Last names in kids'

"toypup" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:36:00 GMT, sfilo7 wrote:

Does anyone know or have any publications, articles, books, etc. about
children having identity issues with growing up with a different last
name
than their parent? I am a single mother who has a two year old, and I
was
divorced when I had my son. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but the
attorney said that the child should have the same name as me....so I kept
it.
I want to go to my maiden name and the father is refusing....I want my
son to
have my same last name....and feel that since we were divorced it was my
right to put/give my son whatever last name I wanted...anyone have
information on how different names can effect children in school?

My mom never took my dad's name, so her name was always different from
mine. I just thought that was how it was until someone questioned if they
were married once.

I never changed my name. I never bother to correct anyone who assumes I
have DH's name. In fact, I use it as my alias, but my kids know I don't
have his name.

If he were older, I'd say there would be damage in changing his name, as
it
is his identity.



If he was older, he could cabitz. But the comment "as it is his identity"
makes no sense to me. Many of us change our names when we marry with no
change of identity. I would still be myself even if named Shirly.


As a 2yo, he may not know the difference. Maybe it would affect him when
he's older having no connection with his biological father. I think there
might be security sharing his name, however obscure.

I agree with the others. I don't see what your attorney is talking about
WRT having the same names. It's never caused me any problems.

In article , Stephanie says...


"toypup" wrote in message
.. .
On Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:36:00 GMT, sfilo7 wrote:

Does anyone know or have any publications, articles, books, etc. about
children having identity issues with growing up with a different last
name
than their parent? I am a single mother who has a two year old, and I
was
divorced when I had my son. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but the
attorney said that the child should have the same name as me....so I kept
it.
I want to go to my maiden name and the father is refusing....I want my
son to
have my same last name....and feel that since we were divorced it was my
right to put/give my son whatever last name I wanted...anyone have
information on how different names can effect children in school?

My mom never took my dad's name, so her name was always different from
mine. I just thought that was how it was until someone questioned if they
were married once.

I never changed my name. I never bother to correct anyone who assumes I
have DH's name. In fact, I use it as my alias, but my kids know I don't
have his name.

If he were older, I'd say there would be damage in changing his name, as
it
is his identity.



If he was older, he could cabitz. But the comment "as it is his identity"
makes no sense to me. Many of us change our names when we marry with no
change of identity. I would still be myself even if named Shirly.


I don't think most people take quite such a sanguine approach to it, though.
Don't get me wrong - a *lot* do, there's nothing *wrong* with regarding names in
the way you do. But last names especially evoke origin, evoke ancestry, and
have a lot of meaning for a lot of people. In a situation of divorce (or
whatever this situation is) it can be even more meaningful.

Indeed I suspect may be a motive for the O.P. to want to change her son's name
back, and the father *not* wanting it changed.

I'm with Beliavski a bit on this one - let the boy have his father's last name
as a connection.

Banty

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , Stephanie
says...


"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
On Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:36:00 GMT, sfilo7 wrote:

Does anyone know or have any publications, articles, books, etc. about
children having identity issues with growing up with a different last
name
than their parent? I am a single mother who has a two year old, and I
was
divorced when I had my son. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but the
attorney said that the child should have the same name as me....so I
kept
it.
I want to go to my maiden name and the father is refusing....I want my
son to
have my same last name....and feel that since we were divorced it was
my
right to put/give my son whatever last name I wanted...anyone have
information on how different names can effect children in school?

My mom never took my dad's name, so her name was always different from
mine. I just thought that was how it was until someone questioned if
they
were married once.

I never changed my name. I never bother to correct anyone who assumes I
have DH's name. In fact, I use it as my alias, but my kids know I don't
have his name.

If he were older, I'd say there would be damage in changing his name, as
it
is his identity.



If he was older, he could cabitz. But the comment "as it is his identity"
makes no sense to me. Many of us change our names when we marry with no
change of identity. I would still be myself even if named Shirly.


I don't think most people take quite such a sanguine approach to it,
though.
Don't get me wrong - a *lot* do, there's nothing *wrong* with regarding
names in
the way you do. But last names especially evoke origin, evoke ancestry,
and
have a lot of meaning for a lot of people. In a situation of divorce (or
whatever this situation is) it can be even more meaningful.

Indeed I suspect may be a motive for the O.P. to want to change her son's
name
back, and the father *not* wanting it changed.

I'm with Beliavski a bit on this one - let the boy have his father's last
name
as a connection.

Banty


I hear you.

My oldest son, Joe, is from my first marriage. I changed my name back when I
divorced my first husband, then took my second husband's name when I
remarried. So Joe's last name is different from the rest of the family but
it has been no big deal. He is also named after his father but as II instead
of Jr.

CTTS:
When he was about 4, we came into the preschool class during a discussion.
teacher: "Good morning Joe. We're talking about first and last names. Can
you tell the class your last name?"
Joe: "Second."

On Dec 4, 10:49 am, "Stephanie" wrote:
If he was older, he could cabitz.

"cabitz"? Did you mean kibitz?

-- Zip

"Zipadee" wrote in message
...
On Dec 4, 10:49 am, "Stephanie" wrote:
If he was older, he could cabitz.

"cabitz"? Did you mean kibitz?

-- Zip


Yes! Thanks!

"sfilo7" u39582@uwe wrote in message news:7c2558b8ec704@uwe...
Does anyone know or have any publications, articles, books, etc. about
children having identity issues with growing up with a different last name
than their parent? I am a single mother who has a two year old, and I was
divorced when I had my son. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but the
attorney said that the child should have the same name as me....so I kept
it.
I want to go to my maiden name and the father is refusing....I want my son
to
have my same last name....and feel that since we were divorced it was my
right to put/give my son whatever last name I wanted...anyone have
information on how different names can effect children in school?

I never changed my last name when I married my husband. Our children have
his last name. So their name does not match their mother's even though
their parents are still married. This is not unusual. A perusal of the
kids' school directory show a large percentage don't have the same last name
as their mothers. Sometimes due to divorce, sometimes just because. And no
one bats an eye.

"sfilo7" u39582@uwe wrote in message news:7c2558b8ec704@uwe...
Does anyone know or have any publications, articles, books, etc. about
children having identity issues with growing up with a different last name
than their parent? I am a single mother who has a two year old, and I was
divorced when I had my son. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but the
attorney said that the child should have the same name as me....so I kept
it.
I want to go to my maiden name and the father is refusing....I want my son
to
have my same last name....and feel that since we were divorced it was my
right to put/give my son whatever last name I wanted...anyone have
information on how different names can effect children in school?

What's the difference?
DS has my last name. DDs both have my last name, hyphenated with their
dad's last name.
Originally, when DD1 was born, we had put just her dad's last name on the
live birth registration, I think it's called, at the hospital. We thought
about it, and I also talked to my mom, then N and I talked again about it
and we decided to change DD1's last name to mine with his.
I decided to do this (we decided, whatever) partly because of school. With
one similar last name between the kids, then there would be no mistaking
siblings, and for my own possible sanity, with no mistakes as far as
siblings go at first glance of a list of students, I won't be getting 2 or 3
identical calls from the school or 3 identical letters from school. Here,
anyways, for some news letters or info sheets, it's the oldest or only child
in the school that gets the letter and then it's one letter per family,
rather than per child.
I don't know if this would make sense, but if you have 2 children, both with
different last names, one possibility could be to change YOUR last name to
be Child 1's last name hyphenated with Child 2's last name.
But, quite frankly, I don't see how it matters. I simply did what I did to,
hopefully, save my brain a little with some possible confusion, although I
doubt it would happen anyways. I think you'll probably do more damage to
your own self by stressing over something so trivial like this!

In article , Banty
wrote:

I don't think most people take quite such a sanguine approach to it, though.
Don't get me wrong - a *lot* do, there's nothing *wrong* with regarding names
in
the way you do. But last names especially evoke origin, evoke ancestry, and
have a lot of meaning for a lot of people. In a situation of divorce (or
whatever this situation is) it can be even more meaningful.

Indeed I suspect may be a motive for the O.P. to want to change her son's
name
back, and the father *not* wanting it changed.

I went to school with a boy whose father died when he was a baby. His mother
later remarried, and the boy, being very young and having no memory of his
father, was given his new father's name (the issue of illegitimacy may have
been another factor; it's the reason my Mum stayed a Mrs after her divorce).
Yes, new father -- the stepfather loved him dearly and definitely treated him
as a son. Nonetheless, the boy changed his name back to his birth-father's
surname once he was legally able to do so -- no doubt hurting his parents
quite a lot.

Remember that ultimately, your child's name is not *yours*!

--
Chookie -- Sydney, Australia
(Replace "foulspambegone" with "optushome" to reply)

http://chookiesbackyard.blogspot.com/

On Dec 5, 1:23 pm, "xkatx" wrote:
What's the difference?
DS has my last name. DDs both have my last name, hyphenated with their
dad's last name.

My niece did not taken her husband's last name when she married. She's
not Mrs. Elwood H. She's Ms. Susan B. (She basically said that
marriage was just a photo-op, but he did manage to talk her into it).
Their children have both their names as a hyphenated name (B-H). I
think this is becoming increasingly common. There are MANY children
in school now who don't have the same last name as one of their
parental units.

It isn't really going to be a problem unless you make it one. So go
back to your married name, and don't make a big fight with your ex
about it.

On the Jr or II issue - usually II (2nd) is used when the child is
named after someone OTHER THAN their father. Like a grandfather or an
uncle.

Incidentally I also believe that you can change your name to whatever
you want it to be without any court procedure as long as the change is
not for the purpose of fraud. I, for instance, changed my first name
to something completely different when I registered in a new HS. My
mom was p***ed but by the time she found out it was too late. I also
merged my original first and middle name into one name when I got
married, and took my maiden name as my middle name. All the documents
that I sign now have the merged name on them including my passport,
even though I don't have that name (joined like that) on my birth
certificate.