I discovered I had social phobia. It is very debilitating, but can be helped. Try starting with your GP or school counsellor. She sounds much like I was, but I would find one friend instead of a teacher. I hope you can find help for her, it would be extremely hard for her. Jen I think the OP's child is a bit young to be diagnosing with social phobia. Many people are shy as children/teenagers, but become much less shy as adults. -- Penny Gaines UK mum to three |
#14
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
I agree Penny, as I'm sure the folks that know me as an adult would wish that I could shut up most days. lol. I still have problems speaking in public, but not shyness. My daughter appeared to be painfully shy, but when she hit kindergarten, she was the loudest kid in class. lol. On Oct 10, 4:20*pm, Penny Gaines wrote: Jen wrote:[snip] I was extremely shy all my life. *It isn't till I was 35ish that I discovered I had social phobia. *It is very debilitating, but can be helped. Try starting with your GP or school counsellor. *She sounds much like I was, but I would find one friend instead of a teacher. I hope you can find help for her, it would be extremely hard for her. JenI think the OP's child is a bit young to be diagnosing with social phobia. *Many people are shy as children/teenagers, but become much less shy as adults. -- Penny Gaines UK mum to three |
#15
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
"lkfraley" ) writes:
I am 26 years old now. I was always so shy. I had a hard time in school because I was so shy. I always had friends but I had the same friends. I would be close with a select few friends and I would stay with that bunch. I did require security to be comfortable. I'm all grown up now, and I am a Mother of four. I am still shy. It's not as bad as it was when I was in school, but I'm still quiet. My personality is just to be a quiet person. I'm not outgoing and talkative. That's just the way that I am. And I've turned out fine. I don't think there is anything either one of my parents could have done to help me not be shy. I guess that's just the way I was born to be. Although there are times when I wish I wasn't shy. Shyness is based on a protective instinct. It's safer to avoid interaction with people we're not familiar with. Shyness can save us from danger, or from less serious things such as teasing, surprises, or being cheated or let down. Like most instincts, there are times when it's useful and times when it's more of a hindrance. There are at least two aspects to shyness: personality type and behaviour. Maybe there's no use trying to change personality type, but people can change their behaviour. When you become comfortable with a friend by getting to know them, you change your behaviour by interacting easily with that person rather than staying away from them. It's possible (though not necessarily what one would want to do) for a shy person to expand the number of people they feel comfortable treating like friends, and the number of behaviours they feel comfortable doing. For example: suppose a shy person is terrified of speaking in front of a group such as a classroom. There are techniques for learning to feel more comfortable doing that. Basically, you get used to it step-by-step, similarly to how you get used to each new friend. For example, suppose you feel nervous but not terrified if you tell a long joke in front of 5 people. Then a technique could involve doing that many times. Usually with practice, one feels more comfortable doing it. Then you can move on to the next step, which might be giving a longer speech or in front of slightly more people. With enough gradual practice, one can feel nervous but not terrified, or one can even feel comfortable, giving a speech in front of a large crowd. Other shy or anxious people have gone through this sort of gradual process. Sometimes the author of a book will admit they used to be shy but are now giving speeches in front of crowds. There's a group called Toastmasters which is helpful for this. Of course, speaking in front of a crowd is not the only behaviour a shy person might (or might not) decide they want to learn to feel comfortable with. Similar techniques can help with other things too. It doesn't mean your personality changes: only the list of things that are within your usual set of behaviours. Parents can help their children by gradually expanding their horizons. Trying to expand it too fast can backfi the child experiences too great a feeling of terror, and afterwards avoids things more. Ideally you increase the situations gradually so the child feels reasonably comfortable. For example, parent and child could play with each other at a playground where other children are at a distance. After many times, they could play a little closer to the other children, and gradually over many days get closer until they're quite close. Then interact with the other children a very little, and so on. (or maybe only interacting with a child they're familiar with, at first.) I see nothing wrong with being a quiet person or enjoying having a lot of time alone each day. Different people like different things. There are a few times when it's important to be loud, for example when you see that someone's about to be hit by a truck. |
#16
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
Jen wrote:
[snip] I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I discovered I had social phobia. "Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy". |
#17
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
"Catherine Woodgold" wrote:
Jen wrote: [snip] I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I discovered I had social phobia. "Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy". That is not true. That is like saying depression is just a fancy word for sad. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/soc...595/DSECTION=2 rj |
#18
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
In article , Rebecca Jo says...
"Catherine Woodgold" wrote: Jen wrote: [snip] I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I discovered I had social phobia. "Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy". That is not true. That is like saying depression is just a fancy word for sad. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/soc...595/DSECTION=2 rj Well put. Shyness is just an attribute of certain tempraments. Social anxiety is a pathology. Banty |
#19
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
"Rebecca Jo" wrote in message ... "Catherine Woodgold" wrote: Jen wrote: [snip] I was extremely shy all my life. It isn't till I was 35ish that I discovered I had social phobia. "Social phobia" is just a fancy word for "shy". That is not true. That is like saying depression is just a fancy word for sad. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/soc...595/DSECTION=2 I was just going to say the same thing. Social phobia is a phobia! It's a serious fear of social situations. It's not about being a loner or a bit nervous with strangers. I don't mean to imply this child has it. I just mean it's a good idea to be aware of it Jen |
#20
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How to break 4 year old from shyness?
"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message ... "lkfraley" ) writes: I see nothing wrong with being a quiet person or enjoying having a lot of time alone each day. Different people like different things. There are a few times when it's important to be loud, for example when you see that someone's about to be hit by a truck. The difference is being able to socialise, if you actually want to. Humans are naturally social creatures whether we like them to be or not. Alone time and one on one time is fine. But being debilitated by fear is another. Jen |
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