Need to talk to someone (long)

Alison wrote:

How do you know when you've got PND?

[snip]

Sounds like it to me. I had it. The other posters had good advice -- I
hope some of it helps you.

Zoloft did wonders for me, by the way, and you can take it while
nursing. I took it for several months, during which time I got used to
being a mom, found some friends in the neighborhood, and my body got
back to normal. I recommend talking to your doctor about it, and
trying to find a support group (I hope you have better luck with that
than I did).

--
Sara, accompanied by the baby barnacle

"Alison" o.uk wrote
in message ...
How do you know when you've got PND?

I think "they" say it is depression if it goes on unrelieved for two
weeks. I felt just as you describe in this post earlier this week, but
then had better days following it. If you feel like this every day, it
sounds like it could be PND to me. There are plenty of logical reasons
for the way you feel right now though - a very demanding infant being
number one. Some of them are just going to take time to get better, but
I think there are a couple things you could do now.


I'm tired and weary and I'm fed up with having to
carry DS about in order that he doesn't cry.

My first was like this - just holding her wasn't good enough, I had to
be walking, too. I would often feel so tired I didn't think I could
take one more step and it was so frustrating. One thing that might help
is to play some catchy music while you're walking. Is there any
particular artist or type of music that tends to put you in a good mood?
Another thing you can do while walking is talk on the phone. Then you
can connect with friends without the problems you describe when you see
people in person.

We've been told not to let
him scream because of his hernia problem.

What is the plan for fixing this problem? I imagine this added pressure
makes it doubly tough on you when he cries.

He seems to need to be played with from the moment
he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep. I can't
get anything done in the house. It looks like a tip and we're
not houseproud people so a tip means a tip. It depresses me
but it seems to be becoming such an enormous task to try
and tackle it that I'm putting it off all the time.

Have a look at http://www.flylady.com/. It is overwhelming when you
don't know where to start and you want to get everything done at once.
Don't do everything at once. Just do one thing. You don't even have to
do it as well as you did before your baby was born.

I can't ask for help cos no-one else knows where I want
to put all the stuff. If I have to stand there saying where it's
all to go I might as well do it myself.

Now, you're just being silly. :-) Accept help. Any and all help which
is offered, accept. If a pot or pan is in the wrong place it's not a
life-long problem. When things get better you'll put everything where
you like it. For now, the important thing is your getting some rest and
letting other people help you for a change.

I don't want to have friends round snip
I don't sleep well at night cos my back hurts
so much. snip
Half the time I don't even brush my hair cos
I will the world not to come to my door. I feel
a complete mess yet I don't have the strength
nor willpower to do anything about it.

These are classic symptoms of depression. Do speak to a doctor and see
if some medication can help get you through this.

The skin through 270o of my breasts is red, broken itchy and
painful and this too makes sleeping a fitful experience. The itchy
has
spread to my nipples and I'm getting slight stabby pains again in my
breasts
so I think the thrush is on the comeback.

I don't have any advice about this, sorry. I wonder if mastitis is also
a possibility? That could make you feel even more unwell and less able
to cope.

My partner is the kindest, most considerate, most lovely
person I could ever have hoped to share my life
with but if he even mentions sex I freeze cos my body just
can't take any more demands.

This is entirely common. I even just recently posted here an OT poll
called "sex or sleep?" Some good suggestions came up there.

I do absolutely nothing except look after a baby, and I mean
nothing. I can't be bothered cooking nor even
thinking about what we've got to eat. I just snack on rubbish when I
realise that I've missed lunch again. I'd just like a rest but you
can't
stop being a mum can you.

You need to look after yourself. You can't take care of someone else if
you're run down by not eating well. Let people bring you food at least
when they offer help. It's like they say on the airlines - "put on your
own oxygen mask before assisting those around you." I felt like you
do - the baby comes first. But at some point even if you come second,
you have to get your needs met too. It's not bad parenting to put the
baby down for long enough to get something to eat, even if he doesn't
like it.

I'm ****ed off at everything - the slightest
thing just makes me swear and my blood boil.

I often feel this way too. It's always when I'm especially tired. Do
you have a friend who could walk the baby around while you take a good
nap?

I can't tell anyone cos I'm not the sort of person that
doesn't cope. I've had a career, I've always been strong
in the face of adversity, folk come to me when they're in
trouble not the other way round.

You need to realize that this attitude is making things harder on you
than they need to be. Having a career is no preparation for parenthood,
I can tell you that. Let those people you've been helping, help you for
a change. They'd probably welcome the opportunity to reciprocate. It
is tough to adjust to parenthood when you've always been in control
before.

He's 6.5 months old now - you'd think I'd have worked
it out by now.

It took me longer than that and sometimes I still don't think I've got
it. :-) The biggest thing that helped me was to get out of the house
and meet some other moms. I didn't know anyone because work had been my
life. Isolation is one of the biggest problems new moms face. Forget
about what other people are thinking of your parenting and GO OUT. At
least find a playgroup or something. In a playgroup other moms will
have all BTDT and won't mind if your baby cries.

Thanks for being there when I don't want there to be a
world outside my window.

{{{Alison}}} HTH
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 9 mo.
And Jaden, 4 months

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

Alison,

Hang in there! You are doing a super job as a mom! Everyone has listed
some great suggestions on how to cope. Infant days are not easy, but one
day you will wake up and realize that it got much easier, I promise!

Please let us know how you're doing, Alison. (((Hugs)))

Sue