Frustrated - Potty training

My 3 1/2( Four in November ) year old son still will not go poops on the
toilet. He prefers to have a diaper put on him instead. Typical potty event;
" Daddy I have to go poops", "I say do you want to try to go on the potty"?.
"He says no, I want a diaper on". This has gone on for awhile. I don't want
to push the issue( should I? ) but he refuses to sit on the toilet to go
poops. After pooping , he imediately wants the diaper off. Otherwise the
diaper ( other than the poops ) is a thing of the past. Any ideas on what I
can try next. I have read potty training books and played potty training
videos for him. He says he will try but never ends up going through with
it. Is he on the verge?. The weird thing is, as he turned three, he
actually went poops on the potty - twice!. I was thrilled. Well, after two
tries, he completely has no desire to go poops on the toilet . Any
suggestions?

Infocus wrote:
My 3 1/2( Four in November ) year old son still will not go poops on the
toilet. He prefers to have a diaper put on him instead. Typical potty event;
" Daddy I have to go poops", "I say do you want to try to go on the potty"?.
"He says no, I want a diaper on". This has gone on for awhile. I don't want
to push the issue( should I? ) but he refuses to sit on the toilet to go
poops. After pooping , he imediately wants the diaper off. Otherwise the
diaper ( other than the poops ) is a thing of the past. Any ideas on what I
can try next. I have read potty training books and played potty training
videos for him. He says he will try but never ends up going through with
it. Is he on the verge?. The weird thing is, as he turned three, he
actually went poops on the potty - twice!. I was thrilled. Well, after two
tries, he completely has no desire to go poops on the toilet . Any
suggestions?


Have you worked out *why* he won't use the loo?
Does he sit or stand to wee? If he stands, could it be that he's either
nervous of falling in, or confused about where it's all going?

I agree with Nan in suggesting that you stop giving him an option.

What would happen if you "ran out" of diapers? Obviously you don't want
him holding it in, but it seems like he needs a little push somehow.

Have you thought about a good old bribe?

Mary Ann

"Infocus" wrote in message
...
My 3 1/2( Four in November ) year old son still will not go poops on the
toilet. He prefers to have a diaper put on him instead. Typical potty
event;
" Daddy I have to go poops", "I say do you want to try to go on the
potty"?.
"He says no, I want a diaper on". This has gone on for awhile. I don't
want
to push the issue( should I? ) but he refuses to sit on the toilet to go
poops. After pooping , he imediately wants the diaper off. Otherwise the
diaper ( other than the poops ) is a thing of the past. Any ideas on what
I
can try next. I have read potty training books and played potty training
videos for him. He says he will try but never ends up going through with
it. Is he on the verge?. The weird thing is, as he turned three, he
actually went poops on the potty - twice!. I was thrilled. Well, after two
tries, he completely has no desire to go poops on the toilet . Any
suggestions?





i wouldn't offer the diaper option...what would he do if you told him you
didn't have anymore diapers?

Any
suggestions?


Here is how we've finally trained our 3.75 year old. We promised the usual big
toy for potty training, in his case a new bike. But finally, when he told me
he wanted to wear diapers because he wanted to be a baby, after holding his
business until I put a diaper on him to go, I told him he could only have baby
toys if he continued to wear diapers. I told him that all his big boy toys,
including his cars, trucks, and train set, would have to be put away until he
was a big boy. He thought about it for about five minutes, told me he wanted
to wear underwear and be a big boy, and has basically been potty trained ever
since, two weeks now with only one minor accident because my grandfather had
him outside and didn't understand him when he said he needed to go.

Hey, it worked. He's quite proud of himself, tells complete strangers all
about his new skill wherever we go.


Amanda

So please make sure there is something for your kid to
put his feet on (a stack of phone books?). And if he feels more comfortable
on a little potty, make sure one is available.

We used the regular toilet, with no additional seat, because my son is too big
for those little seats. But we do have a stool for him to rest his feet on.
We also had to physically show him that he was not going to fall in by sitting
him fully clothed on the toilet and holding him securely while tilting him
back, he's big enough he won't fall in but he didn't know that.

I think the OP should not offer a choice. Either let the matter alone, or find
something that works, but be firm and consistent. What worked for us wouldn't
work for every child, but worked perfectly for my son.


Amanda

x-no-archive:yes ospam (AGreen1209) wrote:

So please make sure there is something for your kid to
put his feet on (a stack of phone books?). And if he feels more comfortable
on a little potty, make sure one is available.

We used the regular toilet, with no additional seat, because my son is too big
for those little seats. But we do have a stool for him to rest his feet on.
We also had to physically show him that he was not going to fall in by sitting
him fully clothed on the toilet and holding him securely while tilting him
back, he's big enough he won't fall in but he didn't know that.

It might also be that he doesn't like the idea of flushing away part
of himself that he's produced. I understand that is sometimes a
problem.

I think the OP should not offer a choice. Either let the matter alone, or find
something that works, but be firm and consistent. What worked for us wouldn't
work for every child, but worked perfectly for my son.

While I agree that the choice is not the thing to do, I'm a little
uncomfortable with forcing him to use the toilet or go in his pants
because he may chose to do neither and with holding it can result in
impaction and physical problems where it becomes painful to go
reinforcing the reluctance to go at all.

I might tell him that either he wears diapers all the time or wears
underpants all the time. Or I might just put him back in diapers all
the time.

DD#2 seemed unwilling to go on the toilet at all and she had iron
control of her bladder so she could hold it all day until she had a
nap or at night when she had a diaper. So I knew she could do it if
she wanted. But she didn't want. Until she was told that she
couldn't go to nursery school with her sister unless she used the
potty. So then she was trained at 2.5 because that was the youngest
they would take them there. One accident I think. But that was the
whole thing - poop and pee. So I have no actual experience with the
non poop in the toilet thing.


grandma Rosalie

On Tue, 15 Jul 2003 14:26:41 GMT, "Infocus"
wrote:

My 3 1/2( Four in November ) year old son still will not go poops on the
toilet. He prefers to have a diaper put on him instead. Typical potty event;
" Daddy I have to go poops", "I say do you want to try to go on the potty"?.
"He says no, I want a diaper on". This has gone on for awhile. I don't want
to push the issue( should I? ) but he refuses to sit on the toilet to go
poops. After pooping , he imediately wants the diaper off. Otherwise the
diaper ( other than the poops ) is a thing of the past. Any ideas on what I
can try next. I have read potty training books and played potty training
videos for him. He says he will try but never ends up going through with
it. Is he on the verge?. The weird thing is, as he turned three, he
actually went poops on the potty - twice!. I was thrilled. Well, after two
tries, he completely has no desire to go poops on the toilet . Any
suggestions?

My first son went through this earlier this year. I had to find an
incentive for him to do poos on the toilet instead of in his nappy.
In his case I started by having him watch me put his poo in the
toilet after he'd done it in his nappy until he got the idea that
this is where poo goes, and then I told him that I was putting the
poo in the toilet to feed the fishies. Once he got excited about
feeding the fishies directly he never looked backwards. We also
used a sticker chart in combination, after the third poo on the
toilet he got a lolly, after the seventh poo he got a "surprise"
which was variously a sticker book, some art supplies, etc. After
the first 4 lots of 7 poos on the toilet the sticker chart ran out
and wasn't replaced but he didn't really ask for it again either.


--
Cheryl

DS#1 (Mar 99), DS#2 (Oct 00)
DD born 30 Jul 02

"Circe" wrote in message
news:Wu%Qa.10877$u51.2802@fed1read05...
==Daye== wrote:
On Tue, 15 Jul 2003 14:26:41 GMT, "Infocus"
wrote:

" Daddy I have to go poops", "I say do you want to try to go on the
potty"?.

Why are you giving him a choice? It is obvious that his choice
is going to be a diaper.

Try this instead:
Child: "Daddy, I have to go poops."
Daddy: "Okay, let's go to the toilet." Take him in and sit him
down.

If he asks for a diaper, tell him no. Big boys use a toilet. He
is a big boy. He will not get a diaper.

Hmmm, well, there seems to be a similar tenor in a lot of the
responses--just take away the diaper and all will be well. My experience,
however, is the opposite.

First of all, it's important to remember that at least PART of the problem
here may be physical. Many young kids find it very difficult to have bowel
movements while sitting down because they have been doing so while
standing
or squatting almost their entire lives. It seems quite easy to us to poop
sitting down--and in fact seems odd to do so in any other position--but
the
opposite is true for the younger set.

Second, however, simply taking away the diaper can lead to withholding if
the child truly CANNOT or WILL NOT poop while sitting on the toilet. We
had
mild withholding issues with our daughter when she was making the
transition
from pooping in the diaper to pooping in the potty at around 3y9m, and
believe me, the *last* thing that will make you happy is having to change
a
pair of underpants filled with an ENORMOUS bowel movement because your
child
has been unable/unwilling to poop in the potty for several days.


This is what I was thinking. What is worse it the child who withholds until
impacted. I can see trying the do not offer the diaper thing. But making a
line in the sand does not seem like a very good idea.


Frankly, my experience with my daughter was that once I backed COMPLETELY
off pressuring her to poop in the potty (or even suggesting it), and
simply
allowed her to poop in the diaper (without comment), she came around on
her
own. One afternoon at my sister's house, she simply decided to poop on the
toilet. She occasionally used her bedtime diaper for a poop after that,
but
for the most part, simply started using the toilet for poops.


I read a book which suggested that a child exposed to other children going
in the potty get over their hesitation. If they see a fav cousin or someone,
they get thr drift so to speak.


So I have to say that my advice for the OP is BACK OFF. Let him have the
diaper. He simply may not feel physically comfortable with pooping on the
toilet yet. He WON'T poop in the diaper forever. Sooner or later (and my
bet
is sooner--for my daughter, it was a mere couple of weeks) he will CHOOSE
to
poop in the toilet and the diapers will be history.
--

Be well, Barbara
(Julian [7/22/97], Aurora [7/19/99], and Vernon's [3/2/02] mom)
See us at http://photos.yahoo.com/guavaln

This week's special at the English Language Butcher Shop:
"Loose weight, feel great!" -- fair booth sign

What does it all mean? I have *no* idea. But it's my life and I like it.

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
x-no-archive:yes ospam (AGreen1209) wrote:

So please make sure there is something for your kid to
put his feet on (a stack of phone books?). And if he feels more
comfortable
on a little potty, make sure one is available.

We used the regular toilet, with no additional seat, because my son is
too big
for those little seats. But we do have a stool for him to rest his feet
on.
We also had to physically show him that he was not going to fall in by
sitting
him fully clothed on the toilet and holding him securely while tilting
him
back, he's big enough he won't fall in but he didn't know that.

It might also be that he doesn't like the idea of flushing away part
of himself that he's produced. I understand that is sometimes a
problem.

I think the OP should not offer a choice. Either let the matter alone,
or find
something that works, but be firm and consistent. What worked for us
wouldn't
work for every child, but worked perfectly for my son.

While I agree that the choice is not the thing to do, I'm a little
uncomfortable with forcing him to use the toilet or go in his pants
because he may chose to do neither and with holding it can result in
impaction and physical problems where it becomes painful to go
reinforcing the reluctance to go at all.


And, from the experience of my neice, this is a *nightmare.* The cycle of
not eating so you do not have to poop and not pooing so it does not hurt is
a hard cycle to break.

I might tell him that either he wears diapers all the time or wears
underpants all the time. Or I might just put him back in diapers all
the time.



I am not sure why you would to that? From what I have read, kids who ask for
a diaper, poop in it, then get changed are on the very hairy edge of making
the leap to pooping on the potty. Just waiting one more week and
reevaluating could be all it takes. Why go all the way back to diaper risk
setting aside peeing success?

DD#2 seemed unwilling to go on the toilet at all and she had iron
control of her bladder so she could hold it all day until she had a
nap or at night when she had a diaper. So I knew she could do it if
she wanted. But she didn't want. Until she was told that she
couldn't go to nursery school with her sister unless she used the
potty. So then she was trained at 2.5 because that was the youngest
they would take them there. One accident I think. But that was the
whole thing - poop and pee. So I have no actual experience with the
non poop in the toilet thing.


grandma Rosalie