need suggestions/comments from second-wives or girl-friends

Tracy, one thing that might be pointed out to the daughter at some time ...

Hi JD. :-)

I'm doing great. I'll be camping this weekend. Last weekend we found a
spot near Big Elk Campground. This Friday I'll be joining my boyfriend, and
his kids, up near Green Peter/Foster Lake. My youngest is looking forward
to this camping trip as he gets to go for another ride in the boat. It will
be his first camping trip experience. Tonight he is sleeping out in the
tent I just purchased yesterday. LOL

Dad has talked to daughter last Friday before I arrived. She didn't give me
the "cold shoulder", but she just wasn't herself Friday night. Sunday when
dad and I arrived home I told her I missed her. Later she gave me a big
hug. I know the conversation between her and dad was long, and she did a
lot of crying. It was the first time she really cried. One of her brothers
was concerned and told her mom was not returning home. When dad was telling
me this I just about cried as it hurts just to imagine how hurt she really
is. So getting that hug Sunday felt good, and I made sure she received a
real hug back.

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One of her concerns she mentioned to dad was if my love for her was equal
to the love I hold for her father. She's scared of being hurt - again.
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When a child is born, the parents are EXPECTED to love her. Sometimes, a
parent just isn't capable of loving. Sometimes, a child grows into a young
person that just rubs a parent the wrong way. As a society, we can set a
standard that a parent do whatever is necessary for their kids. We can shame.
We can legislate. Parents can be ridiculed into "playing the part". But there
is nothing we can do that will guarantee that a parent will love a child.

But there is no pressure on someone such as yourself to love another's child.
So if the love happens, it is natural. It is there not because it SHOULD be,
but just because it is. The love between you and her exists because you are
who you are and she is who she is - NOT because society expects it due to some
biological relationship. There are many who could tell her that she should
treasure that fact, and that, even if the relationship between you and her
father which allows the material things that demonstrate it should fail, it
will still be a part of her childhood she will treasure in years to come.

Mel Gamble

Her concern is another reason I had to give her a meaningful
hug and not just be there. I know it will take time, and time is what we
(dad, myself, and our kids) have. There's no reason to rush.

Dad talk to the ex tonight. He brought up a few things as she asked
questions. He believes she was probing at her chances of coming home, so he
made it very clear she isn't coming home. She didn't throw a fit, just
talked to him. He did mention their daughter's well-being... and mom was
more respective in listening this time. He has taken my advice and told her
they (mom and dad) need to sit down and talk to their daughter together. No
date has been set, but she has agreed it is best. Bottom-line: mom is
looking for a way to leave the boyfriend but doesn't have it within herself
to ask for help from her family. She's embarrassed because of what she has
done. Facing the truth will hurt, and it won't be easy for her.

*deep sigh of relief*

I know the road in front of me will be long. It will contain its ups and
downs. As my mom asked me - is it worth it? My answer is 'yes'.

Tracy