co-sleeping is "bad"

There is a huge movement these days in my community to make parents aware of
how dangerous co-sleeping is. Apparantly there is a larger than usual number
of babies suffocating from being in bed with their parents. Because of this,
there are alot of outraged parents saying things like, "How could loving
parents endanger their precious baby by sleeping with it?". Even if the mom
accidentally fell asleep while nursing, they are still blaming her!(and
that's the most recent occurence, which is in the news today, and our news
site allows comments) There was a whole news conference about the "dangers"
of co-sleeping.
The cause of death everytime is blamed on co-sleeping. I know not everyone
believes it's ok to sleep with the baby, but honestly, do people really
believe it makes one a horrible parent for doing so?
Marie

MarieD wrote:
There is a huge movement these days in my community to make parents
aware of how dangerous co-sleeping is. Apparantly there is a larger than
usual number of babies suffocating from being in bed with their parents.
Because of this, there are alot of outraged parents saying things like,
"How could loving parents endanger their precious baby by sleeping with
it?". Even if the mom accidentally fell asleep while nursing, they are
still blaming her!(and that's the most recent occurence, which is in the
news today, and our news site allows comments) There was a whole news
conference about the "dangers" of co-sleeping.
The cause of death everytime is blamed on co-sleeping. I know not
everyone believes it's ok to sleep with the baby, but honestly, do
people really believe it makes one a horrible parent for doing so?

Speaking in hideous overgeneralizations, people seem to have
a very limited capacity to put things into perspective. People do
a lot of dangerous things every day, statistically speaking, and
don't think twice about them, but they will jump all over things
they don't do that are far less risky than things they *do* do.
That said, unsafe cosleeping is, well, unsafe. A whole
lot of people aren't aware of risky co-sleeping practices, so
they co-sleep without the benefit of taking proper precautions.
And frankly, a lot of those shocked folks who say they would
never co-sleep *have* fallen asleep with the baby (being a new
parent will do that to you), even if it wasn't at night and in
their beds.
I think you have to look at the risks, take them seriously,
and then mitigate them.

Best wishes,
Ericka

I never called what I did 'co-sleeping'. I didn't have big thoughts
about it. If my husband was awake to move the baby back to the crib,
or if I was awake enough to do it, then good. But mostly, when a baby
son cried at night, I'd rouse myself enough to do diaper duty, and
crawl gratefully back under the covers with the baby and fall asleep
nursing, and there he would stay til the morning. Nice memories,
actually!
It's fascinating to me how people judge each other so much about
parenting. I'm just as guilty as the next person, although it took me
a while to recognize that. Going to the park with my toddlers, and
letting them try all the equipment, watching the frowns as I let my 2-
year-old attempt the jungle-gym, I remember feeling defensive and
irritated..and JUDGED. But looking back, I see that I was making just
as many judgements on the moms who hovered over their kids, and the
moms who just said no all the time. We all cared about our kids, and
we were simply focusing on different priorities.
Parents (well, people in general!) should go easier on each
other.

MarieD wrote:

There is a huge movement these days in my community to make parents
aware of how dangerous co-sleeping is. Apparantly there is a larger than
usual number of babies suffocating from being in bed with their parents.

Unsafe cosleeping is unsafe.

-- Anita --

On Apr 24, 10:59 pm, mom0f4boys wrote:

It's fascinating to me how people judge each other so much about
parenting. I'm just as guilty as the next person, although it took me
a while to recognize that. Going to the park with my toddlers, and
letting them try all the equipment, watching the frowns as I let my 2-
year-old attempt the jungle-gym, I remember feeling defensive and
irritated..and JUDGED. But looking back, I see that I was making just
as many judgements on the moms who hovered over their kids, and the
moms who just said no all the time. We all cared about our kids, and
we were simply focusing on different priorities.

Well, on average, are 2-year olds safe on the jungle gym, or not? You
mention how you felt but not that you did any research on the
question.

I think too many parents are looking for validation of what they are
currently doing rather than objective information about what they
ought to do, as if the main goal of childrearing advice should be to
avoid making them feel guilty. That was the tone of the OP's message.

Parents (well, people in general!) should go easier on each
other.

"mom0f4boys" wrote in message
...
I never called what I did 'co-sleeping'. I didn't have big thoughts
about it. If my husband was awake to move the baby back to the crib,
or if I was awake enough to do it, then good. But mostly, when a baby
son cried at night, I'd rouse myself enough to do diaper duty, and
crawl gratefully back under the covers with the baby and fall asleep
nursing, and there he would stay til the morning. Nice memories,
actually!
It's fascinating to me how people judge each other so much about
parenting. I'm just as guilty as the next person, although it took me
a while to recognize that. Going to the park with my toddlers, and
letting them try all the equipment, watching the frowns as I let my 2-
year-old attempt the jungle-gym, I remember feeling defensive and
irritated..and JUDGED. But looking back, I see that I was making just
as many judgements on the moms who hovered over their kids, and the
moms who just said no all the time. We all cared about our kids, and
we were simply focusing on different priorities.
LOL. I'm not sure what is the jungle jim-is it what I'd call "monkey bars"?
But we've got a sort of dozen circles 4' up that the child steps from one to
another (gap about 8") holding onto the top of the circle. It always amused
me to see #2 skipping across these at 18 months, in front of the 4yo boys
whose dad's had just told them they were too young to do it. She only has
one hand so she had to balance herslef well before she moved her hand, but
really the main risk was that if someone tried to help her she's have a foot
stamping strop up there.
Debbie

"Beliavsky" wrote in message
...
On Apr 24, 10:59 pm, mom0f4boys wrote:

It's fascinating to me how people judge each other so much about
parenting. I'm just as guilty as the next person, although it took me
a while to recognize that. Going to the park with my toddlers, and
letting them try all the equipment, watching the frowns as I let my 2-
year-old attempt the jungle-gym, I remember feeling defensive and
irritated..and JUDGED. But looking back, I see that I was making just
as many judgements on the moms who hovered over their kids, and the
moms who just said no all the time. We all cared about our kids, and
we were simply focusing on different priorities.

Well, on average, are 2-year olds safe on the jungle gym, or not? You
mention how you felt but not that you did any research on the
question.

I think too many parents are looking for validation of what they are
currently doing rather than objective information about what they
ought to do, as if the main goal of childrearing advice should be to
avoid making them feel guilty. That was the tone of the OP's message.

It doesn't matter if the average 2 yr old is safe on the jungle gym. A child
who started walking at 9 months, and was climbing everything in sight at
12-13 months is going to be safer on the jungle gym at 2 than my daughter,
who didn't start walking until 18 months, and didn't master jumping with
both feet until almost 3.

A few months ago, DD and I were out at the playground, and I was talking
with the after school program teacher (our neighborhood park is next to an
elementary school), and she mentioned how much more independent DD was now
than a year before when I was "hovering over her". I pointed out that a year
before, DD had been 1 1/2, and had JUST STARTED walking. Her comment was
"Oh! She talked so much, I assumed she was older and you were just
overprotective!"

Research is great, but research doesn't nail down one child and their needs.
My daughter has been very good at letting me know when she's ready for more
and when she's not ready yet.

"mom0f4boys" wrote in message
It's fascinating to me how people judge each other so much about
parenting. I'm just as guilty as the next person, although it took me
a while to recognize that. Going to the park with my toddlers, and
letting them try all the equipment, watching the frowns as I let my 2-
year-old attempt the jungle-gym, I remember feeling defensive and
irritated..and JUDGED.

I got those same looks with my DD3 when she would climb the jungle gym also.
The other mothers just thought I was horrible for letting her climb. I'll
never forget the stupid mother with her darling young baby scowling at me
because DD3 was having a fit at having to sit in the grocery cart. Her look
said that she was the perfect mother and her baby would never throw a fit
like mine was. I hope she is a terror now, lol. I didn't realize at the time
that with DD3's sensory issues that the cart was uncomfortable to her and
the lights and too much activity of Meijers was overwhelming to her. Other
mothers are very judgmental and I guess I am guilty of it too, but I never
say anything to anyone about it (not in real life anyway, lol).
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Well if there are a lot of babies dying due to unsafe cosleeping practice,
then the media and pediatricians need to make people aware of it.
Unfortunately, they have to have a blanket warning because there are a lot
of stupid people out there who are not co-sleeping safely.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"MarieD" wrote in message ...
There is a huge movement these days in my community to make parents aware
of how dangerous co-sleeping is. Apparantly there is a larger than usual
number of babies suffocating from being in bed with their parents. Because
of this, there are alot of outraged parents saying things like, "How could
loving parents endanger their precious baby by sleeping with it?". Even if
the mom accidentally fell asleep while nursing, they are still blaming
her!(and that's the most recent occurence, which is in the news today, and
our news site allows comments) There was a whole news conference about the
"dangers" of co-sleeping.
The cause of death everytime is blamed on co-sleeping. I know not everyone
believes it's ok to sleep with the baby, but honestly, do people really
believe it makes one a horrible parent for doing so?
Marie

In article , Donna Metler says...



"Beliavsky" wrote in message
...
On Apr 24, 10:59 pm, mom0f4boys wrote:

It's fascinating to me how people judge each other so much about
parenting. I'm just as guilty as the next person, although it took me
a while to recognize that. Going to the park with my toddlers, and
letting them try all the equipment, watching the frowns as I let my 2-
year-old attempt the jungle-gym, I remember feeling defensive and
irritated..and JUDGED. But looking back, I see that I was making just
as many judgements on the moms who hovered over their kids, and the
moms who just said no all the time. We all cared about our kids, and
we were simply focusing on different priorities.

Well, on average, are 2-year olds safe on the jungle gym, or not? You
mention how you felt but not that you did any research on the
question.

I think too many parents are looking for validation of what they are
currently doing rather than objective information about what they
ought to do, as if the main goal of childrearing advice should be to
avoid making them feel guilty. That was the tone of the OP's message.

It doesn't matter if the average 2 yr old is safe on the jungle gym. A child
who started walking at 9 months, and was climbing everything in sight at
12-13 months is going to be safer on the jungle gym at 2 than my daughter,
who didn't start walking until 18 months, and didn't master jumping with
both feet until almost 3.

A few months ago, DD and I were out at the playground, and I was talking
with the after school program teacher (our neighborhood park is next to an
elementary school), and she mentioned how much more independent DD was now
than a year before when I was "hovering over her". I pointed out that a year
before, DD had been 1 1/2, and had JUST STARTED walking. Her comment was
"Oh! She talked so much, I assumed she was older and you were just
overprotective!"

Research is great, but research doesn't nail down one child and their needs.
My daughter has been very good at letting me know when she's ready for more
and when she's not ready yet.

Well put.

Also, the warnings, where they have real basis, often arise because of the
likelihood of poor practices or dangerous practices in *some* famillies, being
applied to all in order to capture the benefit for those famillies. These
guidelines and warnings are drawn up by people involved in public health, after
all.

For example, the warning against ever warming a baby bottle in the microwave.
Which, if you dig a little deeper, is all to do with the possibility that the
parent or caretaker would fail to shake the bottle afterwards, leaving hot spots
in the milk to harm the baby.

In famillies and settings which are not well organized or even chaotic, you get
a 12 year old tasked with the care of a baby sister, jostling around with a 10
year old brother, taking the bottle out and forgetting to shake it. But in my
family, there was one person to do it, who I knew would be consistent (me).

So I ignored that warning.

Not that the warning shouldn't be out there, but that it needs to be
intelligently applied to individual circumstances.

I think that in terms of co-sleeping, my understanding is that a lot of the
deaths have been tied to dangerous cosleeping practices, notably drinking
alcohol.

I didn't cosleep because felt really uncomfortable with the prospect because I
can sleep very deeply.

Banty