Another Baby

I don't know if anyone is in the same situation as me but I would like
to hear your opinions anyway.

I am a 33 year old stay at home mum of Erin, 5 and Brennan, 3. I am
pretty happy apart from being terribly broody and desperately wanting
another baby. I have always wanted three children but my husband is
not so keen and is at the moment is saying a definite no. Our two
children were difficult babies (no sleep, crying all the time) and I
had c-sections for both so there are lots of reasons not to but it is
breaking my heart. Especially as everyone around me either has three
children or is pregnant with their third!

It is really starting to get me down and it is all I can think of at
the moment.

Dee

Hey Dee,
Dh and I are in a "sort of" similar situation. We have two girls, 21 months
apart, Taylor 2.5 and Addie, 10 months. I've always thought I'd want a
third child, but dh is pretty clear that he's done at 2. I'm ambivalent. I
think that I'd like a 3rd, some day, but the reality of the situation is
that babies are tough and two kids has been
harder for me to adjust to than one was...I'm not sure how I'd do with
three. And, I feel SOOOO blessed with the two amazing girls I got, that I
think I'd be very happy and content and fine if we never did go for a third.
Our situation is a little more complicated in that we suffered through years
of infertility and pg losses and ended up adopting both of our girls. For
us to have a third child we'd have to start saving our money now, even if we
didn't want to adopt again for a couple years. Or, there would have to be a
miracle of miracle and I'd have to get *and stay* pregnant. Considering
that I had 9 losses, I'm not holding my breath for that one....not
protecting against it either, but not holding my breath.

Our community has a neighborhood garage sale every year (each house that
participates goes on a map that is handed out), and we're likely going to
sell a lot of the baby stuff that we have that we don't need any more. The
swing, the excersaucer, the vibrating seat, etc. If we sell all our baby
stuff and in a couple years an adoption drops into our laps, or I were to
miraculously get and stay pregnant, hell, we can buy all new stuff. And if
that never happens, then we will have been able to live in a house and
garage with a lot of additional space not taken up by plastic baby stuff!

The only thing I can say to you is that, obviously, you can't have another
child if you and dh aren't on the same page about it. If you can't convince
dh to have another child, you're going to have to find a way to move through
your broodiness and be happy with where you are in your life. Spending the
rest of your fertile years pining for a third child won't be good for your
marriage or your relationship with your kids. You don't want them to
wonder -- "Weren't we good enough?" Perhaps you can channel your broodiness
into charity work -- holding babies at the hospital, or collecting or making
blankets for women's shelters or children in need. Be the best "Auntie" to
your friends babies that you can, offer to baby-sit...A Lot! Take up a
hobby and fill your spare time so that you don't think about it as much...do
something that you could never do with a newborn...be it reading, sailing,
scrapbooking, anything! --

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Little Miss Nature Girl, who got her first wasp
sting! : (
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- Little Miss "I'm On My Way!", who has taken her
first unassisted steps, and has a new tooth coming in!

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"Dee" wrote in message
ps.com...
I don't know if anyone is in the same situation as me but I would like
to hear your opinions anyway.

I am a 33 year old stay at home mum of Erin, 5 and Brennan, 3. I am
pretty happy apart from being terribly broody and desperately wanting
another baby. I have always wanted three children but my husband is
not so keen and is at the moment is saying a definite no. Our two
children were difficult babies (no sleep, crying all the time) and I
had c-sections for both so there are lots of reasons not to but it is
breaking my heart. Especially as everyone around me either has three
children or is pregnant with their third!

It is really starting to get me down and it is all I can think of at
the moment.

Dee

Dee,

Be patient and don't bring it up for awhile and perhaps he will change
his mind. We had three quite close together and my husband kept saying
no more. It took him five years to be ready for another. We have five
now, and he is the one who wants to make it six!

Leslie

Jamie,

Just to say thai going from two to three is way easier than from one to
two. Also keep in mind that Taylopr won't be a baby anymore and will
actually begin to be helpful to you. Something to think about . . .

Leslie

"Leslie" wrote in message
oups.com...
Jamie,

Just to say thai going from two to three is way easier than from one to
two. Also keep in mind that Taylopr won't be a baby anymore and will
actually begin to be helpful to you. Something to think about . . .

Leslie


I've heard that. Of course when I say that to dh he just laughs. And then
when I'm at my wits end over something -- Addie is fussing and cranky and
Taylor is demanding attention at just that moment, I'm pulling my hair out,
dh pops out with, "...And you want 3!" I'm like "Can it, Buster, and get
your ass home!"

I've been saying for a while, that if we did go for a third, I would want to
wait until Addie was about 3, so older than Taylor is now. Bringing home a
new baby when Taylor was only 21 months was tough -- she was still such a
baby herself. She is so much more verbal and cognitive now, that it would
be a whole other story if we brought Addie home right now.

Anyway, I've told dh that I'm not ready to officially call it quits yet. I
think I'll wait and see how I feel when Taylor is 5 and Addie is 3.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Little Miss Nature Girl, who got her first wasp
sting! : (
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- Little Miss "I'm On My Way!", who has taken her
first unassisted steps, and has a new tooth coming in!

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Leslie wrote:
Jamie,

Just to say thai going from two to three is way easier than from one to
two. Also keep in mind that Taylopr won't be a baby anymore and will
actually begin to be helpful to you. Something to think about . . .

Leslie

Yes, and also it's so much easier to add more when the first ones are
older. It was really easy for me to add Bess when Caitlin was 3.5, and
it was even pretty easy for me to add Ava when Bess was 2, but Bess has
always been very advanced so she is a very good communicator already.

Although I only recently said my family was complete, we have already
softened to "probably not" as our answer when people ask us if we plan
to have more.

KC

"Leslie" wrote in message
oups.com...
Jamie,

Just to say thai going from two to three is way easier than from one to
two. Also keep in mind that Taylopr won't be a baby anymore and will
actually begin to be helpful to you. Something to think about . . .

Good to know, although I've heard from some people that 2-3 is harder. But
I've always figured it would be easier when two can keep each other company
rather than trying to keep your one toddler occupied. We are contemplating a
third but not for another year at least.

Plissken wrote:
"Leslie" wrote in message
oups.com...
Jamie,

Just to say thai going from two to three is way easier than from one to
two. Also keep in mind that Taylopr won't be a baby anymore and will
actually begin to be helpful to you. Something to think about . . .

Good to know, although I've heard from some people that 2-3 is harder. But
I've always figured it would be easier when two can keep each other company
rather than trying to keep your one toddler occupied. We are contemplating a
third but not for another year at least.

I have also heard two to three is harder I supose you are trying to
juggle three needs not just two.

I have also got a small gap between my two, just twenty months, and it
has been a very hard slog (and still is!!) so another reason poor hubby
is saying no. I would really like another one straight away as I think
the larger the gap the more isolated this third, if there is one, will
be. We are off to see one of my hubby's best friends tomorrow and
there brand new third son Oliver so I am hoping it might make Andy see
how nice it can be as they are VERY happy.

Fingers crossed,

Dee

Dee wrote:

I have also heard two to three is harder I supose you are trying to
juggle three needs not just two.

I didn't find 2-3 to be harder (though I had a 6 year gap
between 2 and 3). It was much easier having older children and
a baby. My third hasn't had a leisurly existence as a baby and
toddler, since we have a busy schedule, but she seems happy as a
clam.

I have also got a small gap between my two, just twenty months, and it
has been a very hard slog (and still is!!) so another reason poor hubby
is saying no. I would really like another one straight away as I think
the larger the gap the more isolated this third, if there is one, will
be.

Is that necessarily a bad thing? Sure, my third won't have
a close-in-age sibling, but she adores her older brothers and they
adore her. It is a slight challenge for family activities, as
she and her brothers are at different stages in terms of what
they're interested in and able to do, but that really hasn't been
much of a problem for us.

Best wishes,
Ericka

Dee wrote:

I have also heard two to three is harder I suppose you are trying to
juggle three needs not just two.

I think that is such an individual thing! It really depends on the age
spread between babies, the family dynamics, the personality of the kids
*and* parents etc.

For me the first baby was a much larger adjustment then adding the second.
I didn't find the second to bad really, he just fell right into step. We
want a third. Had things been different we'd have had another 2yr gap (my
original plan) but my dh doesn't help at night, my kids don't sleep well,
they nurse like they are possessed and I can't stand nursing while pregnant.
Then dh was jobless for quite some time and the youngest was an extremely
challenging toddler. All that conspired to having a *much* larger gap :-)
Now I feel I might as well wait until the littlest is in kindergarten so
probably about a 6yr gap. If that baby sleeps like a lamb and nurses more
reasonably maybe we'll have two more with a close gap.
:-D.

I have also got a small gap between my two, just twenty months, and it
has been a very hard slog (and still is!!) so another reason poor
hubby is saying no. I would really like another one straight away as
I think the larger the gap the more isolated this third, if there is
one, will be.

Oh I don't know. I don't think that is such a bad thing. It sort of gives
them a special spot. Besides. My dh is very close to his brother who is
6.5yrs older then him and from what I understand they have always been close
and gotten along well.

We are off to see one of my hubby's best friends
tomorrow and there brand new third son Oliver so I am hoping it might
make Andy see how nice it can be as they are VERY happy.

Good luck :-) Over all your family and children will be much happier if
both of you are totally on board with the planning of it even if that means
a different spacing then you originally intended. Dh would have liked our
third closer but I wasn't ready. I think it is a very good thing that he
waited, and waits, patiently for me. I will be a much better parent for my
third and current two. The same might be true of your dh. Also just to
give you a bit of hope, my dh would have been content with no kids at all.
He really changed his mind with time!

--
Nikki