OT, but I really need help with meals

Okay, let me lay out the situation:

One of my 4 year old daughters (Victoria) is tube-fed, and in order to wean
her to eating orally, we will need to have specific mealtimes 3 times a day
so she can model her eating behaviour after our consistent behaviour. In
effect, we need to change the way we run the household, for her sole
benefit.

However:

* We go to therapies or classes 4 and sometimes 5 days a week, at various
times depending on the day. It make scheduling meals at specific times
difficult, and eating cooked meals even more difficult.
* DH rarely eats anything I cook. Never has, never will. Even if he's home
at mealtimes, which he usually isn't.
* I get tired of eating the same thing all the time (but I wind up being the
only one eating what I cook, so I DO end up eating the same thing meal after
meal).
* The kids get tired of eating the same thing all the time.
* The kids frequently simply refuse to eat new things, or one will eat it
but others won't.
* I hate it when someone puts some arbitrary food in front of me and say
"Eat this, or go hungry, you're not allowed to have anything else." I have
no desire to do unto my children as was done to me. Besides, after 2 months
of eating the same meals in the hospital, the idea of having no say in what
I'm to eat is abhorrent to me to the point of horror. Call it a personal
problem, but I'm still the cook around here, and I don't want to do to my
children, what upsets *me* so badly.
* Regardless of what I make for the other kids, Victoria will be getting
something else (like yogurt to their pizza or chicken), and so the modeling
isn't quite right.
* I do worry about my children becoming like my parents: trained to be
hungry when the clock says so, and to ignore what their bodies say at other
times. I consider that unnatural and conducive to eating disorders and
obesity.

And of course, somehow I'm supposed to work around/through/ignore/somehow
overcome all of this, and make a meal plan and schedule that suits
everybody, and make eating time a pleasant experience while fighting the
other kids who aren't hungry, or don't want to eat whatever arbitrary food
I've chosen for them.

I feel set up for failure.

So, clearly, I'm going to have to break this down into manageable steps.

I talked to MIL and she was telling me about when she was in charge of a
food service for elderly (like meals on wheels) in the UK. So I have some
ideas. Like, writing down the sorts of things the other girls will eat
willingly, and then (she says) make a specific schedule of when people are
allowed to eat, and forbid them to eat at other times. So for breakfasts, we
might have:

Cinnamon or peanut butter toast (or bagels, or english muffins)
Pancakes
Waffles (homemade or frozen)
Oatmeal (instant or 5-minute) (other hot cereals)
Muffins
French toast (the only way they'll eat eggs - Emmaline actually gags on the
texture of scrambled eggs)
Yogurt

For lunch, we might have:

Spaghetti (with meatballs for Alexandra)
Sandwiches, various
Chicken teriyaki, other fast foods
Convenience foods of other kinds (fish sticks, etc)
Favorite vegetables (broccoli, carrots, stuffed celery sticks, brussels
sprouts)
Dinners, ditto.
Snacks can be things like apples, oranges, bananas, fresh munchie
vegetables, crackers, slices of cheese.

....but few of these things are things Victoria can or will eat.

I need help. Oh, do I need help. I don't even know what to do after making
these lists of foods they'll eat. I mean, the kids are not breakfast-eaters.
But if they don't eat breakfast, their next chance to sit down at the table
at home and eat may very well be 2 in the afternoon because of how our
therapy schedule works. What am I supposed to do about that? The last thing
I need is to have 3 kids to fight about food with, instead of just the one.

--angela

Hi Angela,

I'll have to think more about your dilemma, but the first thing that popped
into my head was crock pot cooking. You can throw something in the crockpot
in the morning and it will be ready for dinner or whenever someone will need
to eat. I do notice you eat a lot fast food/convenience food and due to your
schedule I don't blame you. Perhaps you could devote one day on the weekend
and cook up a storm and freeze things to pop out during the week. Like
lasagna, spagetti, chicken/beef/pork casseroles.

How come hubby doesn't eat what you eat? What does he eat?

I do think, however, that making some food and putting it in front of the
others and tell them that they do need to at least try the new food is
something that needs to be done. If you do this, you can broaden their taste
buds. At least make one thing in the dinner that each child will like and if
they don't like the other stuff after they have tried it, then so be it. As
for eating on the run, you can bring nutrious snacks with you to eat during
the appointments or on the way to appointments. I hope this helps some. )
--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

Chotii wrote in message
...

Okay, let me lay out the situation:

One of my 4 year old daughters (Victoria) is tube-fed, and in order to
wean
her to eating orally, we will need to have specific mealtimes 3 times a
day
so she can model her eating behaviour after our consistent behaviour. In
effect, we need to change the way we run the household, for her sole
benefit.

However:

* We go to therapies or classes 4 and sometimes 5 days a week, at various
times depending on the day. It make scheduling meals at specific times
difficult, and eating cooked meals even more difficult.
* DH rarely eats anything I cook. Never has, never will. Even if he's home
at mealtimes, which he usually isn't.
* I get tired of eating the same thing all the time (but I wind up being
the
only one eating what I cook, so I DO end up eating the same thing meal
after
meal).
* The kids get tired of eating the same thing all the time.
* The kids frequently simply refuse to eat new things, or one will eat it
but others won't.
* I hate it when someone puts some arbitrary food in front of me and say
"Eat this, or go hungry, you're not allowed to have anything else." I have
no desire to do unto my children as was done to me. Besides, after 2
months
of eating the same meals in the hospital, the idea of having no say in
what
I'm to eat is abhorrent to me to the point of horror. Call it a personal
problem, but I'm still the cook around here, and I don't want to do to my
children, what upsets *me* so badly.
* Regardless of what I make for the other kids, Victoria will be getting
something else (like yogurt to their pizza or chicken), and so the
modeling
isn't quite right.
* I do worry about my children becoming like my parents: trained to be
hungry when the clock says so, and to ignore what their bodies say at
other
times. I consider that unnatural and conducive to eating disorders and
obesity.

And of course, somehow I'm supposed to work around/through/ignore/somehow
overcome all of this, and make a meal plan and schedule that suits
everybody, and make eating time a pleasant experience while fighting the
other kids who aren't hungry, or don't want to eat whatever arbitrary food
I've chosen for them.

I feel set up for failure.

So, clearly, I'm going to have to break this down into manageable steps.

I talked to MIL and she was telling me about when she was in charge of a
food service for elderly (like meals on wheels) in the UK. So I have some
ideas. Like, writing down the sorts of things the other girls will eat
willingly, and then (she says) make a specific schedule of when people are
allowed to eat, and forbid them to eat at other times. So for breakfasts,
we
might have:

Cinnamon or peanut butter toast (or bagels, or english muffins)
Pancakes
Waffles (homemade or frozen)
Oatmeal (instant or 5-minute) (other hot cereals)
Muffins
French toast (the only way they'll eat eggs - Emmaline actually gags on
the
texture of scrambled eggs)
Yogurt

For lunch, we might have:

Spaghetti (with meatballs for Alexandra)
Sandwiches, various
Chicken teriyaki, other fast foods
Convenience foods of other kinds (fish sticks, etc)
Favorite vegetables (broccoli, carrots, stuffed celery sticks, brussels
sprouts)
Dinners, ditto.
Snacks can be things like apples, oranges, bananas, fresh munchie
vegetables, crackers, slices of cheese.

...but few of these things are things Victoria can or will eat.

I need help. Oh, do I need help. I don't even know what to do after making
these lists of foods they'll eat. I mean, the kids are not
breakfast-eaters.
But if they don't eat breakfast, their next chance to sit down at the
table
at home and eat may very well be 2 in the afternoon because of how our
therapy schedule works. What am I supposed to do about that? The last
thing
I need is to have 3 kids to fight about food with, instead of just the
one.

--angela

"Chotii" wrote in message
...

Okay, let me lay out the situation:

One of my 4 year old daughters (Victoria) is tube-fed, and in order to
wean
her to eating orally, we will need to have specific mealtimes 3 times a
day
so she can model her eating behaviour after our consistent behaviour. In
effect, we need to change the way we run the household, for her sole
benefit.

However:

* We go to therapies or classes 4 and sometimes 5 days a week, at various
times depending on the day. It make scheduling meals at specific times
difficult, and eating cooked meals even more difficult.

You can take sandwiches, fruit, crackers, and drinks with you in the car,
and all eat lunches together, picnic style. I'd guess that the aspect of
eating together is more important than the time being the same, but I could
be wrong.

* DH rarely eats anything I cook. Never has, never will. Even if he's home
at mealtimes, which he usually isn't.

Why not? Is your cooking that bad, or is he that picky of an eater that
you can't accomodate him? I understand if he's never home, but if he's
there, and you've cooked, why not eat it?

* I get tired of eating the same thing all the time (but I wind up being
the
only one eating what I cook, so I DO end up eating the same thing meal
after
meal).

Then cook different things. If you make large batches of something, then
freeze larger portions, so you don't have to it leftovers repeatedly, meal
after meal, to use up the food.

* The kids get tired of eating the same thing all the time.

Even if you have 4-5 things that the kids will eat, if you rotate them,
there will be some variation. Plus, introduce new items frequently, with a
manditory tasting rule, and lots of their regular favorites as backup.

* The kids frequently simply refuse to eat new things, or one will eat it
but others won't.

They sound like normal kids. My parents had a manditory tasting rule. I
had to taste something new, especially when we went out to dinner. I didn't
have to eat the whole thing, but I had to have a taste. You can also try
keeping a whiteboard list or binder of food items that they like, and each
time they find something new, write it down on their list.

* I hate it when someone puts some arbitrary food in front of me and say
"Eat this, or go hungry, you're not allowed to have anything else." I have
no desire to do unto my children as was done to me. Besides, after 2
months
of eating the same meals in the hospital, the idea of having no say in
what
I'm to eat is abhorrent to me to the point of horror. Call it a personal
problem, but I'm still the cook around here, and I don't want to do to my
children, what upsets *me* so badly.

Just because this upsets you, as an adult, doesn't mean that it will have
the same reaction in your kids. They may not mind, in the long run. Kids
like repetition, kids like consistency, kids like boring.

One friend of mine's 5 year old boy has various foods during the day, in
school, but at home, he wants one meal, for the past 3+ years -- chicken
nuggets, green beans, and applesauce. Every once in a while, he'll opt for
something else, but not often. It's comforting to him to know exactly what
dinner is going to be. He enjoys it. It isn't a battle. He eats.

Be careful that you don't go so far out of your way to not do this to your
kids, that you create eating monsters who turn you into a short order cook.
Kids can easily use food as a way to wage war and demonstrate their
independance and autonomy, and can quickly turn you into a short order
cook -- Child "A" wants hot dogs while Child "B" will only eat hamburgers --
except yesterday it was the other way around. It's not that Child A or B
cannot eat the item in question, it's just that the are exhibiting their
independance. I think eating and mealtimes are one of those times where you
have to just tell it like it is, and the kids will learn to eat what is
offered.

* Regardless of what I make for the other kids, Victoria will be getting
something else (like yogurt to their pizza or chicken), and so the
modeling
isn't quite right.

I think that shouldn't be a problem. Again, my take is that you are
modeling eating to her, not eating a specific item, or at a specific time.
I could be wrong on this take.

* I do worry about my children becoming like my parents: trained to be
hungry when the clock says so, and to ignore what their bodies say at
other
times. I consider that unnatural and conducive to eating disorders and
obesity.

I think in general, people do tend to get hungry around lunchtime, and again
around dinner time, whatever time that may be. With your crazy schedule, it
might vary. What you are teaching them is the importance of feeding
themselves on a regular basis, not just to eat because the clock says
5:00pm. I think if you allow them to eat until they are satisfied and not
force them to finish or clean their plate, you have less to worry about on
the eating disorder/obesity issue.

And of course, somehow I'm supposed to work around/through/ignore/somehow
overcome all of this, and make a meal plan and schedule that suits
everybody, and make eating time a pleasant experience while fighting the
other kids who aren't hungry, or don't want to eat whatever arbitrary food
I've chosen for them.

No, all you are supposed to do is provide healthy decent meals for your
family, without becoming a short order cook. It is not your job as a parent
to cater to their culinary whims. They are children, it's their job to
balk, fight, ****, moan and groan. It's what kids do.

I feel set up for failure.

I think you are setting yourself up for failure. Slow down, and like you
say, break it down into manageable steps. Don't worry about some of it.
Even if you only start modeling one meal a day for a week or two, then add
dinner a few nights a week. Do the best you can do, rather than strive for
"perfect" and do nothing, since you can never get it perfect. Any amount is
better than none, right?

So, clearly, I'm going to have to break this down into manageable steps.

I talked to MIL and she was telling me about when she was in charge of a
food service for elderly (like meals on wheels) in the UK. So I have some
ideas. Like, writing down the sorts of things the other girls will eat
willingly, and then (she says) make a specific schedule of when people are
allowed to eat, and forbid them to eat at other times. So for breakfasts,
we
might have:

I agree with this. Eating is for meals and snacks only. There shouldn't be
food around and available at other times. It takes away the importance of
mealtime.

Cinnamon or peanut butter toast (or bagels, or english muffins)
Pancakes
Waffles (homemade or frozen)
Oatmeal (instant or 5-minute) (other hot cereals)
Muffins
French toast (the only way they'll eat eggs - Emmaline actually gags on
the
texture of scrambled eggs)
Yogurt

A good start list. Don't offer this as a menu daily for them to chose from.
You decide what you are preparing for the family. You can even do it
weekly, with the kids help. Monday - Oatmeal. Tuesday, Yogurt.
Wednesday - Muffins, etc.

For lunch, we might have:

Spaghetti (with meatballs for Alexandra)
Sandwiches, various
Chicken teriyaki, other fast foods
Convenience foods of other kinds (fish sticks, etc)
Favorite vegetables (broccoli, carrots, stuffed celery sticks, brussels
sprouts)

Dinners, ditto.
Snacks can be things like apples, oranges, bananas, fresh munchie
vegetables, crackers, slices of cheese.

...but few of these things are things Victoria can or will eat.

You'll just have to allow Victoria to eat what she can eat. It's just like
if you sat down to dinner as a family, with a baby. Baby get's baby food,
while the rest of us eat our regular dinner. Victoria will eat what
Victoria can eat. On those days where she can eat what you're all having,
great. On the days when she can't, she'll eat what she can. And hopefully
as she develops more, she'll be able to add to her repetoir. Maybe her list
could get longer than the other kids lists!

There is a really good book out there called How to Get Your Kid to Eat --
But Not Too Much, From Birth to Adolescence, by Ellyn Satter. I'm guessing
it won't specifically deal with the feeding tube issue, but if you can get
the rest of your family feeding issues sorted out, perhaps that one aspect
won't be as daunting?

Good luck.
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clark_guest,
Password: Guest1
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Handmade Baby Blankets -- www.geocities.com/digit_the_cat/Blankets.html

I hope this isn't too personal a question, but why is your daughter on a
feeding tube? How old are your other children? The reason I ask is that my
daughter had an NG tube from age 5 months to 8 months when she got a g-tube.
She just had it taken out last month at age 4 1/2, so I know a bit about
what you're dealing with. My daughter has Down syndrome and her problems
with eating had to do with a lack of muscle tone in her mouth so that it was
very difficult for her to eat enough. We went through several years of
feeding therapy (along with speech, OT, and PT) so if you're dealing with
some of the same problems, I might be able to offer some suggestions. If
you'd like to email me directly, feel free.

Leigh in raLeigh


"Chotii" wrote in message
...

Okay, let me lay out the situation:

One of my 4 year old daughters (Victoria) is tube-fed, and in order to
wean
her to eating orally, we will need to have specific mealtimes 3 times a
day
so she can model her eating behaviour after our consistent behaviour. In
effect, we need to change the way we run the household, for her sole
benefit.

However:

* We go to therapies or classes 4 and sometimes 5 days a week, at various
times depending on the day. It make scheduling meals at specific times
difficult, and eating cooked meals even more difficult.
* DH rarely eats anything I cook. Never has, never will. Even if he's home
at mealtimes, which he usually isn't.
* I get tired of eating the same thing all the time (but I wind up being
the
only one eating what I cook, so I DO end up eating the same thing meal
after
meal).
* The kids get tired of eating the same thing all the time.
* The kids frequently simply refuse to eat new things, or one will eat it
but others won't.
* I hate it when someone puts some arbitrary food in front of me and say
"Eat this, or go hungry, you're not allowed to have anything else." I have
no desire to do unto my children as was done to me. Besides, after 2
months
of eating the same meals in the hospital, the idea of having no say in
what
I'm to eat is abhorrent to me to the point of horror. Call it a personal
problem, but I'm still the cook around here, and I don't want to do to my
children, what upsets *me* so badly.
* Regardless of what I make for the other kids, Victoria will be getting
something else (like yogurt to their pizza or chicken), and so the
modeling
isn't quite right.
* I do worry about my children becoming like my parents: trained to be
hungry when the clock says so, and to ignore what their bodies say at
other
times. I consider that unnatural and conducive to eating disorders and
obesity.

And of course, somehow I'm supposed to work around/through/ignore/somehow
overcome all of this, and make a meal plan and schedule that suits
everybody, and make eating time a pleasant experience while fighting the
other kids who aren't hungry, or don't want to eat whatever arbitrary food
I've chosen for them.

I feel set up for failure.

So, clearly, I'm going to have to break this down into manageable steps.

I talked to MIL and she was telling me about when she was in charge of a
food service for elderly (like meals on wheels) in the UK. So I have some
ideas. Like, writing down the sorts of things the other girls will eat
willingly, and then (she says) make a specific schedule of when people are
allowed to eat, and forbid them to eat at other times. So for breakfasts,
we
might have:

Cinnamon or peanut butter toast (or bagels, or english muffins)
Pancakes
Waffles (homemade or frozen)
Oatmeal (instant or 5-minute) (other hot cereals)
Muffins
French toast (the only way they'll eat eggs - Emmaline actually gags on
the
texture of scrambled eggs)
Yogurt

For lunch, we might have:

Spaghetti (with meatballs for Alexandra)
Sandwiches, various
Chicken teriyaki, other fast foods
Convenience foods of other kinds (fish sticks, etc)
Favorite vegetables (broccoli, carrots, stuffed celery sticks, brussels
sprouts)
Dinners, ditto.
Snacks can be things like apples, oranges, bananas, fresh munchie
vegetables, crackers, slices of cheese.

...but few of these things are things Victoria can or will eat.

I need help. Oh, do I need help. I don't even know what to do after making
these lists of foods they'll eat. I mean, the kids are not
breakfast-eaters.
But if they don't eat breakfast, their next chance to sit down at the
table
at home and eat may very well be 2 in the afternoon because of how our
therapy schedule works. What am I supposed to do about that? The last
thing
I need is to have 3 kids to fight about food with, instead of just the
one.

--angela

Chotii wrote:

Okay, let me lay out the situation:

One of my 4 year old daughters (Victoria) is tube-fed, and in order to wean
her to eating orally, we will need to have specific mealtimes 3 times a day
so she can model her eating behaviour after our consistent behaviour. In
effect, we need to change the way we run the household, for her sole
benefit.

I need help. Oh, do I need help. I don't even know what to do after making
these lists of foods they'll eat. I mean, the kids are not breakfast-eaters.
But if they don't eat breakfast, their next chance to sit down at the table
at home and eat may very well be 2 in the afternoon because of how our
therapy schedule works. What am I supposed to do about that? The last thing
I need is to have 3 kids to fight about food with, instead of just the one.

--angela

It sounds to me like the main point of 3 sittings a day is to get victoria used
to the idea or create an association of eating specifically at 'mealtimes' even
though she won't actually be eating a typical breakfast/lunch/dinner fare. I
like your idea of creating a list of foods that all the kids *do* like and will
willing eat for different meals. Then basically enforce the 3 sittings, not
necessarily 3 full on meals. So, everyone sits up at the table for breakfast -
if they aren't hungry for what is being served, offer something easy to provide
(a cup of yogurt, cold cereal, etc). Pack a few easy snacks for later if other
kids get hungry between breakfast and lunch - it sounds like a pain, but its
quite easy, just some cut up peanut butter sandwiches on wheat bread, or a piece
of fruit, a bag of trail mix, raisins, just something you can have handy, easy
to pack around. Then everyone sits for lunch, fix something they will all eat,
etc. If they arent' hungry, same drill. I think what you are trying to do is
create 3 mealtimes but you don't want the other kids to feel like feast or
famine if they aren't necessarily hungry at those random times.

So create the 3 sit down times where the food is sort of secondary to helping
the 4 year old learn to eat, but to where snacks between 'meals' are available,
but limited so they don't rely on snacks to get them through. If they don't
like what is being offered for the 'meal', then they can make, or help you (not
sure ages) make a simple peanut butter or cheese sandwich and that is their
meal.

As for you, I know that I can only eat so much mac and cheese or nuggets, so
kid-fare isn't always the most appetizing; maybe making freezable meals and
sealing them in 1 or 2 portion size bags/containers and freezing them so its
easy to take them out and heat for you. Or have your husband cook your meals

cara

Chotii wrote:
Okay, let me lay out the situation:

One of my 4 year old daughters (Victoria) is tube-fed, and in order
to wean her to eating orally, we will need to have specific mealtimes
3 times a day so she can model her eating behaviour after our
consistent behaviour. In effect, we need to change the way we run the
household, for her sole benefit.

Oh I can feel your pain. I'm not a very scheduled meal person either. I'm
definately not an imaginative cook but I do find I cook a wider variety of
things if I do a monthly meal plan. I hardly every do that for some reason
:-/.

What I would suggest is to figure out what times of days you want your meals
to be. The goal would be that the family sits down together at those times,
not necessarily that everyone is eating some specific thing, or even eating
at all. Two meals could be short (15-20 minutes) and your big meal of the
day could be a little longer (30 minutes). That seems very quick to some
people but I find it a looong time with kids, lol. I would cook one meal
and if the other kids didn't want to eat that they can have cereal, or a
sandwich, or cheese/crackers, or if you know it is something they hate ahead
of time throw in a sheet of fish sticks or something. If they weren't
hungry I'd request that they sit at the table for 15 minutes visiting. I
wouldn't worry about it beyond that. I wouldn't worry about between meal
eating behavior.

If you really want to make changes with regards to getting people to
actually eat full meals at the same time and eliminate the odd meal eating
then I'd probably wait until after you've established the set meal time
routine. That will bea big enough adjustment to beging with and things
might naturally fall into place if you give it awhile.

One last thing. I certainly don't feel the need to have a cooked hot food
at every meal. Sometimes we'll have tuna and cheese, with raw veggies,
crackers, fruits, and whatever else happens to be laying about. Then I
might make a more substantial snack. Mine like those refridgerator tube
biscuits and so eat a lot and it makes a nice hot filling snack to tide them
over until supper.
--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

"Sue" wrote in message
...
Hi Angela,

I'll have to think more about your dilemma, but the first thing that
popped
into my head was crock pot cooking. You can throw something in the
crockpot
in the morning and it will be ready for dinner or whenever someone will
need
to eat. I do notice you eat a lot fast food/convenience food and due to
your
schedule I don't blame you. Perhaps you could devote one day on the
weekend
and cook up a storm and freeze things to pop out during the week. Like
lasagna, spagetti, chicken/beef/pork casseroles.

This is what I do for my own meals. The kids rarely will eat what comes out
of the crock pot. I try, I really do. They much prefer stir-fry, honestly,
but I can't make that and have it come out well. That's a "go out to the
Mongolian Grill restaurant" thing.

How come hubby doesn't eat what you eat? What does he eat?

He....feeds himself. Basically. I learned early into our marriage that it's
not possible to cook food he'll eat, at least not without clearing every
ingredient one by one with him in advance, and even then...no. Basically,
what I do now is buy food and keep it in the house, and he makes his own
meals, or he eats out, or whatever. It works. It's not the way other
families work, but it's not meant personally. He has nothing against my
cooking, he just doesn't want to eat it if he doesn't know what's in it, or
doesn't like a single ingredient. He was never good at eating what his
mother cooked either (and she's an excellent cook). He's just selective
about what he'll eat, and me, I'll eat anything.

The problem is that when the girls are refusing to eat what's put in front
of them, I can't really appeal to his authority to back me. They know
perfectly well that he doesn't eat things I cook either. So he can't refuse
to eat it himself, and then demand that *they* do. Kids can smell hypocrisy
a mile away. You can't explain to a 4 year old and a 6 year old that daddy's
a grownup so he's allowed to declare food yucky without even tasting it, and
they're not. :/

--angela

* We go to therapies or classes 4 and sometimes 5 days a week, at various
times depending on the day. It make scheduling meals at specific times
difficult, and eating cooked meals even more difficult.

Do the meals have to be at the same time everyday, or does it just have to
be 3 meals a day?


* DH rarely eats anything I cook. Never has, never will. Even if he's home
at mealtimes, which he usually isn't.

Mine gets home to late to eat what we're eating too, unless it's in the
crockpot and I set the timer for after the kids' dinner time. My husband
makes his own dinner most weeknights too.

* I get tired of eating the same thing all the time (but I wind up being
the
only one eating what I cook, so I DO end up eating the same thing meal
after
meal).

Know the feeling.

* The kids get tired of eating the same thing all the time.

Know the feeling.

* The kids frequently simply refuse to eat new things, or one will eat it
but others won't.

Absolutely. Of course I can't have 3 kids who'll all eat the same things.

* I hate it when someone puts some arbitrary food in front of me and say
"Eat this, or go hungry, you're not allowed to have anything else." I have
no desire to do unto my children as was done to me. Besides, after 2
months
of eating the same meals in the hospital, the idea of having no say in
what
I'm to eat is abhorrent to me to the point of horror. Call it a personal
problem, but I'm still the cook around here, and I don't want to do to my
children, what upsets *me* so badly.

Well I do that. Sorry but I used to be a short order cook for them and I
don't have the time or inclination to do that anymore. I don't make things
they don't like and say "eat it". For example on the nights I make pizza,
which only the boys like, I make soup or something else my daughter likes
for her. It's not her demand I just wouldn't make something one child does
not like and make her/him eat it.

* Regardless of what I make for the other kids, Victoria will be getting
something else (like yogurt to their pizza or chicken), and so the
modeling
isn't quite right.

I don't see anything wrong with that. I think the eating together is the
important part, not what they eat.

* I do worry about my children becoming like my parents: trained to be
hungry when the clock says so, and to ignore what their bodies say at
other
times. I consider that unnatural and conducive to eating disorders and
obesity.

We have set mealtimes just cos our schedule allows it. Can't they have
snacks when they ask, as long as it's not right before a mealtime?


And of course, somehow I'm supposed to work around/through/ignore/somehow
overcome all of this, and make a meal plan and schedule that suits
everybody, and make eating time a pleasant experience while fighting the
other kids who aren't hungry, or don't want to eat whatever arbitrary food
I've chosen for them.

I feel set up for failure.

I can see why. I often hate thinking of what to make for dinner.

So, clearly, I'm going to have to break this down into manageable steps.


I talked to MIL and she was telling me about when she was in charge of a
food service for elderly (like meals on wheels) in the UK. So I have some
ideas. Like, writing down the sorts of things the other girls will eat
willingly, and then (she says) make a specific schedule of when people are
allowed to eat, and forbid them to eat at other times.

Why would you forbid a child to eat? I understand eating together, but if a
child wants a snack, why not let her/him have one?

So for breakfasts, we
might have:

Cinnamon or peanut butter toast (or bagels, or english muffins)
Pancakes
Waffles (homemade or frozen)
Oatmeal (instant or 5-minute) (other hot cereals)
Muffins
French toast (the only way they'll eat eggs - Emmaline actually gags on
the
texture of scrambled eggs)
Yogurt

For lunch, we might have:

Spaghetti (with meatballs for Alexandra)
Sandwiches, various
Chicken teriyaki, other fast foods
Convenience foods of other kinds (fish sticks, etc)
Favorite vegetables (broccoli, carrots, stuffed celery sticks, brussels
sprouts)
Dinners, ditto.
Snacks can be things like apples, oranges, bananas, fresh munchie
vegetables, crackers, slices of cheese.

Those are lots of choices. For breakfast my kids just have toast, or bagel,
or cereal. For lunch it's a sandwich (not for my youngest, he doesn't like
them) with chips or crackers or popcorn. For dinner mac and cheese is my
fall-back, all 3 amazingly like it - lol.


...but few of these things are things Victoria can or will eat.

I need help. Oh, do I need help. I don't even know what to do after making
these lists of foods they'll eat. I mean, the kids are not
breakfast-eaters.
But if they don't eat breakfast, their next chance to sit down at the
table
at home and eat may very well be 2 in the afternoon because of how our
therapy schedule works.

Do you walk or drive them to therapy? Can they eat something on the way?

What am I supposed to do about that? The last thing
I need is to have 3 kids to fight about food with, instead of just the
one.

--angela

Oh good luck. It's hard to not made food an "issue", isn't it?

"Chotii" wrote in message
...

Okay, let me lay out the situation:

One of my 4 year old daughters (Victoria) is tube-fed, and in order to
wean
her to eating orally, we will need to have specific mealtimes 3 times a
day
so she can model her eating behaviour after our consistent behaviour. In
effect, we need to change the way we run the household, for her sole
benefit.

However:

* We go to therapies or classes 4 and sometimes 5 days a week, at various
times depending on the day. It make scheduling meals at specific times
difficult, and eating cooked meals even more difficult.
* DH rarely eats anything I cook. Never has, never will. Even if he's home
at mealtimes, which he usually isn't.
* I get tired of eating the same thing all the time (but I wind up being
the
only one eating what I cook, so I DO end up eating the same thing meal
after
meal).
* The kids get tired of eating the same thing all the time.
* The kids frequently simply refuse to eat new things, or one will eat it
but others won't.
* I hate it when someone puts some arbitrary food in front of me and say
"Eat this, or go hungry, you're not allowed to have anything else." I have
no desire to do unto my children as was done to me. Besides, after 2
months
of eating the same meals in the hospital, the idea of having no say in
what
I'm to eat is abhorrent to me to the point of horror. Call it a personal
problem, but I'm still the cook around here, and I don't want to do to my
children, what upsets *me* so badly.
* Regardless of what I make for the other kids, Victoria will be getting
something else (like yogurt to their pizza or chicken), and so the
modeling
isn't quite right.
* I do worry about my children becoming like my parents: trained to be
hungry when the clock says so, and to ignore what their bodies say at
other
times. I consider that unnatural and conducive to eating disorders and
obesity.

And of course, somehow I'm supposed to work around/through/ignore/somehow
overcome all of this, and make a meal plan and schedule that suits
everybody, and make eating time a pleasant experience while fighting the
other kids who aren't hungry, or don't want to eat whatever arbitrary food
I've chosen for them.

I feel set up for failure.

So, clearly, I'm going to have to break this down into manageable steps.

I talked to MIL and she was telling me about when she was in charge of a
food service for elderly (like meals on wheels) in the UK. So I have some
ideas. Like, writing down the sorts of things the other girls will eat
willingly, and then (she says) make a specific schedule of when people are
allowed to eat, and forbid them to eat at other times. So for breakfasts,
we
might have:

Cinnamon or peanut butter toast (or bagels, or english muffins)
Pancakes
Waffles (homemade or frozen)
Oatmeal (instant or 5-minute) (other hot cereals)
Muffins
French toast (the only way they'll eat eggs - Emmaline actually gags on
the
texture of scrambled eggs)
Yogurt

For lunch, we might have:

Spaghetti (with meatballs for Alexandra)
Sandwiches, various
Chicken teriyaki, other fast foods
Convenience foods of other kinds (fish sticks, etc)
Favorite vegetables (broccoli, carrots, stuffed celery sticks, brussels
sprouts)
Dinners, ditto.
Snacks can be things like apples, oranges, bananas, fresh munchie
vegetables, crackers, slices of cheese.

...but few of these things are things Victoria can or will eat.

I need help. Oh, do I need help. I don't even know what to do after making
these lists of foods they'll eat. I mean, the kids are not
breakfast-eaters.
But if they don't eat breakfast, their next chance to sit down at the
table
at home and eat may very well be 2 in the afternoon because of how our
therapy schedule works. What am I supposed to do about that? The last
thing
I need is to have 3 kids to fight about food with, instead of just the
one.

--angela

Hey Angela,

Why not just make the stuff the other girls like in the mean time until you
get Victoria on a schedule, then worry about varying stuff - since she won't
be able to eat what they're eating anyway? That way it's a little less
pressure on you and you can focus a little more on her needs. Baby
steps...that's how I get by! I didn't realize she was tube fed, so this
must be a very exciting transition, congratulations to her and you!

I also like Jamie's idea of the picnic lunch in the car...that way going to
or from therapy you can have a nice meal in the car and make it fun. I
still love eating in the car when I'm on the go...thank goodness for fast
food! Would be better if I'd pack myself a sandwich though!

Hope she (and the rest of the clan) makes the change smoothly!

- Jen

On Sat, 31 Jan 2004 10:08:09 GMT, "Chotii"
wrote:
He....feeds himself. Basically. I learned early into our marriage that it's
not possible to cook food he'll eat, at least not without clearing every
ingredient one by one with him in advance, and even then...no. Basically,
what I do now is buy food and keep it in the house, and he makes his own
meals, or he eats out, or whatever. It works. It's not the way other
families work, but it's not meant personally. He has nothing against my
cooking, he just doesn't want to eat it if he doesn't know what's in it, or
doesn't like a single ingredient. He was never good at eating what his
mother cooked either (and she's an excellent cook). He's just selective
about what he'll eat, and me, I'll eat anything.

The problem is that when the girls are refusing to eat what's put in front
of them, I can't really appeal to his authority to back me. They know
perfectly well that he doesn't eat things I cook either. So he can't refuse
to eat it himself, and then demand that *they* do. Kids can smell hypocrisy
a mile away. You can't explain to a 4 year old and a 6 year old that daddy's
a grownup so he's allowed to declare food yucky without even tasting it, and
they're not. :/

That would completely drive me nuts. I have an aunt whose husband will
not eat leftovers, so she "has to" cook fresh or buy fast food for him
and take it to his work for lunch EVERYDAY. I just think of all the
money wasted because of his stubborness! And then they can't pay the
bills.
Parenting isn't always what you want and I'd expect my dh to at least
taste something, to be a good example. (and mine does, thank goodness,
taste most things I cook, and so do the kids)
Is there a way for you to just have your dh write a list of
ingredients he will eat and you can cook from that? Or does he have to
"approve" the combinations of ingredients also? I just can't imagine
being so picky! I eat any and everything but seafood.
Marie