Stupid pediatricians

my pediatrician who made a very big deal about letting us know we should
never let our newborn cry, and that we should always go try and fix his
issues so that he could learn to trust in us, has suggested we let the Monk
cry it out, alone in his room, at bedtime because he is a "trained night
eater".

I'll agree he is a trained night eater - he comforts himself on the boob
during the night. While I know this is fine with many of you, I am of the
opinion that its a good skill to have to be able to put yourself to sleep
without help from parents and would like to teach him to do so. But not by
ditching him in the other room completely. I mean, I should teach him to
trust me and then destroy his trust in one night. What a brilliant idea.

We'd like to keep him in our room still - the pack n play still works as he
hasnt' figured out how to sit up in it yet, and after that we will move the
crib in to the bedroom. But we'd like to work on moving the guy out of our
bed, as we think its just going to get harder as he gets older.

Suggestions welcome, other than leave the room and dont' come back until he
is asleep.

I would suggest at least reading Dr. Ferber's book. You don't have to do
anything, but it does give a good read on sleep associations and what things
to look for and has good information on sleep habits.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"Child" wrote in message
...
my pediatrician who made a very big deal about letting us know we should
never let our newborn cry, and that we should always go try and fix his
issues so that he could learn to trust in us, has suggested we let the
Monk
cry it out, alone in his room, at bedtime because he is a "trained night
eater".

I'll agree he is a trained night eater - he comforts himself on the boob
during the night. While I know this is fine with many of you, I am of the
opinion that its a good skill to have to be able to put yourself to sleep
without help from parents and would like to teach him to do so. But not
by
ditching him in the other room completely. I mean, I should teach him to
trust me and then destroy his trust in one night. What a brilliant idea.

We'd like to keep him in our room still - the pack n play still works as
he
hasnt' figured out how to sit up in it yet, and after that we will move
the
crib in to the bedroom. But we'd like to work on moving the guy out of
our
bed, as we think its just going to get harder as he gets older.

Suggestions welcome, other than leave the room and dont' come back until
he
is asleep.

Child writes:

my pediatrician who made a very big deal about letting us know we should
never let our newborn cry, and that we should always go try and fix his
issues so that he could learn to trust in us, has suggested we let the
Monk cry it out, alone in his room, at bedtime because he is a "trained
night eater".

But didn't s/he explain about that switch that's flicked inside each baby the
day s/he turns 6 months? :-)

I'll agree he is a trained night eater - he comforts himself on the boob
during the night. While I know this is fine with many of you, I am of
the opinion that its a good skill to have to be able to put yourself to
sleep without help from parents and would like to teach him to do so.
But not by ditching him in the other room completely. I mean, I should
teach him to trust me and then destroy his trust in one night. What a
brilliant idea.

We'd like to keep him in our room still - the pack n play still works as
he hasnt' figured out how to sit up in it yet, and after that we will
move the crib in to the bedroom. But we'd like to work on moving the guy
out of our bed, as we think its just going to get harder as he gets
older.

Suggestions welcome, other than leave the room and dont' come back until
he is asleep.

I suggest getting hold of a copy of Elizabeth Pantley's book The No Cry
Sleep Solution. It doesn't work for every child, as demonstrated by the
fact that we read it before DS was born and ended up deciding to wait until
he outgrew his nightwakings :-) but it's by a long way the best source of
ideas I know, and going from cosleeping to having the baby sleep alone is
one of the main things it discusses.

Probably a later stage, but if (unlike us) you're prepared to consider
methods that involve some crying that you could stop but choose not to, but
just not leaving the child to cry indefinitely, you could also consider the
Pick up/Put down technique, which I think is Tracy Hogg. In this, you pick
the baby up if they cry when you put them down, just long enough to get
them to stop crying, then you put them down again, repeat, even if it takes
100 times before they go to sleep. And then of course there's Ferber, in
which you leave the child to cry not indefinitely but for 5 minutes.

HTH,

Sidheag
DS Colin Oct 27 2003

Dr. Ferber himself has changed his opinion on the subject. He is not
recommending to let babies cry it out.

http://babyparenting.about.com/b/a/216406.htm
http://www.naturalchild.com/guest/li...n_palmer2.html
http://thethinkingmother.blogspot.co...-opinions.html
http://www.hipmama.com/node/15676


FayeC

On Wed, 14 Dec 2005 13:25:39 -0500, "Sue"
wrote:

I would suggest at least reading Dr. Ferber's book. You don't have to do
anything, but it does give a good read on sleep associations and what things
to look for and has good information on sleep habits.

On Wed, 14 Dec 2005 08:13:40 -0900, Child wrote:

Suggestions welcome, other than leave the room and dont' come back until
he is asleep.

Let him fuss or cry for a few minutes, then go and check on him. I
generally go out of bed twice, the third time I take DS2 with me and nurse
him. After a few nights like this, we noticed that when DH took him he
would generally fall back to sleep without nursing. After another week or
two, he was sleeping through the night. But we started with only 1 night
feeding, so you'll have to invest a bit more time.

I've heard a lot of good things about the Ferber method, never read the
book though. With twins plus a 3 y/o at home there is really no way around
letting one of them cry for a little while. This doesn't harm them,
although it sets all my maternal alarm bells ringing...

--
--I
mommy to DS1 (July '02)
mommy to DD & DS2 (August '05)
mommy to four tiny angels (Oct '03 - Oct '04)
guardian of DH (age classified)

We have lately had some trouble putting DD (9 months old) to sleep. I used
to nurse her to sleep, then set her in her crib, and she would sleep all
night. That worked fine until she didn't stay asleep when we put her down.
She had gotten in the habit of only sleeping while one of us is holding her,
and waking up and crying as soon as she is put down. The problem is even
worse now that she can pull herself up in the crib - if we leave her crying
in the room she just stands there and screams.

Our pediatrician suggested crying it out also, which I am just not
comfortable with. I do want her to be able to get to sleep on her own, but
it seems cruel to all of a sudden leave her alone in her room without any
sort of gradual process of teaching her how to sleep happily. We have been
using some of the suggestions in _The No Cry Sleep Solution_ with variable
success. What I have done recently, though, is 0turn on a CD of lullaby
music in her room. I then sit next to her crib where she can see me until
she falls asleep. She cries, but I am right there and I whisper comforting
things to her. She is usually so tired - sometimes she crawls around the
crib with her eyes closed crying for a few moments, which is
ridiculous-looking! Generally she falls asleep after a song or two. This
seems not as bad to me as leaving her alone to cry. She also stays asleep
better than she was before when she was sound asleep before being put in
bed. I think she is getting herself back to sleep better after night
wakings. Obviously I want her to get to the point where she can go to sleep
all by herself, but this seems to be working for the transition.

Sarah
DD 3/1/05

"Child" wrote in message
...
my pediatrician who made a very big deal about letting us know we should
never let our newborn cry, and that we should always go try and fix his
issues so that he could learn to trust in us, has suggested we let the
Monk cry it out, alone in his room, at bedtime because he is a "trained
night eater".

I'll agree he is a trained night eater - he comforts himself on the boob
during the night. While I know this is fine with many of you, I am of the
opinion that its a good skill to have to be able to put yourself to sleep
without help from parents and would like to teach him to do so. But not
by ditching him in the other room completely. I mean, I should teach him
to trust me and then destroy his trust in one night. What a brilliant
idea.

We'd like to keep him in our room still - the pack n play still works as
he hasnt' figured out how to sit up in it yet, and after that we will move
the crib in to the bedroom. But we'd like to work on moving the guy out
of our bed, as we think its just going to get harder as he gets older.

Suggestions welcome, other than leave the room and dont' come back until
he is asleep.

I agree with other people suggesting No Cry Sleep Solution - it's a good
book and talks a lot about going from co-sleeping to sleeping alone.

RE the night feeds - what dh and I did with ds was to have dh go to him
instead of me at first. We picked one of the two night feedings and had dh
go in and see if he could comfort ds to sleep. If ds was *really* crying,
or if dh couldn't comfort him in about 10-15 min, I would go in and nurse
him. It took about 2 weeks of that for ds to stop waking up for the first
feeding. Then we did the same for the 2nd feeding, and it took about
another 2 weeks for ds to stop waking at all during the night. We did this
when ds was about 6 months old and we figured he could probably last the
night without eating. Just an idea!

and waking up and crying as soon as she is put down. The problem is even
worse now that she can pull herself up in the crib - if we leave her
crying in the room she just stands there and screams.

when they do this you just have to go in an lie them down, I don't think DS
ever lay himself back down, though on rare occasions he fell asleep standing
up

Anne

Child wrote:

Suggestions welcome, other than leave the room and dont' come back until he
is asleep.

I take medical advice from doctors. I take parenting advice from
parents I admire (and whose children I want mine to turn out like).
Since I haven't had an opportunity to meet my ped's kids, or to see how
he interacts with them, I don't take parenting advice from him. I
consider it, but if it feels wrong, I say, "That's an interesting
idea..." and promptly forget it. In my opinion, where the baby sleeps
is not a medical issue. Strep throat is a medical issue. Ear
infections are a medical issue. Where the baby sleeps is a
behavioral/social/family issue.

There are few people in my life I go to for advice on parenting. My
mom is usually first, because I think she did an incredible job of
raising myself and my siblings (I know I'm biased). My dad,
occasionally, but more about medical stuff because he's a nurse. My
husband's parents, occasionally, because I think he's ok. My
friend Julie, because she and I are two peas in a pod, and her son is
delightful. I know other parents who have great kids, but their
approach to parenting isn't something that I feel I could live with, so
I don't ask them for advice.

One of the mistakes I made was listening to everyone after MG was born.
I was so lost (PP depression!) that I was willing to listen to anyone
who had an idea of what might help. I tried something new every day,
and she was so confused... It was a disaster. I learned that I'm
really the only person who knows what I can live with and what I can't.
So, aside from the few people mentioned above, we just sort of need to
figure it all out for ourselves. As time goes by, we're figuring out
more and more...

The other night, after I'd put her to bed for the fourth time (she
sleeps in her swing until we go to bed - when she wakes up the first
time after we've gone to bed, I bring her into our room), I decided I
was sick of it and I put her down to "cry it out" for a few minutes
(against all my better judgment, but I was so tired...). As I sat on
the stairs, listening to her get more and more hysterical, I thought,
"If I lost her tomorrow, which would I rather have had? A baby who
went to sleep on command, or five more minutes of holding her and
gently cuddling her to sleep?" When I framed it that way, the answer
was so clear. I went back in, and picked up my baby, I told her I was
sorry, and wouldn't you know, as soon as I nursed her, she went right
to sleep. And I spent 10 extra minutes holding her, even though she
was sleeping, just being grateful that I *could* hold her.

It won't be long before all we see is the back of our kids' heads as
they run out to be with their scary boyfriends/girlfriends. It won't
be long before they want us to walk 15 feet behind them in the mall.
It won't be long before they don't WANT to be held and cuddled to
sleep. I say, hold and cuddle all you can, while you can.

It helps that my mom co-slept with all three of us, and we all did
eventually leave her bed, and even went on to college and moved out,
eventually, so I have evidence that this is not forever. It's just a
tiny, fleeting moment in her little life. It feels like forever, now,
but it isn't.

Amy

"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...

(against all my better judgment, but I was so tired...). As I sat on
the stairs, listening to her get more and more hysterical, I thought,
"If I lost her tomorrow, which would I rather have had? A baby who
went to sleep on command, or five more minutes of holding her and
gently cuddling her to sleep?" When I framed it that way, the answer
was so clear. I went back in, and picked up my baby, I told her I was
sorry, and wouldn't you know, as soon as I nursed her, she went right
to sleep. And I spent 10 extra minutes holding her, even though she
was sleeping, just being grateful that I *could* hold her.

thank you for posting this. it is so true (at least to me anyway). i'll
remember next time is am feeling tired & over it.
--
elizabeth (in australia)
DS1 20th august 2002
DS2 26th September 2005

"In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul."
--Lisa T. Shepherd