If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below. |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
#1
|
|||
|
|||
how am I ever going to date?
so yesterday I had this guy come up to the house (this is the first time a
friend who is male has been to my house without my ex.) I had this really guilty feeling like I was cheating, and it didnt help that my ex kept calling every hour. Sometimes I wouldnt answer but then that would look like I was hiding something, so then I would talk to him and tell him that the other guy (a mutual friend) was still here. It was awful! THERE WAS NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY OR SCARED this guy is not even someone that I am interested in, and yet it was this big freaky ordeal. Its like I am controlled or programmed or something. I am a very active person and like the company of men as well as women. I am not just going to have women friends and yet I feel like I cant have men friends without some big fight with my ex. In a way, I just wanted to see how I socialized with men again... and it sucked... the way it went down... how nervous I became everytime the phone rang. My ex is my best friend... and we are trying to do the impossible I guess which is maintain the friendship and move on. But he admitted today that he gets so jealous when I am with another guy. And there is double standards happening too... like he has had girls come over and tried to hit on them... so far he hasnt been successful but at least he tries. I feel like I am not even allowed to try without some big ordeal. He wont watch our kid on weekends. And has said that he does not want me to have men at the house hanging out with our son. I told him that was impossible since he only takes our son 6 hours a week while I work, and I cant afford to get a babysitter to go meet someone. AHHHHH! There is no way I could date being such a freak, walking the line like, I am. I dont even really no how to back away from my friendship with my ex... I know there needs to be some space so I can move on... I just dont know how without totally loosing my friend, and I care for him. But this transition is HARD and made harder by the fact that we are so close and I dont ever get out. I almost wish he would hook up with someone to take some pressure off me. He is also diagnosed bi-polar and has some horrible episodes, so in a way, I am afraid of that too. I just dont want to rock the boat... keep the peace. Is this possible or am I fooling myself? |
#2
|
|||
|
|||
On Wed, 13 Oct 2004 12:14:48 -0600, "mapatchie"
wrote: so yesterday I had this guy come up to the house (this is the first time a friend who is male has been to my house without my ex.) I had this really guilty feeling like I was cheating, and it didnt help that my ex kept calling every hour. Sometimes I wouldnt answer but then that would look like I was hiding something, so then I would talk to him and tell him that the other guy (a mutual friend) was still here. It was awful! THERE WAS NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY OR SCARED this guy is not even someone that I am interested in, and yet it was this big freaky ordeal. Its like I am controlled or programmed or something. I am a very active person and like the company of men as well as women. I am not just going to have women friends and yet I feel like I cant have men friends without some big fight with my ex. In a way, I just wanted to see how I socialized with men again... and it sucked... the way it went down... how nervous I became everytime the phone rang. My ex is my best friend... and we are trying to do the impossible I guess which is maintain the friendship and move on. But he admitted today that he gets so jealous when I am with another guy. And there is double standards happening too... like he has had girls come over and tried to hit on them... so far he hasnt been successful but at least he tries. I feel like I am not even allowed to try without some big ordeal. He wont watch our kid on weekends. And has said that he does not want me to have men at the house hanging out with our son. I told him that was impossible since he only takes our son 6 hours a week while I work, and I cant afford to get a babysitter to go meet someone. AHHHHH! There is no way I could date being such a freak, walking the line like, I am. I dont even really no how to back away from my friendship with my ex... I know there needs to be some space so I can move on... I just dont know how without totally loosing my friend, and I care for him. But this transition is HARD and made harder by the fact that we are so close and I dont ever get out. I almost wish he would hook up with someone to take some pressure off me. He is also diagnosed bi-polar and has some horrible episodes, so in a way, I am afraid of that too. I just dont want to rock the boat... keep the peace. Is this possible or am I fooling myself? If someone else were standing in the way of your growth and happiness, would you call them a friend? You and your ex are co-parents. If you are still involved emotionally to the extent that you appear to be, then you're not ready to date. If you're not, then turn the phone off. He's controlling you but you're letting him. I agree with him about dates and your child -- you should go *out* to date, not have dates at home. You're not the only parent who can't afford a sitter -- find another parent and trade nights out. lm |
#3
|
|||
|
|||
"mapatchie" wrote in message ... so yesterday I had this guy come up to the house (this is the first time a friend who is male has been to my house without my ex.) I had this really guilty feeling like I was cheating, and it didnt help that my ex kept calling every hour. Sometimes I wouldnt answer but then that would look like I was hiding something, so then I would talk to him and tell him that the other guy (a mutual friend) was still here. It was awful! THERE WAS NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY OR SCARED snip Go to couseling, seriously, to help resolve issues of guilt with your ex. I wished I had gone sooner! V |
#4
|
|||
|
|||
"mapatchie" wrote in message ...
so yesterday I had this guy come up to the house (this is the first time a friend who is male has been to my house without my ex.) I had this really guilty feeling like I was cheating, and it didnt help that my ex kept calling every hour. Sometimes I wouldnt answer but then that would look like I was hiding something, so then I would talk to him and tell him that the other guy (a mutual friend) was still here. It was awful! THERE WAS NO REASON TO FEEL GUILTY OR SCARED this guy is not even someone that I am interested in, and yet it was this big freaky ordeal. Its like I am controlled or programmed or something. I am a very active person and like the company of men as well as women. I am not just going to have women friends and yet I feel like I cant have men friends without some big fight with my ex. In a way, I just wanted to see how I socialized with men again... and it sucked... the way it went down... how nervous I became everytime the phone rang. My ex is my best friend... and we are trying to do the impossible I guess which is maintain the friendship and move on. But he admitted today that he gets so jealous when I am with another guy. And there is double standards happening too... like he has had girls come over and tried to hit on them... so far he hasnt been successful but at least he tries. I feel like I am not even allowed to try without some big ordeal. He wont watch our kid on weekends. And has said that he does not want me to have men at the house hanging out with our son. I told him that was impossible since he only takes our son 6 hours a week while I work, and I cant afford to get a babysitter to go meet someone. AHHHHH! There is no way I could date being such a freak, walking the line like, I am. I dont even really no how to back away from my friendship with my ex... I know there needs to be some space so I can move on... I just dont know how without totally loosing my friend, and I care for him. But this transition is HARD and made harder by the fact that we are so close and I dont ever get out. I almost wish he would hook up with someone to take some pressure off me. He is also diagnosed bi-polar and has some horrible episodes, so in a way, I am afraid of that too. I just dont want to rock the boat... keep the peace. Is this possible or am I fooling myself? Your ex seems to be more involved in your personal life than you think he should be. It seems like there a lot of emotional connection between the two of you still. It almost seems like you're ready to 'overlap' relationships. I think you should work on really separating yourself from him and him from you for a while. Making a healthy next step will be good for all three of you... your son is really caught in the middle on some control issues. I don't think you should invite men over. Go out and socialize but keep the home ground sacred. Your ex will feel comfortable with that and your son doesn't need to be subjected to the involvement evolvement that you're headed. Karen |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
FAQ July 2004 | Daniel | Single Parents | 0 | July 6th 04 02:25 AM |
Feb. FAQ | turtledove | Single Parents | 0 | February 2nd 04 01:53 PM |
Review: Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! (***) | Steve Rhodes | General | 0 | January 16th 04 09:05 PM |
November's FAQ! | turtledove | Single Parents | 0 | November 1st 03 05:13 PM |
FAQ October 2003 | turtledove | Single Parents | 0 | October 17th 03 03:50 AM |