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My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)



 
 
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  #1  
Old September 22nd 03, 04:34 PM
Shana
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Default My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)

Hi all. I haven't posted in a while as things have been busy but good.

Here's the dilemma. My son is in kindergarten. There is a boy who insists on
hanging around with my son all the time. This kid is really bad news. He is
constantly at the principles office for swearing, hitting and stealing the
toys. My son, who thinks that everyone has HIS best interest in mind at all
times, doesn't recognize this as really terrible behavior for a 5 yr. old.
He doesn't do any of these things at home and so far hasn't started
following example at school.
None of the other kids go around him because they know this kid is a bad
seed.
I talked to his teacher about it and she told me that my son was saving
spots for him and playing with him allot. My son says he's scared of this
kid and doesn't want to hurt his feelings because none of the other kids
will play with him. The teacher said she would try to separate them. Maybe
I'm over protective but he hasn't had the chance to make other friends yet
and this little brat is already all over him.
What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy
friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid
at all cost?

thanks for any advice!

s


  #2  
Old September 22nd 03, 05:12 PM
Welches
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Default My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)


Shana wrote in message
newsEEbb.8531$I36.1714@pd7tw3no...
Hi all. I haven't posted in a while as things have been busy but good.

Here's the dilemma. My son is in kindergarten. There is a boy who insists

on
hanging around with my son all the time. This kid is really bad news. He

is
constantly at the principles office for swearing, hitting and stealing the
toys. My son, who thinks that everyone has HIS best interest in mind at

all
times, doesn't recognize this as really terrible behavior for a 5 yr. old.
He doesn't do any of these things at home and so far hasn't started
following example at school.
None of the other kids go around him because they know this kid is a bad
seed.
I talked to his teacher about it and she told me that my son was saving
spots for him and playing with him allot. My son says he's scared of this
kid and doesn't want to hurt his feelings because none of the other kids
will play with him. The teacher said she would try to separate them. Maybe
I'm over protective but he hasn't had the chance to make other friends yet
and this little brat is already all over him.
What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy
friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid
at all cost?

thanks for any advice!

As a parent I would say I would be as worried as you, and want to keep dd
away from him.
As an independent (!!) advisor, I'd say that your son may have a good
influence on him rather than the other way round. Maybe the attraction in
your son is that he doesn't do those things and helps to keep him out of
trouble? What would concern me is that your son said that he's scared of
him. That sounds a problem to me.
Maybe you need to discuss the behaviour issues with your son and let him
know that they are not acceptable. Also make sure if he feels frightened by
anything this boy (or any other child) does/says then he is to tell the
teacher/you and he will be helped.
I think possibly inviting other children round to play so he can get to know
them better would also help.
Debbie


  #3  
Old September 22nd 03, 05:53 PM
Banty
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Default My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)

In article pEEbb.8531$I36.1714@pd7tw3no, Shana says...

Hi all. I haven't posted in a while as things have been busy but good.

Here's the dilemma. My son is in kindergarten. There is a boy who insists on
hanging around with my son all the time. This kid is really bad news. He is
constantly at the principles office for swearing, hitting and stealing the
toys. My son, who thinks that everyone has HIS best interest in mind at all
times, doesn't recognize this as really terrible behavior for a 5 yr. old.
He doesn't do any of these things at home and so far hasn't started
following example at school.
None of the other kids go around him because they know this kid is a bad
seed.
I talked to his teacher about it and she told me that my son was saving
spots for him and playing with him allot. My son says he's scared of this
kid and doesn't want to hurt his feelings because none of the other kids
will play with him. The teacher said she would try to separate them. Maybe
I'm over protective but he hasn't had the chance to make other friends yet
and this little brat is already all over him.
What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy
friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid
at all cost?


Gee - *I'd* be a bad kid if all *my* budding friendships were to be undermined
by an authority figure!

I mean, you'

1. Writing off a FIVE year old (!) as a "bad seed".
2. Overriding you boy's choice of friends.

The teacher needs to be dealing with the behavior problems per se, and not to be
doing social manipulations for you. She probably should break up the
monopolizing, but for *all* the kids' sake. Not for one parent's desires for
the content of her kids' social circle. Consider - the teacher probably
desires that the less-behaved kid get positive influences from kids like your
son. Indeed, that's part of her job - she's teaching that kid, too!

You need to teach your son for yourself and himself what is good and what is bad
behavior - that doesn't depend on who is doing good or bad behavior. You can
help him make other acquaintances by havng kids over for playdates, etc. You
can teach him that fear is not a reason to be a friend or have a friend. But
you also need to get used to the notion that your son's preferences and your
preferences for him may be different.

It's early in the school year, too. You've indicated a concern. Little kids'
friendships are variable and come and go with time anyway. Relax and let the
teacher handle it in a way that is constructive for all the kids and for the
operation of the classroom.

Banty

  #4  
Old September 22nd 03, 06:22 PM
Brian Anderson
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Posts: n/a
Default My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)

Shana wrote:

What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy
friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid
at all cost?


Let him learn it on his own. Right now he sees the kid
differently than you do, and until he sees him more the way
you do, your words won't really sink in.

I haven't always approved of my daughters' choice of friends,
but having been "best friends" with an extremely bossy,
manipulative, and egocentric little girl a few years back was
an invaluable lesson for my older daughter. They're still in
the same class two years later, but my daughter hardly even
talks to her any more -- and now she recognizes controlling
actions in other kids and knows when to keep her distance.

If you want a really good book about friendships turning bad,
read WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spencer Johnson to your son. It's
allegedly a management training book, but it's really a short
fable about some mice and miniature people in a maze and how
they react when something that was once good slowly turns bad.
My older daughter did a book report on it when she was in
third grade, and I have made references to the characters
dozens of times since then when I saw her in similar
situations, and she has always understood immediately.

  #5  
Old September 22nd 03, 09:16 PM
Donna Metler
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Posts: n/a
Default My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)


"Brian Anderson" wrote in message
...
Shana wrote:

What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy
friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this

kid
at all cost?


Let him learn it on his own. Right now he sees the kid
differently than you do, and until he sees him more the way
you do, your words won't really sink in.

I haven't always approved of my daughters' choice of friends,
but having been "best friends" with an extremely bossy,
manipulative, and egocentric little girl a few years back was
an invaluable lesson for my older daughter. They're still in
the same class two years later, but my daughter hardly even
talks to her any more -- and now she recognizes controlling
actions in other kids and knows when to keep her distance.

If you want a really good book about friendships turning bad,
read WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spencer Johnson to your son. It's
allegedly a management training book, but it's really a short
fable about some mice and miniature people in a maze and how
they react when something that was once good slowly turns bad.
My older daughter did a book report on it when she was in
third grade, and I have made references to the characters
dozens of times since then when I saw her in similar
situations, and she has always understood immediately.

I just saw a picture book version of this in Borders yesterday. Same story
and plot, but brightly colored pictures. My husband commented that HE likes
this version better than the original.



  #6  
Old September 22nd 03, 09:32 PM
Shana
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Posts: n/a
Default My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)



Gee - *I'd* be a bad kid if all *my* budding friendships were to be

undermined
by an authority figure!

I mean, you'

1. Writing off a FIVE year old (!) as a "bad seed".


I agree that was harsh wording for me, I don't meant to "write him off" but
his behavior is definatly not well supervised or desirable.

2. Overriding you boy's choice of friends.

The problem with this is he doesn't want the boy around him but he is too
scared of him to tell him to let him play elsewhere or with others too.

The teacher needs to be dealing with the behavior problems per se, and not

to be
doing social manipulations for you.

I am not trying to manipulate the social atmosphere, I am trying to make
sure that my son is comfortable in his classroom setting and making his
teacher aware that there is a problem with that already.

She probably should break up the
monopolizing, but for *all* the kids' sake. Not for one parent's desires

for
the content of her kids' social circle.


I am not concerned for the social status of my child. I am simply concerned
that a child who tells me to F**k off when I get in his way is not a child
who should be allowed to bully my son into doing all of HIS choice of
activities with him because no-one else will.

Consider - the teacher probably
desires that the less-behaved kid get positive influences from kids like

your
son. Indeed, that's part of her job - she's teaching that kid, too!

You need to teach your son for yourself and himself what is good and what

is bad
behavior - that doesn't depend on who is doing good or bad behavior. You

can
help him make other acquaintances by havng kids over for playdates, etc.

You
can teach him that fear is not a reason to be a friend or have a friend.

But
you also need to get used to the notion that your son's preferences and

your
preferences for him may be different.

It's early in the school year, too. You've indicated a concern.


That's excactly all I did.

Little kids'
friendships are variable and come and go with time anyway. Relax and let

the
teacher handle it in a way that is constructive for all the kids and for

the
operation of the classroom.


Now *that* is some good, constructive, advice that I think we will take in
future...thanks

s

Banty



  #7  
Old September 22nd 03, 09:33 PM
Ruth Baltopoulos
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Posts: n/a
Default My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)


"Banty" wrote:

: Shana says...

[...]
: Here's the dilemma. My son is in kindergarten. There is a
boy who insists on
: hanging around with my son all the time. This kid is
really bad news. He is
: constantly at the principles office for swearing, hitting
and stealing the
: toys. My son, who thinks that everyone has HIS best
interest in mind at all
: times, doesn't recognize this as really terrible behavior
for a 5 yr. old.
sniiiip

: Gee - *I'd* be a bad kid if all *my* budding friendships
were to be undermined
: by an authority figure!
: I mean, you'
: 1. Writing off a FIVE year old (!) as a "bad seed".
: 2. Overriding you boy's choice of friends.
snip excellent post

I have been thinking about this post for several hours, and
Banty's post pretty much sums up exactly how I feel. While
I understand the concern, the child is *5*! If he is acting
out, there must be a reason for it, and perhaps your child
*will* have a good influence on him. Keep an eye on things;
heck, they are so young it is not likely that much they do
will be unsupervised, right? But don't ostracize the kid
coming out of the box

Ruth B

---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.520 / Virus Database: 318 - Release Date:
9/18/2003


  #8  
Old September 22nd 03, 09:37 PM
Shana
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)


"Brian Anderson" wrote in message
...
Shana wrote:

What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy
friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this

kid
at all cost?


Let him learn it on his own. Right now he sees the kid
differently than you do, and until he sees him more the way
you do, your words won't really sink in.


Very good point.


I haven't always approved of my daughters' choice of friends,
but having been "best friends" with an extremely bossy,
manipulative, and egocentric little girl a few years back was
an invaluable lesson for my older daughter. They're still in
the same class two years later, but my daughter hardly even
talks to her any more -- and now she recognizes controlling
actions in other kids and knows when to keep her distance.

If you want a really good book about friendships turning bad,
read WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spencer Johnson to your son. It's
allegedly a management training book, but it's really a short
fable about some mice and miniature people in a maze and how
they react when something that was once good slowly turns bad.
My older daughter did a book report on it when she was in
third grade, and I have made references to the characters
dozens of times since then when I saw her in similar
situations, and she has always understood immediately.


Thank you! As long as we can ensure that he feels safe at school and he is
properly behaved at home( for a 5 yr. old!), we will just chalk it up as a
lesson in getting along with others, and let the teacher deal with any
disipline issues in the future.

s



  #9  
Old September 22nd 03, 11:43 PM
Rosalie B.
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Posts: n/a
Default My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)

x-no-archive:yes
"Shana" wrote:

Hi all. I haven't posted in a while as things have been busy but good.


I can't see (haven't gotten) Banty's post, but I think I agree with
it. This kid is only 5 - he's not a fully formed 'bad seed' yet -
probably just a bit hyper active and maybe a bit neglected.

I had the same kind of thing but dd#2 was a bit older - she was in 2nd
grade. Some little boy insisted on sitting next to her, 'playing'
with her on the playground (which according to dd meant that he took
her and threw her down on the ground) etc. I did nothing. dd wasn't
being hurt (when I finally met the kid he was significantly smaller
than she was - a weedy little pipsqueak of a thing) and I figured she
could handle it herself. And she did, eventually. Of course she was
a very forceful - not to say a bit aggressive person, so I didn't have
any concerns that she would be cowed and intimidated.


Here's the dilemma. My son is in kindergarten. There is a boy who insists on
hanging around with my son all the time. This kid is really bad news. He is
constantly at the principles office for swearing, hitting and stealing the
toys. My son, who thinks that everyone has HIS best interest in mind at all
times, doesn't recognize this as really terrible behavior for a 5 yr. old.
He doesn't do any of these things at home and so far hasn't started
following example at school.
None of the other kids go around him because they know this kid is a bad
seed.
I talked to his teacher about it and she told me that my son was saving
spots for him and playing with him allot. My son says he's scared of this
kid and doesn't want to hurt his feelings because none of the other kids
will play with him. The teacher said she would try to separate them. Maybe
I'm over protective but he hasn't had the chance to make other friends yet
and this little brat is already all over him.
What can I tell him at home to help him see that this is not a healthy
friendship or a good situation to be in and that his should avoid this kid
at all cost?


Just listen to him talk and sympathize. And maybe ask him some
questions like "What do you think would make him act that way?"
(swearing etc may be because of an example at home and/or because he
wants attention). And "What do you think you could do about that?"

grandma Rosalie
  #10  
Old September 23rd 03, 05:15 PM
lynn
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default My kid taking up with the class "bad kid"( kinda long, sorry)

On the subject of school friends and good/bad influences, we recently
read a library picture book called "Hunter's Best Friend At School," by
Laura Malone Elliott. It's pre-school/kindergarten reading level, and
it's about two raccoon friends. One of them acts up in class and at
first the other one goes along with it, but then learns that rather than
follow his friend's bad lead he can become a good influence on his
friend instead. Maybe it'd be helpful?

- Lynn
 




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