Sad about the way weaning is happening

Miss Three has been having just the one feed in the morning for a while now.
Gradually her night feed got later and later until they merged into one (she
sleeps in my bed). I thought this one feed would just get shorter or
intermittent until one day I realised she hadn't had it in a while, but it's
not turned out to be as gentle as that.

The problem is that she seems to have forgotten how to latch and feed
properly. She latches to the nipple as though she's trying to suck it down
through a straw (even though she doesn't use straws). Obviously, it's very
painful, irritating and frustrating, and after a couple of times of telling
her to open her mouth wide and take in the whole breast, I usually end up
snatching my top back down and telling her it's over. This leads to crying
and displays of anger and basically a grumpy mum & preschooler (we're having
issues with toilet training anyway which doesn't help).

I don't mind if she wants to wean, as I'd figured in all likelihood she
would before the end of the year anyway, but I didn't want it to end this
way. She's at an age now where if she's anything like me she'll consciously
remember things, and I don't want her to remember weaning as being a fight.
Has anyone else had a similar problem?


--
Amy

"Mum of Two" wrote in message
...
Miss Three has been having just the one feed in the morning for a while
now.
Gradually her night feed got later and later until they merged into one
(she
sleeps in my bed). I thought this one feed would just get shorter or
intermittent until one day I realised she hadn't had it in a while, but
it's
not turned out to be as gentle as that.

The problem is that she seems to have forgotten how to latch and feed
properly. She latches to the nipple as though she's trying to suck it down
through a straw (even though she doesn't use straws). Obviously, it's very
painful, irritating and frustrating, and after a couple of times of
telling
her to open her mouth wide and take in the whole breast, I usually end up
snatching my top back down and telling her it's over. This leads to crying
and displays of anger and basically a grumpy mum & preschooler (we're
having
issues with toilet training anyway which doesn't help).

I don't mind if she wants to wean, as I'd figured in all likelihood she
would before the end of the year anyway, but I didn't want it to end this
way. She's at an age now where if she's anything like me she'll
consciously
remember things, and I don't want her to remember weaning as being a
fight.
Has anyone else had a similar problem?


--
Amy

No advice sorry ... both my kids weaned me I think.

....but I haven't head from you in ages (maybe I've missed a few posts)...
how are *you*?
Last time I heard you had just sepparated from your hubby ..... and I think
I've worried about you on and off since then...
Amanda (in Oz)

"Flowergirl" wrote in message
...
...but I haven't head from you in ages


OK obviously I meant *heard* from you in ages...
A

"Flowergirl" wrote in message
...

No advice sorry ... both my kids weaned me I think.

That's what I wanted to happen, I'm upset that I'm having to take an active
role to preserve my nipples :-(

...but I haven't head from you in ages (maybe I've missed a few posts)...
how are *you*?
Last time I heard you had just sepparated from your hubby ..... and I
think

Aw thanks Amanda! I have popped in from time to time but I left when my
newsserver started packing it in and not sending my posts (although it seems
to be working now).
As for my ex, I'm so glad he's not in my life anymore.. I can watch his
screw-ups from a distance now and be glad they don't involve me. I've been
studying electrical skills full time this year, but I haven't been able to
afford to heat the house, so with Miss Three in daycare we've spent most of
the year sick, and I broke my right hand... basically I'm going to have to
redo most of the year, but I'm hoping I can get an apprenticeship so that I
can just do night classes and things aren't so tight.
All in all though... pretty good! I know where I want to be, it's just going
to take me a bit longer to get there. How have you and yours been?

Amy

"Flowergirl" wrote in message
...

"Flowergirl" wrote in message
...
...but I haven't head from you in ages


OK obviously I meant *heard* from you in ages...

Hehe, that's good.. anyone else and I'd have been worried :-P

Amy

"Mum of Two" wrote in message
...
Miss Three has been having just the one feed in the morning for a while
now. Gradually her night feed got later and later until they merged into
one (she sleeps in my bed). I thought this one feed would just get shorter
or intermittent until one day I realised she hadn't had it in a while, but
it's not turned out to be as gentle as that.

The problem is that she seems to have forgotten how to latch and feed
properly. She latches to the nipple as though she's trying to suck it down
through a straw (even though she doesn't use straws). Obviously, it's very
painful, irritating and frustrating, and after a couple of times of
telling her to open her mouth wide and take in the whole breast, I usually
end up snatching my top back down and telling her it's over. This leads to
crying and displays of anger and basically a grumpy mum & preschooler
(we're having issues with toilet training anyway which doesn't help).

Hi to you! I can't believe she is 3yo!!

I always have trouble weaning. I'm trying to do things differently this
time. I recently weaned from our morning feed and it is the only one that
went painlessly. I say 'finish up' - sing them a song - unlatch them - and
then PARTY. I clap and laugh and call them big boys. They look like they
want to cry but then have fun instead. When it was real short I just
re-arranged the morning so I gave them a snack cup instead of sitting with
them and then later in the morning I sit on the floor and let them be on my
lap. Mine are only 16mos so not sure a similar approach would work for a
big 3yo. Just some ideas. I know what you mean about feeling disappointed
that the end isn't more sweet and less bitter. Hang in there.


--
Nikki, mama to
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Brock 4/06
Ben 4/06

hi
sorry to hear about the frustration. it is not uncommon for kids over
2 yrs old to "forget" how to latch on if they skip a few days. point
it out to your daughter that she seems to be so big, that she cannot
latch on like the little babies do, so that they drink gently. talk
about how mommy's nipples are very tender, and how it's important to
be very gentle and to drink properly. make sure to avoid words like
hurt, pain, etc. for this particular discussion.some kids get very
frustrated with their latch in similar situations, they decide to just
quit. your little one seem to persist, which is a great character
trait. hope this helps.

"Mum of Two" wrote in message
...
"Flowergirl" wrote in message
...

No advice sorry ... both my kids weaned me I think.

That's what I wanted to happen, I'm upset that I'm having to take an
active
role to preserve my nipples :-(

H weaned at the end of Feb, and my milk hasn't quite dried up yet .... I
really miss bf. I don't think there is an easy way to wean.

...but I haven't head from you in ages (maybe I've missed a few
posts)...
how are *you*?
Last time I heard you had just sepparated from your hubby ..... and I
think

Aw thanks Amanda! I have popped in from time to time but I left when my
newsserver started packing it in and not sending my posts (although it
seems
to be working now).
As for my ex, I'm so glad he's not in my life anymore.. I can watch his
screw-ups from a distance now and be glad they don't involve me. I've been
studying electrical skills full time this year, but I haven't been able to
afford to heat the house, so with Miss Three in daycare we've spent most
of
the year sick, and I broke my right hand... basically I'm going to have to
redo most of the year, but I'm hoping I can get an apprenticeship so that
I
can just do night classes and things aren't so tight.
All in all though... pretty good! I know where I want to be, it's just
going
to take me a bit longer to get there. How have you and yours been?

Amy

Wow - it sounds like you are really on top of things (aside from the illness
and broken hand!). Hope you get that apprenticeship.

We are fine in general. Having a few issues with DH trying to help manage
his parents farm since his Dad died in Feb ... which is all entangled with
DH dealing with his own grief and having a few ummm .. "interesting" ways
he is trying to deal with it. He is dealing with it though, and I rarely
have to help him back on course .. its just all a bit sad and awful at
present. Kids are OK, but a bit sad when Daddy has to go away so many
weekends to help Nana with the cows.....
I know we'll be OK though.
I hope you come up with some ideas on the weaning ....
Amanda

H weaned at the end of Feb, and my milk hasn't quite dried up yet .... I
really miss bf. I don't think there is an easy way to wean.

Both my kids weaned without difficulty - for them! First time, my milk
dried up due to pregnancy, when I realised this was why he was
frustrated at the breast, I just stopped offering and he was fine about
it, never asked for it, he was 17mths, he tried again once the baby was
born and decided it was too sweet. DD was down to one feed, then refused
me when she had a cold and despite me offering, never went back to it,
she was 18mths - that was 8mths ago and I still have milk, it's
frustrating as this keeps causing micro versions of plugged ducts, so
I'll have an uncomfortable lump, but not anything I can do about it. I'm
finding not nursing DD as a toddler much more difficult than with DS, he
was a tricky baby, but really quite good as a toddler, she was the other
way round and I could really use nursing as part of managing some of her
behaviour.

Cheers
Anne

Wow - it sounds like you are really on top of things (aside from the
illness
and broken hand!). Hope you get that apprenticeship.

Heh, well, it does tend to sound that way, but I'm really just surviving.
I'm seriously considering moving out of the province to the capital, which
is a big thing since I've been here all my life. There's not much of an
incentive to stay now my ex and his parents have moved away, and I'm leaning
a bit much on my own family which isn't helping our relationship. The idea
of more job opportunities and the chance to make some real, in-the-flesh
friends appeals ;-) I really have nothing holding me here now except my
folks, and my mum's insistence that I should make friends within 'mums'
groups' is not helping. I think she sees it as selfish as DD's family has
already been split, and it is really, but I'm not happy here and it's
reflecting in my parenting. My sister is doing her masters in Wellington
next year and I seriously considered moving into her student flat - only I
know I could never get everything up the stairs! 1/4 life crisis? Maybe.

We are fine in general. Having a few issues with DH trying to help manage
his parents farm since his Dad died in Feb ... which is all entangled with
DH dealing with his own grief and having a few ummm .. "interesting" ways
he is trying to deal with it. He is dealing with it though, and I rarely
have to help him back on course .. its just all a bit sad and awful at
present. Kids are OK, but a bit sad when Daddy has to go away so many
weekends to help Nana with the cows.....

Oh that's tough :-( We've lost grandparents in the last couple of years but
not parents, touch wood. Managing a farm is a big job at the best of times.
Do you think he's finding it cathartic? Men often look for something
'practical' to do to cope, rather than facing the issues directly. It must
be hard for the kids losing a grandparent and then losing time with their
father as well. It's all still so fresh.. it probably took my mum a couple
of years for her mother's death just to sink in, and we still have our
moments. I hope things get easier for you all soon.
Amy