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When will It stop?
I have suffered from PND since the birth of my first son. He is now two
and I still have not got a grip on why I want to die on a daily basis. I just want the ground to open up and swallow me. Why do I still feel like a the worse mum in the world and that my beautiful, enchanting and wonderful son would be better if I was not here. I feel like I am going to infect him with my failure. I want him to be such a wonderful succesful man and have a wonderful life. How can he be with me as his mum. This is the first time I have properly written how I truly feel and how it is affecting me. I have a little first aid kit at home with all the necessary things in and few additional items. A razor, scissors and sellotape. The razor is for when I am so digusting in myself I want to cut my flesh off and I do. The scissors when I cannot stop crying and just want to die and the sellotape to tape the cuts back up when I am finished. Why me?? Why do I have to feel like this? Why can't I just enjoy my baby and be happy? |
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