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#1
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Needing Advice
My twin boys are 3 mo old (5wks corrected) and becoming as different as
night and day. Alex (who started out the smaller one) has gained on his brother, now outweighing him by a pound or so. Chris' growth spurts have been overshadowed by a period of spitting up about half of everything he eats, so while the doctor is satisfied by his growth he is noticably smaller than his brother at the moment. I *swore* when I found out I was having twins that I wouldn't label/compare the two boys, but I don't know how to describe my problem without doing so: --Alex has a rather "whimpering" cry--it's loud enough to be heard, but rarely escalates much, and if not answered within a few moments (unless he's *really* desperate) it kinda winds down to a stop. --Chris' cry starts out urgent and quickly escalates. It speeds through "****ed off" to "I've been abandoned and amwaiting for the wolves to finish me off panicky." If left unanswered for even a minute it crescendos to an extent that his face is brick red and listening to it you're afraid he's going to choke. --Alex cries when he needs to. He'll lie there seemingly oblivious to his brother's distress. Chris hears Alex cry and feels the need to join in. --They both need to be held for feeding (they're bottle-fed), they both want to be held for falling asleep and if they're awake (they don't seem to be able to relax in the playpen if awake). Chris, however, can take upwards of two hours to transition from awake to sleep and if he's put down before he's totally asleep he wakes up upset and has to start transitioning all over again. He also seems much more likely to have "grouchy" times: times where he cries inconsolably for no apparent reason, sometimes for an hour or so at a time. I don't want to label one as an "easy" baby and the other as "difficult," but I do notice that Chris seems more likely to get "first dibs" on our attention while Alex is more often forced to wait his turn. I hate this. But I'm not sure what to do about it. At 5 wks of age reason and negotiation seem out of the question :-/ How long can/should I leave Chris to cry before putting his brother down and picking him up. *Is* there any way to teach Chris he has to "share" my time with his brother? What damage am I potentially doing Alex by always putting Chris first? How do you share yourself between your kids? Marie Chris and Alex--born 04/23/03 (9 wks preemie) |
#2
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Needing Advice
"Marie" wrote in message
e.rogers.com... --They both need to be held for feeding (they're bottle-fed), they both want to be held for falling asleep and if they're awake (they don't seem to be able to relax in the playpen if awake). I'm not sure I understand this. While I tried to hold both my daughters (also born 5 weeks early) one after the other, if they were very hungry, I would put them in their seats and feed them their bottle like that. When they were older, I would prop the bottles when I couldn't hold them both. I was home alone for much of the first 4 months. My mother was there the first month and after that I chose to do almost everything for the babies though I did share them with my DH when pressed ; ) (Not to gie teh wrong impression but we all live together.). I had a system that was working and I wanted to stick to it, damn it! Went back to work when they were 4 months old and then had to shared them with BOTH my DH and the babysitter. They did have trouble going to sleep at night and my DH or I would sit in the rocker and hold both together and rock them to sleep. Took less than 10 minutes usually. (That counted in the "sharing" time my DH had.) They also rarely fell asleep in a playpen. (snip) I don't want to label one as an "easy" baby and the other as "difficult," but I do notice that Chris seems more likely to get "first dibs" on our attention while Alex is more often forced to wait his turn. I hate this. But I'm not sure what to do about it. At 5 wks of age reason and negotiation seem out of the question :-/ I also had a more difficult and a less difficult baby. I fed the easy babay forst and then did the more difficult one usually. Nobody ever had to wait their turn in re feeding. If both wanted to be held while feeding, I would put one or both down in a seat and feed them simultaneously. How long can/should I leave Chris to cry before putting his brother down and picking him up. *Is* there any way to teach Chris he has to "share" my time with his brother? What damage am I potentially doing Alex by always putting Chris first? How do you share yourself between your kids? Apart from putting them down at night, I don't remember lots of occasions when both babies wanted to be held simultaneously and I couldn't accommodate that. I don't believe I ever had to choose like you are saying. I picked them both up and would cuddle them in my lap or one in my lap and the other on my shoulder. Or maybe they just weren't fussy or I just don't remember. But my feeling upon reading your post was that I didn't have those problems. The biggest problem was sleep deprivation for me. Good luck. -- sharon, momma to savannah and willow (11/11/94) |
#3
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Needing Advice
"lizzard woman" wrote in message . ca... "Marie" wrote in message e.rogers.com... --They both need to be held for feeding (they're bottle-fed), they both want to be held for falling asleep and if they're awake (they don't seem to be able to relax in the playpen if awake). I'm not sure I understand this. While I tried to hold both my daughters (also born 5 weeks early) one after the other, if they were very hungry, I would put them in their seats and feed them their bottle like that. When they were older, I would prop the bottles when I couldn't hold them both. I was home alone for much of the first 4 months. Sorry if I was unclear or incomplete--I was typing post between rotating babies in my arms :-) I will, if absolutely necessary, feed them their bottles while one or both are in their seats but, particularly with Chris, they need to be burped *regularly* (about every ounce or so) or they'll spit up over *everything.* So even if I give both their bottles at the same time, there is the question of burping them, which is a two-handed job. My mother was there the first month and after that I chose to do almost everything for the babies though I did share them with my DH when pressed ; ) (Not to gie teh wrong impression but we all live together.). I had a system that was working and I wanted to stick to it, damn it! Went back to work when they were 4 months old and then had to shared them with BOTH my DH and the babysitter. They did have trouble going to sleep at night and my DH or I would sit in the rocker and hold both together and rock them to sleep. Took less than 10 minutes usually. (That counted in the "sharing" time my DH had.) They also rarely fell asleep in a playpen. Their playpen is down stairs in the family room, and currently acts like a daytime bed: somewhere they can be in the same room where I usually am. At night they have bassinets in our bedroom. There's a crib waiting for them to share (and another one on the way) in the nursery when they begin sleeping all the way through the night :-) I'd *love* it if it only took 10 minutes for them to fall asleep. Alex will sometimes transition in about 20 minutes: Chris, as I said, can take upwards of 2 hours. With both of them, they seem to spend a lot of time in that "transitional" phase--part awake and part asleep. If anything disturbs them during that time--even the person holding them moving suddenly--they're fully awake again and need to start falling asleep all over again :-( If anyone has ideas as to how to help them fall asleep easier, I'm eager to hear them. (snip) I don't want to label one as an "easy" baby and the other as "difficult," but I do notice that Chris seems more likely to get "first dibs" on our attention while Alex is more often forced to wait his turn. I hate this. But I'm not sure what to do about it. At 5 wks of age reason and negotiation seem out of the question :-/ I also had a more difficult and a less difficult baby. I fed the easy babay forst and then did the more difficult one usually. Nobody ever had to wait their turn in re feeding. If both wanted to be held while feeding, I would put one or both down in a seat and feed them simultaneously. How long can/should I leave Chris to cry before putting his brother down and picking him up. *Is* there any way to teach Chris he has to "share" my time with his brother? What damage am I potentially doing Alex by always putting Chris first? How do you share yourself between your kids? Apart from putting them down at night, I don't remember lots of occasions when both babies wanted to be held simultaneously and I couldn't accommodate that. I don't believe I ever had to choose like you are saying. I picked them both up and would cuddle them in my lap or one in my lap and the other on my shoulder. I can sometimes manage one in a sling and the other on my shoulder, but none of us seem to be comfortable when we try a threesome :-( Each boy wants the centre chest position (head nestled between the tits). If I try and nestle them both they start squirming and I start feeling like at least one of them is in danger of falling :-( Or maybe they just weren't fussy or I just don't remember. But my feeling upon reading your post was that I didn't have those problems. The biggest problem was sleep deprivation for me. Good luck. -- sharon, momma to savannah and willow (11/11/94) |
#4
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Needing Advice
"Marie" wrote in message
le.rogers.com... Sorry if I was unclear or incomplete--I was typing post between rotating babies in my arms :-) No that wasn't so much a comment about your post being unclear (it wasn't). It was a comment on my experience being very different and so I didn't fully understand yours. ;-) I will, if absolutely necessary, feed them their bottles while one or both are in their seats but, particularly with Chris, they need to be burped *regularly* (about every ounce or so) or they'll spit up over *everything.* So even if I give both their bottles at the same time, there is the question of burping them, which is a two-handed job. Oh THAT is a problem. I burped them after they drank their bottles (sitting up, leaning slightly forward, not over my shoulder). I don't think I burped them inbetween. Do you think there might be some issue with either how they are drinking or the bottle/nipple that results in so much air in their tummies? Their playpen is down stairs in the family room, and currently acts like a daytime bed: somewhere they can be in the same room where I usually am. At night they have bassinets in our bedroom. There's a crib waiting for them to share (and another one on the way) in the nursery when they begin sleeping all the way through the night :-) Yes I see. We had a one floor but I often let them sleep in their seats in the livingroom during the day so they could be close to me. I'd *love* it if it only took 10 minutes for them to fall asleep. Alex will sometimes transition in about 20 minutes: Chris, as I said, can take upwards of 2 hours. With both of them, they seem to spend a lot of time in that "transitional" phase--part awake and part asleep. If anything disturbs them during that time--even the person holding them moving suddenly--they're fully awake again and need to start falling asleep all over again :-( If anyone has ideas as to how to help them fall asleep easier, I'm eager to hear them. Wow that sounds challenging. Perhaps I was lucky or perhaps we lucked into an approach that resulted in them going down easily... I can't say. Do you attempt to keep them on a schedule? I kept my girls on a schedule and they really seemed to benefit from it. Eat, sleep, play, etc. all at specific times. I don't believe I ever took 2 hours to put a baby to sleep unless they were sick. I don't remember having much trouble in that department ... my mother remarked they were "easy" babies so maybe I'm the wrong person to ask. Maybe someone else from the group will advise you. I can sometimes manage one in a sling and the other on my shoulder, but none of us seem to be comfortable when we try a threesome :-( Each boy wants the centre chest position (head nestled between the tits). If I try and nestle them both they start squirming and I start feeling like at least one of them is in danger of falling :-( Yes now that you menion it, I do recall holding them both could get unweildy. But I have no recollection of fretting ove rnot being able to hold both so I don't think I had a problem. But of course with the amount of sleep I was (not) getting (I did all the night bottles and diaper changes also), its perfectly possible I'm not remembering loads of stuff. I hope others comment. Best regards, -- sharon, momma to savannah and willow (11/11/94) |
#5
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Needing Advice
On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 02:50:39 GMT, "Marie" wrote:
He also seems much more likely to have "grouchy" times: times where he cries inconsolably for no apparent reason, sometimes for an hour or so at a time. Sounds like Chris may have colic. -- -Seth Jackson, proud father of Derek and Mariel(10/1/99). Pictures at: http://hitmeister.home.mindspring.co...lypictures.htm Music links: www.mp3.com/SethJackson www.mp3.com/loudspeaker www.SethJackson.net |
#6
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Needing Advice
Marie --
Like Sharon, I'm kind of distanced from the baby thing here, but a couple of thoughts (I also had a spitter). 1) Get a swing. That might get Alex settled a bit more quickly. It might not be something that Chris likes, as it might exacerbate the spitting situation (Erica was a spitter, too, and didn't spend much time in the swing for that reason). 2) Talk to the kids' pediatrician about this, but I think I would be investigating other formulas for Chris. Maybe there's one that he would digest better. 3) Do you have a vibrating bouncy seat? Maybe you could borrow one from someone to see if that helps your kids settle. At this point, you are in "survival mode", so just do whatever works, and do not feel any guilt. You cannot spoil a newborn -- just do your best to respond to their needs as best as you can. And hang in there. You sound like you're handling things remarkably well. Julie Mom to Erica & Chris, 07/97 Marie wrote: My twin boys are 3 mo old (5wks corrected) and becoming as different as night and day. Alex (who started out the smaller one) has gained on his brother, now outweighing him by a pound or so. Chris' growth spurts have been overshadowed by a period of spitting up about half of everything he eats, so while the doctor is satisfied by his growth he is noticably smaller than his brother at the moment. I *swore* when I found out I was having twins that I wouldn't label/compare the two boys, but I don't know how to describe my problem without doing so: --Alex has a rather "whimpering" cry--it's loud enough to be heard, but rarely escalates much, and if not answered within a few moments (unless he's *really* desperate) it kinda winds down to a stop. --Chris' cry starts out urgent and quickly escalates. It speeds through "****ed off" to "I've been abandoned and amwaiting for the wolves to finish me off panicky." If left unanswered for even a minute it crescendos to an extent that his face is brick red and listening to it you're afraid he's going to choke. --Alex cries when he needs to. He'll lie there seemingly oblivious to his brother's distress. Chris hears Alex cry and feels the need to join in. --They both need to be held for feeding (they're bottle-fed), they both want to be held for falling asleep and if they're awake (they don't seem to be able to relax in the playpen if awake). Chris, however, can take upwards of two hours to transition from awake to sleep and if he's put down before he's totally asleep he wakes up upset and has to start transitioning all over again. He also seems much more likely to have "grouchy" times: times where he cries inconsolably for no apparent reason, sometimes for an hour or so at a time. I don't want to label one as an "easy" baby and the other as "difficult," but I do notice that Chris seems more likely to get "first dibs" on our attention while Alex is more often forced to wait his turn. I hate this. But I'm not sure what to do about it. At 5 wks of age reason and negotiation seem out of the question :-/ How long can/should I leave Chris to cry before putting his brother down and picking him up. *Is* there any way to teach Chris he has to "share" my time with his brother? What damage am I potentially doing Alex by always putting Chris first? How do you share yourself between your kids? Marie Chris and Alex--born 04/23/03 (9 wks preemie) |
#7
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Needing Advice
"Marie" wrote in message e.rogers.com... My twin boys are 3 mo old (5wks corrected) and becoming as different as night and day. Alex (who started out the smaller one) has gained on his brother, now outweighing him by a pound or so. My Alex was the same way at about that time. He was 1 1/2 pounds smaller at birth, then between 2 and 3 months he caught up and surpassed his brother. The next month Jordan was bigger again and has been anywhere from 1-4 pounds bigger ever since. (They're 3 yrs now) Are your boys identical or fraternal, if you know? Chris' growth spurts have been overshadowed by a period of spitting up about half of everything he eats, so while the doctor is satisfied by his growth he is noticably smaller than his brother at the moment. If the doctor is satisfied with his growth, then I wouldn't worry. If he was a singleton, you wouldn't even notice that he wasn't gaining as quickly as another baby. I *swore* when I found out I was having twins that I wouldn't label/compare the two boys, but I don't know how to describe my problem without doing so: --Alex has a rather "whimpering" cry--it's loud enough to be heard, but rarely escalates much, and if not answered within a few moments (unless he's *really* desperate) it kinda winds down to a stop. --Chris' cry starts out urgent and quickly escalates. It speeds through "****ed off" to "I've been abandoned and amwaiting for the wolves to finish me off panicky." If left unanswered for even a minute it crescendos to an extent that his face is brick red and listening to it you're afraid he's going to choke. --Alex cries when he needs to. He'll lie there seemingly oblivious to his brother's distress. Chris hears Alex cry and feels the need to join in. --They both need to be held for feeding (they're bottle-fed), they both want to be held for falling asleep and if they're awake (they don't seem to be able to relax in the playpen if awake). Chris, however, can take upwards of two hours to transition from awake to sleep and if he's put down before he's totally asleep he wakes up upset and has to start transitioning all over again. He also seems much more likely to have "grouchy" times: times where he cries inconsolably for no apparent reason, sometimes for an hour or so at a time. Does Chris have colic? Both of my boys were colicky and I thought I'd go insane! I discovered Mylicon drops and things got better. I don't want to label one as an "easy" baby and the other as "difficult," but I do notice that Chris seems more likely to get "first dibs" on our attention while Alex is more often forced to wait his turn. I hate this. But I'm not sure what to do about it. They have different needs. It's hard to balance out those needs, but it seems Chris needs the attention more. If Alex is content waiting then, it's no big deal. Even now, I sometimes have a hard time with this. My boys will both say "Need you Mom," but if one is hurt and crying, then he gets me first instead of the one who needs me to find a toy, for example. At 5 wks of age reason and negotiation seem out of the question :-/ How long can/should I leave Chris to cry before putting his brother down and picking him up. *Is* there any way to teach Chris he has to "share" my time with his brother? Not at that age, unfortunately. :-/ What damage am I potentially doing Alex by always putting Chris first? None. There will be plenty of shifts in balance where you'll have to put Alex first. They'll both learn that you love them and will take care of them when they "need" you. They'll also learn that you'll take care of their brother. My kids are at the age where they really seem to care that I take care of their brother's needs. They'll often tell me that the other one needs something. It's kind of nice that they seem to look out for each other. How do you share yourself between your kids? You just do the best you can. I remember worrying so much about the same thing when mine were babies. Now, although I still worry, it's become more the way I would assume parents with more than one singleton would be. Just splitting your time between them. As they get older, you'll find ways to give them one-on-one attention. When they're so little, it seems like all your time is spent doing the absolutely necessary physical things-feeding, changing, burping, holding. Even in a couple months, they'll start playing more, and you'll find it easier to give them both attention while the other is occupied with something. Good luck. Twins really are so wonderful. I can't imagine only having one. Leslie Alex and Jordan, 3-year-old ID boys |
#8
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Needing Advice
If the doctor is satisfied with his growth, then I wouldn't worry. If he was a singleton, you wouldn't even notice that he wasn't gaining as quickly as another baby. That's what the doctor says. I wasn't worried about it, then started to worry when 3 experienced moms all said he seemed to be throwing up a lot, then (tried) to stop worrying again when the doctor once again told me he was doing well :-/ If it makes you feel any better, Ashlyn was a "spitter" too-- to the point that she would throw up an average of two feedings a day-- I mean the whole thing to the point that we would have to re-feed her in a few minutes. She would soak herself, the person feeding her, the couch, the floor, even the wall a few times. Our ped said she had reflux but never put her on any meds because she was still gaining weight. Things got much better when we introduced cereal and baby food at around six months. So, there is hope! As for worrying about the division of attention, I will second what another poster said, you are in survival mode right now. Just do the best you can and try not to second-guess yourself. It sounds to me like you're doing great! -Cindy (mom to Ashlyn and Allyson 6/99 and Jenna 6/03) |
#9
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Needing Advice
"Marie" wrote in
e.rogers.com: My twin boys are 3 mo old (5wks corrected) and becoming as different as night and day. This sounds real similar to our little guys, now at just about the same age (I am too fried to do the mental math). Reed was vertex in the lower position and his membrane ruptured at 32 wks + some days. 2 days later after much magnesium sulfate IV (which we eventually gave up on) they were born. Martin was "stubborn baby B" and had to have AROM and came out an hour later. Martin was born and remains smaller, spits up a lot. He has been prescribed Ranitidine (Zantac) which really does seem to help reduce the pain of urping (this is what I call spitting up). He still urps a lot, especially right after laying down, however he does not appear to be bothered by it (one of the few things). Last night when I began to feed him he spit up immediately and it was all curdled, to me the sign of lots of acid. We gave him the ranitidine and he eventually settled down and had a decent 4 oz. but I have also experienced it that the ranitidine totally kills the appetite... it is recommended to administer towards the end or after a feeding for this reason. --Alex has a rather "whimpering" cry--it's loud enough to be heard, but rarely escalates much, and if not answered within a few moments (unless he's *really* desperate) it kinda winds down to a stop. Reed's cry is like this, though he does get insistent - I'd describe it as a whine/shriek. However he usually does this for a discernable reason - hungry, diaper, too hot, etc. --Chris' cry starts out urgent and quickly escalates. It speeds through "****ed off" to "I've been abandoned and amwaiting for the wolves to finish me off panicky." If left unanswered for even a minute it crescendos to an extent that his face is brick red and listening to it you're afraid he's going to choke. Martin can go from a calm sleep to 5 alarm in a flash. He also seems much more likely to have "grouchy" times: times where he cries inconsolably for no apparent reason, sometimes for an hour or so at a time. We're going through a bit of that with Martin right now though it seems to center around feeding activities. He DOES love getting a sponge bath though... unfortunately the bath has to end sometime. I don't want to label one as an "easy" baby and the other as "difficult," but I do notice that Chris seems more likely to get "first dibs" on our attention while Alex is more often forced to wait his turn. I hate this. But I'm not sure what to do about it. At 5 wks of age reason and negotiation seem out of the question :-/ Yep. Reed is generally cool customer. Martin has us bouncing off the walls as it is not always possible to deduce the source of his unhappiness. I can't really help you but you are not alone. Gary father to Martin and Reed b. 5/6/03, 7 weeks preemie |
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