OT - Separation Anxiety?

In article , Notchalk
wrote:

Notchalk wrote:

Jo (whose 18 month old slept from 7:30 to 5:30 STRAIGHT THROUGH!!!!!!!)

Way to go Will!! Isn't it great when that happens

yes, FINALLY!

and to top it all off, we had a 3 hour nap, too

Can I visit? I want to kill you.

Mine wakes once between 1-3 am, then about 6am for an early breakfast. No,
actually, it's not too bad -- but I wouldn't want to have to work with that
schedule!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue

In article .com,
"KD" wrote:

Unfortunately, just being there in the room with him doesn't help. I
can stand next to the crib stroking his head, belly, holding his hands,
etc., but that's not good enough. He wants UP, and often screams until
he gets it. Last night he was up every two hours, and I caved in and
picked him up every time, nursing him when it had been a few hours
since the last time. I'm not sure if I'm creating a monster by doing
that, but we're really not doing well at the 'crying it out' thing.

I am convinced it takes *years* to create a monster, and feeding and cuddling
on demand won't do it. (Are *you* being a monster if you ask your DH for a
cuddle?)

This is starting to happen in the daytime now too. If I start to head
out of the living room and into the kitchen for a second, he starts
screaming. It was almost funny yesterday, I was letting him yell in the
living room while I made a few dinner preparations. He flopped his way
to the kitchen like a little seal (a fairly good distance for someone
who isn't quite crawling yet), crying all the way and came to a stop on
top of my feet.

Any ideas for THAT behavior? He really doesn't want me out of his
sight. Do we just wait for this to pass, or is there a method to this
madness?

It will pass -- he's just figuring out Object Permanence. He really *isn't*
sure that you don't vanish when he can't see you. Just pick him up and carry
him into the room you're going to. Ignoring him will not shorten (or
lengthen) this stage, but IMO it's rather rude and unkind to ignore a request
for help. You might also want to try talking to him when you are moving out
of his field of vision so that he knows that you are still there.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue

Chookie wrote:
This is starting to happen in the daytime now too. If I start to head
out of the living room and into the kitchen for a second, he starts
screaming. It was almost funny yesterday, I was letting him yell in the
living room while I made a few dinner preparations. He flopped his way
to the kitchen like a little seal (a fairly good distance for someone
who isn't quite crawling yet), crying all the way and came to a stop on
top of my feet.

Any ideas for THAT behavior? He really doesn't want me out of his
sight. Do we just wait for this to pass, or is there a method to this
madness?

It will pass -- he's just figuring out Object Permanence. He really *isn't*
sure that you don't vanish when he can't see you. Just pick him up and carry
him into the room you're going to. Ignoring him will not shorten (or
lengthen) this stage, but IMO it's rather rude and unkind to ignore a request
for help.

Sometimes that just isn't possible. For example, we moved when ds 3
weeks old and the kitchen is just not safe. There are few cupboards,
mostly open shelving and the floor is laid with hard concrete tiles.
The one time we did let ds in there when he was smaller he fell over
and cracked his head. Until we get the kitchen redone next year it just
isn't safe. We do our best to co-ordinate it so one of us is with ds,
and he can see us through the gate to the hall and hatch to the living
room, but sometimes there is no choice but to leave for a little bit.

You might also want to try talking to him when you are moving out
of his field of vision so that he knows that you are still there.

We do that, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Jeni

wrote in message
Sometimes that just isn't possible. For example, we moved when ds 3
weeks old and the kitchen is just not safe. There are few cupboards,
mostly open shelving and the floor is laid with hard concrete tiles.
The one time we did let ds in there when he was smaller he fell over
and cracked his head. Until we get the kitchen redone next year it just
isn't safe. We do our best to co-ordinate it so one of us is with ds,
and he can see us through the gate to the hall and hatch to the living
room, but sometimes there is no choice but to leave for a little bit.

I used to put the playpen right outside the kitchen/living room entrance.
They could still see me, but be protected and also have some toys of their
own to play with. If I had to wait for another person (hubby) to get home to
start cooking, we would have never ate.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

On 2006-11-24 15:49:02 +0800, Chookie said:

In article , Notchalk
wrote:

Notchalk wrote:

Jo (whose 18 month old slept from 7:30 to 5:30 STRAIGHT THROUGH!!!!!!!)

Way to go Will!! Isn't it great when that happens

yes, FINALLY!

and to top it all off, we had a 3 hour nap, too

Can I visit? I want to kill you.

I was going to say 'yeah, sure' until you said the part about killing
me... that wouldn't be nice.


Mine wakes once between 1-3 am, then about 6am for an early breakfast.
No, actually, it's not too bad -- but I wouldn't want to have to work
with that schedule!

Did I meantion that this has only happened once? Did you keep up with
my earlier posts ( months ago) where I was sick of him waking 2 hourly?
or at 4 months when it was every 45 min (that lasted for 2 months). I
counted 20 times I had to get up to him one night, and it wasn't an
unusually bad night, either. Those were the days *sigh* ... when I
didn't know up from down.

One waking is ok. It still happens often here. It's the early
mornings that suck! Bring on daylight saving, I say! (we're finally
getting it December 3)

Jo
--
Woman, Wife, Mother, Midwife

Chookie wrote:
In article .com,
"KD" wrote:

Unfortunately, just being there in the room with him doesn't help. I
can stand next to the crib stroking his head, belly, holding his hands,
etc., but that's not good enough. He wants UP, and often screams until
he gets it. Last night he was up every two hours, and I caved in and
picked him up every time, nursing him when it had been a few hours
since the last time. I'm not sure if I'm creating a monster by doing
that, but we're really not doing well at the 'crying it out' thing.

I am convinced it takes *years* to create a monster, and feeding and cuddling
on demand won't do it. (Are *you* being a monster if you ask your DH for a
cuddle?)

This is starting to happen in the daytime now too. If I start to head
out of the living room and into the kitchen for a second, he starts
screaming. It was almost funny yesterday, I was letting him yell in the
living room while I made a few dinner preparations. He flopped his way
to the kitchen like a little seal (a fairly good distance for someone
who isn't quite crawling yet), crying all the way and came to a stop on
top of my feet.

Any ideas for THAT behavior? He really doesn't want me out of his
sight. Do we just wait for this to pass, or is there a method to this
madness?

It will pass -- he's just figuring out Object Permanence. He really *isn't*
sure that you don't vanish when he can't see you. Just pick him up and carry
him into the room you're going to. Ignoring him will not shorten (or
lengthen) this stage, but IMO it's rather rude and unkind to ignore a request
for help. You might also want to try talking to him when you are moving out
of his field of vision so that he knows that you are still there.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue

OK, good to know that in theory, my monster creation will be a work in
progress for years.

Last night he slept from 8:30 p.m. till 1 a.m. That part was good. The
part that wasn't good was when he refused to go back to sleep at that
point. I'd nurse or rock him, he'd fall asleep, put him in the crib and
the eyes would be wide open. Or he'd doze for 10 minutes, just as I
was getting back to sleep he'd be crying again.

After going back and forth between his bed and mine in a sleepwalking
state an unknown number of times, I finally gave in at 3 a.m. and put
him in bed with us. He settled after a short period of fidgeting. I
*think* he turned to me to nurse at least once, but I didn't have to do
anything to facilitate that, he finds it himself.

I feel badly though, because I do get so frustrated with him. In the
light of day I know it's not his fault, he's a baby, this is what
babies do. But in the night, after getting up for what seems to be the
ten thousandth time for days and days in a row, I start to get mad at
him. Not enough to become physical with him or anything like that, but
the words that come out of my mouth are at times falling far short of
being a comforting mommy figure.

I do have a very supportive husband who would be there in an instant if
I called, but since he's getting up to go to work, I really try to
quiet the baby quickly so it won't wake the husband. I feel so guilty
after saying not so kind things to my wee boy in the night. It's no
excuse, but the lack of sleep is really starting to get to me.

How on earth do people cope with more than one child? I'm starting to
think that our family is meant to be Mommy and Daddy and Baby makes
three.

KD & G

KD wrote and I snipped::
Last night he slept from 8:30 p.m. till 1 a.m. That part was good. The
part that wasn't good was when he refused to go back to sleep at that
point. I'd nurse or rock him, he'd fall asleep, put him in the crib and
the eyes would be wide open. Or he'd doze for 10 minutes, just as I
was getting back to sleep he'd be crying again.

After going back and forth between his bed and mine in a sleepwalking
state an unknown number of times, I finally gave in at 3 a.m. and put
him in bed with us. He settled after a short period of fidgeting. I
*think* he turned to me to nurse at least once, but I didn't have to do
anything to facilitate that, he finds it himself.

I feel badly though, because I do get so frustrated with him. In the
light of day I know it's not his fault, he's a baby, this is what
babies do. But in the night, after getting up for what seems to be the
ten thousandth time for days and days in a row, I start to get mad at
him. Not enough to become physical with him or anything like that, but
the words that come out of my mouth are at times falling far short of
being a comforting mommy figure.

It was at this age when I finally decided to go with what DD was
telling me she needed, and I took her into my bed. From then on, she
would sleep the first part of the night in her crib, and I would bring
her into my bed the first time she woke in the night. It worked well
for us. Up to that point, I had thought that co-sleeping wasn't the
right thing to do, but once I accepted that she needed to be near me,
it just felt right. I never considered that she became a "monster."

Good luck,
-Patty, mom of 1+2

In article .com,
wrote:

It was at this age when I finally decided to go with what DD was
telling me she needed, and I took her into my bed. From then on, she
would sleep the first part of the night in her crib, and I would bring
her into my bed the first time she woke in the night. It worked well
for us.

That's what we do too. Doing what gets everyone the most sleep is important.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue

In article .com,
" wrote:

It will pass -- he's just figuring out Object Permanence. He really
*isn't* sure that you don't vanish when he can't see you. Just pick
him up and carry him into the room you're going to. Ignoring him will
not shorten (or lengthen) this stage, but IMO it's rather rude and
unkind to ignore a request for help.

Sometimes that just isn't possible. For example, we moved when ds 3
weeks old and the kitchen is just not safe. There are few cupboards,
mostly open shelving and the floor is laid with hard concrete tiles.
The one time we did let ds in there when he was smaller he fell over
and cracked his head. Until we get the kitchen redone next year it just
isn't safe.

Rocker. Bouncy seat. High chair. Playpen. Sling. Or pop him down just on
the other side of the gate.

We do our best to co-ordinate it so one of us is with ds,
and he can see us through the gate to the hall and hatch to the living
room, but sometimes there is no choice but to leave for a little bit.

True, sometimes there isn't, and you've just gotta do what you've just gotta
do. Try to keep the screaming to a minimum, particularly if it is wearing on
your nerves (which, of course, it is meant to do!) -- for your sake, I mean,
not his!

You might also want to try talking to him when you are moving out
of his field of vision so that he knows that you are still there.

We do that, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

It will stop soon, I promise!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue

In article . com,
"KD" wrote:

After going back and forth between his bed and mine in a sleepwalking
state an unknown number of times, I finally gave in at 3 a.m. and put
him in bed with us. He settled after a short period of fidgeting. I
*think* he turned to me to nurse at least once, but I didn't have to do
anything to facilitate that, he finds it himself.

It's in the eye of the beholder whether that is "giving in" or "coming to your
senses" :-) I think there are enormous advantages to everyone getting as much
sleep as possible.

I feel badly though, because I do get so frustrated with him. In the
light of day I know it's not his fault, he's a baby, this is what
babies do. But in the night, after getting up for what seems to be the
ten thousandth time for days and days in a row, I start to get mad at
him. Not enough to become physical with him or anything like that, but
the words that come out of my mouth are at times falling far short of
being a comforting mommy figure.

That's fine, as long as you say them in a comforting voice!!!

How on earth do people cope with more than one child? I'm starting to
think that our family is meant to be Mommy and Daddy and Baby makes
three.

Well, we get through somehow. Mine are 4 years apart, but the first was
sleeping through the night -- as we see it, not as doctors see it -- by
3.75yo. Before that, he spent quite a long time waking up once only, which is
quite liveable, and he kept his post-lunch nap until he was over 4. On the
plus side, DS1 (now 5.5yo) very rarely wakes at night for any reason.

DS2 is 18mo and is waking up at least twice; once between 12 and 2am, when he
moves into our bed and has a feed, and then at 5:30ish and again at 6:30ish
for feeds. DH then gets up with him. DS2 has one sleep during the day too.

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"Parenthood is like the modern stone washing process for denim jeans. You may
start out crisp, neat and tough, but you end up pale, limp and wrinkled."
Kerry Cue