Child behavior- kicking

"Chotii" wrote in message
...

Were the parents there? Just curious. Unless the parents had
specifically told the grandparents they should feel free to spank, that
was way out of line.

Oh, I don't know. IF the grandparents had spanked their own children AND
the parents failed to intervene, knowing perfectly well that the child
kicked, THEN I would certainly understand if the grandparents intervened
in the way familiar to them, for an offense against their own bodies.
Now, you can argue that it's out of line to spank the child, but it's
*also* out of line for the parents to ignore a physical assault upon
another person, and act like it didn't happen. How is the child to learn
anything? If the parents refuse to teach him, then they're going to have
to accept that sooner or later, somebody else is going to step in and do
it...one way or another.

That said, I once got in my niece's face over some roughhousing that hurt
me, and my other brothers (not her father) got all over me for
'disciplining someone else's child.' Like I had no right to tell the kid
she'd hurt me, and that she was never to do it again? I didn't spank her,
I just snapped at her, and I *still* got jumped on, for defending myself.
I don't understand this.

--angela


I don't disagree with you at all, if the parents were there. Otherwise,
though, I don't think its ok to assume that its ok to spank someone else's
child (unless specifically authorized to do so). I'd be pretty surprised
if the parents were there and ignored the kicking. If a child was hurting
me or my small children, I'd also feel free to address it verbally.

Nancy

"Nikki" wrote
My secret weapon for all manner of throwing, hitting, and kicking in the
house is one of those balloons that have a rubber band attached that you
can
punch. They are tougher. It can get pretty annoying but oh my, the
energy
it can burn


Good idea!

"Nancy P." wrote

Were the parents there? Just curious. Unless the parents had
specifically
told the grandparents they should feel free to spank, that was way out of
line.

Yes, they were around, but just watching him kick. Also, the same kid got
into a golf cart (at 2.5 years old!! amazing) and turned it on and sped
straight for the road (it was in their yard). They didn't do anything to him
for that, either---well first of all that was their fault for making it
accessible to him and not watching him! This same kid also ran up to his
sister and hit her finger that she sprained, knowing it was bandaged up and
had a boo boo etc. I don't think they should spank him but I think they
should do something-- divert him, time out, or just talk to him. I know
nothing about toddlers but it just seems to me like maybe it would be
helpful not to let him run free doing all this stuff with no consequences?
He is not a brat, just a very very very active kid. I have no idea what
would work on him, but probably it would be the removing of things, or
taking him away from the scene...I think that would get the point to him,
because when he does all this stuff, he doesn't want to go away...he wants
to remain where the action is! He is tiring to watch, so energetic and you
can barely keep up with him!

So while I don't know what tactic would work best it just seems to me like
maybe they need to use *some* tactic, instead of ignoring? Now the golf
thing was their fault. But their has to be some way to teach him not to go
toward the road if he ever does get into something......?? I can barely wait
until Rachel is a toddler! But as someone said, surely I would have an
instinct and know what is effective with her.

"Mary S." wrote You've kind of got to jump straight to
the endgame of
consequences, which would hopefully be a last resort if it's your own kid.

Mary S.


While the boy is just a normal toddler and not a brat etc, I asked DH what
he would have done if he had kicked Rachel, or what would have been done if
he had kicked the wrong person in the knee, such as his *great*grandfather
etc. He said, nothing I guess. I told him I don;t think it;s right to spank
but if he kicked Rachel, I'd have to insist that something be done right
then. My husband thinks you can see it coming so you can always "not get
kicked". And he'll never kick Rachel because we don't put her down too close
to toddlers, because that is relatively normal for a toddler to do things
like that.

"Welches" wrote
Really, if the parents refuse to discipline I don't think (as another
relative) you can do much except express displeasure to the parents. If
you
discipline then the parents may well comfort/give attention to him and
then
he's got the attention he's probably wanting.
Debbie


I agree w/ this- I mean, I definitely would not want someone else spanking
my child, I'd be upset. I also know I wouldn't want someone else popping off
on her either, it would hurt her feelings. I guess I am looking for more
tactful ways of handling things but with toddlers it's hard to know what is
running through their minds and what they will respond to!

"Nancy P." wrote in message
...

"Chotii" wrote in message
...

Were the parents there? Just curious. Unless the parents had
specifically told the grandparents they should feel free to spank, that
was way out of line.

Oh, I don't know. IF the grandparents had spanked their own children AND
the parents failed to intervene, knowing perfectly well that the child
kicked, THEN I would certainly understand if the grandparents intervened
in the way familiar to them, for an offense against their own bodies.
Now, you can argue that it's out of line to spank the child, but it's
*also* out of line for the parents to ignore a physical assault upon
another person, and act like it didn't happen. How is the child to learn
anything? If the parents refuse to teach him, then they're going to have
to accept that sooner or later, somebody else is going to step in and do
it...one way or another.

That said, I once got in my niece's face over some roughhousing that hurt
me, and my other brothers (not her father) got all over me for
'disciplining someone else's child.' Like I had no right to tell the kid
she'd hurt me, and that she was never to do it again? I didn't spank
her, I just snapped at her, and I *still* got jumped on, for defending
myself. I don't understand this.

I don't disagree with you at all, if the parents were there. Otherwise,
though, I don't think its ok to assume that its ok to spank someone else's
child (unless specifically authorized to do so). I'd be pretty surprised
if the parents were there and ignored the kicking. If a child was hurting
me or my small children, I'd also feel free to address it verbally.

It's not clear from the OP's post whether the parents were present. She says

"...he will just walk up and haul off and kick someone, and his parents
do not say or do anything to him? He kicked one of his grandparents,
who promptly spanked him, and it made the parents angry at the grand
parent."

From this, I inferred that the parents *were* there, and simply don't care.
But it's well within the grandparent's right to care if he's being kicked! I
mean, okay, how much damage can a 2 1/2 year old do? Maybe not much. But how
about when he's 5? 7? When *will* the parents begin to teach the kid? And if
they won't...?

--angela

"Chotii" wrote in message
That said, I once got in my niece's face over some roughhousing that hurt
me, and my other brothers (not her father) got all over me for
'disciplining someone else's child.' Like I had no right to tell the kid
she'd hurt me, and that she was never to do it again? I didn't spank her,
I just snapped at her, and I *still* got jumped on, for defending myself.
I don't understand this.

Oh I don't get that. If one of my kids did something to hurt my sister, I'd
expect her to correct them. There's also a couple neighbors I'm very close
with who know its ok to correct my children if I'm not around, or if I don't
see what happened.

Denise