How could anyone hurt a baby ?

"Irrational Number" wrote in message
hlink.net...
Lucy-lu wrote:

there are times I've had to leave the room instead.

One of the best pieces of advice a friend gave
me was, go to the garage where you cannot hear
him cry. Just 5 minutes. You can let him cry
for 5 minutes. It was a sanity-saver.

When Taylor was a baby and had a fit of crying that couldn't be stopped, I'd
put her in her crib and leave the room for 10 minutes or so. Sometimes I'd
turn on the radio in my room and actually get in the shower really quickly.
The hot water helps calm you down and relax you, and the shower and music
drown out the cries. After 10 minutes, when I was feeling better, I'd go
back into Taylor's room. When she saw me, her demeanor would be
different -- she's still be crying, but now it was because she had been
alone in her room. When I picked her up, she'd look at me like I was
rescuing her, and she'd usually calm down. She would be so greatful to have
me back. It always amused me that I could change the situation in that way,
from being unable to calm her no matter what, to being the "savior." So
that's something else you can try.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys -- 01/03/03
Addison Grace -- 09/30/04

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Lucy-lu wrote:
Thank you to the others for writing their feelings at
a time I urgently needed to hear them.

Just *hugs*. It'll pass, I promise.

cu
nicole

On Jun 5, 4:59 pm, Snugglemonster wrote:
I look at my son, I kiss him, I stroke his thin head of hair, I
zerbert his feet/belly... I love him affectionately and infinitely.
And though I have gotten stressed at times as this is all new for the
DW and I, I could never see hurting him or worse.. dumping him in the
garbage or putting him in a microwave.

It's bad enough the world we live in and having to worry for the rest
of my life hoping my son will get to live a full life because you
never know (drunk driver, maniac with a gun, war, accident, etc.)
*knock on wood*.

And I am sure I can't understand the stress/duress of being a single
mom, having no support, working 2 jobs, etc...

I can sympathise with those who have a tough life.

But to actually cause harm to such an innocent and helpless child that
simply wants to be loved and to eat and sleep and play and all that...
I don't understand it and don't sympathise with those that harm their
children at all.

I look at my son and i feel so lucky that he's comes this far over the
past 9 months and to think he's got a LIFETIME ahead of him really
puts things in perspective and makes you a little paranoid more-so
about the everyday goings on in this crazy world.

I don't know, I just need to say this.

Paul

I know where you are coming from, the babies are so precious and
vulnerable, it's hard to imagine what a person is thinking to harm
them.

That said, I can understand how people snap. There's a saying -- that
good parents just think those things, while bad parents do them.

I have been blessed with relatively even-tempered babies, but even I
have had my moments of needing to walk away from the baby to pull
myself together and remind myself that she's a baby and not doing it
intentionally to drive me crazy. For me, sleep deprivation plays a big
part in it, so I've done what I can to get as much rest as possible.
Definitely not having supportive people around you, and having added
financial or emotional stress just adds more pressure to the
environment.

Now that I have a toddler as well, I can see how they really learn to
push your buttons. I said to my husband the other day, "remind me
again why it's wrong to give kids a little something to make them
sleep?" And I kind of meant it. The thing is, we are people too, and
do not become perfect just because we have kids. There are things that
drive us all crazy, and defiant and stubborn little kids seem to
easily detect what they are As wrong as it is, I can see how good
people can snap and smack their kid or maybe just push or pull them a
little too hard, you know? I think it is important to acknowledge
these feelings of frustration and even anger can happen, so we find
other ways to cope. People who are unfortunate to not have as deep an
inner reserve as others could find their behaviour escalating. The
important thing is to recognize it can happen, so we can find ways to
make sure it won't happen, if that makes sense.

Even if you never wind up with a screaming, inconsolable infant or a
tantrumming toddler, I hope you can find a little sympathy for those
who do. 'Cause if people feel like they have to pretend to be perfect
in order to not be judged, they will never reach out for help.

Elle

I can understand having thoughts, and again I sympathise and all
that.. but like some of you have said.. it's one thing to THINK those
things, it's a whole nother thing to take it to the extreme and do
those things.

My heart bleeds for those in hard situations.

And I am sure parents have spanked and jostled their kids at times and
done some "minor" things like that out of frustration and being at
their wits ends... but still, and I'm not casting judgement, it's a
small moment in life...

scream in a pillow.. go in the garage is a great example.... get a
glass of wine! (unless you're breastfeeding heh).

I don't think it is extreme to think of harming your child, especially
when they are crying nonstop and there is nothing the parent can do. I
know exactly how shaken-baby syndrome can happen. I could never actually
hurt one of my kids, but I have definitely been at the point that someone
better come and take the baby/child away because I am at the end of my
rope.

you're probably right, I've thought it myself, I knew it wasn't desparately
abnormal, but I like to live in the fantasy world where not too many people
think like that!

Anne

One of the best pieces of advice a friend gave
me was, go to the garage where you cannot hear
him cry. Just 5 minutes. You can let him cry
for 5 minutes. It was a sanity-saver.

LOL, I wish I'd engaged my brain and gone to the garage, I would run a bath
and put my head under the water, which had the same blocking effect, before
anyone worries my face would be out!

Anne

scream in a pillow.. go in the garage is a great example.... get a
glass of wine! (unless you're breastfeeding heh).

who told you that you couldn't drink when breastfeeding? there is an
incredible amount of misinformation out there. Alcohol is surprisingly low
risk for breastfeeding, you'd be illegal to drive before you'd cause baby an
issue, I rather suspect the recommendation about not drinking comes from
misplaced ideas about being able to be a more responsible parent when sober
etc. clearly one parent should remain relatively sober, preferably sober
enough to drive, but even then, in the most likely emergencies you could
call the emergency services and that level of alcohol is much less risky in
the home than it would be to drive. But even if the mum gets fairly drunk,
the alcohol percentage in the breastmilk remains tiny, lower than things
that are considered alcohol free.

Cheers

Anne

Snugglemonster wrote:
I could never see hurting him or worse.. dumping him in the
garbage or putting him in a microwave.

Well, I hope you never come to a point where you can see yourself
doing those things. But I hope you do come to understand how this can
happen to other people.

Some of those people are psychotic or have other mental problems. Some
have major, major deficits of anger management and impulse control.
Some are "merely" depressed.

Years before I had children, I listened to a man explain how his wife,
in a fit of postpartum depression, killed herself and all their
children. His telling of the story was a kind of self-therapy. But
what struck me was how his story was all about what an inexplicable
shock it was. As if, even in hindsight, he had no idea that she was
depressed, nor any understanding of how being depressed could make her
do what she did.

Fast forward in my life. Some months after my first child was born,
for some weeks I was depressed. I felt the urge to kill myself. I
thought about that, and I thought about my baby, and concluded that a
diligent mother who kills herself should kill her children too. If
the world were so awful that I could not live in it anymore, how could
I leave my infant behind in it?!

Pologirl

Snugglemonster wrote:
I can understand having thoughts, and again I sympathise and all
that.. but like some of you have said.. it's one thing to THINK those
things, it's a whole nother thing to take it to the extreme and do
those things.

My heart bleeds for those in hard situations.

And I am sure parents have spanked and jostled their kids at times and
done some "minor" things like that out of frustration and being at
their wits ends... but still, and I'm not casting judgement, it's a
small moment in life...

scream in a pillow.. go in the garage is a great example.... get a
glass of wine! (unless you're breastfeeding heh).

From the La Leche League http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/alcohol.html

"La Leche League's THE WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING (p. 328) says:
The effects of alcohol on the breastfeeding baby are directly related to the
amount the mother ingests. When the breastfeeding mother drinks occasionally
or limits her consumption to one drink or less per day, the amount of
alcohol her baby recieves has not been proven to be harmful.

La Leche League's THE BREASTFEEDING ANSWER BOOK (pp. 597-598) says:
Alcohol passes freely into mother's milk and has been found to peak about 30
to 60 minutes after consumption, 60 to 90 minutes when taken with food.
Alcohol also freely passes out of a mother's milk and her system. It takes a
120 pound woman about two to three hours to eliminate from her body the
alcohol in one serving of beer or wine...the more alcohol that is consumed,
the longer it takes for it to be eliminated. It takes up to 13 hours for a
120 pound woman to eliminate the alcohol from one high-alcohol drink. The
effects of alcohol on the breastfeeding baby are directly related to the
amount the mother consumes."

So if your wife has a glass of wine straight after breastfeeding and then
breastfeeds 2 to 3 hours later, the amount of alcohol in the breastmilk
should be just about nil unless she goes on a bender or goes for vodka shots
rather than a glass of wine. And having a beer could actually help her with
milk production

Engram

The idea of anyone wanting to hurt their baby used to mystify me
too .... until I wanted to hit, suffocate, throw, etc. my own.

Why? After desperately wanting a child all my life I had it all -
happy marriage, good teaching career, supportive family, lovely
home ... and finally a son. However, a traumatic birth, hormonal
changes, a baby who didn't sleep beyond 2 hours at a time, constant
'illnesses' of both me and child, pressure to return to work .. I
cracked and developed puerperal psychosis - the most severe form of
postnatal depression.

Although I had these overwhelming urges to hurt my baby the 'worst' I
did was shake him a little but luckily was caught almost immediately.
I also began to self-harm as my brain had gone beyond any point of
rational thought and was incapable of switching off. By inflicting
pain it momentarily gave it something to focus on ....

I spent 2 months in a psychiatric ward (without my son) and after
treatment including ECT and many more months I made a full recovery.

If anyone is interested in trying to understand 'why' take a look at
my story .. 'Eyes without Sparkle - a journey through postnatal
illness' (Radcliffe, 2005) or see www.elainehanzak.co.uk

I am far from proud of what I did but I shared my story to try to make
people understand how ILLNESS can make you behave in this way but also
to show HOPE - you can get better. The sooner you ask for help
generally the sooner you recover.

Sparkly Eyes