Hello, way long sorry.....

"Bebe lestrnge" wrote in message
...

Hi Vicky, the advice you have given helps a lot ! I have taken way too
much of the responsibility away from these kids and I will indeed need
to continue to raise my own daughter though Right?

Indeed. I tell you, I can give this advice, because I was the daughter
depending on my mom for help. She prevailed as well as I.

She is doing a
wonderful job with Jaime .

J'aime means LOVE in the French language. I like that name.

As is Jimmy.
I have had a hard time pulling away the well meaning motherly advice to
both of them. I know it was our choice to take on so much while they
attend school but for the babies well being . We did not want to take
her out in the bitter cold to a day care situation at 2 months old. So
we accommodated that. I still stand there on it too ! We do need to ease
out of the picture a little bit and give them more to decide for
themselves but again they are kids and damn they don't think right some
times. It is hard to stop parenting your 16 year old . I really do not
know how?
I'm struggling here..........Bev


It is hard to watch them take knocks from life. My kids are 8 and 10 now and I
hate to say, "don't do that you are going to ...." and bam. They learn though.
Hey, at least they both took responsiblity of some sort. Just keep plugging
Bev...kids and teens (oh I dread these days) do not come with guided animated
instructions. I wished they did and I would find out how to keep Catie from
"rocking with the guitar" on my bed. She is now doing jumps so I must go.
Take care.
V

"Joelle" wrote in message
...
She has said in
anger to her b/f that his parents do nothing to help and hers do
everything ,

Maybe it would help to point out that his parents are also missing out on
part of the joy, and because of their choice will not have the same bond
with the baby that you and your partner will.

I heard this and felt good that she sees all we do and sad

See, seeing her resent her boyfriend because her mom does more than his
parents
should not make you feel good. It should worry you. What that child
needs is
stable mother and father, together if possible. Already this is a bad set
up
for the father- he's set up to be a failure compared to his girlfriend's
mother. This is going to make him resent you, resent her, and maybe even
withdraw more from his child because he feels he can't live up.

It might help them both to remind them on occasion that this is only a
temporary situation - that you are happy to help out until they can finish
their educations and prepare themselves to be self-supporting, and when that
time comes the situation will be vastly different. I'd also suggest pointing
out to them that a large part of taking care of their daughter right now
*is* preparing themselves to take better care of her in the future - that
finishing school and preparing for the adult world really are part of taking
care of their baby.

Best wishes to you all,
Joy

"Bebe lestrnge" wrote in message
...

I am leaning towards suggesting to Sara to get legal custody of the baby

Isn't Sara the baby's mother? Then doesn't she already have legal custody?
Or am I missing something?

Joy

snipped other stuff
percentage of child support

Vicky wrote;
There is no choice. Food, Home, Clothing, Lessons, Academics....shall I
continue? You are a single parent, you know it takes monetary support to
raise children if you do not have a high income.

Bev wrote;
I agree with you on this Vicky, I have received child support for my
girls for about 15 years now. I have accepted 50.00 per week per child
and that has come to 5200.00 a year. Now we all know it cost way more
than that to raise two kids. This is not even half of the cost.
When I make around 22,000.00 a year and there is no savings. I go
without to give my kids what they need and yeah sometimes just what they
want . Cause I can. I am not complaining, but it urks my craw when
people make child support a negative issue. It is not, the children
deserve it and a whole lot more than they get most of the time if they
are getting it at all from both moms or dads. Just my opinion . Bev

"V" wrote in message
...

"P.Fritz" wrote in message
...

in response to Vicky's comment on the set percent of child support that
non
custodial parents are required to pay by law:

33% of what? What YOU chose to spend on the kids?

There is no choice. Food, Home, Clothing, Lessons, Academics....shall I
continue? You are a single parent, you know it takes monetary support to
raise
children if you do not have a high income.


BTW.....since the is absolutlely no restrictions on what YOU spend the
money
on, it is for you.


Of course there is: I have a conscious! If I were a crack headed
whore,
maybe I would buy dope with it. For now, I choose to utilize the money
to aid
in my children's future.
I was trying to say something totally different and I believe you
misconstrued
it.

Then what were you trying to say?

V

"Bebe lestrnge" wrote in message
...
snipped other stuff
percentage of child support

Vicky wrote;
There is no choice. Food, Home, Clothing, Lessons, Academics....shall I
continue? You are a single parent, you know it takes monetary support to
raise children if you do not have a high income.

Bev wrote;
I agree with you on this Vicky, I have received child support for my
girls for about 15 years now. I have accepted 50.00 per week per child
and that has come to 5200.00 a year. Now we all know it cost way more
than that to raise two kids. This is not even half of the cost.
When I make around 22,000.00 a year and there is no savings. I go
without to give my kids what they need and yeah sometimes just what they
want . Cause I can. I am not complaining, but it urks my craw when
people make child support a negative issue. It is not, the children
deserve it and a whole lot more than they get most of the time if they
are getting it at all from both moms or dads. Just my opinion . Bev


Child support is the guvmint mandating what ONE parent spends on their
child, without ANY accounting of how that money is spent by the other
parent. It further sets a different for NCP's vs. ALL other types of
parents. It is patently unconstitutional, but since it is so PC, it is
allowed to continue. It has also further eroded the stability of marriage
in this country, as well as encourages out of wedlock births. It allows
women to escape financial responsibility for their sole and unilateral
choices. It irks me when people so blindly accept it as 'the way it should
be'

Bebe lestrnge wrote in message
...
snipped other stuff
percentage of child support

Vicky wrote;
There is no choice. Food, Home, Clothing, Lessons, Academics....shall I
continue? You are a single parent, you know it takes monetary support to
raise children if you do not have a high income.

Bev wrote;
I agree with you on this Vicky, I have received child support for my
girls for about 15 years now. I have accepted 50.00 per week per child
and that has come to 5200.00 a year. Now we all know it cost way more
than that to raise two kids. This is not even half of the cost.
When I make around 22,000.00 a year and there is no savings. I go
without to give my kids what they need and yeah sometimes just what they
want . Cause I can. I am not complaining, but it urks my craw when
people make child support a negative issue. It is not, the children
deserve it and a whole lot more than they get most of the time if they
are getting it at all from both moms or dads. Just my opinion . Bev


The support isn't meant to pay for ALL your kids needs. $100.00 a week for 2
kids..... how much do you think it does cost for 2 kids if $100.00 isn't
enough? And actually your annual income is 27,200 with that support you get.
Alot of folks here get NO financial help btw.

T

"Bebe lestrnge" wrote in message
...

Hello, way long sorry.....

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Mon, Feb 16, 2004, 4:33pm From:
(P.Fritz)


Paul wrote:
It is quite obvious you are enabling your daughter........she made adult
decisions to gestate and birth a child, she needs to act like an adult
and provide for it as well. Your 'taking' financial responsibility is
going to do more har than good.

Hey Paul..........My crap detector says someone be slinging crap my
way. Now I am not usually hard to talk to and I even listen to other
peoples opinions well. I think your opinion/advice???? has a few thorns
in there... ouch ! So if I may defend myself and my daughter would ya
be easy with me please

Nope, you just don't want to hear opiniions that you don't agree with.


Yes alright already !!!!!!!! I am an enabler
NOT!.... listen .........She is my baby, she is 16 , she has mental
health issues, she made a mistake she played with fire and got
burned.... I am her mother, I am her role model, I am who she knows will
never turn away from her, the one she can depend on, the one that is
still raising her to adulthood, teaching her , preparing her to survive
in this crazy world to stand on her own two feet a strong vital woman .
She is still growing up and until she is grown up which may be around
the age of what....... say 30 wink maybe I will have done my job
right. In the mean time I wonder if your daughter made the same mistake
if you would throw her out in the cold with the baby?????? Yes I am
taking financial responsibility, I do not know too many if any 16 yr old
kids that can support themselves let alone a baby too. Yeah this is
screwed up isn't it? I could toss em all out on their butts to live or
maybe die on the street and that would teach her huh what loving parents
really are huh ?????

Did you read the enabling drivel before you posted it? and you sit around
and wonder why she is in the situation that she is? You are dooming her
and your grandchild to repeat the same cycle. You are how old and making
22k a year. You have a live in 'partner' Some role model.


Sometimes I wonder about people and you are making me
wonder................


There is no wondering about you.

Bebe lestrnge wrote in message
...

Hello, way long sorry.....

Group: alt.support.single-parents Date: Sun, Feb 15, 2004, 8:35pm
(EST+5) From: oaway (Joelle)


Am I thinking right to feel that his parents should be doing something
here ??????

-------------
You can feel whatever you want, but you can't make them help. And truth
be told, it's not his parent's responsiblity, nor is it yours. It's the
kids.

Hello Joelle, Thanks for responding, Yeah it is the kids responsibility,
I think I have known that but seem to keep coming back to how the heck
can/will they be able to do it on their own ? They just haven't got the
ability at their age to . I know I took the responsibility to help them
and just could not see another way that would be acceptable to me I
guess. ( adoption or abortion were never a choice for me) So I see where
I made this decision to at least be financially responsible until the
kids finish school and can work and find their way out into the big bad
world ,ya know?

--------------------------
unless your daughter gives up custody, you have no control.

Hmmmmmm no control is probably more of the problem for me huh?
------------------------
You aren't the parent. She is.

Yep you are right, and it is so difficult to have to let your child
struggle through the hard stuff, but that is how they grow.

-----------------------
I'm not saying it's not a great thing that you are stepping in for this
child, but it's gonna get dicey and if his parents haven't stepped up to
the plate by now, they probably aren't going to.

right again Joelle, They won't be and I guess again I am just ticked
about their lack of consideration . I guess I should of realised after
his mother refused to attend the baby shower that things would be this
way. My daughter has mentioned "child support" from her boyfriend and I
was truthful to her .....I said" it is your right to do so but think it
through it could cause a problem with him and his parents." So far she
has let it be. He does buy the babies diapers and wipes which does help
a great deal. This is so hard for me to stand back and I thank you for
your honesty with me.
----------------

Good luck.

Thanks! Bev


The other parents just may not feel its their job to raise their grandkids.
You can hardly fault them for that. As for the ex paying child support, does
he even work? part-time? How much support do you think he can pay at this
point? If he is in the kids life and helping with diapers, your daughter and
you should leave it alone.

T

"Tiffany" wrote in message
...

Bebe lestrnge wrote in message
...
snipped other stuff
percentage of child support

Vicky wrote;
There is no choice. Food, Home, Clothing, Lessons, Academics....shall
I
continue? You are a single parent, you know it takes monetary support
to
raise children if you do not have a high income.

Bev wrote;
I agree with you on this Vicky, I have received child support for my
girls for about 15 years now. I have accepted 50.00 per week per
child
and that has come to 5200.00 a year. Now we all know it cost way more
than that to raise two kids. This is not even half of the cost.
When I make around 22,000.00 a year and there is no savings. I go
without to give my kids what they need and yeah sometimes just what
they
want . Cause I can. I am not complaining, but it urks my craw when
people make child support a negative issue. It is not, the children
deserve it and a whole lot more than they get most of the time if they
are getting it at all from both moms or dads. Just my opinion . Bev


The support isn't meant to pay for ALL your kids needs. $100.00 a week
for 2
kids..... how much do you think it does cost for 2 kids if $100.00 isn't
enough? And actually your annual income is 27,200 with that support you
get.
Alot of folks here get NO financial help btw.

Since CS is after tax income, that equates to closer to 30k in 'income'
dollars.




T