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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck
on my breast constantly. I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her crib? If so, for how long? ~Carol Ann |
#2
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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?
Carol Ann wrote:
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck on my breast constantly. I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her crib? If so, for how long? If you're really stressed out over it, by all means try swaddling her up and putting her in the crib and letting her wail for a few minutes, while you go to the bathroom, take a drink of water, a few long breaths, try not to cry yourself (unless you really need to, of course, then go ahead), etc. It's *possible* she'll go to sleep within five minutes. There are babies who do this. It's also possible that she'll just get more worked up. It still won't hurt her if it's just a few minutes, and if it helps you clear your head and say, yeah, I can do this, I'm a mom now, and you can go back and hold her with a little more strength and cheerfulness than you had before, then it's worth it. If it turns out to make you feel worse than you did before, then you learned something, and it's still not wasted. --Helen |
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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?
Carol Ann wrote:
I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck on my breast constantly. I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her crib? If so, for how long? I wouldn't and here are some reasons why: ------------------------- http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sl...rtnursing.html EXCERPT - A baby who is left to cry alone will eventually stop crying because he has abandoned all hope that help will come: as far as he can tell, no one cares enough to listen, or come and provide comfort. In the book Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent, anthropology professor Meredith Small writes, "When signals are missed, babies stop signalling; they withdraw; they suck their thumbs; they turn away; they try to right the system themselves by not sending out any more signals." The baby protects himself by shutting down, and "accepts" the situation because he has learned that a response is not forthcoming. Crying is also hard, physically, on baby: it can lead to hoarseness that can last for days; the digestive system is upset; heart rates can climb to levels over 200 beats per minute; and oxygen levels in the blood are diminished. http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/...enNeedTou.html EXCERPT - The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons and Miller. "Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma." http://www.aeca.org.au/news.html EXCERPT - Controlled crying is a technique which is used as a way of managing infants, and young children, who do not settle alone, or who wake during the night. The AAMIHI is concerned that controlled crying is not consistent with what infants need for their optimal emotional and psychological health, and may have unintended negative consequences. To find out more - Click here for the AAIMHI's Position Paper The following is not a study of CIO but I thought it was interesting http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070900.asp 5 REASONS WHY HIGH-NEED INFANTS SLEEP DIFFERENTLY EXCERPT - "Why do high-need children need more of everything but sleep?" a tired mother once asked me. Until we had a high-need infant, I would have guessed that these babies would be worn out by the end of the day and would actually need more sleep; certainly, their parents do. A tired father once told me, "When it comes to sleep, I'm a high-need parent." Here's why high-need babies sleep differently. ------------------------ In your copious amounts of free-time (LOL!)try reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. Another good read (won't help you an awful lot now but later) is "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. -- Brigitte aa #2145 http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/ http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/i/isabellazora/ "Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare." ~ Harriet Martineau |
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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?
Sorry for top posting
Once again I agree with Brigitte ... I was going to point you in the direction of the AECA paper, but Brigitte has provided the link below as well as many others. Of course there were times when I set DD in her bassinet while crying so that I could go to the loo, but I never felt comfortable leaving her for long. Sometimes though you might need to step outside the room and count to 10 for you sanity.... Also - have you got a sling? The can be a lifesaver if Morgan is like my DD and will only sleep on you. I have a Baba sling ( http://www.babaslings.com/ ) which I haven't used on a newborn yet (but its great for a 1+ yo) and I'm sure I will even be able to bf with this new bub in it. I had an ABA sling with DD which was great when I needed to do things but didn't want to leave a fussy DD, but I never could bf in it. Hang in there ... just focus on one day at a time and soon enough everything will get easier. Amanda -- DD 15th August 2002 1 tiny angel Nov 2003 EDD 19th August 2004 "DeliciousTruffles" wrote in message ... Carol Ann wrote: I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck on my breast constantly. I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her crib? If so, for how long? I wouldn't and here are some reasons why: ------------------------- http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sl...rtnursing.html EXCERPT - A baby who is left to cry alone will eventually stop crying because he has abandoned all hope that help will come: as far as he can tell, no one cares enough to listen, or come and provide comfort. In the book Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent, anthropology professor Meredith Small writes, "When signals are missed, babies stop signalling; they withdraw; they suck their thumbs; they turn away; they try to right the system themselves by not sending out any more signals." The baby protects himself by shutting down, and "accepts" the situation because he has learned that a response is not forthcoming. Crying is also hard, physically, on baby: it can lead to hoarseness that can last for days; the digestive system is upset; heart rates can climb to levels over 200 beats per minute; and oxygen levels in the blood are diminished. http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/...enNeedTou.html EXCERPT - The early stress resulting from separation causes changes in infant brains that makes future adults more susceptible to stress in their lives, say Commons and Miller. "Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma." http://www.aeca.org.au/news.html EXCERPT - Controlled crying is a technique which is used as a way of managing infants, and young children, who do not settle alone, or who wake during the night. The AAMIHI is concerned that controlled crying is not consistent with what infants need for their optimal emotional and psychological health, and may have unintended negative consequences. To find out more - Click here for the AAIMHI's Position Paper The following is not a study of CIO but I thought it was interesting http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070900.asp 5 REASONS WHY HIGH-NEED INFANTS SLEEP DIFFERENTLY EXCERPT - "Why do high-need children need more of everything but sleep?" a tired mother once asked me. Until we had a high-need infant, I would have guessed that these babies would be worn out by the end of the day and would actually need more sleep; certainly, their parents do. A tired father once told me, "When it comes to sleep, I'm a high-need parent." Here's why high-need babies sleep differently. ------------------------ In your copious amounts of free-time (LOL!)try reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. Another good read (won't help you an awful lot now but later) is "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. -- Brigitte aa #2145 http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/ http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/i/isabellazora/ "Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare." ~ Harriet Martineau |
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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?
Carol Ann wrote:
Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her crib? If so, for how long? I vote yes. Better to have a baby cry in her crib while mom gets it together than have a mom who doesn't have it together try to deal with screaming baby on her last nerve. Make sure she's safe, put her down, close the door, move out of earshot, take a couple of deep breaths, wait until you can deal before you go back in. She'll be fine, and hopefully you'll be better. Same applies if you need a shower, or a hot meal, or to pee. IMHO, this is much, much, much different than putting a baby in the crib at bedtime and not going in until the next morning. Phoebe |
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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?
"Carol Ann" wrote in message news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52... I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck on my breast constantly. Does this bother you because you think you should put her down (family says so, don't want her spoiled, need to get stuff done, etc.) or because you are too tired to BF? If you need to get stuff done, I recommend the Ultimate Baby Wrap. It's the best baby carrier I've owned yet (and I'ved owned 6). If you're worried about spoiling her, don't worry about that. If you need to go to the bathroom, you gotta do what you gotta do and she'll live, though I've managed nicely with DD in UBW. If you're not bothered but the family is, just ignore them. If you're too tired to BF, do it side lying. If you're completely frazzled, put her down and leave. She'll live. If that's the case on a daily basis, you may need someone to help you around the house. Maybe one of those newborn nannies or a houskeeper or a relative? |
#7
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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?
I dont let newborns cry. They tend to get so upset it takes far longer to
recalm them than usual. Sometimes a few minutes of crying have to be endured,but newborns require pretty much round the clock care and attention. ztry handing her off to someone,swings work well. I was by myself when my baby was born and the swing was a lifesaver, A few minutes of crying wont hurt,but try to keep it to very brief periods. "Carol Ann" wrote in message news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52... I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck on my breast constantly. I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her crib? If so, for how long? ~Carol Ann |
#8
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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?
"Carol Ann" wrote in message
news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52... I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck on my breast constantly. It's pretty normal behavior for a newborn. Remember she's got a lot to deal with at this point too - she's never even had to breathe until a few days ago, and now she's got all kinds of bodily functions and endless weird sensations, sights, and sounds to process. You're the only comfort she's got, so of course she wants to stay close to you. I do know how tiring it can be and I do completely sympathize with you, but trust me, it is very temporary. Just take it a day, or even an hour at a time if need be. There will be a time, before you know it, when you won't have trouble getting a shower, and when that time comes it won't matter whether you have showered in this current minute. What will matter is that you were there for her. I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her crib? If so, for how long? I wouldn't let a newborn cry for longer than it took to go to the bathroom, under normal circumstances. If by "going crazy" you mean you are so frustrated you are afraid you may harm her, then put her down in her crib for as long as it takes until you feel in control. Step outside if you need to and take a lot of deep breaths. Think about what you need to do to regain control (yell? punch pillows? cry? call someone and talk for a few minutes?), do it, and then go pick her back up. Hang in there! -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 3, and Jaden, 6 months |
#9
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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?
Cheryl S. wrote:
If by "going crazy" you mean you are so frustrated you are afraid you may harm her, then put her down in her crib for as long as it takes until you feel in control. Step outside if you need to and take a lot of deep breaths. Think about what you need to do to regain control (yell? punch pillows? cry? call someone and talk for a few minutes?), do it, and then go pick her back up. Hang in there! Oh yes! Excellent point Cheryl and excellent advice! -- Brigitte aa #2145 http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/j/joshuaandkaterina/ http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/i/isabellazora/ "Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare." ~ Harriet Martineau |
#10
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Is It EVER Okay to Let your Newborn Cry?
"Carol Ann" wrote in message news:WEkcc.196392$po.1013392@attbi_s52... I just can't get Morgan to sleep without me holding her or having her suck on my breast constantly. I am really going crazy. Is it EVER okay to let your newborn cry in her crib? If so, for how long? ~Carol Ann Yeah I have done it, I think that it's okay, others will disagree. Some people say it teaches baby to learn that they are abandoned. I put them in bed, leave and wait a few minutes (up to five depending on how upset they are) then go back in. The way I see it, I am teaching my babies that I will always come but not straight away. I never found that they went to sleep crying but I did find that after a few minutes and then a pat or a stroke on the head they would fall asleep. I know people suggest carrying the baby all the time but I never could, mine didn't sleep well like that and it drove me crazy. So if you are getting desperate, make sure baby is comfortable, fed,and tired and leave. Go somewhere that you can't hear the crying, take some deep breaths and get yourself together and then go back. Good Luck FWIW my boys are happy secure, well attached little men and I left them crying for short periods on numerous occasions. |
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