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The drunken stupor post
Hey HanK,
You were either in a complete drunken stupor or had the bottle (for the Americans that translates as cojones) to say what a lot of us Dads feel. If it was a case of the bottle then hats off. You are right. Its not good. I tried to really let loose in Amsterdam. Somehow the drink, drugs and sex were not as attractive as I thought. I did get enough of a holiday that I am recharged now for the next year but I wish we were a family. I am back in UK and just praying that on the due date I get my daughter back and that it does not hurt her too badly when her mum leaves again for another year at least, something she will have to live with, I will have to handle. Its all crap. I don't understand why her mum could not live with me, why she obviously thought I was so bad, there is no way I will introduce another 'mum' to my daughters life, she only has one mum and thats the way I want it. So many of my dreams have died as a result of all this I only have the one thing left and that's my daughter. I can't physically do some of the things I wanted with my life and still look after her, I feel so good with her but I can't help but think sometimes how it could have been if we were all a family. Hey, if you are serious about trips then if I get the opportunity again I will let you know in good time and you are more than welcome to come with me (I snore, we would have to share and I have a feeling that in the past few years I have farted at least once at night. If you can handle that then no probs) as it is a lot cheaper with two. We could have got a week with flights, hotel and brekkie in a four star hotel for two hundred each if we had gone together. Andrew Also in yet another alcoholic stupor just waiting for daughter to come back.(pray pray pray) I wish my wife could see her way to coming back and living in the UK even if in another place just so it would be easier for my daughter to see mum, yearly arrivals and split ups are going to be really hard on her, why put her through it? |
#2
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The drunken stupor post
You know the stupid thing Andrew? where ever I look at my friends who are
either custodial parents or non custodial, they all have more issues than any other people I know,( spent an hour on the phone last night with a friend because her childs father has said he wont see the kid if the mother takes him to the CSA! however she is having trouble surviving without the cash, lose/lose again.), problem is the system only turns out winners (lawyers) and losers (parents), IMHO I lost "less" by being custodial............but gained a bag of issues that I was in no way able to deal with.....two years down the line things are marginally better......marginally. In truth if your ex wont live in this country, the only real possible outcome will be less and less contact until it becomes Zero, due to the fact that as your child get older she will determine what she does in her spare time, and lets face it what 13 year old girl (or 14 or 12 or whatever) wants to go to visit a absentee parent in Sweden as opposed to spending the holidays with her mates/boy friend/dad she loves/family she loves/clubs etc? I suppose you were kind of forced into a situation of take on a huge responsability that you probably never expected and will last for at least 25 years, or alternativly have at the very most sporadic contact with your child who would be brought up in a different culture, hobsons choice* . My ex partner lives 90 miles from me and I think just that distance will affect long term contact, there are allready two b/day parties a month on a weekend that will need to be attended, so her mother has to visit my home.....or not as the case will become when she settles down with the next erect penis that crosses her path. Stab in the dark, do you live in Reading/Berks area? that photog you mentioned covers that area so thats the basis for my guess. When she get back? HanK *for our distant cousins over the pond who dont read or travel, and only have a censured press that is owned by W's oil men buddies Hobson (c. 1544-1631) was a Cambridge stable manager who let horses. He insisted customers take the horse in the stall closest to the door (the next one up) or take none at all. Hence, a Hobson's choice is no choice at all. He was made famous by Milton. The phrase dates to 1660. XxX Happy new year folks. |
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The drunken stupor post
'Kate wrote in message ... On Wed, 31 Dec 2003 00:17:58 +0000 (UTC), "Andrew" snip of most of the post I wish my wife could see her way to coming back and living in the UK even if in another place just so it would be easier for my daughter to see mum, yearly arrivals and split ups are going to be really hard on her, why put her through it? Sorry hon. It's probably going to be harder in the long run on you than your little one. I'm sure that you'll be able to focus your daughter's thoughts away from the parting and toward telling you all about her vacation with her Mom. You, on the other hand, do not have someone directing what you think but you're young, healthy, and of sound mind. You also have a daughter who loves you. Life isn't perfect but it is good and having a mother part time is better than not having a mother at all. 'Kate Thanks Kate, I just got some emails from Sweden about things to do when they return to London so I feel more secure that she is coming back (my daughter). You are right in that I do find it hard to get my mind around. Especially since I got an email which says 'you probably don't believe me but despite everything that has happened you are still my best friend and I will always love you' from my childs mum. What am I supposed to do or say? Am I being told to keep my life on permanent hold just in case she decides to come back to us? Am I being prepared for some unpleasant action she wants to take? In some ways it would be easier for me to handle if she just sent me a mail to say 'get lost, I do not like you anymore you scum'. At least that would close the book. Andrew PS, say that stuff about 'still young' again. I love to hear it!!! |
#4
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The drunken stupor post
"HanK" wrote in message ... You know the stupid thing Andrew? where ever I look at my friends who are either custodial parents or non custodial, they all have more issues than any other people I know,( spent an hour on the phone last night with a friend because her childs father has said he wont see the kid if the mother takes him to the CSA! however she is having trouble surviving without the cash, lose/lose again.), problem is the system only turns out winners (lawyers) and losers (parents), IMHO I lost "less" by being custodial............but gained a bag of issues that I was in no way able to deal with.....two years down the line things are marginally better......marginally. In truth if your ex wont live in this country, the only real possible outcome will be less and less contact until it becomes Zero, due to the fact that as your child get older she will determine what she does in her spare time, and lets face it what 13 year old girl (or 14 or 12 or whatever) wants to go to visit a absentee parent in Sweden as opposed to spending the holidays with her mates/boy friend/dad she loves/family she loves/clubs etc? I suppose you were kind of forced into a situation of take on a huge responsability that you probably never expected and will last for at least 25 years, or alternativly have at the very most sporadic contact with your child who would be brought up in a different culture, hobsons choice* . My ex partner lives 90 miles from me and I think just that distance will affect long term contact, there are allready two b/day parties a month on a weekend that will need to be attended, so her mother has to visit my home.....or not as the case will become when she settles down with the next erect penis that crosses her path. Stab in the dark, do you live in Reading/Berks area? that photog you mentioned covers that area so thats the basis for my guess. When she get back? HanK *for our distant cousins over the pond who dont read or travel, and only have a censured press that is owned by W's oil men buddies Hobson (c. 1544-1631) was a Cambridge stable manager who let horses. He insisted customers take the horse in the stall closest to the door (the next one up) or take none at all. Hence, a Hobson's choice is no choice at all. He was made famous by Milton. The phrase dates to 1660. XxX Happy new year folks. I agree about who the winners and the losers are!!! I actually live in Purley (South London), maybe the deal is just so lucrative for the photogs that they are happy to travel. Spent over forty quid on the last set of photos (some framed, some wallet size) as both proofs were great and also I want to give copies to her mum when they get back from Sweden next week. Must be tough with your ex partner sorting out parties and things, functions, LegoLand weekends and that kind of stuff. In some ways as its only me in the country there just is no dispute about who takes her to the party or who is with her on her birthday. PS, I did not know where the term Hobsons choice came from so thanks Andrew |
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The drunken stupor post
'Kate wrote in message news On Wed, 31 Dec 2003 12:07:44 +0000 (UTC), "Andrew" It's really hard to let go when the feelings are still there isn't it? What I'm reading in what she said is that as long as you keep things pleasant and undemanding (underline that), she will too. There will probably be a problem if you get involved with someone else because to her, it will feel like she's being cheated on regardless of the fact that she is the one who instigated the separation. She's teetering inbetween her two lives and hasn't fully stepped off the platform into something new but she will. Until then she needs to know that you're in the wings waiting. What this means is that you have considerable influence on her. She wants you to in some ways but wants to hold you off in others (romantically and with regard to her personal decisions). Because you have influence you have some control but you can't let her feel that or she will revolt. Instead, you can use positive "parenting" techniques .... sounds odd, I know, but she does seem to be using you as a father in that you're supposed to care for her but it can't be romantic and it will only lead to her being able to separate further. Is she coming back with your daughter for a short time then? If so, is she staying with you? 'Kate Thanks Kate, It is hard to just write off eighteen years with a 'ciao, see you later'. You are very right on that front. Got me thinking about the positive parenting bit and stuff. One thing, no danger of me getting involved with anyone else, there just is neither the time nor the opportunity. I do intend to keep being as peaceful and cooperative as is consistent with best interests of our daughter, I really don't have the energy or the inclination to fight for no reason. She is coming back with our daughter and staying with me for two days then she leaves again. Any other suggestions? I do intend to be pleasant, go out for a meal together, I will avoid referring to our relationship at all. Thanks again, its been helpful. Andrew |
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