A few random questions...

I have a couple of fairly unrelated questions & I thought I'd finally just
lump them together in one post :-)

First, I have heard from a few people that it is a nice idea to "tip" one's
doula after the birth. I have heard of people doing that by just adding
something extra onto the check they give the doula after the birth. However,
I googled that in the MKP archives & saw that for some doulas a tip might be
seen as an insult of sorts. Should I give her some sort of little present
instead?

Next, also related to presents, is that I have heard of giving a small token
of appreciation to shower hostesses. Any opinions about that? One of my
friends is having a shower for us this Saturday afternoon & some of my
friends/co-workers at my volunteer job are having a shower for me on
Saturday morning. I thought about giving the hostesses one of the teddy bear
pins I make each, plus a thank you note. Is that appropriate? I do have a
slight problem though in that for the work shower there was one main
organizer of the shower, but the shower is being held at another co-worker's
house who is helping with the shower-planning. Then, two of the other women
who work there are also kind of on the "planning committee" (I'm serious,
they're having like weekly meetings about this shower & have spreadsheets in
their computers, etc). So, if I do the token gift thing, do I give all four
involved people something even though two are much more involved?

Next, related to people's personal pregnancy timeline experiences: When can
I expect to get stretch marks (I'm 29w2d right now)? And, when, if at all,
can I expect my hands to swell to the taking-of-the-wedding-ring point? My
rings still slip on and off very easily (a little tighter in the mornings,
but that is consistent with my normal summer ring-fittage). The wedding ring
itself doesn't even stick on my knuckle, morning or otherwise (which I
should probably be a little worried about in and of itself, because it could
fall off!).

Okay, that's it!

--
Em
edd 9/23/03

Em wrote:

When can
I expect to get stretch marks (I'm 29w2d right now)? And, when, if at all,
can I expect my hands to swell to the taking-of-the-wedding-ring point?


Not until the very end for me. Maybe 39 weeks for both.

Phoebe

Em wrote in message
news:fPjPa.28867$N7.2840@sccrnsc03...
First, I have heard from a few people that it is a nice idea
to "tip" one's doula after the birth. I have heard of people
doing that by just adding something extra onto the check
they give the doula after the birth. However, I googled that
in the MKP archives & saw that for some doulas a tip might
be seen as an insult of sorts. Should I give her some sort of
little present instead?

A small gift is what I plan on doing. You might want to check out
Charlotte Millington's website, http://www.cafeshops.com/perinatal. It
wouldn't have occurred to me to give my doula a monetary "tip".

Next, also related to presents, is that I have heard of giving a
small token of appreciation to shower hostesses. Any opinions
about that?

I think it is a very nice gesture. At my wedding, I gave one of the
dinner table centerpiece flower arrangements to each of the women who
had given my bridal shower. I can't remember what I did for my baby
shower! I hope I did something, lol.

So, if I do the token gift thing, do I give all four involved people
something even though two are much more involved?

I wouldn't give something to only two of the four, the other two would
likely feel somewhat slighted. You could give something *slightly* more
substantial to the two who are doing most of the work. That's probably
what I would do.

When can I expect to get stretch marks (I'm 29w2d right now)?

I got three little stretch marks on the bottom of my belly when Julie
"dropped", at 35 weeks. I don't think there's a time when you can
necessarily expect them, and apparently it's never too late to get them
either. With this pregnancy so far (32 weeks today!), I have one
stretch "spot" on each hip. They are just little round red spots - they
don't really justify being called stretch "marks".

And, when, if at all, can I expect my hands to swell to the
taking-of-the-wedding-ring point?

My fingers never did swell while pregnant with Julie. I could still
have worn my wedding rings all the way through but just to be safe I
took them off for about the last month or so. I hadn't thought about it
yet this time. Keep drinking more and more water, and eat lots of
protein, to help prevent swelling. I lost which post it was in, but
when you mentioned feeling so flushed at your parents' house recently,
it sent up a "dehydration alert" flag in my brain. Nausea, fatigue,
dizziness, loss of appetite, and rapid heart rate are all signs of
dehydration.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 3 mo.
And a boy, EDD 4.Sept

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

Hi Em, here is what I feel about those questions you asked:

For the doula, I think most doulas are just really happy to be there at such
a special moment, that's why they have chosen to work in such a field. If I
were to offer a little something extra, I'm sure a thank you card and
something small (like chocolate or candles) would be more than enough.
Doulas cost a lot of money, and the last thing that you want to be thinking
of as a new mum is how much more money you need to fork out. I think just
showing your appreciation for her services at such a special time with a
nice card is plenty enough.

With the shower hostesses, I think your idea is lovely. It shows that you
appreciate the effort they've put into setting it all up without being a
drain for you. I have always made an effort to send thank you cards to
people who make extra efforts for me, no matter what the circumstance, it's
just a nice way to show that you care too. : ) Do you know all four women
well? I would give the people you know the best the cards, and a verbal
thank you to the others, unless you know them all well, then I would give
them all the cards. Especially if they are sharing in the preparation
equally.

I started getting stretchmarks around the 30 week point and now mine are
really noticeable. However, I know that a lot of women don't get any, or
very few, so there is no telling if you will or won't. As for hands
swelling, mine only swell when I spend too much time in the direct heat, or
if I exercize in the heat. I've been wearing my wedding ring on a chain
around my neck just in case though. It is a beautiful ring, and it means a
great deal to me so I would hate to have to cut it off. Again, some women's
hands and ankles swell, some don't.

Take care Em, Alicia : )

Em wrote:


First, I have heard from a few people that it is a nice idea to "tip" one's
doula after the birth. I have heard of people doing that by just adding
something extra onto the check they give the doula after the birth. However,
I googled that in the MKP archives & saw that for some doulas a tip might be
seen as an insult of sorts. Should I give her some sort of little present
instead?


That's what we'll be doing. I feel a little odd adding
extra money to the check, like I would tip the movers or something ;-)
The relationship seems a little intimate for cash, though I imagine
the doula wouldn't complain.


Next, also related to presents, is that I have heard of giving a small token
of appreciation to shower hostesses. Any opinions about that?


It's a nice idea, though not absolutely required.

One of my
friends is having a shower for us this Saturday afternoon & some of my
friends/co-workers at my volunteer job are having a shower for me on
Saturday morning. I thought about giving the hostesses one of the teddy bear
pins I make each, plus a thank you note. Is that appropriate?


I would think so.

I do have a
slight problem though in that for the work shower there was one main
organizer of the shower, but the shower is being held at another co-worker's
house who is helping with the shower-planning. Then, two of the other women
who work there are also kind of on the "planning committee" (I'm serious,
they're having like weekly meetings about this shower & have spreadsheets in
their computers, etc). So, if I do the token gift thing, do I give all four
involved people something even though two are much more involved?


I probably would, especially given the work situation. In
this sort of situation, I think more inclusive beats less inclusive.


Next, related to people's personal pregnancy timeline experiences: When can
I expect to get stretch marks (I'm 29w2d right now)?


I think this varies hugely from person to person.

And, when, if at all,
can I expect my hands to swell to the taking-of-the-wedding-ring point?


Again, highly variable. In my case, it happens early, but
my fingers are odd (my rings don't fit with the *slightest* swelling).
Some people make it all the way through. I actually noticed swelling
in my fingers only in the last couple of months, and it wasn't very
much.

Best wishes,
Ericka

"Cheryl S." wrote in message
Em wrote in message
First, I have heard from a few people that it is a nice idea
to "tip" one's doula after the birth. I have heard of people
doing that by just adding something extra onto the check
they give the doula after the birth. However, I googled that
in the MKP archives & saw that for some doulas a tip might
be seen as an insult of sorts. Should I give her some sort of
little present instead?

A small gift is what I plan on doing. You might want to check out
Charlotte Millington's website, http://www.cafeshops.com/perinatal. It
wouldn't have occurred to me to give my doula a monetary "tip".

I actually just bookmarked Charlotte's cafeshop yesterday! I like the doula
tote bag & thought that might be a good present.

So, if I do the token gift thing, do I give all four involved people
something even though two are much more involved?

I wouldn't give something to only two of the four, the other two would
likely feel somewhat slighted. You could give something *slightly* more
substantial to the two who are doing most of the work. That's probably
what I would do.

The involvement of one of the four is pretty much just bringing quiches (at
least that I know of) and she got involved with the shower planning on the
tail end of things. She's the one I'm having the most trouble deciding
about. I wouldn't want to offend her though, if she feels like she was part
of the "committee" and got overlooked. I'll ponder it more. My mom votes
just to not give anyone anything. I'm feeling I should probably err on the
side of giving too many people things, than insulting someone though.

When can I expect to get stretch marks (I'm 29w2d right now)?

I got three little stretch marks on the bottom of my belly when Julie
"dropped", at 35 weeks. I don't think there's a time when you can
necessarily expect them, and apparently it's never too late to get them
either. With this pregnancy so far (32 weeks today!), I have one
stretch "spot" on each hip. They are just little round red spots - they
don't really justify being called stretch "marks".

I could definitely handle that kind of stretch marks. My mom got the kind
that look kind of like claw marks on her sides :-( Congrats on 32 weeks!

And, when, if at all, can I expect my hands to swell to the
taking-of-the-wedding-ring point?

My fingers never did swell while pregnant with Julie. I could still
have worn my wedding rings all the way through but just to be safe I
took them off for about the last month or so. I hadn't thought about it
yet this time.

I know that you can't base a *lot* on your mom's pregnancies, but my mom had
four kids & didn't have to take her rings off for any of them. So, maybe
I'll follow in her footsteps on that issue, but conveniently not inherit the
stretch marks (it's too bad we can't pick & choose, isn't it?!).

Keep drinking more and more water, and eat lots of
protein, to help prevent swelling. I lost which post it was in, but
when you mentioned feeling so flushed at your parents' house recently,
it sent up a "dehydration alert" flag in my brain. Nausea, fatigue,
dizziness, loss of appetite, and rapid heart rate are all signs of
dehydration.

Thanks for the reminders. I am *very* good about my water intake, but maybe
I wasn't keeping pace with the increased temps. During that particular
episode at my parents' house, I was sitting in a dim & fairly airless corner
working on the computer (which often makes me feel kind of hot anyway). When
I got away from the computer & sat at the table, I felt quite a bit better.
I did also drink & eat something at that point too, so I'm not sure which
one helped the most!

--
Em
edd 9/23/03

"==Daye==" wrote in message

You may never get stretch marks. Not everyone gets them. I got
them with my first, and at 11 weeks pregnant with #2, I noticed
that I already have a new stretch mark. I hope I don't get
anymore.

I hope I don't get any either. I know there isn't really anything I can do
about it, but wait and see though. I'll probably be one of those that kind
of "gives" during the last week or so--I will think I escaped, but nooo.

I had to take my wedding ring off at 5 months with the last baby.
Just keep checking that it isn't getting too tight. You might
not have to take it off.

I've been checking them all every morning before I wash my face. It would
really stink to have to cut them off or something, so I'm somewhat fanatical
about checking them.

--
Em
edd 9/23/03

Phoebe & Allyson wrote:
Em wrote:

When can
I expect to get stretch marks (I'm 29w2d right now)? And, when, if at
all, can I expect my hands to swell to the taking-of-the-wedding-ring
point?

Not until the very end for me. Maybe 39 weeks for both.

I've had my stretch marks for about a month (I'm 30 weeks now). My mother
got them, and I was pretty sure I'd get them too, so I'm not surprised.
They're pretty faint now, but I'm sure they'll get worse.

My fingers have just started to swell to the point that I've had to stop
wearing some of my rings (I don't wear a wedding ring, obviously). My feet,
OTOH, have been swelling up for 2 months already.

--
z e l d a b e e @ p a n i x . c o m http://NewsReader.Com/

Me, too. I took mine off at around 18 weeks. They always fit a bit
snug and are uncomfortable whenever I walk/exercise or otherwise retain
water. I took them off because they were becoming uncomfortable much
more frequently.....

Valerie

Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Em wrote:

And, when, if at all,
can I expect my hands to swell to the taking-of-the-wedding-ring point?


Again, highly variable. In my case, it happens early, but
my fingers are odd (my rings don't fit with the *slightest* swelling).
Some people make it all the way through. I actually noticed swelling
in my fingers only in the last couple of months, and it wasn't very
much.

Best wishes,
Ericka

my hands/fingers didn't swell during the pg, but now that my DD is 7w3d, my
rings are feeling very tight...and I've lost 30 pounds...I guess just not
the water weight...
Edith

"Valerie Rake" wrote in message
...
Me, too. I took mine off at around 18 weeks. They always fit a bit
snug and are uncomfortable whenever I walk/exercise or otherwise retain
water. I took them off because they were becoming uncomfortable much
more frequently.....

Valerie

Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Em wrote:

And, when, if at all,
can I expect my hands to swell to the taking-of-the-wedding-ring point?


Again, highly variable. In my case, it happens early, but
my fingers are odd (my rings don't fit with the *slightest* swelling).
Some people make it all the way through. I actually noticed swelling
in my fingers only in the last couple of months, and it wasn't very
much.

Best wishes,
Ericka