Review: The Pacifier (* 1/2)

THE PACIFIER
A film review by Steve Rhodes

Copyright 2005 Steve Rhodes



RATING (0 TO ****): * 1/2



Why did they think Vin Diesel, a guy with the emotive power of a rock, could
do comedy? Sure, there are action hero roles like XXX, where being a buffed
rock works well, but THE PACIFIER completely wastes Diesel's limited but
undeniable talents. Although he might have hoped THE PACIFIER could do for
him what KINDERGARTEN COP did for Arnold Schwarzenegger, THE PACIFIER's
script is so lame and stupid even the Governator couldn't have made it work.
And Diesel is certainly no Schwarzenegger.



The movie concerns a U.S. Navy SEAL assigned to guard a bunch of kids of an
assassinated scientist who is supposed to have hidden the code for a secret
software program somewhere in his house. His wife is off to Switzerland,
where day after day she tries to guess the password so that the bank will
let her have the safety deposit box that her husband left for her.



Meanwhile, back at the house of chaos, Lt. Shane Wolfe (Diesel) attempts to
command a group of five unruly children with military precision. You'll be
"shocked" to find that his strict orders and confident bravado don't cut it
with the kids. And you'll be equally "surprised" to find that they all end
up bonding with each other, becoming a happy family unit just before mom
finally comes back home.



But no matter how many poopy diapers Wolfe sticks his hands into and no
matter how much cereal is thrown at him, this slapstick comedy is almost
never funny. Only in the opening, which parodies a commando team in action,
does the humor ever come close to being effective.



THE PACIFIER runs 1:38. It is rated PG for "action violence, language and
rude humor" and would be acceptable for kids around 6 and up.



The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, March 4, 2005. In
the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Century
theaters and the Camera Cinemas.



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