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Need a couple of ideas and resources



 
 
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  #1  
Old September 16th 04, 05:54 AM
slykitten
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Need a couple of ideas and resources

I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having
some issues with my son.
Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history:
1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really)
3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that
needed immediate attention and got immediate attention.
4) we have a social worker
5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both
parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo)
6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which
thankfully isn't all that often anymore)
7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school
8) he has a great IEP

So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates
living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I
have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people
under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told
some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The
reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital
where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing
that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the
hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors
who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of
infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it.
Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a
fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was
calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and
security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be
missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something
resembling sort of like a seizure?
I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked.
What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any
other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy
as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on top
of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh
you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I
believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that I'm
not sure how to get past.
Thanks.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery


  #2  
Old September 16th 04, 09:11 AM
Betsy
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"slykitten" wrote in message
news
I'm coming out of lurk-mode for a brief while. Mostly because I'm having
some issues with my son.
Before I proceed, I'll give a very brief history:
1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really)
3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning
that
needed immediate attention and got immediate attention.
4) we have a social worker
5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both
parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo)
6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent
(which
thankfully isn't all that often anymore)
7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school
8) he has a great IEP

So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he
hates
living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I
have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people
under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told
some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around.
The
reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the
hospital
where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing
that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the
hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special
doctors
who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid
of
infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it.
Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a
fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he
was
calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and
security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be
missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something
resembling sort of like a seizure?
I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked.
What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and
any
other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share. I feel crappy
as it is. I really don't need anyone's cruel and judgemental remarks on
top
of it right now. I'm also not looking for anyone to coddle me and say, "oh
you poor thing!" because I don't belive that I'm in any way burdened. I
believe I'm being challenged but have reached a bit of an obstacle that
I'm
not sure how to get past.
Thanks.

--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery



You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain
medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts being
part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know a
child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or
suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of
the ADHD. The sibling of a patient I care for also has ADHD. He out of the
blue one day, tells his grandmother I'm a liar, and I don't take care of his
brother, I actually torture him; because I agreed with the grandmother on
what the mother said about his medication schedule. I guess basically what
I'm trying to say is; even though it may be nerve wracking, frustrating and
hurtful to you, this could be something that is typical. Behavior
modification doesn't happen overnight, and stress can set things back.
Doesn't matter that your son's stepdad was there, he sees himself as
abandoned, even though you were coming home. You can't help getting sick,
and needing hospitalization. I know, I can't either being diabetic. The
best you can do is continue what you've been doing if it's been working.
Stay consistant, and reassure your son that you love him. I can't say as
this helps, and I can't say I have any ideas other than the plan you've got
going. Keep working with the professionals you have in place, and Good
luck.

Betsy


  #3  
Old September 17th 04, 10:08 AM
Cele
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

On Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:11:46 GMT, "Betsy" wrote:


You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain
medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts being
part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know a
child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or
suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of
the ADHD.


Gotta tell you, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and lack
thereof. Whatever else emerges, can be fallout from mismanagement of
ADHD, can be fallout from the stress of dealing with ADHD, can be
because the child isn't really ADHD and has been misdiagnosed, but in
and of itself, that's not ADHD.

ADHD is about attention and activity level, full stop.

The other stuff is kind of extra embellishment, which may or may not
happen, depending on a whole host of exciting life circumstances.

Sorry to be pedantic, but I had a flash of accuracy and it grabbed me
and put me in a lockhold until I made this post......


Cele
  #4  
Old September 17th 04, 10:24 AM
Betsy
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"Cele" wrote in message
...
On Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:11:46 GMT, "Betsy" wrote:


You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain
medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts
being
part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know
a
child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or
suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of
the ADHD.


Gotta tell you, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and lack
thereof. Whatever else emerges, can be fallout from mismanagement of
ADHD, can be fallout from the stress of dealing with ADHD, can be
because the child isn't really ADHD and has been misdiagnosed, but in
and of itself, that's not ADHD.

ADHD is about attention and activity level, full stop.

The other stuff is kind of extra embellishment, which may or may not
happen, depending on a whole host of exciting life circumstances.

Sorry to be pedantic, but I had a flash of accuracy and it grabbed me
and put me in a lockhold until I made this post......


Cele


No Problem Cele. I didn't say her son had ADHD. I said I have seen similar
behaviors in children with ADHD. I would never try to diagnose or
reccommend a disorder to anyone. Just pointing out that her son's behavior
may well be a part of his diagnosis; something to be dealt with in that
manner, rather than a slam from him to her parenting style. That was the
intent of my post.

Betsy


  #5  
Old September 17th 04, 03:42 PM
Cele
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

On Fri, 17 Sep 2004 09:24:09 GMT, "Betsy" wrote:


"Cele" wrote in message
.. .
On Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:11:46 GMT, "Betsy" wrote:


You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain
medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts
being
part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I know
a
child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or
suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part of
the ADHD.


Gotta tell you, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and lack
thereof. Whatever else emerges, can be fallout from mismanagement of
ADHD, can be fallout from the stress of dealing with ADHD, can be
because the child isn't really ADHD and has been misdiagnosed, but in
and of itself, that's not ADHD.

ADHD is about attention and activity level, full stop.

The other stuff is kind of extra embellishment, which may or may not
happen, depending on a whole host of exciting life circumstances.

Sorry to be pedantic, but I had a flash of accuracy and it grabbed me
and put me in a lockhold until I made this post......


Cele


No Problem Cele. I didn't say her son had ADHD. I said I have seen similar
behaviors in children with ADHD. I would never try to diagnose or
reccommend a disorder to anyone. Just pointing out that her son's behavior
may well be a part of his diagnosis; something to be dealt with in that
manner, rather than a slam from him to her parenting style. That was the
intent of my post.

Betsy


Fair enough, Betsy. I agree with that. I truly wasn't looking to be
all critical. It's just that in my line of work, these days,
practically *everyone* has ADHD, whether they do or not, if you see
what I mean. :-)

Take care.

Cele

  #6  
Old September 17th 04, 08:35 PM
Betsy
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default


"Cele" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 17 Sep 2004 09:24:09 GMT, "Betsy" wrote:


"Cele" wrote in message
. ..
On Thu, 16 Sep 2004 08:11:46 GMT, "Betsy" wrote:


You don't say what his diagnosis is, or why he's on meds. Certain
medications can cause such outbursts, as well as these same outbursts
being
part of the condition for which he is being treated. For example, I
know
a
child who has ADHD, and at the drop of a hat, he'll start crying, or
suddenly scream at his mother, "I HATE YOU!" It's an unfortunate part
of
the ADHD.

Gotta tell you, that's not ADHD. ADHD is about attention and lack
thereof. Whatever else emerges, can be fallout from mismanagement of
ADHD, can be fallout from the stress of dealing with ADHD, can be
because the child isn't really ADHD and has been misdiagnosed, but in
and of itself, that's not ADHD.

ADHD is about attention and activity level, full stop.

The other stuff is kind of extra embellishment, which may or may not
happen, depending on a whole host of exciting life circumstances.

Sorry to be pedantic, but I had a flash of accuracy and it grabbed me
and put me in a lockhold until I made this post......


Cele


No Problem Cele. I didn't say her son had ADHD. I said I have seen
similar
behaviors in children with ADHD. I would never try to diagnose or
reccommend a disorder to anyone. Just pointing out that her son's
behavior
may well be a part of his diagnosis; something to be dealt with in that
manner, rather than a slam from him to her parenting style. That was the
intent of my post.

Betsy


Fair enough, Betsy. I agree with that. I truly wasn't looking to be
all critical. It's just that in my line of work, these days,
practically *everyone* has ADHD, whether they do or not, if you see
what I mean. :-)

Take care.

Cele


Right. I have truly seen only a handful of children who I would truly
classify as ADHD. I feel that diagnosis is overused in today's society.
Some kids have an attention deficit...it's that they don't get enough
attention. Others truly have the inability to control impulses. It's too
easy to look for a "quick fix" to a problem, and that encourages medicating
people when it is unnecessary; tragic when it's a growing child. I can
truly see your point of view Cele.

Take care yourself.

Betsy


  #7  
Old September 16th 04, 11:42 AM
Purchgdss
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really)
3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning that
needed immediate attention and got immediate attention.
4) we have a social worker
5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both
parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo)
6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent (which
thankfully isn't all that often anymore)
7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school
8) he has a great IEP


Based on what his diagnosis is and how old he is, would be how to proceed.
I've had these similar issues and life events with my own son. But from the
little you have shared, I suggest researching "Reactive Attachment Disorder".


So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he hates
living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I
have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people
under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told
some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around. The
reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the hospital
where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them, knowing
that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the
hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special doctors
who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid of
infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it.
Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a
fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he was
calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and
security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be
missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something
resembling sort of like a seizure?
I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and attacked.
What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and any
other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share.


It could be that your hospital stay freaked him out and he reacted by going
into "self-preservation" mode. Crazy lying and false accusations are hallmarks
of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Check out the behaviors list and if he meets
enough of the criteria start exploring the options.

I must say, this mental illness is not a "doom & gloom" thing, they CAN get
better. My son is proof.



Just my 2 cents.........
Christine
  #8  
Old September 17th 04, 04:32 AM
slykitten
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default



--
"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"Purchgdss" wrote in message
...
1) he's under the care of a psychiatrist for his meds
2) he's on meds (a cocktail really)
3) he's been in the hospital for certain behaviors that are concerning

that
needed immediate attention and got immediate attention.
4) we have a social worker
5) we have a therapist (in-home psychologist who is helping me with both
parenting, coping and behavior modification skills for this kiddo)
6) I've learned safe restraint techniques for when he becomes violent

(which
thankfully isn't all that often anymore)
7) he's on a behavior mod plan in school
8) he has a great IEP


Based on what his diagnosis is and how old he is, would be how to proceed.
I've had these similar issues and life events with my own son. But from

the
little you have shared, I suggest researching "Reactive Attachment

Disorder".

Never heard of it but it's definately something I'll be looking up and
reading about. I know I've shared "little" but I'm also extending some
feelers out right now to get a little more of an idea about the group. I
still consider myself very new here.


So what am I missing? Why does this kid constantly tell people that he

hates
living with me? This past weekend I was in the hospital.... very sick. I
have diverticulitis which I found out is aparently pretty rare in people
under the age of 30.... I'll be 29 on Sunday. My son threw a fit and told
some people at his school about how I left him alone with no one around.

The
reality is that his step-dad who loves him very much took me to the

hospital
where my friend met me and he took the kids home to care for them,

knowing
that my friend was with me. He explained to my son on the way to the
hospital that mommy is sick and needs to be taken care of by special

doctors
who can help mommy's tummy get better with special medicine that gets rid

of
infection. I was gone only 3 days. I just don't get it.
Over Labor day weekend, I visited with my parents and when my son threw a
fit in the middle of a Wal Mart store, he had to be restrained until he

was
calmed down... I actually asked the door greeter to call in a manager and
security guard to help me.... Are there resources out there that I may be
missing? Is this something that's just behavioral or was this something
resembling sort of like a seizure?
I'm coming out of lurk at the risk of being massively flamed and

attacked.
What I'm actually doing is asking for help, ideas, resources, links and

any
other ideas and advice anyone is willing to offer and share.


It could be that your hospital stay freaked him out and he reacted by

going
into "self-preservation" mode. Crazy lying and false accusations are

hallmarks
of Reactive Attachment Disorder. Check out the behaviors list and if he

meets
enough of the criteria start exploring the options.


I definately agree that the hospital stay freaked him out. He's never seen
me so sick. I know that he wanted to visit and the visit he had with me on
Saturday was pretty short. I enjoyed hugging him and I was reassuring him
that I was ok and that I'll be better soon. He was clingy but I was in and
out of a fog. I'll be honest, the pains of labor are a welcome memory to the
pains of this nasty little disease. at least I've got 3 great kids to show
for it!


I must say, this mental illness is not a "doom & gloom" thing, they CAN

get
better. My son is proof.



No, Mental Illness isn't doom and gloom.... In fact, it's one of the most
common ailments and one of the least understood. I've got a really good
therapist for my son, and a very good psychiatrist. I like to think of it as
a team effort.... the Psychiatrist, the GP, the therapist, the school social
worker, the teachers, the resource center at the dept of social services, my
sig other, my parents.... it does help. I've done stuff for myself to ensure
that I'm able to handle issues properly.... I'm in counseling myself....
I've been through anger management classes (to understand my own
frustrations and anger issues along with my son's anger issues and violent
outbursts) and parenting classes....I've worked with social workers in the
past to give me ideas, resources and help.... I've stopped being afraid of
social services and I've actually embraced their help. I'm not afraid to
ask.

Just my 2 cents.........
Christine



  #9  
Old September 16th 04, 02:01 PM
Joelle
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I know Slykitten has me filtered but someone should tell her my son had similar
problems.

She may need to try lots of different meds and different therapists. It took
awile before we found a good fit.

I don't know how old her son is. My son started after his dad died at ll.
He's 16 now and things are much better but he's always going to be a little
different and have to learn to control his temper or suffer the consequences if
he doesn't.

My son also was hospitalized for awhile.

Basically tell her I said there's no easy fix. People who don't understand
will assume she's doing something wrong and if she just did the right thing,
this would all go away. She may think that. The truth is, you can do
everything you can, and it still won't go away. It's not like an infection
where you take antibiotics and everything is back to normal.

It sounds like she's doing everything she can. There was a time when if he
didn't get better, I would have sent him away for his own good, my good and his
sister's good. It didn't come to that but if it comes to that for her, she has
to accept its best for everyone.

This is not her fault. **** happens.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle
  #10  
Old September 16th 04, 02:30 PM
Tiffany
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default

We will just make the post appear.

T
"Joelle" wrote in message
...
I know Slykitten has me filtered but someone should tell her my son had

similar
problems.

She may need to try lots of different meds and different therapists. It

took
awile before we found a good fit.

I don't know how old her son is. My son started after his dad died at ll.
He's 16 now and things are much better but he's always going to be a

little
different and have to learn to control his temper or suffer the

consequences if
he doesn't.

My son also was hospitalized for awhile.

Basically tell her I said there's no easy fix. People who don't

understand
will assume she's doing something wrong and if she just did the right

thing,
this would all go away. She may think that. The truth is, you can do
everything you can, and it still won't go away. It's not like an

infection
where you take antibiotics and everything is back to normal.

It sounds like she's doing everything she can. There was a time when if

he
didn't get better, I would have sent him away for his own good, my good

and his
sister's good. It didn't come to that but if it comes to that for her,

she has
to accept its best for everyone.

This is not her fault. **** happens.

Joelle
The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page - St
Augustine
Joelle



 




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