Scared of a car??

I know this is going to sound absolutely stupid, but... Is there any way I
can maybe calm my own nerves?
Making a long and pointless story short, my van's brake and backup lights
don't work. Had my dad take a look at them (he's an autobody mechanic) but
the brake/backup light issues were beyond him. He got me in for Wednesday
morning at a mechanic his friend uses (we're all tired of dealing with our
current mechanic we've used for years) and I had originally thought the plan
was that I'd either bring him my van on either Tuesday evening or Wednesday
morning OR he'd pick up my van on Tuesday eve or Wednesday morn to get it to
the mechanic. Either way, I thought I'd be taking his truck when my van is
out as he has other vehicles to drive, I do not, and really do need a
vehicle while mine is gone.

Well, turns out... I asked my mom about it last night. She asked my dad
what the plan was and as it turns out, we figured the best and easiest way
to do it was that my dad would drive here (my place) first thing Wednesday
morning, leave me his car and take the van to the mechanic - which is not
far from me at all - and then my brother would pick my dad up at the
mechanic's and they'd go back to work (my brother works as an apprentice at
my dad's shop) - this was just far easier than me carting kids around,
standing at the mechanic's or my dad's work and putting car seats into a
vehicle, dealing with the girls, etc

Well, I had to confirm. Yes, my dad said he'd be leaving me his car, not
his truck. Now, here's the stupid part... I'm scared of that car... It's
identical to my car I had a few years back that I wrote off after a pretty
bad accident... It was the one where DS was actually injured and was at the
Children's Hospital here and went through some surgery and all that. For
some reason, I'm just terrified of this car because it is the exact same as
my old one (other than his is 2 years newer and his is turbo diesel, mine
was regular diesel - same colors in and out, same look inside and out...)

I am telling myself this is absolutely stupid. It's a car. I'm still
finding myself thinking about it far too much I really haven't driven
that car much at all. The day after the accident, my mom and aunt came to
the hospital to stay with DS and sent me home to shower and change my dirty,
bloody clothes. I thought they were coming in the truck that time, but my
mom pulled a fast one and brought the identical car for me to drive myself
home and back to the hospital in. Apparently she said she did it on
purpose - that "fall off the horse, get right back on" idea. I had some
fair issues just backing out of the stall at the hospital, even... I sat
there in the car for probably 10 minutes before starting it, then it took me
3 times to try and back out of the parking stall, and I actually managed to
pop the clutch and stall the car out 2 times backing out. This is a car I
had been driving, basically, for years, but definitely must have looked like
someone that DIDN'T know how to drive a standard or something.
I also took my dad's car one other time, when the van was out, but it was
for a very short period - to pick DH up from work, drive everyone back home
and bring the car back to my dad... An hour at the most. I still had
issues... Right from the start.

Now I'm NOT looking forward to my dad's car. I'm just scared of it. Yes, I
know it's stupid and rediculous! I have things going on for Wednesday.
Things I really can't miss or reschedule that would allow me to keep the car
parked and go nowhere... I have a mom's meet at the mall for an early
morning walk that I *could* skip out on, a prenatal mom's group to go to in
the early afternoon that I really shouldn't miss and family pics that I
can't miss before supper. Taking the bus or a cab is not an option
Is there any way I can stop acting like a total fool about this??

On Tue, 25 Nov 2008 08:09:03 -0700, "Kat" wrote:

Now I'm NOT looking forward to my dad's car. I'm just scared of it. Yes, I
know it's stupid and rediculous! I have things going on for Wednesday.
Things I really can't miss or reschedule that would allow me to keep the car
parked and go nowhere... I have a mom's meet at the mall for an early
morning walk that I *could* skip out on, a prenatal mom's group to go to in
the early afternoon that I really shouldn't miss and family pics that I
can't miss before supper. Taking the bus or a cab is not an option
Is there any way I can stop acting like a total fool about this??

Fears can be very deep-seated after something tragic, such as the
accident you had. I don't think you're being a fool at all, and at
least you recognize this is something you may need to get a handle on
at some point.

Is there any way you can explain to your dad how you feel and ask that
he leave his truck instead?

Nan

I'd suggest either seeing if you could trade cars, or just renting one for a
few days. Fears don't have to be rational to be real, and driving is
probably NOT the best time to try to face fears by immersion, since if
you're nervous about having an accident, it's likely to be a self-fulfilling
prophesy.

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 25 Nov 2008 08:09:03 -0700, "Kat" wrote:

Now I'm NOT looking forward to my dad's car. I'm just scared of it. Yes,
I
know it's stupid and rediculous! I have things going on for Wednesday.
Things I really can't miss or reschedule that would allow me to keep the
car
parked and go nowhere... I have a mom's meet at the mall for an early
morning walk that I *could* skip out on, a prenatal mom's group to go to
in
the early afternoon that I really shouldn't miss and family pics that I
can't miss before supper. Taking the bus or a cab is not an option
Is there any way I can stop acting like a total fool about this??

Fears can be very deep-seated after something tragic, such as the
accident you had. I don't think you're being a fool at all, and at
least you recognize this is something you may need to get a handle on
at some point.

Oh, I do see it and know I should probably get a grip some time. I thought
I was fine with it... But even the first (and second time) driving this car,
I know I had issues... Way more issues the first time, obviously, but some
problems anyways. I'm just not sure I want to go to some therapist and say
something like, "Whoa! I have this fear of cars... But not just any car, a
specific car. It scares me for some reason, but hey, help me out with a
fear of a certain car!" I think THAT just sounds silly lol

Is there any way you can explain to your dad how you feel and ask that
he leave his truck instead?

Nan

I did tell my mom - this was way back while I was leaving the hospital,
even. She told me my other option was to take the bus, but she had no
change for bus fare - she said, anyways. I know her intentions were to get
me back driving. To this day, my one aunt (my mom's sister, the one that
went with her to the hospital to stay with DS while I went home and back)
swears that if my uncle didn't force her to drive home after she had an
accident probably more than 30 years ago now, she would not have ever driven
again. For her, anyways, it was fall off and get right back on right then
and there or it won't happen at all.
I have no issues in other vehicles. I am a very, very nervous passenger in
any vehicle, however, but I feel fine driving in any vehicle, aside from
this one and probably other identical cars.
My dad would tell me to stop being rediculous. His truck is also being
serviced right now, and I did just find out that he'll be hitching a ride
with my brother tomorrow back to work after dropping the van off and home
for the night (if the van isn't ready by then) or to get my van and bring it
back to me when I have his car. I know he would say if I don't want to use
his car for the day, then there's the option to stay home or to catch the
bus. With 3 kids and the timing/location of things tomorrow, the bus isn't
an option at all. My dad would then remind me, basically, that beggars
can't be choosers. Most people don't have the option for a temporary
replacement vehicle to use while their vehicle is in a shop. He's right,
but still.

"Donna Metler" wrote in message
...
I'd suggest either seeing if you could trade cars, or just renting one for
a few days. Fears don't have to be rational to be real, and driving is
probably NOT the best time to try to face fears by immersion, since if
you're nervous about having an accident, it's likely to be a
self-fulfilling prophesy.

I don't have anyone to trade with, other than my dad. I can't afford to
rent a car for a day or two, and my parents wouldn't see it as justified
just because I don't like the one being offered.
I'm not 100% sure what my fear is about the car... It's not so much the
accident thing. It's, I think, just the car itself. I'm fine in any other
car, van, truck, station wagon, SUV, etc. I also know that this particular
car is built like a tank. It's old and from that accident, I know how well
it holds up! My 1986 Volkswagen Jetta came up against a 2002 Dodge 1500
truck speeding at a fairly excessive speed (doing about 70kms down the road
in a 50km/h zone) and that little Jetta sure held up fairly well. I'm
fairly confident that if we were in some other car, it would have been far,
far different outcome, but I know that Jetta is basically like a mini-tank
and very solid.
But, being nervous about anything - or being scared, angry, upset,
whatever - isn't always a great single or group of emotions to have while
driving.
I might have to just keep in the quiet residential areas in the
neighbourhood at first before actually hitting the road. Just aimlessly
drive around for half an hour or so to feel a bit better, and off the main
roads where there's other cars and people. Just get the hang of it, skip
out on everything expected for tomorrow but going to the portrait studio -
and leaving maybe a little earlier than I actually need to in order to take
my time and get there

On Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:03:58 -0700, "Kat" wrote:


Oh, I do see it and know I should probably get a grip some time. I thought
I was fine with it... But even the first (and second time) driving this car,
I know I had issues... Way more issues the first time, obviously, but some
problems anyways. I'm just not sure I want to go to some therapist and say
something like, "Whoa! I have this fear of cars... But not just any car, a
specific car. It scares me for some reason, but hey, help me out with a
fear of a certain car!" I think THAT just sounds silly lol

Right, and since fears aren't always rational, they're still valid
fears. Most of the time someone in your position could just decide to
avoid driving that type of car and life would go on smoothly since you
can drive other vehicles. But having that type of car in your family
makes it more necessary to address the issue since your parents aren't
listening to what you've been telling them. On that, I don't really
have any advice on how to handle it other than to suggest you take it
slowly, as being that nervous while driving could be dangerous for
you.


I did tell my mom - this was way back while I was leaving the hospital,
even. She told me my other option was to take the bus, but she had no
change for bus fare - she said, anyways. I know her intentions were to get
me back driving. To this day, my one aunt (my mom's sister, the one that
went with her to the hospital to stay with DS while I went home and back)
swears that if my uncle didn't force her to drive home after she had an
accident probably more than 30 years ago now, she would not have ever driven
again. For her, anyways, it was fall off and get right back on right then
and there or it won't happen at all.

Everyone chooses to handle issues in a different way. Me, I don't do
so good with jumping back on the horse. I need to take things a step
at a time.

My dad would tell me to stop being rediculous.

snipI know he would say if I don't want to use
his car for the day, then there's the option to stay home or to catch the
bus. With 3 kids and the timing/location of things tomorrow, the bus isn't
an option at all. My dad would then remind me, basically, that beggars
can't be choosers. Most people don't have the option for a temporary
replacement vehicle to use while their vehicle is in a shop. He's right,
but still.

Sure, he's right. But that doesn't change the fact that your parents
are not listening to you. And that may not come easily for them.
You're needing a different type of support (not JUST a car to borrow)
and they're not getting it. Which doesn't make them bad people, but
it does make it more difficult for you.

Is there anyone you can hitch a ride with, to your activities
tomorrow?

Nan

"Nan" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:03:58 -0700, "Kat" wrote:


Oh, I do see it and know I should probably get a grip some time. I
thought
I was fine with it... But even the first (and second time) driving this
car,
I know I had issues... Way more issues the first time, obviously, but some
problems anyways. I'm just not sure I want to go to some therapist and
say
something like, "Whoa! I have this fear of cars... But not just any car,
a
specific car. It scares me for some reason, but hey, help me out with a
fear of a certain car!" I think THAT just sounds silly lol

Right, and since fears aren't always rational, they're still valid
fears. Most of the time someone in your position could just decide to
avoid driving that type of car and life would go on smoothly since you
can drive other vehicles. But having that type of car in your family
makes it more necessary to address the issue since your parents aren't
listening to what you've been telling them. On that, I don't really
have any advice on how to handle it other than to suggest you take it
slowly, as being that nervous while driving could be dangerous for
you.

Fears almost always seem to be irrational - even a little example, my
grandma is scared of dogs. Years and years ago, she was bit on the ankle by
a small dog and although she's alright with a dog she knows (like my
cousin's dog) she does NOT do alright with a strange dog, big or small. To
me, that seems silly. I was bit by a big dog (he was a Great Dane and I was
about 8 at the time) and it's hard to see how someone could be scared of
dogs for reason of biting - as I can relate. But... it's still a fear of
hers, and still very justified, so to me seems not too rational, but to her
it's all the same anyways and still a fear. Just not one that everyone can
fully understand, but that doesn't mean it can't be appreciated.
I think a good solution to this is for me to find one of those "get rich
quick" schemes, be real rich and buy my parents new cars LOL I've know
people that are generally nervous drivers and I know I don't feel safe with
them on the roads every day! I totally agree with that. There's all kinds
of things in the papers and news saying that we have the worst drivers in
the country LOL I do believe it... There's one freeway here that has soooo
many accidents. Speed limit is set at 80km/h but if you're planning on
doing 80-90km/h on that road, you better stay in the far outside 'slow'
lane. 3 lane divided freeway and I've noticed it goes, -outside lane =
90km/h and slower. Middle lane = under 110kms/h, outside lane = OVER
110km/h. It's a rediculous road and it seems that doing even 100kms on it,
you're the 'slow' traffic, people are swerving and cutting people off,
honking, fingers are just flying and it's just horrid. It's not justified,
but they say that majority of the accidents are 'caused' by the people doing
the speed limit (or slower) and them basically being a hazard on the road.
Another road is very similar, but a big cop crackdown of speeding tickets
gave statistics after it was done. They clocked a guy doing, IIRC,
somewhere around 160km/h when the speed limit is 90km/h. They also caught
the SAME guy down the road on the same day (minutes later) doing around
140km/h LOL
We have jerks on the road. I can definitely avoid the 'bad' roads and keep
to the speed limit if need be for sure. I should live out in the boonies

I did tell my mom - this was way back while I was leaving the hospital,
even. She told me my other option was to take the bus, but she had no
change for bus fare - she said, anyways. I know her intentions were to
get
me back driving. To this day, my one aunt (my mom's sister, the one that
went with her to the hospital to stay with DS while I went home and back)
swears that if my uncle didn't force her to drive home after she had an
accident probably more than 30 years ago now, she would not have ever
driven
again. For her, anyways, it was fall off and get right back on right then
and there or it won't happen at all.

Everyone chooses to handle issues in a different way. Me, I don't do
so good with jumping back on the horse. I need to take things a step
at a time.

My dad would tell me to stop being rediculous.

snipI know he would say if I don't want to use
his car for the day, then there's the option to stay home or to catch the
bus. With 3 kids and the timing/location of things tomorrow, the bus
isn't
an option at all. My dad would then remind me, basically, that beggars
can't be choosers. Most people don't have the option for a temporary
replacement vehicle to use while their vehicle is in a shop. He's right,
but still.

Sure, he's right. But that doesn't change the fact that your parents
are not listening to you. And that may not come easily for them.
You're needing a different type of support (not JUST a car to borrow)
and they're not getting it. Which doesn't make them bad people, but
it does make it more difficult for you.

Is there anyone you can hitch a ride with, to your activities
tomorrow?

Not really. We don't really 'fit' in a car. There will be 4 of us, and
with all 3 still in some form of car seat (DS still uses a booster) we don't
really fit in vehicles. I'm already going to have to push my luck a little
and either smash 3 seats into the back seat OR put someone's seat in the
front passenger's seat (which I'm not crazy about that idea) but at least
there's no airbags in the car, so that's one less hazard. I need a van for
a reason and it seems most that drive vans do have a van for the space
issue.
I might ask my mom if she's available for the time we have pictures to go
to - not only for vehicle reasons, but even for my own sanity. Handling all
of them on my own at Walmart (or any public place) is NEVER fun for me...
My mom might be available, though, and they are good as gold with her around
(obviously!) lol

Nan