Need honesty...

And I know I'll get nothing but that around here from you all lol

I'm not going to use any names, but I'm sure one and one can be put
together... I'm also keeping in mind that there are always 2 sides to every
story, and really all that can be taken is one side, I guess, so I just want
an honest opinion for an answer for a question!

First off, is it acceptable to leave small children - alone - sitting
outside (unsupervised) so you can sit and play computer games inside?

Second, would you subject your children at a young age (unable to make any
real decisions on their own based on anything) to be in contact with someone
who is violent when they get angry? Physically violent, like -I am
seriously scared- violent.


Right now, this is one thing that I have not opened my trap about to anyone.
A girl friend beat some info out of me, but it was very limited and to the
point. Also, family member there at the time had asked a few questions, and
I did give him a basic, to the point and honest answer and other than that,
I've kept my mouth shut as I know what friends/family will say. It's
probably not what I should hear, but out over here, I know everyone else can
(and will) say how it is!

I would hand it over to children services. Let them investigate. You
can call and don't identify yourself...
Like their radio comercial says "you might be right, but what if you're
wrong... Risk to be wrong just this time, it could save a child's
life".
God bless and guide you to do what's best for all involved.

Claudia

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:17lLg.13040$rd7.12474@edtnps89...
First off, is it acceptable to leave small children - alone - sitting
outside (unsupervised) so you can sit and play computer games inside?


*ONLY* if they are in an enclosed back yard, with NOTHING that can hurt them
(not even a wading pool with 2 inches of water in it), and *ONLY* if you/the
adult can SEE them at all times.
Otherwise, NO!!!


Second, would you subject your children at a young age (unable to make any
real decisions on their own based on anything) to be in contact with
someone who is violent when they get angry? Physically violent, like -I
am seriously scared- violent.

I wouldn't even subject *ME* to that type of person. Definitely *NOT* a
child of ANY age, whether they can make decisions or not -- they just aren't
physically strong enough, nor, in most cases, mentally sharp enough to get
themselves OUT of a dangerous/violent situation, if one occurs.


Kelly
(longtime lurker, rare poster)

"Opal" wrote in message
...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:17lLg.13040$rd7.12474@edtnps89...
First off, is it acceptable to leave small children - alone - sitting
outside (unsupervised) so you can sit and play computer games inside?


*ONLY* if they are in an enclosed back yard, with NOTHING that can hurt
them (not even a wading pool with 2 inches of water in it), and *ONLY* if
you/the adult can SEE them at all times.
Otherwise, NO!!!

Front yard/grass area, no fence, no dangers, other than the parking lot,
living room (where computer is) is at the back of the house, nowhere near
the front door/window - I'll take that as a no, then.

Second, would you subject your children at a young age (unable to make
any real decisions on their own based on anything) to be in contact with
someone who is violent when they get angry? Physically violent, like -I
am seriously scared- violent.

I wouldn't even subject *ME* to that type of person. Definitely *NOT* a
child of ANY age, whether they can make decisions or not -- they just
aren't physically strong enough, nor, in most cases, mentally sharp enough
to get themselves OUT of a dangerous/violent situation, if one occurs.

Thanks, that's *kinda* what I was thinking. Kind of a lose-lose situation,
I think, and going to be hard to deal with...
At least, so far, I don't feel like I'm totally out in the boonies and alone
with the way I was thinking

Kelly
(longtime lurker, rare poster)

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:17lLg.13040$rd7.12474@edtnps89...
And I know I'll get nothing but that around here from you all lol

I'm not going to use any names, but I'm sure one and one can be put
together... I'm also keeping in mind that there are always 2 sides to
every story, and really all that can be taken is one side, I guess, so I
just want an honest opinion for an answer for a question!

First off, is it acceptable to leave small children - alone - sitting
outside (unsupervised) so you can sit and play computer games inside?

Second, would you subject your children at a young age (unable to make any
real decisions on their own based on anything) to be in contact with
someone who is violent when they get angry? Physically violent, like -I
am seriously scared- violent.


Right now, this is one thing that I have not opened my trap about to
anyone. A girl friend beat some info out of me, but it was very limited
and to the point. Also, family member there at the time had asked a few
questions, and I did give him a basic, to the point and honest answer and
other than that, I've kept my mouth shut as I know what friends/family
will say. It's probably not what I should hear, but out over here, I know
everyone else can (and will) say how it is!


You really need to make up your mind about what you are going to do with
your life.

One second you are done with N then you are talking about making him dinner.

If he has anger issues, maybe he will take some classes. Maybe you should
just allow him to distance himself for a while. Maybe you and him together,
triggers him. Maybe he is just an asshole.

Either way, **** or get off the pot. Don't keep looking for excuses to kick
him out of his kids lives though. Seems that has happen in the past.... you
also need to seek help.

This is the last I can say about this.

"Tiffany" wrote in message
news:2vmLg.3724$%k5.3500@trnddc08...

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:17lLg.13040$rd7.12474@edtnps89...
And I know I'll get nothing but that around here from you all lol

I'm not going to use any names, but I'm sure one and one can be put
together... I'm also keeping in mind that there are always 2 sides to
every story, and really all that can be taken is one side, I guess, so I
just want an honest opinion for an answer for a question!

First off, is it acceptable to leave small children - alone - sitting
outside (unsupervised) so you can sit and play computer games inside?

Second, would you subject your children at a young age (unable to make
any real decisions on their own based on anything) to be in contact with
someone who is violent when they get angry? Physically violent, like -I
am seriously scared- violent.


Right now, this is one thing that I have not opened my trap about to
anyone. A girl friend beat some info out of me, but it was very limited
and to the point. Also, family member there at the time had asked a few
questions, and I did give him a basic, to the point and honest answer and
other than that, I've kept my mouth shut as I know what friends/family
will say. It's probably not what I should hear, but out over here, I
know everyone else can (and will) say how it is!


You really need to make up your mind about what you are going to do with
your life.

One second you are done with N then you are talking about making him
dinner.

*I* am done with anything regarding him (and I), but, even as everyone here
has said, the kids really aren't.
Inviting a person over for dinner doesn't mean that everyone is happy and
life is fantastic - it gives him and the kids a chance to see eachother, and
he had also wanted to sit down and discuss whatever came up, and at that
point, I had listened to what he had to say, gave him a chance to voice
himself. He's not living here, we're not happily (or even unhappily)
together.
Come over for dinner, visit, go home. I had told him that dinner would be
early enough to allow time for whatever - like a 'family' time - and early
enough that he could still ride home (bike) before it was dark.
I'm sure lots won't agree with me on this one, but this is one thing I am
dead set on. I will not allow my kids to be taken by him alone, there is no
one available that we - him or I - know to be around for 'visits' and if it
comes down to it in the immediate future, the courts will have to decide on
that, and in that case, I would have to live by the decision of the courts.
This is my solid stance on the situation right now.

If he has anger issues, maybe he will take some classes. Maybe you should
just allow him to distance himself for a while. Maybe you and him
together, triggers him. Maybe he is just an asshole.

He knows he has anger issues, he won't take some classes. He's more than
welcome to distance himself all he wants, for as long as he wants. I've
left the door and lines open to him and let him know that. In the end, it's
his choices, and not my business to really see as good or bad choices. I do
push buttons on occasion, but he also has acted this way with his mother,
with others in general. I don't think I'd say he's just an asshole, really.
Something anyone does - doesn't matter who - can throw him off the edge. It
isn't just me, so I wouldn't necessarily that him and I together triggers
him. That's where the proper way to handle anger and situations should come
in, well, that's what I do believe, anyways.

Either way, **** or get off the pot. Don't keep looking for excuses to
kick him out of his kids lives though. Seems that has happen in the
past.... you also need to seek help.

There's this 'Support Network' here located downtown, and I had called.
When I had called (it's a drop-in, but they ask that you call ahead) they
were closed and would be open again in September - closed for something like
2 weeks as far as the family/individual/couples' support goes - and I can't
recall off hand when they were open again. A call would probably fix that
problem. I wanted to go for myself, drop the kids off at my mom's for an
hour or two and go alone. I had, at that point, wondered if I could get
some guidance or anything to work with.

This is the last I can say about this.

"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 05 Sep 2006 20:29:49 GMT, "xkatx" the following
was posted in blue dry erase marker:

And I know I'll get nothing but that around here from you all lol

I'm not going to use any names, but I'm sure one and one can be put
together... I'm also keeping in mind that there are always 2 sides to
every
story, and really all that can be taken is one side, I guess, so I just
want
an honest opinion for an answer for a question!

First off, is it acceptable to leave small children - alone - sitting
outside (unsupervised) so you can sit and play computer games inside?

How young are the children?

5 and under.

Are they being watched through a window?

No.

Are
they within earshot of hte parent?

A shout or scream could more than likely be heard.

Do they just sit there obediently?

Of course not.

Is
the parent in charge in an abusive spousal situation?

It wasn't a parent, so no.

Could
race/ethnicity be a factor in how this parent is parenting?

No... I don't think so...

Second, would you subject your children at a young age (unable to make any
real decisions on their own based on anything) to be in contact with
someone
who is violent when they get angry? Physically violent, like -I am
seriously scared- violent.

Has this person been that way in front of the children?

Yes.

Have the
children ever been hurt?

No, definitely not physically. Shaken, yes, not hurt, scarred for life,
anything like that.

Have you ever seen marks/bruises that could not
be unexplained by "child play"?

Never marked or bruised the child, explained or not explained.

Do the children seem especially afraid
of strangers or extremely, inappropriately clingy?

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Are they
malnourished?

No.

Sick and not taken to the doctor's?

No.

Do they fail to go to
school?

No.

If those answers are yes, then you should report the incident/s. Often,
it takes a pattern of neglect/abuse or immediate endangerment to take a
child out of a bad situation. Your report will probably not be the call
to action but that doesn't mean you shouldn't report it.

Last incident was a one time thing (with the leaving part) and could be
avoided by not leaving kids with that person alone. The violence was
not/has not been towards kids, just within earshot and sight of them towards
someone else.

Right now, this is one thing that I have not opened my trap about to
anyone.
A girl friend beat some info out of me, but it was very limited and to the
point. Also, family member there at the time had asked a few questions,
and
I did give him a basic, to the point and honest answer and other than
that,
I've kept my mouth shut as I know what friends/family will say. It's
probably not what I should hear, but out over here, I know everyone else
can
(and will) say how it is!

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:44nLg.8839$Hr1.6881@clgrps12...

Last incident was a one time thing (with the leaving part) and could be
avoided by not leaving kids with that person alone. The violence was
not/has not been towards kids, just within earshot and sight of them
towards someone else.


Doesn't matter a whit. I left my daughter's father because I did *NOT* want
her growing up thinking that men were supposed to and/or allowed to be
abusive in ANY way, shape, or form towards women. For that matter, I
wouldn't want ANY child growing up thinking that any kind of abuse from
ANYBODY to ANYBODY is alright.


Kelly

"xkatx" wrote in message
news:17lLg.13040$rd7.12474@edtnps89...
And I know I'll get nothing but that around here from you all lol

I'm not going to use any names, but I'm sure one and one can be put
together... I'm also keeping in mind that there are always 2 sides to
every story, and really all that can be taken is one side, I guess, so I
just want an honest opinion for an answer for a question!

First off, is it acceptable to leave small children - alone - sitting
outside (unsupervised) so you can sit and play computer games inside?

Second, would you subject your children at a young age (unable to make any
real decisions on their own based on anything) to be in contact with
someone who is violent when they get angry? Physically violent, like -I
am seriously scared- violent.


Right now, this is one thing that I have not opened my trap about to
anyone. A girl friend beat some info out of me, but it was very limited
and to the point. Also, family member there at the time had asked a few
questions, and I did give him a basic, to the point and honest answer and
other than that, I've kept my mouth shut as I know what friends/family
will say. It's probably not what I should hear, but out over here, I know
everyone else can (and will) say how it is!

You want honesty? If it's your children that you have permitted to be
neglected in favor of computer games, and if it's your children that have
been terrorized by violence, then you need to call family services and have
them come and take the children away,

If it's someone else's children that are being neglected in favor of
computer games, and that have been terrorized by violence, then you need to
call family services and have them come and take the children away,

xkatx wrote:
And I know I'll get nothing but that around here from you all lol

I'm not going to use any names, but I'm sure one and one can be put
together... I'm also keeping in mind that there are always 2 sides to every
story, and really all that can be taken is one side, I guess, so I just want
an honest opinion for an answer for a question!

First off, is it acceptable to leave small children - alone - sitting
outside (unsupervised) so you can sit and play computer games inside?

Second, would you subject your children at a young age (unable to make any
real decisions on their own based on anything) to be in contact with someone
who is violent when they get angry? Physically violent, like -I am
seriously scared- violent.


Right now, this is one thing that I have not opened my trap about to anyone.
A girl friend beat some info out of me, but it was very limited and to the
point. Also, family member there at the time had asked a few questions, and
I did give him a basic, to the point and honest answer and other than that,
I've kept my mouth shut as I know what friends/family will say. It's
probably not what I should hear, but out over here, I know everyone else can
(and will) say how it is!

Kat,

I have to join Moon in saying that if this is you and Norm and your
children you are discussing here, this is a problem that needs to be
dealt with immediately. NO you should not be leaving a child of 5 yrs.
of age out of your sight without adult supervision! Funny actually not
so funny........I just had to discuss this same issue with my 19 year
old daughter in reference to her 2 and 3/4 yr old!

If this is not your family you speak of then you need to report this to
child welfare.

I dont understand why some younger parents dont see the danger in this
kind of situation with very young children. As far as the violence
.....there is no age appropriate to be subjected to that. Directly or
indirectly does and will affect them the rest of their lives. Heck ,I
still flinch when someone raises a hand towards me and not in a violent
way either, sometimes it is just to take a piece of lint off my
shoulder! Wanna talk about shell shock and emotional pain from a
childhood of verbal and physical abuse?

please don't wait to act .

Bev