Baby at wedding

Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more
experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another
chat group for weddings. Thanks!


"so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our
wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI
was a GM..aww!
ANYWAY!
so --the couple has a one yr old boy who cannot HARDLY STAND to be
away from his mother! it is just that phase i guess---but literally
-if she drops him off at daycare at the gym to work out he cries until
he hypervenelates, etc. !!! when she came to my shower weekend and
brought him --he was a cryin the whole weekend.
- now, i hope i dont' sound insensitive ---i know baby's cry, etc.
etc.
BUT! THEY WERE Going to get a babysittter when they came to town to be
in wedding..I had asked a neighbor girl to b-sit and she agreed. it
was all set.
well now, michael seems to have gotten worse in the crying when away
from mommy ordeal and so they feel they can't leave him with a
babysitter for wedding...and he is NOW coming to wed.
SO --WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS he is going to BALL when they are
walkig down isle and standing up at alter with us cuz he can't be his
mommy...And crap, - i am just not in mood for that! she even mentioned
she may have to HOLD him up there?!!!
I guess i am just not in mood to deal with a baby up at alter to! am i
being the devil?
ugh!
WHAT TO DO?
has anyoen dealt with this scenario?

hmm, adults only ceremonies are making more and more sense to me!"

XOR wrote:

Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more
experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another
chat group for weddings. Thanks!


"so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our
wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI
was a GM..aww!

A black man and a gay man? A breast milk and a General Motors car?

(Mot that that has anything to do with your question.)

--
Sara, accompanied by the toddling barnacle

"XOR" wrote in message
om...
Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more
experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another
chat group for weddings. Thanks!



I think both parties need to calm down and negotiate what to do. Even
though DH and I allowed babies and children at our wedding (because *all*
our siblings had children by the time we got married), it's obvious this
isn't the case here. The bride and parents need to think up alternatives.
1) Is it absolutely necessary to have *both* parents walk down the aisle and
stand up at the altar? 2) Can the parents stand to leave the baby with a
babysitter as originally planned?

If I were the mother of this baby and I couldn't stand to be away from my
baby because he cries, I would ask to be excused from being a matron
attendant.

If I were the bride, hmmm....this is tough. I would like to think I would
be understanding (but I probably wouldn't be) and after envisioning a
ceremony with a bawling baby and two stressed parents standing at the altar,
I could suggest to mom that maybe she can be a seated attendant so she could
be with her baby (will other babies be at the wedding?).

I beginning to remember why we didn't have lots of attendants (just a matron
of honor and a best woman) and an outdoor wedding in a park with walking
trails and a playarea - who cares if the kids ran around and made noise?

Jeanne

"Bruce Bridgman and Jeanne Yang" wrote in
message ...

"XOR" wrote in message
om...
Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more
experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another
chat group for weddings. Thanks!



I think both parties need to calm down and negotiate what to do. Even
though DH and I allowed babies and children at our wedding (because *all*
our siblings had children by the time we got married), it's obvious this
isn't the case here. The bride and parents need to think up alternatives.
1) Is it absolutely necessary to have *both* parents walk down the aisle
and
stand up at the altar? 2) Can the parents stand to leave the baby with a
babysitter as originally planned?

If I were the mother of this baby and I couldn't stand to be away from my
baby because he cries, I would ask to be excused from being a matron
attendant.

If I were the bride, hmmm....this is tough. I would like to think I would
be understanding (but I probably wouldn't be) and after envisioning a
ceremony with a bawling baby and two stressed parents standing at the
altar,
I could suggest to mom that maybe she can be a seated attendant so she
could
be with her baby (will other babies be at the wedding?).

I beginning to remember why we didn't have lots of attendants (just a
matron
of honor and a best woman) and an outdoor wedding in a park with walking
trails and a playarea - who cares if the kids ran around and made noise?

Jeanne



we had a similar situation and basically as a result had a "no children
allowed" wedding.

"XOR" wrote in message
om...
Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more
experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another
chat group for weddings. Thanks!


"so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our
wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI
was a GM..aww!
ANYWAY!
so --the couple has a one yr old boy who cannot HARDLY STAND to be
away from his mother! it is just that phase i guess---but literally
-if she drops him off at daycare at the gym to work out he cries until
he hypervenelates, etc. !!! when she came to my shower weekend and
brought him --he was a cryin the whole weekend.
- now, i hope i dont' sound insensitive ---i know baby's cry, etc.
etc.
BUT! THEY WERE Going to get a babysittter when they came to town to be
in wedding..I had asked a neighbor girl to b-sit and she agreed. it
was all set.
well now, michael seems to have gotten worse in the crying when away
from mommy ordeal and so they feel they can't leave him with a
babysitter for wedding...and he is NOW coming to wed.
SO --WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS he is going to BALL when they are
walkig down isle and standing up at alter with us cuz he can't be his
mommy...And crap, - i am just not in mood for that! she even mentioned
she may have to HOLD him up there?!!!
I guess i am just not in mood to deal with a baby up at alter to! am i
being the devil?
ugh!
WHAT TO DO?
has anyoen dealt with this scenario?

hmm, adults only ceremonies are making more and more sense to me!"

I'm used to two types of weddings-formal ones, where babysitters are
provided (usually there's someone the church uses for this service), or
family-friendly ones where children of all ages are welcome. My husband and
I planned our wedding so that David (his younger brother) who was profoundly
mentally disabled and makes noises frequently would be welcome, so his
mother could attend without concern. His sister planned a much more formal
wedding, and made sure that there was a trained health care aide to care for
David. Babies would have been fine at mine, not at hers.

I think that it is the people planning the wedding's responsibility to make
accommodations for the children, that this should be known in advance, and
if the parents don't feel it is appropriate, they should politely bow out.

"XOR" wrote in message
om...
Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more
experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another
chat group for weddings. Thanks!


"so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our
wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI
was a GM..aww!
ANYWAY!
so --the couple has a one yr old boy who cannot HARDLY STAND to be
away from his mother! it is just that phase i guess---but literally
-if she drops him off at daycare at the gym to work out he cries until
he hypervenelates, etc. !!! when she came to my shower weekend and
brought him --he was a cryin the whole weekend.
- now, i hope i dont' sound insensitive ---i know baby's cry, etc.
etc.
BUT! THEY WERE Going to get a babysittter when they came to town to be
in wedding..I had asked a neighbor girl to b-sit and she agreed. it
was all set.
well now, michael seems to have gotten worse in the crying when away
from mommy ordeal and so they feel they can't leave him with a
babysitter for wedding...and he is NOW coming to wed.
SO --WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS he is going to BALL when they are
walkig down isle and standing up at alter with us cuz he can't be his
mommy...And crap, - i am just not in mood for that! she even mentioned
she may have to HOLD him up there?!!!
I guess i am just not in mood to deal with a baby up at alter to! am i
being the devil?
ugh!
WHAT TO DO?


I'd try to find a place nearby but out of hearing range for the babysitter
and the baby to wait during the ceremony. That way the time away from mom
could be minimized and if baby did cry for that minimal time then you
wouldn't hear it. Wedding ceremonies aren't usually that long and mom could
rush to baby afterward.

--
Sandie
- Don't forget to take the cats out.

BM -- Bridesmaid
GM -- Groomsman

This was taken from a wedding chat group, remember?
--

Jamie & Taylor
Earth Angel, 1/3/03

Check out Taylor Marlys -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Check out our Adoption Page at http://www.geocities.com/clarkadopt2004/


"Sara" wrote in message
...
XOR wrote:

Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more
experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another
chat group for weddings. Thanks!


"so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our
wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI
was a GM..aww!

A black man and a gay man? A breast milk and a General Motors car?

(Mot that that has anything to do with your question.)

--
Sara, accompanied by the toddling barnacle

Jamie Clark wrote:

BM -- Bridesmaid
GM -- Groomsman

This was taken from a wedding chat group, remember?

Ah, that makes more sense. Knowing it was from a wedding chat group
didn't help me any -- I never think along those lines.

--
Sara, accompanied by the toddling barnacle

XOR wrote:

Hi all, I am curious to see what sort of comments you all with more
experience have. This isn't my question, this is stolen from another
chat group for weddings. Thanks!


"so here is the story! we are having a married couple in our
wedding....a BM & GM ---we met at their wedding --I was a BM and my FI
was a GM..aww!
ANYWAY!
so --the couple has a one yr old boy who cannot HARDLY STAND to be
away from his mother! it is just that phase i guess---but literally
-if she drops him off at daycare at the gym to work out he cries until
he hypervenelates, etc. !!! when she came to my shower weekend and
brought him --he was a cryin the whole weekend.
- now, i hope i dont' sound insensitive ---i know baby's cry, etc.
etc.
BUT! THEY WERE Going to get a babysittter when they came to town to be
in wedding..I had asked a neighbor girl to b-sit and she agreed. it
was all set.
well now, michael seems to have gotten worse in the crying when away
from mommy ordeal and so they feel they can't leave him with a
babysitter for wedding...and he is NOW coming to wed.
SO --WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IS he is going to BALL when they are
walkig down isle and standing up at alter with us cuz he can't be his
mommy...And crap, - i am just not in mood for that! she even mentioned
she may have to HOLD him up there?!!!
I guess i am just not in mood to deal with a baby up at alter to! am i
being the devil?
ugh!
WHAT TO DO?
has anyoen dealt with this scenario?

hmm, adults only ceremonies are making more and more sense to me!"

Dear God, I could hardly make my way through that
post! It is obviously rude for them to insist on bringing
the child if the child was not invited. However, they
also have the right (and obligation) to back out of the
wedding if it is unacceptable to leave the child with a
babysitter. So, the bride & groom have two choices: 1) they
can put their feet down about the child not being there or
2) they can accept that the child will be there and it
may well mean having him in his mother's arms during the
ceremony. How big a risk that is will depend on the
parents (maybe they'll let the kid run amok; maybe they
will keep him under reasonable control as long as the
bride and groom allow them the flexibility to meet his
needs). It is not rude for the parents to feel that their
son can't be left and to put his needs above those of the
bride and groom. It is rude for the parents to assume
that they can change their minds and bring him uninvited
or that they have the right to rearrange the wedding plans
to suit their particular family issues. They should offer
to back out if they cannot leave their son with anyone else.
The bride and groom should take them up on that offer if
they don't want to deal with the child at the wedding--
no harm, no foul. If the bride and groom want, they
can insist that the child not attend, but then they also
have to be prepared for the parents to back out of the
wedding and possibly for repercussions in the friendship
(whether deserved or not).

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Jamie Clark" wrote:

BM -- Bridesmaid
GM -- Groomsman

This was taken from a wedding chat group, remember?

Since it isn't your question, I will answer from the perspective of
someone who isn't giving advice - just an opinion.

I would expect the mom to have dealt with this what I presume is
separation anxiety by the time of the wedding. Actually, having a
child that was that demanding of my attention would have absolutely
driven me crazy and I would not have put up with it for a minute. How
does she get a shower? It makes me mad to think of it even at this
distance.

IMHO, if she could not stand to leave the baby outside the church door
or with a sitter regardless of how much he cried, for the short
duration of the ceremony, it would be rude of her to participate in
the wedding as a BM unless the bride specifically and without
prompting says that he is welcome. If not, she should regretfully bow
out of the wedding and either attend as a guest with child (if that is
an option that the bride allows) or let her dh be at the ceremony
without her.

I think all the bride can do at this point is make it clear that she
does not expect to see the baby in the church or at the alter rail
with the mom (if that is indeed what the bride wants), and to refuse
to be guilted into accepting what she thinks is an unacceptable
situation. She's done what she can in providing for a sitter for the
child.

If the prospective BM says - I'm sorry I can't leave my child, then
she should say - I'm sorry too, I had hoped to have you participate in
my wedding, but I understand that you cannot do that at this time.

And then go on to discuss who will replace her in the wedding party to
make it clear that she is no longer included.

..


grandma Rosalie