Needing help

man im lucky my boys mom walked out on us oct 3,1999.havent heard from
here since the weekend befor thanksgiving,2001.my 2 boys r 6 and 7 yrs
old.rarely do they ask for their mom.but when they do ask where she is i
just tell them i dont know.and that usually ends it.its gets stressful
some especially now cause my 6 yr old jordan is getting over what seems
to be the 24 hrs virus,grrrrrr hate when my babies get sick.but hang in
there and try to stay patient ( i should be telling myself that lol)but
im 38 m goldsboro nc.hang in there ok

In article , Rachel
Richard says...

I am new at this so please bare with me if I do this wrong. I am a 34
female from Louisiana and have a 5 year old son. I have been divorced
for 2 years and my son does not see his father at all. He is hyper and
always seeming to try to get on my last nerve. Any suggestions on what
to try to help him? He still asks for his dad every now and then but I
know he does miss him but he doesn't say much about it. Like I said, I'm
new to this discuss group thing so please bare with me if I have done
something wrong---

Rachel

My daughter is a beautiful and very mellow child. She is precocious and
undemanding. Even with that, I couldn't work, go to school, and be a mom without
my parent's help. I would have to quit school.

Liz

My daughter is a beautiful and very mellow child. She is precocious and
undemanding. Even with that, I couldn't work, go to school, and be a mom
without
my parent's help. I would have to quit school.

And this is supposed to help or encourage Rachel with her problem because....

Joelle
If you want to make God laugh, tell him what you are doing tomorrow
Father Mike

"Rachel Richard" wrote in message
...
snip

I try to
spend what time I can with him but being on my own with no help from
anyone else, you know what I mean, sometimes makes it hard. I have to
work to make ends meet and pay to bills. It just seems that there are
days I feel I am doing this for nothing. Is that normal or what? I try
to be firm with him but it is so hard sometimes. Thanks for the advice
that you gave in the last message.

Rachel

Rachel, when I first became a single parent. I lived in UK. Knew nobody,
the lads father had dissapeared. I was left with not a scrap of furniture,
clothes, delph blah blah blah......I had a roof over my head.....and not a
thing in the house. I spent 24/7/52 with my sons. xmas was all junk from
carboot sales etc etc......This went on from when my youngest was 1yr until
they went to school. I had plenty of time to feel sorry for myself.....but
knew that this would achieve nothing I had to get up and sort myself out.
It meant waiting 4 years though.

Those years of waiting were the hardest years I had ever known. I used to
think of the future and saw days upon days of emptiness ahead of me,
poverty, sadness, anger, grief, heartache and bitterness. The only thing I
could do was focus on the boys and be the best parent I knew how. Not that
I had anyone to help me, my family were in Ireland and the only person I
knew in the UK was a crap friend. And there were days when my parenting left
a lot to be desired too. But I stumbled along, and spend a whole lot of time
in the park. It was the only place I could put more than 5ft of space
between us, and God knows I needed that break.

Once my youngest was in full time school I went to college. Some days I
hadnt the money for the bus so I walked come hail rain or snow......I knew
this was my only route out of the poverty trap and was hell bent on
succeeding. Failure was not an option.

Anyway, I did succeed. Graduated with a few awards and got a job. Last
year I sold my house in UK and moved to Ireland. I now own my house
outright, I achieved all the goals I set myself all those years ago. It
wasn't easy and somedays I really was so tired I would just as easily have
given up. Thank God I didnt...

I really and truly can understand your feelings Rachel, but believe me, it
will get better. But, it will only get better if you make it get better.
And you have to be clear about what you want to achieve, then set about
doing it/getting it...be it a better paid job or making your employer
upskill you or whatever.

As for your little boy, what you have to keep in mind is you dont want to
get 5/7/9 years down the line and look back at when your son was little and
regret something e.g. being overly angry with him or whatever. If you feel
something your doing is wrong then try to think how you are going to feel
about it tomorrow, next week, next year. Remember that this little boy
completely and utterly relies on you and loves you. You are his one and only
role model and is really intune with you.

He's only small (is he a 5 year old) and probably has boundless energy which
needs some form of release....Only you can find solutions to that as we are
not familiar with your environment. Unfortunately too many people are only
too quick to use ADHD when the child is just simply energetic. God!..if the
doctors got their hands on my kids they would have had them sectioned.

I dont know if he is a mature 5 y/o or not, but he may well be too young to
discuss his father, but if the subject comes up just listen and try to
understand what he is trying to say. I remember when my youngest was about
three.....I was in the bath and he came into the bathroom to wash his
hands....out of the blue he made some horrible comment about his dad ...in a
very blase manner. I was totally gobsmacked (as I never ever made bad
comments about their dad) and just as quick as he said it, he'd forgotten
it. I think maybe he just happened to remember something and
commented......

Kids are strange at the best of times.

Anyway, dont know if this is much help to you, other than to let you know
that you are not alone in your feeling. many others have been there and
come out the other side...a hell of a lot stronger too.....keep going and
hold your head up, you'll get there too with a bit of determination and
grit. And look how proud of yourself you'll be,not to mention how proud
your son will be.

Sorry for long ramble...wasnt intended.

Dolores

Dolores

Kids at your son's age, are
active, inquisitive, and sometimes just plain wild. It's normal
behavior, but it should not be tolerated.

I just cant agree with you there. It SHOULD be tolerated......and
encouraged......Kids cant be good well balanced adults if they're not
allowed to be real children....And being a real child involves all the
above....without stricture, unless it would endanger them or cause
offence to any party. As long as they know the boundaries (which
shouldn't be too restrictive) they will be ok. Why are modern day
parents so hell bent on controlling every move their child
makes......All we're doing is storing up problems for their
teenage/adults years.


OK I didn't clarify myself well. I just meant there are certain situations
where it shouldn't be tolerated. Kids need to be taught about proper
behavior in certain settings. I used to let my son into the backyard, and
run around wild and crazy, while I watched to make sure he didn't hurt
himself. But I did not allow my son to run around wild and crazy if we were
at church, or at the grocery store. Many the time I had to take him
directly home, and leave him with one of my parents (luckily I had that
option) just so I could get the shopping done. He learned over time that he
needed to behave in a certain manner at the store. I don't mean quiet as a
mouse, not asking for anything, not speaking...etc. I meant not running
away from me, throwing things in the cart, screaming at the top of his
lungs. That was what I meant about not tolerating certain behaviors. I
apologize for any misunderstanding

Betsy
--
Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with
ketchup.

"dolores" wrote in message ...


Anyway, dont know if this is much help to you, other than to let you know
that you are not alone in your feeling. many others have been there and
come out the other side...a hell of a lot stronger too.....keep going and
hold your head up, you'll get there too with a bit of determination and
grit. And look how proud of yourself you'll be,not to mention how proud
your son will be.

Sorry for long ramble...wasnt intended.


Maybe not intended but so nicely said. I'm coming out of some pretty
dark years too (I have an actual mortgage application pending -- five
years ago I was facing foreclosure!) and I would tell the OP the same
thing. It's not going to happen without a whole helluva lot of work
and you really can't depend on other people to help you (some will,
but that's gravy, you can't rely on it) and even the good stuff will
sneak up on you and suddenly you realize hey, I slept 7 hours last
night!

In the meantime, take lots and lots of pictures -- I've found it's the
best way to remind myself that *this* moment is special. I've gone up
to a year without actually developing rolls of film for lack of funds
(which just makes finally developing them an extra treat).

lm

"Laura" wrote in message
om...
"dolores" wrote in message
...


Anyway, dont know if this is much help to you, other than to let you
know
that you are not alone in your feeling. many others have been there and
come out the other side...a hell of a lot stronger too.....keep going
and
hold your head up, you'll get there too with a bit of determination and
grit. And look how proud of yourself you'll be,not to mention how proud
your son will be.

Sorry for long ramble...wasnt intended.


Maybe not intended but so nicely said. I'm coming out of some pretty
dark years too (I have an actual mortgage application pending -- five
years ago I was facing foreclosure!) and I would tell the OP the same
thing. It's not going to happen without a whole helluva lot of work
and you really can't depend on other people to help you (some will,
but that's gravy, you can't rely on it) and even the good stuff will
sneak up on you and suddenly you realize hey, I slept 7 hours last
night!

Mind you, tis easy for us that are looking back with the wisdom of hindsight
( I consider myself not quite there yet though.....cos I've got teenage
years strolling in my front gate....and I'm terrified). When you're
actually climing the hill it's a different ballgame, especially for the
younger single parents. Unfortunately there are a lot of teen single parents
( and plenty of older s/parents) that wont, cant or dont want to put in the
time, hard work and effort that is required. A lot of them expect
everything to be handed to them on a plate. Unfortunately they have the
same attitude towards parenting too. Not that I think this is a trait
peculiar to s/p's either......hell no!!.....there are a damn sight more
married/partners parents out there that are downright crap at it ...in fact
I know married couples that should have been sterilised at birth.


In the meantime, take lots and lots of pictures -- I've found it's the
best way to remind myself that *this* moment is special. I've gone up
to a year without actually developing rolls of film for lack of funds
(which just makes finally developing them an extra treat).

lm

lolol....my lads were just talking about the camera the other day.....I used
to take loads of pics, and like you had a stash of them to have developed.
My youngest son though broke the camera and I just never think to get it
replaced.......I'd love a camcorder though.

Dolores

wrote in message
. com...

Kids at your son's age, are
active, inquisitive, and sometimes just plain wild. It's normal
behavior, but it should not be tolerated.

I just cant agree with you there. It SHOULD be tolerated......and
encouraged......Kids cant be good well balanced adults if they're not
allowed to be real children....And being a real child involves all the
above....without stricture, unless it would endanger them or cause
offence to any party. As long as they know the boundaries (which
shouldn't be too restrictive) they will be ok. Why are modern day
parents so hell bent on controlling every move their child
makes......All we're doing is storing up problems for their
teenage/adults years.


OK I didn't clarify myself well. I just meant there are certain
situations
where it shouldn't be tolerated. Kids need to be taught about proper
behavior in certain settings. I used to let my son into the backyard, and
run around wild and crazy, while I watched to make sure he didn't hurt
himself. But I did not allow my son to run around wild and crazy if we
were
at church, or at the grocery store. Many the time I had to take him
directly home, and leave him with one of my parents (luckily I had that
option) just so I could get the shopping done. He learned over time that
he
needed to behave in a certain manner at the store. I don't mean quiet as
a
mouse, not asking for anything, not speaking...etc. I meant not running
away from me, throwing things in the cart, screaming at the top of his
lungs. That was what I meant about not tolerating certain behaviors. I
apologize for any misunderstanding

Betsy
--
Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with
ketchup.

No apology necessary Betsy. I kinda had a feeling that maybe I had
misunderstood, but I was really tired last night and not really paying
attention, so maybe I should be more careful in my replies. Not much better
tonight either, had a night on the town tonight and it's now 4am, but cos I
was driving and had nothing to drink I'm wide awake, but knackered, if that
makes any sense. It's a cold night and am just waiting for the electric
blanket to make the bed nice and cosy.........lol

Ah ****e I'm just blatherin' now....

Dolores

Try having to see it. I work in a hospital and about 1 month ago we had
a 2 year old come into the hospital doa because he had hung himself on a
car window. The mother thought he was asleep in the room but he walked
outside to the car, climbed in somehow, got in the back seat and was
playing apparently and slipped and caught his throat on the car window
that was half way down and he died. Talk about heart breaking. All I
could picture was that they would have had to bury me right along with
him. He is all I have in this life.

Rachel

I don't have a choice but to work, money doesn't grow on my trees and
the bills don't stop coming. My parent are live saves thou. My son was
in preschool and they would watch him for me until I get home from work
instead of having to find a sitter that you can trust. I know how
special they are to me also.

Rachel