Mother demands I deposit child support payment for her or she'll take me to court

I got into an argument with the mother of my daughter over who should
deposit the child support payment. I've been paying her cash for three
years but I recently configured my online banking to mail her a check
each month for convenience and to have a record of my payments. She is
blind, unemployed and living on her father's SS payments. She lives in
an area with no mass transit but she lives with three adults who drive
her around when she needs to do something. Anyway, she started out by
asking nicely that I deposit the check into her account. I told her I
was very busy with work and family responsibilities and that I really
didn't want something extra to worry about. She continued to ask and
then claimed I did nothing for my daughter. I told her it was her fault
for moving so far away. Things got heated and then she called me a
piece of sh*t and said she would have the courts take it out of my
check and she hung up. That was 5 days ago. I have not called her
back and I am not sure what to do. Do I send the automated checks like
I planned and let her deposit them? or do I call back and tell her that
I will make the deposits for her. I know that if the courts get
involved I will end up paying double the amount I pay now, but I also
hate the idea that she thinks can just threaten me over something
trivial like depositing a check into her bank account for her. My gut
says to send the checks and let her deposit them because I would rather
pay double than have her manipulate and threaten me every time she
doesn't like something. I've been a good father and made great efforts
to spend time with my daughter and I just can't see myself allowing her
to treat me like a criminal with threats of taking me to court. If
anyone is wondering why I would not make the extra effort and just
deposit the check it's because she took my dauighter so far away that I
see her once a month for a few hours (maybe) when she feels like
visiting her mother who happens to live nearby. I feel no desire to
make her life easier.
I hope someone can honestly tell me what they think about all this.

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
I got into an argument with the mother of my daughter over who should
deposit the child support payment. I've been paying her cash for three
years but I recently configured my online banking to mail her a check
each month for convenience and to have a record of my payments. She is
blind, unemployed and living on her father's SS payments. She lives in
an area with no mass transit but she lives with three adults who drive
her around when she needs to do something. Anyway, she started out by
asking nicely that I deposit the check into her account. I told her I
was very busy with work and family responsibilities and that I really
didn't want something extra to worry about. She continued to ask and
then claimed I did nothing for my daughter. I told her it was her fault
for moving so far away. Things got heated and then she called me a
piece of sh*t and said she would have the courts take it out of my
check and she hung up. That was 5 days ago. I have not called her
back and I am not sure what to do. Do I send the automated checks like
I planned and let her deposit them? or do I call back and tell her that
I will make the deposits for her. I know that if the courts get
involved I will end up paying double the amount I pay now, but I also
hate the idea that she thinks can just threaten me over something
trivial like depositing a check into her bank account for her. My gut
says to send the checks and let her deposit them because I would rather
pay double than have her manipulate and threaten me every time she
doesn't like something. I've been a good father and made great efforts
to spend time with my daughter and I just can't see myself allowing her
to treat me like a criminal with threats of taking me to court. If
anyone is wondering why I would not make the extra effort and just
deposit the check it's because she took my dauighter so far away that I
see her once a month for a few hours (maybe) when she feels like
visiting her mother who happens to live nearby. I feel no desire to
make her life easier.
I hope someone can honestly tell me what they think about all this.

Ask her which bank account she wants the CS money deposited into and set up
an electronic funds transfer from your bank into her account at the agreed
to time with the agreed to amount.

"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
...

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
I got into an argument with the mother of my daughter over who should
deposit the child support payment. I've been paying her cash for three
years but I recently configured my online banking to mail her a check
each month for convenience and to have a record of my payments. She is
blind, unemployed and living on her father's SS payments. She lives in
an area with no mass transit but she lives with three adults who drive
her around when she needs to do something. Anyway, she started out by
asking nicely that I deposit the check into her account. I told her I
was very busy with work and family responsibilities and that I really
didn't want something extra to worry about. She continued to ask and
then claimed I did nothing for my daughter. I told her it was her fault
for moving so far away. Things got heated and then she called me a
piece of sh*t and said she would have the courts take it out of my
check and she hung up. That was 5 days ago. I have not called her
back and I am not sure what to do. Do I send the automated checks like
I planned and let her deposit them? or do I call back and tell her that
I will make the deposits for her. I know that if the courts get
involved I will end up paying double the amount I pay now, but I also
hate the idea that she thinks can just threaten me over something
trivial like depositing a check into her bank account for her. My gut
says to send the checks and let her deposit them because I would rather
pay double than have her manipulate and threaten me every time she
doesn't like something. I've been a good father and made great efforts
to spend time with my daughter and I just can't see myself allowing her
to treat me like a criminal with threats of taking me to court. If
anyone is wondering why I would not make the extra effort and just
deposit the check it's because she took my dauighter so far away that I
see her once a month for a few hours (maybe) when she feels like
visiting her mother who happens to live nearby. I feel no desire to
make her life easier.
I hope someone can honestly tell me what they think about all this.

Ask her which bank account she wants the CS money deposited into and set
up
an electronic funds transfer from your bank into her account at the agreed
to time with the agreed to amount.

What if it cost him extra to have the money automatically deposited rather
than a check sent to her? I can't relate to her exact situation, but my
son's father would be charged a fee to have the money depostied directly
into my checking account. Since I feel that it crazy, I accept the check
issued to me from the bank. It clears at the same rate and there isn't an
extra cost to him.

Too bad there wasn't an easier way for him to work with his daughter's
mother.

Tracy

What about online banking, it doesn't cost a dime to transfer money into an
account.

Brother, do anything to avoid family kourt, they will treat you as a
criminal and she dam well knows it!!!!!!!

Electronic transfer was the first thing I tried but Bank of America
would not do it. I think there was an extra charge and it could not be
done on a scheduled repeating basis. Sending a check was my second
option. I will probably call a few more banks, including her own bank
and see if ANY combination of banks will do this sort of thing.

thanks to everyone for responding.


Tracy wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
...

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
I got into an argument with the mother of my daughter over who should
deposit the child support payment. I've been paying her cash for three
years but I recently configured my online banking to mail her a check
each month for convenience and to have a record of my payments. She is
blind, unemployed and living on her father's SS payments. She lives in
an area with no mass transit but she lives with three adults who drive
her around when she needs to do something. Anyway, she started out by
asking nicely that I deposit the check into her account. I told her I
was very busy with work and family responsibilities and that I really
didn't want something extra to worry about. She continued to ask and
then claimed I did nothing for my daughter. I told her it was her fault
for moving so far away. Things got heated and then she called me a
piece of sh*t and said she would have the courts take it out of my
check and she hung up. That was 5 days ago. I have not called her
back and I am not sure what to do. Do I send the automated checks like
I planned and let her deposit them? or do I call back and tell her that
I will make the deposits for her. I know that if the courts get
involved I will end up paying double the amount I pay now, but I also
hate the idea that she thinks can just threaten me over something
trivial like depositing a check into her bank account for her. My gut
says to send the checks and let her deposit them because I would rather
pay double than have her manipulate and threaten me every time she
doesn't like something. I've been a good father and made great efforts
to spend time with my daughter and I just can't see myself allowing her
to treat me like a criminal with threats of taking me to court. If
anyone is wondering why I would not make the extra effort and just
deposit the check it's because she took my dauighter so far away that I
see her once a month for a few hours (maybe) when she feels like
visiting her mother who happens to live nearby. I feel no desire to
make her life easier.
I hope someone can honestly tell me what they think about all this.

Ask her which bank account she wants the CS money deposited into and set
up
an electronic funds transfer from your bank into her account at the agreed
to time with the agreed to amount.

What if it cost him extra to have the money automatically deposited rather
than a check sent to her? I can't relate to her exact situation, but my
son's father would be charged a fee to have the money depostied directly
into my checking account. Since I feel that it crazy, I accept the check
issued to me from the bank. It clears at the same rate and there isn't an
extra cost to him.

Too bad there wasn't an easier way for him to work with his daughter's
mother.

Tracy

Bank of America is the same bank my son's father uses. My son's father
could have changed banks to mine, since mine wouldn't have charged him a
fee, but I seen no reason to do so.

If you feel it is necessary to change banks, then that is probably your best
bet. If her bank charges you a fee, then she should do the right thing by
finding a bank that won't charge a fee.

Good luck,
Tracy

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
Electronic transfer was the first thing I tried but Bank of America
would not do it. I think there was an extra charge and it could not be
done on a scheduled repeating basis. Sending a check was my second
option. I will probably call a few more banks, including her own bank
and see if ANY combination of banks will do this sort of thing.

thanks to everyone for responding.


Tracy wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
...

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
I got into an argument with the mother of my daughter over who should
deposit the child support payment. I've been paying her cash for
three
years but I recently configured my online banking to mail her a check
each month for convenience and to have a record of my payments. She is
blind, unemployed and living on her father's SS payments. She lives in
an area with no mass transit but she lives with three adults who drive
her around when she needs to do something. Anyway, she started out by
asking nicely that I deposit the check into her account. I told her I
was very busy with work and family responsibilities and that I really
didn't want something extra to worry about. She continued to ask and
then claimed I did nothing for my daughter. I told her it was her
fault
for moving so far away. Things got heated and then she called me a
piece of sh*t and said she would have the courts take it out of my
check and she hung up. That was 5 days ago. I have not called her
back and I am not sure what to do. Do I send the automated checks like
I planned and let her deposit them? or do I call back and tell her
that
I will make the deposits for her. I know that if the courts get
involved I will end up paying double the amount I pay now, but I also
hate the idea that she thinks can just threaten me over something
trivial like depositing a check into her bank account for her. My gut
says to send the checks and let her deposit them because I would
rather
pay double than have her manipulate and threaten me every time she
doesn't like something. I've been a good father and made great
efforts
to spend time with my daughter and I just can't see myself allowing
her
to treat me like a criminal with threats of taking me to court. If
anyone is wondering why I would not make the extra effort and just
deposit the check it's because she took my dauighter so far away that
I
see her once a month for a few hours (maybe) when she feels like
visiting her mother who happens to live nearby. I feel no desire to
make her life easier.
I hope someone can honestly tell me what they think about all this.

Ask her which bank account she wants the CS money deposited into and
set
up
an electronic funds transfer from your bank into her account at the
agreed
to time with the agreed to amount.

What if it cost him extra to have the money automatically deposited
rather
than a check sent to her? I can't relate to her exact situation, but my
son's father would be charged a fee to have the money depostied directly
into my checking account. Since I feel that it crazy, I accept the check
issued to me from the bank. It clears at the same rate and there isn't
an
extra cost to him.

Too bad there wasn't an easier way for him to work with his daughter's
mother.

Tracy

Hi Tracy

I contacted her bank (Citibank) and found out about something called
"Citibank Global Transfers". If I open a citibank account I can
schedule recurring transfers from my account to hers every month at no
charge. I'm still angry over her threat, even more so now that I know
it would have taken her one simple call to her bank to solve this
problem. As for me, I opened the BOA account at her request so there
is no question in my mind regarding my willingness to cooperate. Now,
after being threatened and hung up on, I'm not sure how to call her
with this information without her thinking I'm a coward and that I was
intimidated by her. I feel I need to let her know that I will not live
under the shadow of her threats. I honestly think I would rather give
up everything I own and live on the street before I allow someone to
have more control over my life than I do. Anyway, I'll decide what I'm
going to tell her and call her on Friday.

Thanks for your help.


Tracy wrote:
Bank of America is the same bank my son's father uses. My son's father
could have changed banks to mine, since mine wouldn't have charged him a
fee, but I seen no reason to do so.

If you feel it is necessary to change banks, then that is probably your best
bet. If her bank charges you a fee, then she should do the right thing by
finding a bank that won't charge a fee.

Good luck,
Tracy

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
Electronic transfer was the first thing I tried but Bank of America
would not do it. I think there was an extra charge and it could not be
done on a scheduled repeating basis. Sending a check was my second
option. I will probably call a few more banks, including her own bank
and see if ANY combination of banks will do this sort of thing.

thanks to everyone for responding.


Tracy wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
...

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
I got into an argument with the mother of my daughter over who should
deposit the child support payment. I've been paying her cash for
three
years but I recently configured my online banking to mail her a check
each month for convenience and to have a record of my payments. She is
blind, unemployed and living on her father's SS payments. She lives in
an area with no mass transit but she lives with three adults who drive
her around when she needs to do something. Anyway, she started out by
asking nicely that I deposit the check into her account. I told her I
was very busy with work and family responsibilities and that I really
didn't want something extra to worry about. She continued to ask and
then claimed I did nothing for my daughter. I told her it was her
fault
for moving so far away. Things got heated and then she called me a
piece of sh*t and said she would have the courts take it out of my
check and she hung up. That was 5 days ago. I have not called her
back and I am not sure what to do. Do I send the automated checks like
I planned and let her deposit them? or do I call back and tell her
that
I will make the deposits for her. I know that if the courts get
involved I will end up paying double the amount I pay now, but I also
hate the idea that she thinks can just threaten me over something
trivial like depositing a check into her bank account for her. My gut
says to send the checks and let her deposit them because I would
rather
pay double than have her manipulate and threaten me every time she
doesn't like something. I've been a good father and made great
efforts
to spend time with my daughter and I just can't see myself allowing
her
to treat me like a criminal with threats of taking me to court. If
anyone is wondering why I would not make the extra effort and just
deposit the check it's because she took my dauighter so far away that
I
see her once a month for a few hours (maybe) when she feels like
visiting her mother who happens to live nearby. I feel no desire to
make her life easier.
I hope someone can honestly tell me what they think about all this.

Ask her which bank account she wants the CS money deposited into and
set
up
an electronic funds transfer from your bank into her account at the
agreed
to time with the agreed to amount.

What if it cost him extra to have the money automatically deposited
rather
than a check sent to her? I can't relate to her exact situation, but my
son's father would be charged a fee to have the money depostied directly
into my checking account. Since I feel that it crazy, I accept the check
issued to me from the bank. It clears at the same rate and there isn't
an
extra cost to him.

Too bad there wasn't an easier way for him to work with his daughter's
mother.

Tracy

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
Hi Tracy

I contacted her bank (Citibank) and found out about something called
"Citibank Global Transfers". If I open a citibank account I can
schedule recurring transfers from my account to hers every month at no
charge. I'm still angry over her threat, even more so now that I know
it would have taken her one simple call to her bank to solve this
problem. As for me, I opened the BOA account at her request so there
is no question in my mind regarding my willingness to cooperate. Now,
after being threatened and hung up on, I'm not sure how to call her
with this information without her thinking I'm a coward and that I was
intimidated by her. I feel I need to let her know that I will not live
under the shadow of her threats. I honestly think I would rather give
up everything I own and live on the street before I allow someone to
have more control over my life than I do. Anyway, I'll decide what I'm
going to tell her and call her on Friday.

Ned,
She sounds like many dependent people sound. She doesn't work, can't get
places by herself, and has to depend on other people to get life's
necessities. The people around her probably get tired of having to be there
for her, and she has developed behaviors that keep them doing for her what
she needs done--maybe guilting them, making them feel that,since she is
"helpless" they are less than kind for ever refusing her, threatening
various dire things if they don't conform to her wishes. It's an unhealthy
behavior pattern, but not abnormal in her circumstances. She probably
*would* have trouble getting the check to the bank--and used her normal
behaviors to deal with your reluctance. Just tell her that you checked into
it further, and have found a way to help her with her check cashing
difficulties. It will probably be a great relief to her, and will certainly
save you some hassle.

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
Hi Tracy

I contacted her bank (Citibank) and found out about something called
"Citibank Global Transfers". If I open a citibank account I can
schedule recurring transfers from my account to hers every month at no
charge. I'm still angry over her threat, even more so now that I know
it would have taken her one simple call to her bank to solve this
problem. As for me, I opened the BOA account at her request so there
is no question in my mind regarding my willingness to cooperate. Now,
after being threatened and hung up on, I'm not sure how to call her
with this information without her thinking I'm a coward and that I was
intimidated by her. I feel I need to let her know that I will not live
under the shadow of her threats. I honestly think I would rather give
up everything I own and live on the street before I allow someone to
have more control over my life than I do. Anyway, I'll decide what I'm
going to tell her and call her on Friday.

A part of me feels you should go through an attorney to inform her of the
actions you've taken. I know using an attorney may be expensive, but it
does solve issues involving unrealistic demands. Assert yourself when you
talk to her by keeping to "I statements" and don't let the conversation move
beyound informing her of the actions you've taken, or will take. If she
tries to take control of the conversation tell her you have other thing to
do and the conversation is over. By not allowing her control over the
conversations will allow you to assert yourself rather than feeling like a
coward. Don't allow her to cause you pain, but instead stick to the current
topic - ensuring child support is automatically deposited into her account
rather than issuing a bank check.

Do let us know how it goes.

Tracy

Hi Ned,

The best thing to do is to avoid going to court as was said before.
It comes down to this, it doesn't matter what she thinks. If it makes
sense and will save you money in the long run then just do it. A lot
of time we avoid doing the things that make sense because of pride.
Especially in situations like this. Many times we get caught up in
**** because the other one knows what button to push. I got out of the
relationship for that very reason, I don't intend to fall into that
pattern again. It doesn't sound like what she is asking is too
unreasonable, she just went about it the wrong way.

Pen


Ned wrote:
Hi Tracy

I contacted her bank (Citibank) and found out about something called
"Citibank Global Transfers". If I open a citibank account I can
schedule recurring transfers from my account to hers every month at no
charge. I'm still angry over her threat, even more so now that I know
it would have taken her one simple call to her bank to solve this
problem. As for me, I opened the BOA account at her request so there
is no question in my mind regarding my willingness to cooperate. Now,
after being threatened and hung up on, I'm not sure how to call her
with this information without her thinking I'm a coward and that I was
intimidated by her. I feel I need to let her know that I will not live
under the shadow of her threats. I honestly think I would rather give
up everything I own and live on the street before I allow someone to
have more control over my life than I do. Anyway, I'll decide what I'm
going to tell her and call her on Friday.

Thanks for your help.


Tracy wrote:
Bank of America is the same bank my son's father uses. My son's father
could have changed banks to mine, since mine wouldn't have charged him a
fee, but I seen no reason to do so.

If you feel it is necessary to change banks, then that is probably your best
bet. If her bank charges you a fee, then she should do the right thing by
finding a bank that won't charge a fee.

Good luck,
Tracy

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
Electronic transfer was the first thing I tried but Bank of America
would not do it. I think there was an extra charge and it could not be
done on a scheduled repeating basis. Sending a check was my second
option. I will probably call a few more banks, including her own bank
and see if ANY combination of banks will do this sort of thing.

thanks to everyone for responding.


Tracy wrote:
"Bob Whiteside" wrote in message
...

"Ned" wrote in message
oups.com...
I got into an argument with the mother of my daughter over who should
deposit the child support payment. I've been paying her cash for
three
years but I recently configured my online banking to mail her a check
each month for convenience and to have a record of my payments. She is
blind, unemployed and living on her father's SS payments. She lives in
an area with no mass transit but she lives with three adults who drive
her around when she needs to do something. Anyway, she started out by
asking nicely that I deposit the check into her account. I told her I
was very busy with work and family responsibilities and that I really
didn't want something extra to worry about. She continued to ask and
then claimed I did nothing for my daughter. I told her it was her
fault
for moving so far away. Things got heated and then she called me a
piece of sh*t and said she would have the courts take it out of my
check and she hung up. That was 5 days ago. I have not called her
back and I am not sure what to do. Do I send the automated checks like
I planned and let her deposit them? or do I call back and tell her
that
I will make the deposits for her. I know that if the courts get
involved I will end up paying double the amount I pay now, but I also
hate the idea that she thinks can just threaten me over something
trivial like depositing a check into her bank account for her. My gut
says to send the checks and let her deposit them because I would
rather
pay double than have her manipulate and threaten me every time she
doesn't like something. I've been a good father and made great
efforts
to spend time with my daughter and I just can't see myself allowing
her
to treat me like a criminal with threats of taking me to court. If
anyone is wondering why I would not make the extra effort and just
deposit the check it's because she took my dauighter so far away that
I
see her once a month for a few hours (maybe) when she feels like
visiting her mother who happens to live nearby. I feel no desire to
make her life easier.
I hope someone can honestly tell me what they think about all this.

Ask her which bank account she wants the CS money deposited into and
set
up
an electronic funds transfer from your bank into her account at the
agreed
to time with the agreed to amount.

What if it cost him extra to have the money automatically deposited
rather
than a check sent to her? I can't relate to her exact situation, but my
son's father would be charged a fee to have the money depostied directly
into my checking account. Since I feel that it crazy, I accept the check
issued to me from the bank. It clears at the same rate and there isn't
an
extra cost to him.

Too bad there wasn't an easier way for him to work with his daughter's
mother.

Tracy