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#1
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OT - Separation Anxiety?
Hi all:
My son is just about eight months old. He's been waking a lot in the night for the past week or so (every two or three hours at times). Sometimes the paci will fix it, sometimes nothing but the boob. However, just in the last three nights he seems to suddenly have acquired major issues with being alone in his room for the night. I feed him, my husband or I will read him a story, etc., but as soon as we get up to leave, if he's awake he starts howling. We've been trying to 'cry it out' (something I swore I'd never do), but he just won't give it up. Last night he skipped the crying part and went straight to screaming/sobbing/kicking as he was lying there on his back in the crib. We let it go on for ten minutes before we went in to try to soothe him(without picking him up), but he didn't calm down much. Longest we went was about 20 minutes but there was no end in sight. Finally after an hour of this, I picked him up and instantly he was quiet. His face was red, tears all over his face, nose running, and the crib was actually wet from sweat where he was lying. After a few minutes of rocking, I nursed him and he fell fast asleep. He woke again every three hours after, and I'd feed him and he' go right to sleep with no problem. At least I could get back to bed for a bit without him screaming. Any idea why this would start all of a sudden? Thanks, KD & G |
#2
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OT - Separation Anxiety?
You have my sympathies, ds went through a short period of doing this
after he was ill. Around 8 months. We did the controlled crying thing but we didn't leave long intervals inbetween - it's more like the Tracy Hogg Pick Up/Put Down method or Elizabeth Pantleys No -Cry Sleep solution (which does usually involve a tiny bit of crying at least). We went in after two minutes to start with, gave him a cuddle, put him down and left. Then we left it for say 3 or 4 minutes and did the same. The longest it took was a total of 15 minutes one night (that's 2 mins, cuddle, 4 mins cuddle, 5 mins cuddle, 6 mins cuddle total of 15 mins or so). The other 3 or 4 nights it took between 5 and 10 mins at the most 9. Again, this is total mins, not leaving 10 mins at a time - we couldn't hack that and I've not come across anyone it's worked great for.. He really did want to go to sleep but just needed our reassurance. Nursing didn't work any longer and he wouldn't be rocked or cuddled to sleep. Now, at 16 months, on occasions when he isn't quite able to drop off, like last night (over stimulation at Tescos I think) we do the same thing. Last night I went in twice after 2 mins and gave him a head stroke. This didn't work so the third time I gave him a couple of mins cuddle, put him back and he went out like a light. Good luck with whatever you try. Jeni |
#3
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OT - Separation Anxiety?
Any idea why this would start all of a sudden?
8-9 mths is a fairly classic age to develop a separation anxiety, though it seems more common for it to be a day time issue, I'm not sure how I'd deal with the issue you are describing. Can you get a comfy chair in his bedroom and just sit with him until he's asleep? Cheers Anne |
#4
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OT - Separation Anxiety?
KD wrote:
My son is just about eight months old. He is right on schedule. Eight months is the average time of when babies develop separation anxiety. (Interestingly, when you look at mammals in general, when they become mobile seems to be when they are the clingiest; this is likely a beneficial evolutionary trait.) You have to find a solution that works for you. For me personally, I believe that babies should not be left alone (babies left to CIO on the savannah got eaten by the hyena), so I co-sleep. But, your mileage will vary. -- Anita -- |
#5
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OT - Separation Anxiety?
Irrational Number wrote: KD wrote: My son is just about eight months old. He is right on schedule. Eight months is the average time of when babies develop separation anxiety. (Interestingly, when you look at mammals in general, when they become mobile seems to be when they are the clingiest; this is likely a beneficial evolutionary trait.) You have to find a solution that works for you. For me personally, I believe that babies should not be left alone (babies left to CIO on the savannah got eaten by the hyena), so I co-sleep. But, your mileage will vary. -- Anita -- Thanks for all the replies. It does help to know I'm not alone. Unfortunately, just being there in the room with him doesn't help. I can stand next to the crib stroking his head, belly, holding his hands, etc., but that's not good enough. He wants UP, and often screams until he gets it. Last night he was up every two hours, and I caved in and picked him up every time, nursing him when it had been a few hours since the last time. I'm not sure if I'm creating a monster by doing that, but we're really not doing well at the 'crying it out' thing. This is starting to happen in the daytime now too. If I start to head out of the living room and into the kitchen for a second, he starts screaming. It was almost funny yesterday, I was letting him yell in the living room while I made a few dinner preparations. He flopped his way to the kitchen like a little seal (a fairly good distance for someone who isn't quite crawling yet), crying all the way and came to a stop on top of my feet. Any ideas for THAT behavior? He really doesn't want me out of his sight. Do we just wait for this to pass, or is there a method to this madness? KD & G |
#6
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OT - Separation Anxiety?
"KD" wrote in message
Unfortunately, just being there in the room with him doesn't help. I know you said being in the same room doesn't help, but if you need to start dinner, I used to put mine in their high chair and put some interesting toys (even a little bowl of water to play in) and/or food to pick up. I don't know if he would be satisfied with you in the room with something like this to do or not. As for sleep, I don't have any useful advice, sorry. Good luck, I hope you find something that works or that it is a short-lived phase. I do know that the more you push away, the more clingier they get. -- Sue (mom to three girls) |
#7
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OT - Separation Anxiety?
Thanks for all the replies. It does help to know I'm not alone.
Unfortunately, just being there in the room with him doesn't help. I can stand next to the crib stroking his head, belly, holding his hands, etc., but that's not good enough. He wants UP, and often screams until he gets it. Last night he was up every two hours, and I caved in and picked him up every time, nursing him when it had been a few hours since the last time. I'm not sure if I'm creating a monster by doing that, but we're really not doing well at the 'crying it out' thing. Personnally I would say if picking him up each time is working then keep doing it. For us the picking up and cuddling wasn't working so we had no option but to do it the way we did - but as I say, it wasn't really crying it out because we never let him fall asleep crying. As everyone has said your lo has reached the classic separation anxiety stage so I would imagine reassurance is what he needs. It is exhausting I know but it is only a phase and they do grow out of it. This is starting to happen in the daytime now too. If I start to head out of the living room and into the kitchen for a second, he starts screaming. It was almost funny yesterday, I was letting him yell in the living room while I made a few dinner preparations. He flopped his way to the kitchen like a little seal (a fairly good distance for someone who isn't quite crawling yet), crying all the way and came to a stop on top of my feet. Any ideas for THAT behavior? He really doesn't want me out of his sight. Do we just wait for this to pass, or is there a method to this madness? Ah, now that one we haven't really solved to this day - and DS is 16 months. Mostly he is fine but some days we do have to leave him sitting at the gate to the kitchen wibbling (our kitchen isn't safe at present) whilst we get his lunch packed. We can often distract him by getting him to look for his cat/vampire cow or looking through the books we out down by the gate. He loves books so that works for a while. When he was younger he would play in his highchair with those toys with a sucker that go round for long enough to sort lunch. Occasionally we give him some fruit to distract him too. Jeni |
#8
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OT - Separation Anxiety?
On 2006-11-22 20:15:08 +0800, "KD" said:
/snip Any ideas for THAT behavior? He really doesn't want me out of his sight. Do we just wait for this to pass, or is there a method to this madness? KD & G For the nighttime stuff - he's only young. He is now accutely aware that he is being left alone, and all his instincts are kicking in to say that it's not right, and that he needs to be with his family, and feel safe. He will grow out of it - it's not something I think you can fix with different methods. In my experience nothing works but time and mother's instinct. For the daytime stuff, someone on here gave me some great advice - smother him with attention. Pick him up ALL the time. Not just when he's crying. Carry him around in a sling while you do what you have to do. For the times you simply can't, he'll be grateful for the put-down time. I found this really worked (when I did it). Good luck! Just remember he's only little though. It seems all consuming at the moment, but in a year's time or less, it will be a distant memory Jo (whose 18 month old slept from 7:30 to 5:30 STRAIGHT THROUGH!!!!!!!) -- Woman, Wife, Mother, Midwife |
#9
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OT - Separation Anxiety?
Notchalk wrote: Jo (whose 18 month old slept from 7:30 to 5:30 STRAIGHT THROUGH!!!!!!!) Way to go Will!! Isn't it great when that happens |
#10
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OT - Separation Anxiety?
On 2006-11-23 16:37:37 +0800, "
said: Notchalk wrote: Jo (whose 18 month old slept from 7:30 to 5:30 STRAIGHT THROUGH!!!!!!!) Way to go Will!! Isn't it great when that happens yes, FINALLY! and to top it all off, we had a 3 hour nap, too Jo -- Woman, Wife, Mother, Midwife |
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