How did you decide?

Clisby wrote
[snip]
When Joseph was born, Emma despised him. I found her
once, waving a play wand over him - she told me she was trying to make
him disappear. Another time, she told me she wished we could go back
in the past and Joseph would never be born - with tears in her eyes, she
looked up at me and asked, "Is that a *bad* wish?"

OMG, that put tears in *my* eyes. On the one hand, the wish *is*
totally understandable. On the other, as a mother, it would have
broken my heart. Also, a sibling can be the best thing in the world
for a person -- hopefully she will feel that way someday. Mind if I
ask how she's doing with him now? You say she was 5.5, but I don't
know how long ago that was.

On this topic: My oldest was 3.25 when his sister was born, and loved
her immediately. I don't remember if he'd been asking for a sibling
before I got pregnant, but he was happy about the idea from the time
we broke the news. After she was born, he continued to ask for another
sibling -- but specifically a boy now. I made it clear that we can't
choose stuff like that about babies. His sister also came to ask for a
baby. But somewhere before I got pregnant with #3, my son started to
say, "no more kids. we have the right number now." Eventually, I came
to agree with him. Then -- whoops! -- I got pregnant. The kids were
just 6 and almost 4 at the time. When we told the kids, he went NUTS,
jumping up and down, laughing insanely. His sister was also happy
about the news, but not on the same level.

Nevermind wrote:
Clisby wrote

[snip]
When Joseph was born, Emma despised him. I found her
once, waving a play wand over him - she told me she was trying to make
him disappear. Another time, she told me she wished we could go back
in the past and Joseph would never be born - with tears in her eyes, she
looked up at me and asked, "Is that a *bad* wish?"


OMG, that put tears in *my* eyes. On the one hand, the wish *is*
totally understandable. On the other, as a mother, it would have
broken my heart.

I said, "No, it's not a bad wish - but it's a wish that can't come
true." She said, "How do you know?" (We'd been reading the Harry
Potter books to her, so maybe she thought there was a chance.)

Also, a sibling can be the best thing in the world
for a person -- hopefully she will feel that way someday. Mind if I
ask how she's doing with him now? You say she was 5.5, but I don't
know how long ago that was.


Oh, she's 7.5 now - she was OK with him after 3 or 4 months, and now
she's very fond of him. Of course, he thinks she's the most
fascinating creature on earth, so she has a built-in audience.

I doubt there are too many children who keep on despising a new sibling
- it's just that I don't see any reason to *expect* that a child will be
thrilled to have his/her world disrupted by a loud, demanding, messy
little stranger.

Clisby

HollyLewis wrote:
This is definitely going to be a YMMV issue. My older child never once
expressed a desire for a sibling. A few times when we broached the
subject of whether she'd like a little brother or sister, we got a loud,
outraged, "NO!"


DS had expressed a wish for a little sister, but mildly and only once or twice
-- a long way from "lobbying."

When I told him that he would have a little brother or sister this summer, he
didn't seem to have much of a reaction one way or the other -- he was just
taking in the information. Then I said, "And you will be a big brother." THAT
got a great big "NO!" g

He sees the future, and it's taking the shape of tiny hands grabbing his
stuff.

Here's one of the most frequent sibling interactions at my house:

"JOSEPH!"
"MINE! MINE!"
"MOOOOM!"

Clisby

Clisby wrote in message
He sees the future, and it's taking the shape of tiny hands grabbing his
stuff. Here's one of the most frequent sibling interactions at my house:

"JOSEPH!"
"MINE! MINE!"
"MOOOOM!"

LOL, sounds like my house. Except in our case it's Kara give me that, Kara
stop, KAAARRRRAAAA, Kara runs with stolen object. Then I hear, I'm tellin
mom. MOOOOOMMMMMM.

With three girls very close in age, yikes the fighting is nonstop.
Incidentally, my kids never expressed an interest in having siblings. Dd1
was quite happy being the only child and there are still days she wonders
why we had more children. )
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

"Nikki" wrote in message ...
Irene wrote:

Remember, also, that's a lot like Ericka's spacing...and she seems
pretty happy with it.

I know!! :-) She makes everything sound so simple/easy though! She does
make it sound nice though.

I know what you mean!

If we decide on a third, I don't know if I can wait that long - that
would make me 39-40, which would make me a little nervous.

Oh yeah. I'll be 36 so that would be OK. It would even leave time for a
4th if I was so inclined. I started out wanting at least 4 but I've
ammended that to three....mostly because I don't think I'll every be able to
be a SAHM and I don't think I could keep up with working FT and more then
three kids!

Well, I'm the one who started out wanting 2, and dh wants more. I
think partly because I grew up in a family with 2 kids, and he grew up
in a family with 3 kids, so we each think how we grew up was a good
number! I just also keep thinking about how things seem so much
simpler with 2 - for instance, we might have to get much bigger
vehicles if we had 3. Which is actually probably the most urgent part
of the question, since I'll probably need to replace my car in the
next year or 2, and I'd like to know how many kids I'm trying to fit!
;-)

But, I
still need to go through the adjustment of 1 to 2 - I'll worry about
the 2 to 3 question later!

Hee - don't get ahead of yourself. If it helps any, I found the adjustment
from 1-2 quite easy (very easy actually) at first. The time from 18mo to
2yo was not as easy. I really struggle with the whole breastfeeding toddler
thing, nobody was sleeping, I was just worn down. Hunter wasn't doing
anything for himself and hit is terrible twos when he was three :-)

At least Thomas is finally sleeping through the night about 90% of the
time, thank goodness! He also started the terrible twos at around 20
months, so I'm hoping he'll be done with them at around 3...OTOH, he's
figured out how to climb onto the kitchen counters now, and other fun
ways to get into trouble, which I'm sure he'll take great advantage of
while I'm trying to sit and bf the baby!

Irene
mom to Thomas 7/01
#2 EDD 4/04

Sue wrote:

Incidentally, my kids never expressed an interest in having siblings.
Dd1 was quite happy being the only child and there are still days she
wonders why we had more children. )

Hunter would have been very happy as an only child I think. Just his
personality. He loves his brother and there is actually less fighting then
I anticipated (mostly because of Hunter's personality - I mean that in a
good way). They are 2.5 and 4.5 and neither have made a peep about wanting
a sibling.

Hunter couldn't talk when I was pg and Luke was born so I'm not sure what he
was thinking about it.


--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

Clisby wrote
[snip]
When Joseph was born, Emma despised him. I found her
once, waving a play wand over him - she told me she was trying to make
him disappear. Another time, she told me she wished we could go back
in the past and Joseph would never be born - with tears in her eyes, she
looked up at me and asked, "Is that a *bad* wish?"

Awww. The day I came home from the hospital, a neighbor (who was a nice jolly
man with a large family of his own) came over and as he was holding me, said
"What a nice little baby, I think I'll just take her home," and my 3.5-year-old
brother brought the stroller in and said "Here you go, you can put her in
this!" or words to that effect.

My brother and I grew up very good friends after all, not to worry!

--Helen

H Schinske wrote:
Clisby wrote

[snip]
When Joseph was born, Emma despised him. I found her
once, waving a play wand over him - she told me she was trying to make
him disappear. Another time, she told me she wished we could go back
in the past and Joseph would never be born - with tears in her eyes, she
looked up at me and asked, "Is that a *bad* wish?"


Awww. The day I came home from the hospital, a neighbor (who was a nice jolly
man with a large family of his own) came over and as he was holding me, said
"What a nice little baby, I think I'll just take her home," and my 3.5-year-old
brother brought the stroller in and said "Here you go, you can put her in
this!" or words to that effect.

My brother and I grew up very good friends after all, not to worry!

--Helen

One woman told me about a child in her family - when the parents brought
a new baby home, the little girl looked at the baby and then wordlessly
turned to leave the room. When her mother asked where she was going,
she said, "To get the hatchet."

At least mine didn't have any outright murderous impulses, as far as I
can tell.

Clisby