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#11
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Sick of the horror stories!
Elric wrote:
So I'm having a great pregnancy all around, but since I want to give birth in a birth center instead of a hospital, people are using my private choice to tell me the absolute worst birth horror stories I've ever had to deal with in my life! I heard some great horror stories. I think I was a bit too confident though, and guessed that I would have an easy birth, based on my body shape (great child-bearing hips!), and the fact that easy births seem to run in my family. When people insisted on telling me what happened to them, I pretended to listen politely (in fact most of it went in one ear and out the other) but I sifted out the advice that I thought might actually be useful. And actually, the worst stories I have heard are from those who had hospital births! People who have had home births or birthing centre births seem to be so much better. Good luck with things! (BTW, I had a 6 1/2 hour labour, that included about an hour of pushing. Imagine if I'd got the hang of it earlier!!) Cathy |
#12
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Sick of the horror stories!
"Elric" wrote in message om... Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested to hear what you all have to say. Thanks, H I hear you. This past Friday my husband and I went to discuss some financial stuff and the woman who was our helping us out decided to regal me with two horror stories (one including a C section done by a Greek doctor on Crete !?!?). I had to let it wash over me, but by the time we got done food shopping later on, I was really upset. I wish I had said something at the time and if someone does start to mention tell me some stories, I *will* have to say something. For some reason people feel that pregnant women just *need* to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly with an emphasis on the last two. You aren't alone. |
#13
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Sick of the horror stories!
H,
My husband is a very sensible person, and as I started hearing horror stories literally immediately upon telling people I am pregnant (one woman: "How wonderful! Congratulations! One of my twins was born blue with the cord around his neck and apgar zero!" Ack! *This* is the congratulations I get??) he keeps saying to me, "Everything you hear is anecdotal." Which is true! Just because it was their experience doesn't mean that it will be my experience. As long as my doctor keeps saying everything is fine I'll just say "That must have been horrible for you!" when I hear these stories and go my merry way. I bet if you had the opportunity to interview other mothers who used the birth center you'd find that the majority of them had happy experiences with no problems....otherwise, how could the center stay in business? Congratulations on your great pregnancy. I'm sure you'll do fine. Mothers who tell horror stories are like old soldiers comparing war wounds...they have a common bond forged in the heat of battle. They're just welcoming you into the club, in a rather scary, indelicate way. Just remember that the boring, normal labor stories, just like the stories from the troops who don't see much action, aren't as exciting to tell Best, Rebecca Elric wrote: So I'm having a great pregnancy all around, but since I want to give birth in a birth center instead of a hospital, people are using my private choice to tell me the absolute worst birth horror stories I've ever had to deal with in my life! Finally, I told a family friend (who was convinced that if I heard her horror story, I would give up the birth center plan immediately) the following: 1) No horror story will change my mind, I like my doctor (she will be there, with another experienced OB/GYN, for the entire natural childbirth. For whatever reason, this place doesn't use midwives), and I like the center. It's a personal, loving, positive place where I never feel poked, prodded, or treated like an idiot. My doctor wants me to make a birth plan, and she's committed to using it. What more could I ask for? 2) Being pregnant, I tend to overreact a little, and I don't want to hear horror stories that might freak me out. I am well aware that I might end up with a very different birth from the one I am planning, and I am absoultely fine with that. Things happen. I just can't stand it when practically EVERYONE I know thinks I'm doing serious harm to my baby and/or myself because of this very personal choice. Then again, they can think it, it's just that how do I keep people's mouths shut while still maintaining friendships? I'm only at 23 weeks (and can you tell this is my first pregnancy?), I've got a long way to go, and any advice you can all give me about how to handle these people would be appreciated. One solution I've come up with so far is to let people say whatever awful things they want, let them think I've taken them seriously, and then allow it to flow right past me. I just know that when I've tried this in the past, I get just as stressed out than if I tell people to keep their horror stories to themselves. Sigh. Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested to hear what you all have to say. Thanks, H |
#14
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Sick of the horror stories!
Cathy wrote:
And actually, the worst stories I have heard are from those who had hospital births! People who have had home births or birthing centre births seem to be so much better. Yeah, I think that's the great irony ;-) If you count up the birthing stories, I think the overwhelming majority of out-of-hospital births are presented as happy stories, and the overwhelming majority of the horror stories are planned hospital births. Now, that is somewhat skewed because the vast majority of births are planned hospital births to begin with, plus any birth involving an induction is going to be a hospital birth. Still, if I were going to make a decision based purely on what location seemed to generate the best birth stories, it'd have to be a homebirth ;-) Best wishes, Ericka |
#15
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Sick of the horror stories!
H,
My husband is a very sensible person, and as I started hearing horror stories literally immediately upon telling people I am pregnant (one woman: "How wonderful! Congratulations! One of my twins was born blue with the cord around his neck and apgar zero!" Ack! *This* is the congratulations I get??) he keeps saying to me, "Everything you hear is anecdotal." Which is true! Just because it was their experience doesn't mean that it will be my experience. Very true. As long as my doctor keeps saying everything is fine I'll just say "That must have been horrible for you!" when I hear these stories and go my merry way. Good advice. I bet if you had the opportunity to interview other mothers who used the birth center you'd find that the majority of them had happy experiences with no problems....otherwise, how could the center stay in business? Hehe, true. Congratulations on your great pregnancy. I'm sure you'll do fine. Mothers who tell horror stories are like old soldiers comparing war wounds...they have a common bond forged in the heat of battle. They're just welcoming you into the club, in a rather scary, indelicate way. Just remember that the boring, normal labor stories, just like the stories from the troops who don't see much action, aren't as exciting to tell Best, Rebecca Lol! love it! I had a crappy 3rd birth but I'd hardly tell that to *anyone* unless they asked, and certainly not a first time mom. My births won't be her births so what's the point in freaking her out? Sophie #4 due July 7, 2004 |
#16
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Sick of the horror stories!
Elric writes:
: Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested : to hear what you all have to say. All the reputable medical studies that have been done in the last 20 years has overwhelming shown that for a normal pregnancy without risk factors, what your are planning is *SAFER* than hospital birth. I would suggest: Learning the statistics, Responding with "Oh, didn't you know that birth center birth is safer than hospital birth for an uncomplicated pregnancy, which mine is." Then if they question your statement, start spouting statistics at them. Works for me! :-) Larry |
#17
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Sick of the horror stories!
You know something funny? I was just reading a book called Misconceptions by
Naomi Wolf (a feminist writer) who said that all her friends were upset with other women who glorified motherhood and birth and never told them how difficult it could all be. They said they would rather have heard the "horror stories" going in so that they would have been more prepared for the difficulties they faced, that they would have known it wasn't just them having problems, that they weren't somehow abnormal. Just thought I'd throw that out there, FWIW. Leslie |
#18
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Sick of the horror stories!
In article , joybelle15
@hotmail.com says... "Kim E." wrote: Hi - sorry to hear you are having those experiences, I have had similar ones. I will be delivering at a hospital, but am preparing for a natural childbirth and boy do people love to be negative about it. I have thought about saying "Do you enjoy raining on people's parades in general, or just pregnant women?" I mean, do these people stand in parking lots and tell gruesome car accident stories as people get into their cars?? Do they sit outside restaurants and grocery stores and tell food poisoning stories?? hmmmm... there are people like that! There are the people who have some wonderful stories about flying. Or how about when you are going to go through a surgery you are nervous about anyway, and you are told the tale of a botched surgery? (happened to my dear mom) I think some people like to share the worst possible scenarios... Don't know why exactly. It seems some people thrive on negativity and the worst that can happen. Watch the news much?! Good point! I have had two homebirths, and I got to hear my share of horror stories while pregnant. I guess they didn't bother me too much because some people just simply cared about me and were sharing their fears and concerns. As for the others who just found glee in sharing the negativity I'd either give them a couple of negative stories of my own that I'd read or heard (which seemed to leave them at a loss of words as to why I was still planning a homebirth) or I'd just say something like, "That's nice, but that's only one story amidst many, many positive ones. " And I'd go on to share the positive ones. I was quite comfortable with my decision and their stories didn't apply to me. You have an excellent attitude, are you always so imperturbable!?! -kim |
#19
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Sick of the horror stories!
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#20
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Sick of the horror stories!
"Kim E." wrote in message a.net... In article , joybelle15 @hotmail.com says... I have had two homebirths, and I got to hear my share of horror stories while pregnant. I guess they didn't bother me too much because some people just simply cared about me and were sharing their fears and concerns. As for the others who just found glee in sharing the negativity I'd either give them a couple of negative stories of my own that I'd read or heard (which seemed to leave them at a loss of words as to why I was still planning a homebirth) or I'd just say something like, "That's nice, but that's only one story amidst many, many positive ones. " And I'd go on to share the positive ones. I was quite comfortable with my decision and their stories didn't apply to me. You have an excellent attitude, are you always so imperturbable!?! I wish! -- Joy Rose 1-30-99 Iris 2-28-01 Spencer 3-12-03 |
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