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Positive Parenting Moment



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 10th 03, 04:14 AM
Chookie
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Default Positive Parenting Moment

DS (29mo) has to either hold my hand or be carried through parking areas, but
has resented hand-holding for quite a long time. I have dragged him or picked
him up when necessary, and always explained that "we hold hands in parking
areas", but wasn't really getting anywhere with it.

The solution is: "I like holding hands with you!"

Works like a charm; hope it helps someone else!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"...children should continue to be breastfed... for up to two years of age
or beyond." -- Innocenti Declaration, Florence, 1 August 1990
  #2  
Old August 10th 03, 03:03 PM
K, T, E & N
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Default Positive Parenting Moment

You go girl!

Our 'parking lot' rules have always included holding hands! I do recall
some bit of fighting it when they learned to walk and were looking or some
independence. We wouldn't move until they'd cooperate or we'd pack back up
in the car and go back home - no mall, no pool, no where ever they wanted to
be. Both my girls will stand right by the car when they get out and hold
their hand up. They're 3 and 5.

Kim



  #3  
Old August 10th 03, 05:50 PM
Karen Askey
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Default Positive Parenting Moment

DS (29mo) has to either hold my hand or be carried through parking areas, but

has resented hand-holding for quite a long time. I have dragged him or
picked
him up when necessary, and always explained that "we hold hands in parking
areas", but wasn't really getting anywhere with it.

The solution is: "I like holding hands with you!"

Works like a charm; hope it helps someone else!

We do something very similar. I always tell DS, "Please hold my hand. I feel
safer when you do." He readily complies. Sometimes he will beat me to the
request and say, "I hold your hand, Mommy, to keep you safe!"



koa
Still nursing James, 02/06/01
EP'ing for Joey 04/02/03 (BCP)

  #4  
Old August 11th 03, 06:44 PM
Stephanie and Tim
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Default Positive Parenting Moment

I do both, I say, we have to hold hands in the parking lot since it is
dangerous. Good hting I LOVE holding hands with you!

The thing - alas- that really worked for me was getting down on my haunches
and explaining that if he would not hold my hand, I would have to carry him.
I did not want my precious boy to get hurt. He did not want to hold hands,
but he wanted to be carried even less!

S



"Chookie" wrote in message
...
DS (29mo) has to either hold my hand or be carried through parking areas,

but
has resented hand-holding for quite a long time. I have dragged him or

picked
him up when necessary, and always explained that "we hold hands in parking
areas", but wasn't really getting anywhere with it.

The solution is: "I like holding hands with you!"

Works like a charm; hope it helps someone else!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

"...children should continue to be breastfed... for up to two years of age
or beyond." -- Innocenti Declaration, Florence, 1 August 1990




  #5  
Old August 11th 03, 07:44 PM
dragonlady
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Default Positive Parenting Moment

In article ,
Wendy Marsden wrote:

Chookie wrote:
The solution is: "I like holding hands with you!"


Sammy's a bit older - he's four now. He knows to stop at the curb and
wait for me and is very reliable about it. The thing is, he has developed
a new habit of dashing out towards the street and then stopping short
right at the curb. He not only gives me a heart attack, but any driver
passing by as well.

I try to explain that he scares people because they can't tell that he's
going to stop, but he is absolutely sure he was GOING to stop and can't
understand why everyone else doesn't know this, too. (Doesn't EVERY kid
stop at the street?)

Any suggestions on how to stop this? I love his exuberance and he THINKS
he is being good by so dramatically stopping at the curb. I assure you
that carrying a struggling-to-get-free four year old while pushing a load
of groceries is not the preferred solution.

The other thing he's started doing in the grocery store is wandering out
of my sight and not answering when I call and then acting wounded because
he was RIGHT THERE and JUST FINE. I see this problem as part of the above
one: he wants to dash away from me and feels quite comfortable that he's
doing fine. I honestly don't feel there's a Sammy-Snatcher lurking in
the bread aisle and I don't want to cite that as why he has to be in my
line of sight (or at least ANSWER to let me know where he is). What would
you tell him?

It's funny: Sammy's issues are all his own. I didn't have these problems
with his older sister and brother. (And vice versa.)

Wendy


With one like this, I had more luck explaining it as MY need to feel
safe. Stuff like, "I know YOU know you are going to stop, but it scares
me so much to see you running towards the street, and I'm afraid I'm
going to hurt myself trying to run after you to stop you! I need you to
stop doing it because it frightens me." No lies there, at least for me
-- it scared the crap out of me, and, with my knee problems, taking off
at a run COULD have hurt me.

Same thing in the grocery sto "I get scared when I can't see you. I
need you to stay where I know you are, and when you DO accidentally get
out of sight, I need for you to answer me so I don't get worried."

This continues to work, even with daughters who are going through their
teens less than delightfully: with the exception of a fairly short
period of time, they always call, because they know I will worry if they
don't.

Sometimes, one of the girls has tried to convince me I'm "illogical" for
being worried. Occassionally, they have even been successful, and I've
backed off on something I wanted, as they've convinced me that I was
being overly concerned. However, when I'm confident that I'm right, I
let them know that their logic is not relevant to MY fear: this is how
I feel, and that is reality. (And, yes, I am as respectful of things
THEY feel, whether or not they make logical sense.)

meh
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #6  
Old August 12th 03, 04:46 PM
Bev Brandt
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Default Positive Parenting Moment

Wendy Marsden wrote in message ...

Any suggestions on how to stop this? I love his exuberance and he THINKS
he is being good by so dramatically stopping at the curb. I assure you
that carrying a struggling-to-get-free four year old while pushing a load
of groceries is not the preferred solution.


I try to draw the imaginary line further back than the curb, if you
follow. I recall that Sammy had a thing for going into the street
about a year ago, am I correct? My youngest, Jarrod, does the same
thing (and he's almost 3, so he's right at the
"run-willy-nilly-into-the-street-because-I'm-immortal" age.)

So I tell him to stop running at the sidewalk since there's about 8 to
10 feet of easement in our neighborhood. And he's been abiding by that
very well.

When we're in public, I have to be quick on the uptake and when Jarrod
starts off I just yell after him "Stop at the line!" or "Stop at the
flowers!" or some landmark that's further back than the curb. I admit
this doesn't always work and most times I just yell "Stop!" I'm in
good enough shape to take off after him, which I'll also do. (Note to
self, must re-start running program.)

He's still alive, though. *I'm* about to have a coronary.

The other thing he's started doing in the grocery store is wandering out
of my sight and not answering when I call and then acting wounded because
he was RIGHT THERE and JUST FINE....What would
you tell him?


I use a carrot and stick method. Just last night I took my younger two
grocery shopping. One of the things we needed to get was some soda.
They do get sugary soft drinks on occasion and when I said we were
buying soda, they acted like I was buying the nectar of the gods.
Okay, said I...you can have some soda with dinner tonight *IF* you
"stay with me." They know that "staying with mom" means within
eyesight. In fact, it's within about a 10-foot raidus of the cart.

They did. They got "choda" as J calls it. They touched just about
every hang tag and display in the store...but...

It's funny: Sammy's issues are all his own. I didn't have these problems
with his older sister and brother. (And vice versa.)

Wendy


Same here. Third child. I think it has to do with the stuff we parents
figure out with subsequent kids. And somehow, some way, the later
children seem to have more self-confidence probably because *we're*
more confident. At toddler and preschool age, this self confidence
translates into more risk-taking.

At just under 3, Jarrod can ride a small bicycle with training wheels,
he clunks around in his big sister's roller skates, and usually when
there's a 3-child wrestling match going on, it's *Jarrod* that I have
to pull off of the others because *they're* getting hurt! He thinks he
can fly and walk on water. Sometimes both at once. And when I tell him
to stop doing something because he might get hurt, he has the verbal
skills to reason out of it: "No I won't. I okay, mom."

He pairs his risk-taking with a big grin and a hug just before he runs
off. Works like a charm...

- Bev
 




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