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#111
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but
yeah exactly my point. That's why I am not really sure that I should
change caregivers now. I am thinking, since most of you have reassured me that there really isn't anything he is doing that should make me unhappy (medically speaking), then should just complete this pregnancy with him. Of course, after delivery, I should start looking for another doctor (since I would have time to check other doctors, before I get pregnat again. The pla is about 3 years between pregnancies) who does meet my expectations or needs. Thanks Naomi Pardue wrote: I am sorry I can not help worrying. I may be comforted if my dr would tell me that I have nothing to worry about, because .... (medical facts or statistics). BUT him telling me ok (like he is just taking in info & not even writing it down), I agree that your doctor could be more personable and empathetic. However, the best response to unneccesary worry in the patient is NOT to do unnecessary tests (in this case, lots of u/s's.) The best response is for him to listen to you and explain things. If he isn't doing those things, by all means switch caregivers (as many have suggested.) But don't expected that a new caregiver will be any more willing to do lots of unnecessary tests either. Naomi CAPPA Certified Lactation Educator (either remove spamblock or change address to to e-mail reply.) |
#112
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)
Oh yeah, he sure is sensible, but it really would have been much better
f he would have explained it to me like you just did. He just kept repeating that I should come 6 weeks after delivery. Then had to ask him, well what is the routine, do you install it right after delivery or after these 6 weeks have passed. That is when he decided to give me an answer. I am not sure that it is right to have to drag words out of his mouth. I am glad he knows what he is doing, but I do not always have answers to gynocological questions & it is his job to explain them to me. Welches wrote: zolw wrote in message news:kcfrc.1742$JC5.241045@attbi_s54... I am not sure why everyone is still stuck on the ultra sound issue. I have already explained that it seemed to me that most drs give 2 ultrasounds. Now that I know they don't I do not want another ultrasound. I just want to be certain that my child is alright. I just want to make sure that my sister's problems do not repeat. & I am sure unless he is a fortune teller or has some magic abilities, external examination is not accurate. I also feel that so far into my pregnancy it will actually be inconvenient for me to start shopping for another dr. Especially that there is no guarante that the next dr I see won't be exactly the same way. I will probably have to put up with what I believe to be not proper care giving. I do not care if he is an OB or a midwife, there is ABC treating other people. He can not always treat me like he is doing me a favor. Actually he gets paid much more than his service deserves & he should have the decency to treat his patients better. I am not asking him to sit there & hug me or comfort me but he can smile every now & then, he can listen to me when i have questions (instead he gives me those patronising looks. I even caught myself sometimes apologizing for having questions, which is real sad). I thought about this whole issue & I do not believe that I have any unrealistic needs or expectations. Maybe here in the US drs think that they can treat patients like dummies, but where I come from drs are obligated to treat you well & give you some emotional support, as wellas, explain if you ask for explanations. It is not unrealistic. I never said I wanted more tests, if they were unneccessary. I had to tell you all the tests I had, so that you readers have a better image & then you can just tell me if it's normal or not. BUT I need my dr to tell me things. When I ask him about any plans (that are not within the time between an appointment & the next) he does not feel the urgency to answer them. He just says that when the time comes he will discuss it with me. Yeah, I must admit that some questions were way too much into the future, but there is nothing called too early. For example, when i asked him about contraceptions after I have the baby (I thought that if I put a loop ( no idea what these are called in the US) then it would be done right after delivery). Assuming you mean a coil, you may not want one put in. I don't think they would put one in at delivery in case of infection. Certainly the thought of anything being put up there at 6 weeks after I'd given birth with #1 was painful!!! I think he's probably being sensible to suggest you wait until after the birth to discuss that. Debbie I hadn't even mentioned to him what kind of contraception i had in mind & he just said that I will come back 6 weeks after delivery & discuss it. Why couldn't we discuss it then? Why can't I have ideas & options now, so that 6 weeks after my delivery i would have a certainty of what I want? When i tried to take it further, he just frowned (or maybe he just has a problem with his facial impressions & gestures) at me & said that I am impatient. |
#113
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)
I see your point, but how do i find another doctor that I would be more
satisfied with? I am not willing to go under the stress of jumping from one doctor to the next, in the last weeks of my pregnancy.I have found him through my insurance & he has been highly recommended to me by other people ( nurses, general practitioner etc.). I thought well, if he is so highly recommended then i can bare with him. Another poster had mentioned that though i may put up with my doctor now, it may become harder during labor. Of course this made me think that maybe she is right. At this point I am very confused & my husband refuses to make a decision with me. He says that i am the one who's gonna be laboring, not him (nice, but not useful). I hope that I can talk to the doctor next appointment & maybe reach some sort of a compromise (I have called his office & asked one of the nurses what she thinks I should do. If i should change doctors or if & how to approach the doctor, without making him resentful, which would only complicate things. She said that my first option would be to talk to him & that he usually is really ok with hearing a complaint. Then if I am really unable to cope, then maybe I can just try out other doctors in the same group. After that, I of course have the option of leaving the group all together.). My only thing with changing the doctor, but staying with the group is that in delivery, it will be whoever doctor is on call. What are the chances that he ends up being my laboring doctor? ) Cathy Weeks wrote: Look, please don't take this the wrong way, but.... You are very worried about your baby and yourself, and you don't like your doctor because he's a real jerk, yet you are willing to trust him with your life and that of your baby, because it's incovenient to go shopping for another? If you have doubts about this guy, find someone else, right away. There have been women on this newsgroup who changed doctors right before their baby was born. At least you have a couple of months to go. When you are giving birth is the LAST time you want to have doubts about someone. That's the time when you want to surround yourself with people you trust, because its very difficult to be rational when you are in labor. Good luck. I don't know about the others, but I'd love to hear back from you that you've found another person (Midwife, OB, whatever) that you're much more comfortable with. Cathy Weeks Mommy to Kivi Alexis 12/01 |
#114
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)
Seeing 2 doctors helps in comparing notes. Unfortunately (after my
sister lost one child for lack of detection of any problems sooner) she has about 0% faith in doctors & decided to make sure that what a doctor si saying is some what confirmed by the other. It may sound silly to some, but losing a baby at the 9th month is really hard. I am sure that she just wanted to make sure that this time the doctors knew what they were doing. JoFromOz wrote: ooh, I just read something interesting - placental insufficiency is protective against prostate cancer in the baby throughout life! I will talk to the consultant OBs at work about this - I've honestly never heard of P.I. being more likely in subsequent pregnancies. I have, however heard of IUGR being more likely, most probably due to lifestyle factors. I'm not working again 'till Monday, but I'll get back when I find out for you. However, I don't see how seeing two doctors can avoid problems if there is P.I... Jo (RM) zolw wrote: That's actually not true. My sister had 3 pregnancies (2 children, since she lost one of them in the 9th month) & in all 3 cases she had placenta insufficiency. Actually the doctors (she was seeing 2 doctors at te same time, to avoid having the same problem as with her unborn child) all agreed that if a woman has placenta insufficiency once, she is at much higher risk to have it every time. JoFromOz wrote: Placental insufficiency in one pregnancy has nothing to do with the health of the placenta in subsequent pregnancies, let alone a pregnancy in another woman. It is also not that uncommon for inductions to fail when a woman isn't ready to go into labour. I really think that your sister's placental problems have anything to do with you. That placenta was formed when the fertilised egg implanted into her uterus... The body doesn't make the same placenta twice Jo (RM) Welches wrote: zolw wrote in message news:E2Qqc.7387$zw.4579@attbi_s01... yes, my sister has a condition called placenta insufficiency. Apparently her placenta ages quickly. At the same time, she does not get contractions or go into labor, even after induction. I have already told my doctor about that (the first few appointments I tried to give him as much family history as possible. I have an aunt who would miscarriage every single pregnancy at 6 months. Never had a child. My mom menopaused at the age of 38. So, I thought all that may be real important for him to know), he just said ok. Didn't even jot it down or anything. I probably should mention it to him once more. I wonder whether he might think it's appropriate to check (via u/s) the placenta in 8th month. (apparently they can do this) Remind him about your sister, and ask him whether it would be a good idea. Might be a good idea to see if your insurance would cover this. Suspect the aunt's problems were unrelated, and genetically she's probably considered far enough from you not to be concerned-and you're past 6 months :-) Maybe if you haven't insurance for it you might think it was worth paying to check the placenta? I don't know whether there is any genetic aspect in placenta insufficiency-maybe that would be a good point to start-by asking your doctor that. Debbie |
#115
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)
Placenta insufficiency was determined in her first pregnancy. She does
not go into labor & can not get contractions (even after induction). I am not fully aware of what kind of testing was done to determine her condition, but she had it in all 3 pregnancies. Circe wrote: JoFromOz wrote: I will talk to the consultant OBs at work about this - I've honestly never heard of P.I. being more likely in subsequent pregnancies. I have, however heard of IUGR being more likely, most probably due to lifestyle factors. I'm not working again 'till Monday, but I'll get back when I find out for you. However, I don't see how seeing two doctors can avoid problems if there is P.I... zolw wrote: That's actually not true. My sister had 3 pregnancies (2 children, since she lost one of them in the 9th month) & in all 3 cases she had placenta insufficiency. Actually the doctors (she was seeing 2 doctors at te same time, to avoid having the same problem as with her unborn child) all agreed that if a woman has placenta insufficiency once, she is at much higher risk to have it every time. And I can't help wondering *how* the placental insufficiency was diagnosed in the subsequent pregnancy. It's fairly common for doctors to be edgy when a pregnant woman has had a prior loss at or near term and to recommend early induction to these patients to "prevent" another in utero death. I'm not pooh-poohing the idea that placental insufficiency could be the result of a genetic condition in the mother that runs in the family at all, as that doesn't sound improbable to me. But I would rather suspect that the two doctors treating Mona's sister would have been inclined to induce labor in those subsequent well before any external signs of placental insufficiency cropped up. Unless Mona's sister's placentas were determined to be calcified or otherwise abnormal when her babies were born (which may well be the case), then there's no way to be *certain* she would have experience actual placental insufficiency in those pregnancies. It would not have been peculiar, however, for her doctors to have been proactive in trying to prevent a repeated loss and to claim that "repeated placental insufficiency" was the reason they were doing it. -- Be well, Barbara Mom to Sin (Vernon, 2), Misery (Aurora, 4), and the Rising Son (Julian, 6) Aurora (in the bathroom with her dad)--"It looks like an elephant, Daddy." Me (later)--"You should feel flattered." All opinions expressed in this post are well-reasoned and insightful. Needless to say, they are not those of my Internet Service Provider, its other subscribers or lackeys. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight. -- with apologies to Michael Feldman |
#116
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneedhelp!)
No, he needs to tell me that eventhough there is nothing he can do, but
we will try to prevent the same history from repeating by certain steps or testing or whatever else he plans. He is not there to just let me sit back in the dark (I can do this pretty well on my own). If there are really low chances that I would have the same condition, then he should say that. Not just say OK. pologirl wrote: zolw wrote: So, I thought all that may be real important for him to know), he just said ok. Didn't even jot it down or anything. He listened to your laundry list of your relatives pregnancy problems. But there is nothing he can *do* about those problems. And he cannot guarantee you that you won't have similar problems. What exactly do you want from him? You may need to be really specific about what you want. For example, I had a great midwife who was very emotionally supportive. She liked to give me hugs. Great, except I did not want to be hugged! I wanted advice. Several times I mentioned to her a specific problem, and each time she listened and said "that's normal". But I wanted to know what I could do about the problem. Finally I realized we were not communicating. Rather than find another care provider, I started finally *asking* my questions, not hinting at them and expecting her to read my mind and organize my thoughts for me. You need to do the same. Even on this newsgroup, you don't state your specific concerns, you only refer to them. But in this newsgroup many of us know or can guess your specific concerns. Ovviously, your OB cannot or will not do the same. Probably for good reason! Many pregant women don't want to talk or even think about possible bad outcomes. How is your OB supposed to know how open to be with you, if you are not really open with him? So, you ask your OB: "I fear developing placental insufficiency like my aunt did. What are the early signs of placental insufficiency? Do I have any of these signs? If there are no signs, could I have it anyway?" Yadda yadda. Pologirl |
#117
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed help!)
I am sure that my family history is playing with my mind more than it
should, but I can not help it. This is my first pregnancy & I really have no clue what feels normal or what doesn't. I depend on my care giver to clarify to me what is normal & what isn't. At the same time, my care giver should try to calm my fears (especially that most people who have had close family with problems in their pregnancies would react similar to me) & maybe give me some statistic or explaination to why I should not worry. Sophie wrote: "zolw" wrote in message news:bL9rc.30055$gr.3028579@attbi_s52... Oh yeah, I have mentioned my concerns & my family history to the docor, but he brushed me off. I also have a list of questions every appointment (written down, so i don't forget anything), but he always gives me a quick "this is normal" or "you're pregnant" answers. & if I try to push him to give me more detailed answers, he usually seems upset that I want more details. You're really hung up on your family's history. I'm not saying it's not awful, or sad, but I'm just not sure how much it matters in regards to *your* pregnancy. My mom had a miscarriage. I never have. My sister took 2 + yrs to get pregnant with her first. The longest it's taken me is 4 months (for 2 months of that I didn't know about charting or ovulation). Their histories aren't mine. I think the answers your Dr gives you (it's normal and you're pregnant) are sufficent, jsut not long-winded. Get a new Dr if he's so cold and aloof. Sophie #4 due July 7, 2004 |
#118
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, butneed
OK, explain to me the connection between a lump & an expanding uterus.
Any woman should be concerned when there is a lump (actually any person should) Donna wrote: "zolw" wrote in message news:jjfrc.32365$gr.3251928@attbi_s52... OK, so one of the questions was about a lump I had developed on my abdomen (where the ribs are). It would hurt. So, I show it to him, he touches it & says oh that is normal nothing to worry about. I tell him, well a lump is never normal. Why am I getting this lump? He says that's your uterus. I say, well, why is there a lump? He says that's your uterus expanding (& looks impatient with my question). See, I'm a little confused as to why the above seems insufficient. Your uterus is expanding, and that is the lump. What more information do you want? I mean, there isn't much more that he can say about that. I feel not that much at ease, so I apologize for asking too much, but I want to understand what is happening to me. He just looks at me (already got up from his chair, like he wants to leave the room) & says it is normal, your body is going through changes & your uterus is expanding. What more did you want to know? There *isn't* much more. It sounds to me that you have a personality conflict with this physician. That's no one's fault - there is one OB in the group I see who irritates me, so I never schedule appointments with him. Do you have the option of transferring your care to someone else in the group (if it is a group)? Donna |
#119
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but
Welches wrote:
Maybe if you could say how the dr. would tell placenta insufficiency from external monitoring etc. so she could see how he may be checking for this? I think it's been mentioned, but maybe it hasn't been clear. The main indicator of placental insufficiency is that the baby is too small. They generally detect this with fundal height measurements and palpation. They are looking not only for measurements that seem small in an absolute sense, but also a worrisome trend in measurements. These indicators trigger the need for further investigation, typically by ultrasound. Most of the time, it turns out not to be a problem, but sometimes they find IUGR and/or placental insufficiency. Best wishes, Ericka |
#120
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frustrated with Doctor. Am I rightfullt so? (a bit long, but
jitney wrote: You wouldn't hesitate to dismiss a gardener, interior designer, tutor,carpenter, or craftsman, or any other "expert" whose work you were unsatisfied with, why should a doctor be any different? You know, if someone posted my messages, I really would advise them to change doctors, but you have no idea how hard I find it. I mean, at least with this doctor, I know he has the reputation to protect, the medical knowledge to intervene when/if things really get out of control. I know it is silly, but if I had a guarantee that the next provider I chose is gonna be any better, I would. The problem is, there is no guarantee. Although i liked the idea of another poster that I should try other doctors (while staying with him) & then when I find the right one, I should just do the switch. You don't have the knowledge to evaluate his skills? So what? No matter what his expertise, if he is not taking you and your concerns seriously, he is not the doctor for you. I will be praying for you and your baby. Take care, and let us know what happens.-Jitney |
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