possible autism

Hi, I usually just lurk here but I'm hoping for some useful advice.
My best friend has twin boys,(fraternal) who are almost 3, exact same
age as my DD. (by due date, they were a month early)

They aren't really talking that much, but are beautiful sweet boys.
My friend took them to a very good speech pathologist, who is
concerned that they have a lot of the signs and symptoms for autism.
From what I do know about autism, it does seem possible. She is
understandably pretty upset, and I was really hoping someone here
could give me some insight on the best way to support her and the
boys, what to say, what not to say, etc....other than just listening
and giving hugs. Any good support groups?



thanks
JJ

wrote in
oups.com:

Hi, I usually just lurk here but I'm hoping for some useful
advice. My best friend has twin boys,(fraternal) who are
almost 3, exact same age as my DD. (by due date, they were
a month early)

They aren't really talking that much, but are beautiful
sweet boys. My friend took them to a very good speech
pathologist, who is concerned that they have a lot of the
signs and symptoms for autism.
From what I do know about autism, it does seem possible.
She is
understandably pretty upset, and I was really hoping
someone here could give me some insight on the best way to
support her and the boys, what to say, what not to say,
etc....other than just listening and giving hugs. Any good
support groups?

alt.support.autism
stay far away from the "curebies", like Autism Speaks, because
they don't speak for autistics.
as far as support, don't stop treating the boys exactly like
you treat any other child. if they have difficult behaviors, you
could offer to babysit for an hour or two so mom can get a
break. same sort of thing you'd do for any mom with twins
really.
lee

In article .com,
wrote:
Hi, I usually just lurk here but I'm hoping for some useful advice.
My best friend has twin boys,(fraternal) who are almost 3, exact same
age as my DD. (by due date, they were a month early)

They aren't really talking that much, but are beautiful sweet boys.
My friend took them to a very good speech pathologist, who is
concerned that they have a lot of the signs and symptoms for autism.
From what I do know about autism, it does seem possible. She is
understandably pretty upset, and I was really hoping someone here
could give me some insight on the best way to support her and the
boys, what to say, what not to say, etc....other than just listening
and giving hugs. Any good support groups?


Be open to continuing to visit with each other. As for what not to say,
so long as you are not judgemental about her sons' behaviour, you will
likely be fine. All too often a parent can be judged as a poor parent
catering to a spoiled child rather than a parent who is helping a child
to cope by meeting a need that is vital for the child to cope with the
world around them. You can suggest that she talk to the speech
pathologist about where to find resources in your community that can
provide support to her, and therapy if this route is appropriate.

But most of all, continue to be the same friend to her and her sons.
They are still the same wonderful people they were before the diagnosis.

Carol

wrote:
Hi, I usually just lurk here but I'm hoping for some useful advice.
My best friend has twin boys,(fraternal) who are almost 3, exact same
age as my DD. (by due date, they were a month early)

They aren't really talking that much, but are beautiful sweet boys.
My friend took them to a very good speech pathologist, who is
concerned that they have a lot of the signs and symptoms for autism.
From what I do know about autism, it does seem possible. She is
understandably pretty upset, and I was really hoping someone here
could give me some insight on the best way to support her and the
boys, what to say, what not to say, etc....other than just listening
and giving hugs. Any good support groups?



thanks
JJ



The only thing I would suggest to you don't jump to conclusions.

Albert Einstein did not speak at all until he was 3 years of age.

Rob wrote:

The only thing I would suggest to you don't jump to conclusions.

Albert Einstein did not speak at all until he was 3 years of age.

Please stop perpetuating this rumor. When Albert's
little sister Maria was born when he was 2.5, he
looked at her and said (in German, of course), "but
where are the wheels?"

Einstein was working on calculus by the time he was
in his teens. He was married twice, with numerous
affairs along the way. He was a very social, charming
man who later found his way into more political venues.
This man was not autistic.

All great thinkers need to have intense focus. But,
that does not make them autistic. Perpetuating this
image does nothing to help autistic children and
adults and does them a disservice.

-- Anita --
mommy to Pillbug, almost 4, autistic
mommy to Rocky, almost 2, speech delayed

wrote:

They aren't really talking that much, but are beautiful sweet boys.
My friend took them to a very good speech pathologist, who is
concerned that they have a lot of the signs and symptoms for autism.
From what I do know about autism, it does seem possible. She is
understandably pretty upset, and I was really hoping someone here
could give me some insight on the best way to support her and the
boys, what to say, what not to say, etc....other than just listening
and giving hugs. Any good support groups?

What not to say:

You're such a good mother.
God doesn't give you more than you can handle. (I
actually think God hates me)
At least they're still with you.
But they're doing so well.
When will they become normal?
They're lucky to have you as their mother.
I read a fictional book about an autistic child.
I saw "Rain Man".
I read Temple Grandin's book and she says autistic
children think in pictures.
He probably will be a genius in math or art or music.


What to say and do:

I'm so sorry to hear this.
Do you need me to do anything for you? (very sincerely)
Offer to babysit (and mean it)
Don't expect her to be able to get together
with you easily.
Listen to her when she needs to talk.
Do talk about your own child and how she's doing, just
don't do it right after she does it. For example,
when she says "oh, X just learned his first word",
don't say, "great, do you know what Y (DD) just did,
she figured out all the letters of the alphabet and
put together a sentence". (I have one friend who
always one-ups me, and she has no idea that this hurts
because she will always win because my son is almost
4 and has maybe 3 words on a good day.)

-- Anita --
mommy to Pillbug, almost 4, ASD
mommy to Rocky, almost 2, speech delayed

I know this is not the right time to say it, but there is an excellent book
that is written in the voice of someone with autism.

It is "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon.

I don't know how accurately it portrays autism, but I suspect that is pretty
accurate. It does an excellent job of putting the reader in the mind of a
person who has a different way of thinking than most of us.

I recommend it.

Jeff

On Sat, 05 May 2007 11:19:55 GMT, Rob wrote:

Albert Einstein did not speak at all until he was 3 years of age.

This is NOT true. His sister was born when he was 2, not three and he
spoke when she was born. He did probably have a language delay.

http://gardenofpraise.com/ibdeinst.htm


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

Hi.

My son is now six and was finally diagnosed with a perception problem
and resulting speech development delay when he was about 3.
At first there were so many things on the table, Autism, Landau-Kleffer
Syndrome, Epilepsy, Mutism,... It's scary at first and there will be a
lot of testing coming up for them.
For me it was important to talk to my best friend and just have her
listen. I researched a lot on the internet, there are hardly any books
about speech delays in children under 6 y.o. At least there weren't 3
years ago. And I'd talk to her about what was going on, what kind of
therapy we were doing, how Sam was doing generally. Her son is about 5
years older than mine and her daughters are 3 and 4.5 years younger, so
we didn't really "compare notes" on the development front anyway, maybe
that helped, I don't know.

Personally I think you know her better than any of us, and you probably
know better how she'll react to certain things you say. I wouldn't start
"walking on eggs" around her and her kids. Just behave normally, offer
your help, and be ready to listen to her ranting about doctors
appointments, incredibly rude doctors, waiting times, stupid
questions,... ("Do you talk to your child" was one I was often asked.
And "You have to sing with your child" was a really great suggestion,
because Sam would start screaming as soon as I started singing and
honestly, I can not blame him)

Other than that, only time will tell what's really going on with the
kids ;-)

take care
nicole

Irrational Number wrote:
Rob wrote:

The only thing I would suggest to you don't jump to conclusions.

Albert Einstein did not speak at all until he was 3 years of age.

Please stop perpetuating this rumor. When Albert's
little sister Maria was born when he was 2.5, he
looked at her and said (in German, of course), "but
where are the wheels?"

Einstein was working on calculus by the time he was
in his teens. He was married twice, with numerous
affairs along the way. He was a very social, charming
man who later found his way into more political venues.
This man was not autistic.

All great thinkers need to have intense focus. But,
that does not make them autistic. Perpetuating this
image does nothing to help autistic children and
adults and does them a disservice.

-- Anita --
mommy to Pillbug, almost 4, autistic
mommy to Rocky, almost 2, speech delayed


Thank you for correcting me.

I thought it was obvious that I DID NOT think that Albert Einstein
was autistic, that was the point.