Is this rude, first days home from hospital after birth?

I am just wondering if it is rude to request that people not show up to
visit in the first week after the baby is born, the first week you are home?
I have heard soo many people say they just wanted to get to know their baby,
adjust to breastfeeding, recover from being sore, etc. I have thought about
actually telling those closest to me to please not just show up and park it
during the first few weeks after the baby is born. I am going to breast feed
and after this miserable pregnancy, I don't mean any offense but I will just
want to rest and get to know my baby.

It won't be a problem with most people, but the very closest family....I
think some are thinking that they will come over right away, and stay, spend
the night, etc. Am I bad? I want to ask people not to ahead of time and
discuss alternatives- I don't want them not to see the baby of course, but
basically just to leave me alone for awhile, and definitely, please don't
stay as overnight guests. Am I bad again??? Our house is small and we only
have 1 guest bedroom with 1 fullsize bed and inlaws tend to want to stay
here, and we do not have room to put them up. It normally involves the
guests staying on our bed as well, and this is something I just don't want
to deal with right after labor. So, I feel bad, am I bad? My husband is
furious that I dare suggest his parents get a hotel room but oh I wish they
would. I don't want people on top of me all the time especially being a new
mom and trying to breastfeed etc.

It would be a different story if we had more proper room for guests. But
when we always have to move out of our own room and squeeze into the guest
room ourselves...I don't want to spend my first week with the baby like
this.

Is this wrong at all? Or, wrong if the visit is more than a few days? Or,
totally understandable? I never really wanted guests staying in our house
because we have no room but my husband won't let his parents get a hotel
room when they come...to me it's going to be really different though when I
am trying to get to know my own baby, I am going to be more territorial....

I think you should stick to your guns.

I read somewhere that the new parents just stuck a note on their front door
saying "new family bonding - please come back next week". On their
answerphone they had the details of the baby with the same message as the
door. I thought that was a great idea.

Cam

"Jill" wrote in message
news
I am just wondering if it is rude to request that people not show up to
visit in the first week after the baby is born, the first week you are
home?


No it's not rude. We were lucky we were in Cuba when we had our first baby.
We managed to get people to wait about 2 months before they came down.

When you only have one baby I don't see what there is for people to do or
help with. All you do is feed, change baby and take a nap yourself when the
baby does.

I don't think it's rude at all. Tell them you'll call them when you're
ready.

Sophie-
#4 due 7/18/04

I do not blame you at all. I wouldn't want to be crowded in my own home
shortly after the birth of my child. The first week is a very important
time for parents and baby and if you don't want everyone and their dog
staying at your home or hanging around then I say stick with what you
want.

Angela
EDD #1 5/15/04

I am just wondering if it is rude to request that people not show up to
visit in the first week after the baby is born, the first week you are home?
I have heard soo many people say they just wanted to get to know their baby,
adjust to breastfeeding, recover from being sore, etc. I have thought about
actually telling those closest to me to please not just show up and park it
during the first few weeks after the baby is born. I am going to breast feed
and after this miserable pregnancy, I don't mean any offense but I will just
want to rest and get to know my baby.

It won't be a problem with most people, but the very closest family....I
think some are thinking that they will come over right away, and stay, spend
the night, etc. Am I bad? I want to ask people not to ahead of time and
discuss alternatives- I don't want them not to see the baby of course, but
basically just to leave me alone for awhile, and definitely, please don't
stay as overnight guests. Am I bad again??? Our house is small and we only
have 1 guest bedroom with 1 fullsize bed and inlaws tend to want to stay
here, and we do not have room to put them up. It normally involves the
guests staying on our bed as well, and this is something I just don't want
to deal with right after labor. So, I feel bad, am I bad? My husband is
furious that I dare suggest his parents get a hotel room but oh I wish they
would. I don't want people on top of me all the time especially being a new
mom and trying to breastfeed etc.

It would be a different story if we had more proper room for guests. But
when we always have to move out of our own room and squeeze into the guest
room ourselves...I don't want to spend my first week with the baby like
this.

Is this wrong at all? Or, wrong if the visit is more than a few days? Or,
totally understandable? I never really wanted guests staying in our house
because we have no room but my husband won't let his parents get a hotel
room when they come...to me it's going to be really different though when I
am trying to get to know my own baby, I am going to be more territorial....

Jill wibbled

Our house is small and we only have 1
guest bedroom with 1 fullsize bed and inlaws tend to want to stay
here, and we do not have room to put them up. It normally involves
the guests staying on our bed as well, and this is something I
just don't want to deal with right after labor. So, I feel bad, am
I bad? My husband is furious that I dare suggest his parents get a
hotel room but oh I wish they would. I don't want people on top of
me all the time especially being a new mom and trying to
breastfeed etc.

It would be a different story if we had more proper room for
guests. But when we always have to move out of our own room and
squeeze into the guest room ourselves...I don't want to spend my
first week with the baby like this.

This was our arrangement pre-baby - guests got our bed, we slept on the
pushed-together singles in the spare room. But my PIL *volunteered* to
sleep on our sofas, on the living room floor, or in the spare beds. And
they put off coming for three weeks when I said I wasn't really ready
for them (my parents live 25 mins drive away and didn't need to stay,
but they also checked before arriving each time). You *can* and
*should* ask people to either get a hotel room or make do with spare
beds and floors - you may be pleasantly surprised at the reactions you
get. You will have just had an exhausting experience, you'll be tired
and aching - you need your bed. If they won't co-operate, they can't
come see their new grandchild. (They'll soon co-operate!)

Jac

I think your feels are very valid, you need to do what is best for you and
your family. I did have my mum and dad stay, but they now my house and
they were perfect, giving me space when I needed it and putting meals in
front of me, having my mil later was a total disaster. One tthing that did
help was a notice for the dorr that was reversible that I could change to
say I was sleeping if I needed to.

Jill wrote:
I am just wondering if it is rude to request that people not show up to
visit in the first week after the baby is born, the first week you are home?
I have heard soo many people say they just wanted to get to know their baby,
adjust to breastfeeding, recover from being sore, etc. I have thought about
actually telling those closest to me to please not just show up and park it
during the first few weeks after the baby is born. I am going to breast feed
and after this miserable pregnancy, I don't mean any offense but I will just
want to rest and get to know my baby.

It won't be a problem with most people, but the very closest family....I
think some are thinking that they will come over right away, and stay, spend
the night, etc. Am I bad? I want to ask people not to ahead of time and
discuss alternatives- I don't want them not to see the baby of course, but
basically just to leave me alone for awhile, and definitely, please don't
stay as overnight guests. Am I bad again??? Our house is small and we only
have 1 guest bedroom with 1 fullsize bed and inlaws tend to want to stay
here, and we do not have room to put them up. It normally involves the
guests staying on our bed as well, and this is something I just don't want
to deal with right after labor. So, I feel bad, am I bad? My husband is
furious that I dare suggest his parents get a hotel room but oh I wish they
would. I don't want people on top of me all the time especially being a new
mom and trying to breastfeed etc.

It would be a different story if we had more proper room for guests. But
when we always have to move out of our own room and squeeze into the guest
room ourselves...I don't want to spend my first week with the baby like
this.

Is this wrong at all? Or, wrong if the visit is more than a few days? Or,
totally understandable? I never really wanted guests staying in our house
because we have no room but my husband won't let his parents get a hotel
room when they come...to me it's going to be really different though when I
am trying to get to know my own baby, I am going to be more territorial....



I don't think it is rude to lay a few ground rules during the first few
weeks after birth. Most people who have children will certainly
understand. I would ask everyone to phone before coming over, maybe even
suggest a time to phone. Just say you will need to have a rest in the
day etc. could you pleas phone late in the afternoon, evening, morning
(whatever suits you). Get everyone to give you at least a days notice of
a visit so you have time to prepare.

As far as the in-laws go, I would not move out of your own room! Could
you find somewhere else to put them up nearby, with a friend or relative
if hotels are not appropriate. What about trying to put off their visit
for a few weeks? This would give you a chance to recover, establish
breastfeeding and get to know your baby. The baby is more likely to be
alert and responsive, more interesting, after a few weeks as well.
Perhaps your husband will see things a bit differently once the baby has
arrived and my be more willing to suggest a hotel or different
accommodation.

Good luck.


Larissa
DD Feb 99
DS Mar 01
due in a couple of weeks

Jill wrote:

I am just wondering if it is rude to request that people not show up
to visit in the first week after the baby is born, the first week you
are home? I have heard soo many people say they just wanted to get
to know their baby, adjust to breastfeeding, recover from being sore,
etc. I have thought about actually telling those closest to me to
please not just show up and park it during the first few weeks after
the baby is born. I am going to breast feed and after this miserable
pregnancy, I don't mean any offense but I will just want to rest and
get to know my baby.

It's not rude. We didn't let any family come and stay with us for the
first two weeks after ds was born. Visits were ok, if arranged ahead
of time, and were *short* (well, if they brought food they could stay
until they cleaned up

Do you mean any visits or people inviting themselves over to be your
houseguests right after you gave birth? If they are doing that, point
out to them that inviting themselves over would be a problem because
you need to adjust to the baby and you aren't able to entertain
houseguests.

It won't be a problem with most people, but the very closest
family....I think some are thinking that they will come over right
away, and stay, spend the night, etc. Am I bad? I want to ask people
not to ahead of time and discuss alternatives- I don't want them not
to see the baby of course, but basically just to leave me alone for
awhile, and definitely, please don't stay as overnight guests. Am I
bad again??? Our house is small and we only have 1 guest bedroom with
1 fullsize bed and inlaws tend to want to stay here, and we do not
have room to put them up. It normally involves the guests staying on
our bed as well, and this is something I just don't want to deal with
right after labor. So, I feel bad, am I bad? My husband is furious
that I dare suggest his parents get a hotel room but oh I wish they
would. I don't want people on top of me all the time especially being
a new mom and trying to breastfeed etc.

Not bad at all! Be sure you tell them all that NO ONE is staying over!
I am so glad we had no houseguests because even if they are family,
fundamentally it's disruptive and you plain won't sleep when you need
to if people staying with you. I'm lucky that my brother lives
nearby, so if family wants to come out before the 2 weeks is up, they
can stay with him and visit altogether for an hour or so. And then go
away! That's not meant in a mean way, just that we wanted our space
and time to be with our baby. And, well, sleep.

It would be a different story if we had more proper room for guests. But
when we always have to move out of our own room and squeeze into the guest
room ourselves...I don't want to spend my first week with the baby like
this.

There is no way your husband should ask you to move out of your
bedroom and use your guest room right after having a baby! I would be
furious at *him*! Does he have any idea what it will be like??

Carolyn


--
Carolyn Fairman
http://www.stanford.edu/~cfairman/

"Jill" wrote in message
news
Is this wrong at all? Or, wrong if the visit is more than a few days? Or,
totally understandable? I never really wanted guests staying in our house
because we have no room but my husband won't let his parents get a hotel
room when they come...to me it's going to be really different though when
I
am trying to get to know my own baby, I am going to be more
territorial....



Jill,

It sounds completely understandable, and I don't think you should feel bad
at all. Why is your husband so opposed to having his parents stay at a
hotel? You know, I asked my parents to stay at a hotel for the first time
when they came to visit earlier this year over my birthday. I was very
nervous when I first suggested it to them; I thought they might be offended.
My excuse wasn't even as good as yours; I just wanted to make sure I'd have
some time alone with my DH and friends over my birthday weekend. As it
turned out, they were quite happy to stay in a hotel, and it worked out
incredibly well.

My mother-in-law is coming shortly after the birth, as well. She has always
stayed at our place when she visits, so I was quite (and I must admit -
happily) surprised when she told me she was looking for a short-term
apartment for her stay when the baby is born. I think a lot of women who
have had children are keenly aware of how important some alone time will be
to you when you first get home. Your in-laws may not be as bothered by
asking them to stay in a hotel as your DH thinks.

Best of luck!

--
Michelle
critter edd 3/14/04

I am just wondering if it is rude to request that people not show up to
visit in the first week after the baby is born, the first week you are home?


We lived in Ohio when #1 was born. My family was in CA, his in MD. This was
helpful for us, as the visits needed to be planned ahead of time and we told
everyone that we wanted at least a few weeks alone with baby before any
visitors. They all understood, although my MIL was a little offended at
first--of course whenever she visits she expects to be entertained. In fact,
they have been here visiting since Saturday to meet Eva, and are only seeing us
at dinner, otherwise they are sightseeing. Strange.

But NO, it's not rude. Do whatever you feel you need to do for your new baby
and your family.

Linda
Mommy to Sophie, 2.5 years
and Eva, 2 months