NEGLECT during visitation with NCP - Prior history with CPS

I wanted to know if anyone here has had a similar situation with an EX.

The situation is this, I am a father of 3 children ages 17,15 and 12. I am
an OTR driver (meaning I work away from home for a period of 3 to 10 days at
a time).

When my ex-wife and I were together she would NOT keep the house even in the
same zip code as clean. She would NOT feed the children a proper meal or
make sure they had appropriate clothes on when they went to school. After
calling CPS on her many times and having the children removed for 9 months
(and later returned) I finally had enough packed up the children and myself
and moved out.

I am now divorced, and remarried and have FULL custody of my children and
the FOC is telling me that I HAVE to send the children to their mothers for
her visitation (1st and 3rd Sunday of every month).

The children do NOT want to go and when they do go she takes them to her
home that is full of bugs, half eaten food all over the place.

Last Sunday my wife met my ex-wife around 8:15 in the morning, and my
ex-wife took the children back to her home for visitation. I was not fully
aware of the exact living conditions of the home at that time since I had
not seen the home in almost 2 yrs I only knew of her past history with
regards to that.

The original agreement was to meet the ex at the same location half way in
between our houses around 5:30pm.

I received a phone call from the ex around 4pm saying she was unable to meet
us at the same location that we agreed upon. The reason was that she had no
heat, that her furnace would not come on. She asked me to come over and fix
it for her (which I agreed I would take a look at it - I had worked on the
field for many yrs prior) I arrived at her home around 6:30pm and was able
to get her furnace working for her.

When I approached the home all I could smell was cat urine. When I entered
the home I took notice that her home had half eaten food that looked as
though it been there a while all over the place. The counters were full of
all sorts of things that I could not readily identify as anything other than
garbage.

After getting her furnace working the children, my wife and I left the home
and headed to the car to go home. I asked the children as we left if they
were hungry they told me they were starved. We got in the car and proceeded
to head to a restaurant that I had patronized before but was not sure of its
exact location so I called my ex to ask where it was at, she replied why do
you need to go there, "the kids just ate" as she said that I found the
restaurant and proceeded to go to it. I then told her I found it and I had
to go now.

I turned to the children as I hung up and asked them, "so what time did you
eat" they told me 2pm (note this is now around 8pm) and I asked what did you
eat? They told me macaroni cheese and "a" hot dog each.

The oldest boy told me the ex planed on fixing ONE small box of macaroni and
cheese for 2 boys (15 and 12), her and her mother. Until my oldest boy
spoke up and complained that would not be enough. So the ex grabbed another
box of macaroni and cheese.

During the time at the restaurant the boys also told me the ex was text
messaging people WHILE driving in traffic!!

I have now filed another complaint with CPS and FOC but not sure if or what
they will do.

I would rather NOT send the boys since they do not want to go, but I am
trying to avoid being held in contempt at the same time.

I live in Michigan, divorce (and FOC is out of Shiawassee county) ex lives
in St Clair county, and I now live in Genesee county.

Frustrated Father of 3

Robert

news.comcast.net wrote:
I wanted to know if anyone here has had a similar situation with an EX.

The situation is this, I am a father of 3 children ages 17,15 and 12. I am
an OTR driver (meaning I work away from home for a period of 3 to 10 days at
a time).

When my ex-wife and I were together she would NOT keep the house even in the
same zip code as clean. She would NOT feed the children a proper meal or
make sure they had appropriate clothes on when they went to school. After
calling CPS on her many times and having the children removed for 9 months
(and later returned) I finally had enough packed up the children and myself
and moved out.

I am now divorced, and remarried and have FULL custody of my children and
the FOC is telling me that I HAVE to send the children to their mothers for
her visitation (1st and 3rd Sunday of every month).

The children do NOT want to go and when they do go she takes them to her
home that is full of bugs, half eaten food all over the place.

Last Sunday my wife met my ex-wife around 8:15 in the morning, and my
ex-wife took the children back to her home for visitation. I was not fully
aware of the exact living conditions of the home at that time since I had
not seen the home in almost 2 yrs I only knew of her past history with
regards to that.

The original agreement was to meet the ex at the same location half way in
between our houses around 5:30pm.

I received a phone call from the ex around 4pm saying she was unable to meet
us at the same location that we agreed upon. The reason was that she had no
heat, that her furnace would not come on. She asked me to come over and fix
it for her (which I agreed I would take a look at it - I had worked on the
field for many yrs prior) I arrived at her home around 6:30pm and was able
to get her furnace working for her.

When I approached the home all I could smell was cat urine. When I entered
the home I took notice that her home had half eaten food that looked as
though it been there a while all over the place. The counters were full of
all sorts of things that I could not readily identify as anything other than
garbage.

After getting her furnace working the children, my wife and I left the home
and headed to the car to go home. I asked the children as we left if they
were hungry they told me they were starved. We got in the car and proceeded
to head to a restaurant that I had patronized before but was not sure of its
exact location so I called my ex to ask where it was at, she replied why do
you need to go there, "the kids just ate" as she said that I found the
restaurant and proceeded to go to it. I then told her I found it and I had
to go now.

I turned to the children as I hung up and asked them, "so what time did you
eat" they told me 2pm (note this is now around 8pm) and I asked what did you
eat? They told me macaroni cheese and "a" hot dog each.

The oldest boy told me the ex planed on fixing ONE small box of macaroni and
cheese for 2 boys (15 and 12), her and her mother. Until my oldest boy
spoke up and complained that would not be enough. So the ex grabbed another
box of macaroni and cheese.

During the time at the restaurant the boys also told me the ex was text
messaging people WHILE driving in traffic!!

I have now filed another complaint with CPS and FOC but not sure if or what
they will do.

I would rather NOT send the boys since they do not want to go, but I am
trying to avoid being held in contempt at the same time.

I live in Michigan, divorce (and FOC is out of Shiawassee county) ex lives
in St Clair county, and I now live in Genesee county.

Frustrated Father of 3

Robert

Robert, someone can correct me if I am wrong but I believe the kids are
now old enough to express their interest and desires to the courts
themselves. Ask your lawyer, but I think they can. No kids should have
to be around cat ****.

I'd say that your biggest problem is the text-messaging-while-driving. That
is both dangerous and illegal. Your children are all old enough to take
care of themselves, and, obviously, at least one of them can speak up for
himself and his siblings. They are not going to starve by eating too little
a couple of days a month. Obviously, their mother has a problem. Please
take the time to teach them compassion. And handle their complaints by
saying that you agree that the living conditions are unpleasant, but perhaps
she can't help herself. I can't imagine that pure laziness would result in
such a messy living environment. Their mother wants to spend time with
them--that is a plus. Make sure your children understand that their mother
loves them, and we need to have compassion for those who struggle. They can
always call you if things get too overwhelming!


"news.comcast.net" wrote in message
. ..
I wanted to know if anyone here has had a similar situation with an EX.

The situation is this, I am a father of 3 children ages 17,15 and 12. I
am an OTR driver (meaning I work away from home for a period of 3 to 10
days at a time).

When my ex-wife and I were together she would NOT keep the house even in
the same zip code as clean. She would NOT feed the children a proper meal
or make sure they had appropriate clothes on when they went to school.
After calling CPS on her many times and having the children removed for 9
months (and later returned) I finally had enough packed up the children
and myself and moved out.

I am now divorced, and remarried and have FULL custody of my children and
the FOC is telling me that I HAVE to send the children to their mothers
for her visitation (1st and 3rd Sunday of every month).

The children do NOT want to go and when they do go she takes them to her
home that is full of bugs, half eaten food all over the place.

Last Sunday my wife met my ex-wife around 8:15 in the morning, and my
ex-wife took the children back to her home for visitation. I was not
fully aware of the exact living conditions of the home at that time since
I had not seen the home in almost 2 yrs I only knew of her past history
with regards to that.

The original agreement was to meet the ex at the same location half way in
between our houses around 5:30pm.

I received a phone call from the ex around 4pm saying she was unable to
meet us at the same location that we agreed upon. The reason was that she
had no heat, that her furnace would not come on. She asked me to come
over and fix it for her (which I agreed I would take a look at it - I had
worked on the field for many yrs prior) I arrived at her home around
6:30pm and was able to get her furnace working for her.

When I approached the home all I could smell was cat urine. When I
entered the home I took notice that her home had half eaten food that
looked as though it been there a while all over the place. The counters
were full of all sorts of things that I could not readily identify as
anything other than garbage.

After getting her furnace working the children, my wife and I left the
home and headed to the car to go home. I asked the children as we left if
they were hungry they told me they were starved. We got in the car and
proceeded to head to a restaurant that I had patronized before but was not
sure of its exact location so I called my ex to ask where it was at, she
replied why do you need to go there, "the kids just ate" as she said that
I found the restaurant and proceeded to go to it. I then told her I found
it and I had to go now.

I turned to the children as I hung up and asked them, "so what time did
you eat" they told me 2pm (note this is now around 8pm) and I asked what
did you eat? They told me macaroni cheese and "a" hot dog each.

The oldest boy told me the ex planed on fixing ONE small box of macaroni
and cheese for 2 boys (15 and 12), her and her mother. Until my oldest
boy spoke up and complained that would not be enough. So the ex grabbed
another box of macaroni and cheese.

During the time at the restaurant the boys also told me the ex was text
messaging people WHILE driving in traffic!!

I have now filed another complaint with CPS and FOC but not sure if or
what they will do.

I would rather NOT send the boys since they do not want to go, but I am
trying to avoid being held in contempt at the same time.

I live in Michigan, divorce (and FOC is out of Shiawassee county) ex lives
in St Clair county, and I now live in Genesee county.

Frustrated Father of 3

Robert

BTW, it was very kind of you to fix her furnace. Not everyone would have
been so nice.

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...
I'd say that your biggest problem is the text-messaging-while-driving.
That is both dangerous and illegal. Your children are all old enough to
take care of themselves, and, obviously, at least one of them can speak up
for himself and his siblings. They are not going to starve by eating too
little a couple of days a month. Obviously, their mother has a problem.
Please take the time to teach them compassion. And handle their
complaints by saying that you agree that the living conditions are
unpleasant, but perhaps she can't help herself. I can't imagine that pure
laziness would result in such a messy living environment. Their mother
wants to spend time with them--that is a plus. Make sure your children
understand that their mother loves them, and we need to have compassion
for those who struggle. They can always call you if things get too
overwhelming!


"news.comcast.net" wrote in message
. ..
I wanted to know if anyone here has had a similar situation with an EX.

The situation is this, I am a father of 3 children ages 17,15 and 12. I
am an OTR driver (meaning I work away from home for a period of 3 to 10
days at a time).

When my ex-wife and I were together she would NOT keep the house even in
the same zip code as clean. She would NOT feed the children a proper
meal or make sure they had appropriate clothes on when they went to
school. After calling CPS on her many times and having the children
removed for 9 months (and later returned) I finally had enough packed up
the children and myself and moved out.

I am now divorced, and remarried and have FULL custody of my children and
the FOC is telling me that I HAVE to send the children to their mothers
for her visitation (1st and 3rd Sunday of every month).

The children do NOT want to go and when they do go she takes them to her
home that is full of bugs, half eaten food all over the place.

Last Sunday my wife met my ex-wife around 8:15 in the morning, and my
ex-wife took the children back to her home for visitation. I was not
fully aware of the exact living conditions of the home at that time since
I had not seen the home in almost 2 yrs I only knew of her past history
with regards to that.

The original agreement was to meet the ex at the same location half way
in between our houses around 5:30pm.

I received a phone call from the ex around 4pm saying she was unable to
meet us at the same location that we agreed upon. The reason was that
she had no heat, that her furnace would not come on. She asked me to
come over and fix it for her (which I agreed I would take a look at it -
I had worked on the field for many yrs prior) I arrived at her home
around 6:30pm and was able to get her furnace working for her.

When I approached the home all I could smell was cat urine. When I
entered the home I took notice that her home had half eaten food that
looked as though it been there a while all over the place. The counters
were full of all sorts of things that I could not readily identify as
anything other than garbage.

After getting her furnace working the children, my wife and I left the
home and headed to the car to go home. I asked the children as we left
if they were hungry they told me they were starved. We got in the car
and proceeded to head to a restaurant that I had patronized before but
was not sure of its exact location so I called my ex to ask where it was
at, she replied why do you need to go there, "the kids just ate" as she
said that I found the restaurant and proceeded to go to it. I then told
her I found it and I had to go now.

I turned to the children as I hung up and asked them, "so what time did
you eat" they told me 2pm (note this is now around 8pm) and I asked what
did you eat? They told me macaroni cheese and "a" hot dog each.

The oldest boy told me the ex planed on fixing ONE small box of macaroni
and cheese for 2 boys (15 and 12), her and her mother. Until my oldest
boy spoke up and complained that would not be enough. So the ex grabbed
another box of macaroni and cheese.

During the time at the restaurant the boys also told me the ex was text
messaging people WHILE driving in traffic!!

I have now filed another complaint with CPS and FOC but not sure if or
what they will do.

I would rather NOT send the boys since they do not want to go, but I am
trying to avoid being held in contempt at the same time.

I live in Michigan, divorce (and FOC is out of Shiawassee county) ex
lives in St Clair county, and I now live in Genesee county.

I am not trying to be mean or spiteful, However I am not all to pleased with
the FOC in my area, as they have ORDERED me to send the children to their
mothers home for visitation. (including the 17 year old - said I can be
held in contempt if she does not go.. I simply am choosing not to push that
issue, after talking to the police found out if she is "forced" to go it
becomes a crime of kidnapping!!

I had the police tell me to make sure she has a cell phone on her person (17
yr old daughter) that if she is forced in anyway to go to have her call the
police and report it as kidnapping that the visitation order is NOT a
defense to kidnapping..I had to laugh about that one, how a court order can
cause someone to break the law!

In Michigan a person of 17 years of age can legally move out on their own
and can not be forced to either live under the parents roof or under their
control. Any person that holds a person 17 yrs of age or older against
their will either by physical force or threat can be found guilty of
kidnapping.

In the past year my youngest has actually come home sick to his stomach on
more than one occasion from not eating much of anything all weekend when she
had them over night. The only thing I have on my side right now is the
court order is from 1pm to 5pm on the 1st and 3rd Sunday of the month, and
I am going to have to tell the ex that she is ONLY going to get them during
this time in order to keep my kids from suffering malnutrition.

I did call CPS today and they plan on taking a look at her living conditions
and make a report to the FOC (and myself)

As far as contact, my ex went from July 15th to December 17th with NO
contact..

We have a court date in 2 weeks for contempt of court for NON SUPPORT (ie..
medical bills she was supposed to pay and told me basically "F U" )

She told me that she is going to "Tell the judge she doesn't have to pay it"
...lol I am sure the judge will love being told what she is going to do or
not do.

As far as calling if things get overwhelming the last 2 times they tried to
stay over night we had to go pick the children up because she was unable to
deal with the boys. (this was 2 hours after they arrived at her home) This
was in April or May of 2006.

I do teach my children to have compassion for the less fortunate, however I
am also trying to teach them the difference from the "less fortunate" and
those with larger issues. That sometimes helping people with other issues
can turn into a "dysfunctional" relationship and that is NOT healthy.

I have done a lot for my ex-wife (more than I should do) ie.. paid on her
heat bill in the recent past to keep it from getting shut off, worked on her
car, house, ect.. But all I get back is grief.

What do I get in return..mmm about 5 months ago she calls me at 3 in the
MORNING to try to get me to pay her CELL phone bill because it was going to
be shut off...lol

I can see asking for help on a heat bill or rent, but a cell phone
bill...OMG

I wanted to blow a cork (Like my wife was at that moment, but I simply told
her that she can live without a cell phone and I can not do anything about
it and hung up - trying to hold my tone down)

I was always the calm person in my relationship with her. I was always
worried about how the situation would affect the children with the yelling.
My first instinct was the protection of the children.
My family (my mother and dad) always told me I was "over protective" of my
children I never seen it that way, did not think that was even possible


Robert




"teachrmama" wrote in message
...
BTW, it was very kind of you to fix her furnace. Not everyone would have
been so nice.

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...
I'd say that your biggest problem is the text-messaging-while-driving.
That is both dangerous and illegal. Your children are all old enough to
take care of themselves, and, obviously, at least one of them can speak
up for himself and his siblings. They are not going to starve by eating
too little a couple of days a month. Obviously, their mother has a
problem. Please take the time to teach them compassion. And handle their
complaints by saying that you agree that the living conditions are
unpleasant, but perhaps she can't help herself. I can't imagine that
pure laziness would result in such a messy living environment. Their
mother wants to spend time with them--that is a plus. Make sure your
children understand that their mother loves them, and we need to have
compassion for those who struggle. They can always call you if things
get too overwhelming!


"news.comcast.net" wrote in message
. ..
I wanted to know if anyone here has had a similar situation with an EX.

The situation is this, I am a father of 3 children ages 17,15 and 12. I
am an OTR driver (meaning I work away from home for a period of 3 to 10
days at a time).

When my ex-wife and I were together she would NOT keep the house even in
the same zip code as clean. She would NOT feed the children a proper
meal or make sure they had appropriate clothes on when they went to
school. After calling CPS on her many times and having the children
removed for 9 months (and later returned) I finally had enough packed up
the children and myself and moved out.

I am now divorced, and remarried and have FULL custody of my children
and the FOC is telling me that I HAVE to send the children to their
mothers for her visitation (1st and 3rd Sunday of every month).

The children do NOT want to go and when they do go she takes them to her
home that is full of bugs, half eaten food all over the place.

Last Sunday my wife met my ex-wife around 8:15 in the morning, and my
ex-wife took the children back to her home for visitation. I was not
fully aware of the exact living conditions of the home at that time
since I had not seen the home in almost 2 yrs I only knew of her past
history with regards to that.

The original agreement was to meet the ex at the same location half way
in between our houses around 5:30pm.

I received a phone call from the ex around 4pm saying she was unable to
meet us at the same location that we agreed upon. The reason was that
she had no heat, that her furnace would not come on. She asked me to
come over and fix it for her (which I agreed I would take a look at it -
I had worked on the field for many yrs prior) I arrived at her home
around 6:30pm and was able to get her furnace working for her.

When I approached the home all I could smell was cat urine. When I
entered the home I took notice that her home had half eaten food that
looked as though it been there a while all over the place. The counters
were full of all sorts of things that I could not readily identify as
anything other than garbage.

After getting her furnace working the children, my wife and I left the
home and headed to the car to go home. I asked the children as we left
if they were hungry they told me they were starved. We got in the car
and proceeded to head to a restaurant that I had patronized before but
was not sure of its exact location so I called my ex to ask where it was
at, she replied why do you need to go there, "the kids just ate" as she
said that I found the restaurant and proceeded to go to it. I then told
her I found it and I had to go now.

I turned to the children as I hung up and asked them, "so what time did
you eat" they told me 2pm (note this is now around 8pm) and I asked what
did you eat? They told me macaroni cheese and "a" hot dog each.

The oldest boy told me the ex planed on fixing ONE small box of macaroni
and cheese for 2 boys (15 and 12), her and her mother. Until my oldest
boy spoke up and complained that would not be enough. So the ex grabbed
another box of macaroni and cheese.

During the time at the restaurant the boys also told me the ex was text
messaging people WHILE driving in traffic!!

I have now filed another complaint with CPS and FOC but not sure if or
what they will do.

I would rather NOT send the boys since they do not want to go, but I am
trying to avoid being held in contempt at the same time.

I live in Michigan, divorce (and FOC is out of Shiawassee county) ex
lives in St Clair county, and I now live in Genesee county.

"news.comcast.net" wrote in message
. ..
I am not trying to be mean or spiteful, However I am not all to pleased
with the FOC in my area, as they have ORDERED me to send the children to
their mothers home for visitation. (including the 17 year old - said I can
be held in contempt if she does not go.. I simply am choosing not to push
that issue, after talking to the police found out if she is "forced" to go
it becomes a crime of kidnapping!!

I had the police tell me to make sure she has a cell phone on her person
(17 yr old daughter) that if she is forced in anyway to go to have her
call the police and report it as kidnapping that the visitation order is
NOT a defense to kidnapping..I had to laugh about that one, how a court
order can cause someone to break the law!

In Michigan a person of 17 years of age can legally move out on their own
and can not be forced to either live under the parents roof or under their
control. Any person that holds a person 17 yrs of age or older against
their will either by physical force or threat can be found guilty of
kidnapping.

In the past year my youngest has actually come home sick to his stomach on
more than one occasion from not eating much of anything all weekend when
she had them over night. The only thing I have on my side right now is
the court order is from 1pm to 5pm on the 1st and 3rd Sunday of the
month, and I am going to have to tell the ex that she is ONLY going to get
them during this time in order to keep my kids from suffering
malnutrition.

That sounds like a very good out for you. Four hours every 2 weeks is
bearable. Why not have the kids take a "picnic lunch" when they go over, to
share with mom? PBJs amd some chips are relatively inexpensive, and you
will know that the children are eating clean, healthy food.


I did call CPS today and they plan on taking a look at her living
conditions and make a report to the FOC (and myself)


It sounds like there needs to be some "looking into" done. I wouldn't hold
my breath, though.



As far as contact, my ex went from July 15th to December 17th with NO
contact..

We have a court date in 2 weeks for contempt of court for NON SUPPORT
(ie.. medical bills she was supposed to pay and told me basically "F U" )

She told me that she is going to "Tell the judge she doesn't have to pay
it" ..lol I am sure the judge will love being told what she is going to
do or not do.

As far as calling if things get overwhelming the last 2 times they tried
to stay over night we had to go pick the children up because she was
unable to deal with the boys. (this was 2 hours after they arrived at her
home) This was in April or May of 2006.

I do teach my children to have compassion for the less fortunate, however
I am also trying to teach them the difference from the "less fortunate"
and those with larger issues. That sometimes helping people with other
issues can turn into a "dysfunctional" relationship and that is NOT
healthy.

She sounds like a pathetic woman. But she doesn't sound evil. Maybe she
has just never fully accepted the fact that she is an adult and needs to
start functioning as one. Is she receiving any government support?



I have done a lot for my ex-wife (more than I should do) ie.. paid on her
heat bill in the recent past to keep it from getting shut off, worked on
her car, house, ect.. But all I get back is grief.

Well, Robert, unfortunately some people are like that. It is good that you
are not letting her shortcomings affect your character. From my
perspective, it is great that you continue to help out despite her unkind
actions toward you.


What do I get in return..mmm about 5 months ago she calls me at 3 in the
MORNING to try to get me to pay her CELL phone bill because it was going
to be shut off...lol

I can see asking for help on a heat bill or rent, but a cell phone
bill...OMG

I wanted to blow a cork (Like my wife was at that moment, but I simply
told her that she can live without a cell phone and I can not do anything
about it and hung up - trying to hold my tone down)

I would not have been happy about that myself. She probably found someone
else to hit up for the money. sigh



I was always the calm person in my relationship with her. I was always
worried about how the situation would affect the children with the
yelling. My first instinct was the protection of the children.
My family (my mother and dad) always told me I was "over protective" of my
children I never seen it that way, did not think that was even possible

I'm sure it is possible to be overprotective of your children, but, from
what you have shared, it doesn't sound as if you have been. Do the children
complain that you are overprotective? I'm sure they would let you know if
they felt that way.

"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"news.comcast.net" wrote in message
. ..
I am not trying to be mean or spiteful, However I am not all to pleased
with the FOC in my area, as they have ORDERED me to send the children to
their mothers home for visitation. (including the 17 year old - said I
can be held in contempt if she does not go.. I simply am choosing not to
push that issue, after talking to the police found out if she is "forced"
to go it becomes a crime of kidnapping!!

I had the police tell me to make sure she has a cell phone on her person
(17 yr old daughter) that if she is forced in anyway to go to have her
call the police and report it as kidnapping that the visitation order is
NOT a defense to kidnapping..I had to laugh about that one, how a court
order can cause someone to break the law!

In Michigan a person of 17 years of age can legally move out on their own
and can not be forced to either live under the parents roof or under
their control. Any person that holds a person 17 yrs of age or older
against their will either by physical force or threat can be found guilty
of kidnapping.

In the past year my youngest has actually come home sick to his stomach
on more than one occasion from not eating much of anything all weekend
when she had them over night. The only thing I have on my side right now
is the court order is from 1pm to 5pm on the 1st and 3rd Sunday of the
month, and I am going to have to tell the ex that she is ONLY going to
get them during this time in order to keep my kids from suffering
malnutrition.

That sounds like a very good out for you. Four hours every 2 weeks is
bearable. Why not have the kids take a "picnic lunch" when they go over,
to share with mom? PBJs amd some chips are relatively inexpensive, and
you will know that the children are eating clean, healthy food.

Its not even the point of the cost of something for them to eat, it was the
fact that she told me that she had groceries for them when I asked 3 or 4
times in a 5 minute conversation.
I would have sent over a frozen diner or chicken or something, but at the
very least something normal for them to eat during the visit (as I have done
in the past when I was told up front she didnt have anything to feed them)
I was more ****ed off that she flat out lied to me and did what she did to
my children.

Several months ago when she admitted to not having anything for the children
to eat I give her a large package of chicken, potatoes, and a box of
cereal, and $10 to get a gallon of milk, and she bought a 1/2 gallon of milk
(for 36 hrs - for 3 kids) and a bunch of CANDY!!
I had hoped she would have taken some responsibility for her own children
but she seems to fail at it every time, the money was to make sure they ate
properly and was not meant for her to just BLOW on junk food!

All I know is I give up, and going to do what I can to stop the visitations
at this point, I do not want my children put in any further danger.

Another thing I did NOT mention, is that my ex meets strange men off the
internet on a regular basis for the sole purpose of sex, and a lot of them
KNOW where she lives, and I do not care to have my children in that sort of
situation should one of them decide to come by when the children are there
and do something stupid, as she really does NOT know any of these guys, she
meets them at the house or motel and sleeps with them the same night she
meets them normally withing 30 minutes to an hour..

I know she is still doing this because she has done it with a couple of guys
I know, though she has no idea that I know them...lol



I did call CPS today and they plan on taking a look at her living
conditions and make a report to the FOC (and myself)


It sounds like there needs to be some "looking into" done. I wouldn't
hold my breath, though.



As far as contact, my ex went from July 15th to December 17th with NO
contact..

We have a court date in 2 weeks for contempt of court for NON SUPPORT
(ie.. medical bills she was supposed to pay and told me basically "F U" )

She told me that she is going to "Tell the judge she doesn't have to pay
it" ..lol I am sure the judge will love being told what she is going to
do or not do.

As far as calling if things get overwhelming the last 2 times they tried
to stay over night we had to go pick the children up because she was
unable to deal with the boys. (this was 2 hours after they arrived at her
home) This was in April or May of 2006.

I do teach my children to have compassion for the less fortunate, however
I am also trying to teach them the difference from the "less fortunate"
and those with larger issues. That sometimes helping people with other
issues can turn into a "dysfunctional" relationship and that is NOT
healthy.

She sounds like a pathetic woman. But she doesn't sound evil. Maybe she
has just never fully accepted the fact that she is an adult and needs to
start functioning as one. Is she receiving any government support?

In michigan as a single person (without children - in your custody) there is
NO government support of any kind.



I have done a lot for my ex-wife (more than I should do) ie.. paid on her
heat bill in the recent past to keep it from getting shut off, worked on
her car, house, ect.. But all I get back is grief.

Well, Robert, unfortunately some people are like that. It is good that
you are not letting her shortcomings affect your character. From my
perspective, it is great that you continue to help out despite her unkind
actions toward you.


What do I get in return..mmm about 5 months ago she calls me at 3 in the
MORNING to try to get me to pay her CELL phone bill because it was going
to be shut off...lol

I can see asking for help on a heat bill or rent, but a cell phone
bill...OMG

I wanted to blow a cork (Like my wife was at that moment, but I simply
told her that she can live without a cell phone and I can not do anything
about it and hung up - trying to hold my tone down)

I would not have been happy about that myself. She probably found someone
else to hit up for the money. sigh



I was always the calm person in my relationship with her. I was always
worried about how the situation would affect the children with the
yelling. My first instinct was the protection of the children.
My family (my mother and dad) always told me I was "over protective" of
my children I never seen it that way, did not think that was even
possible

I'm sure it is possible to be overprotective of your children, but, from
what you have shared, it doesn't sound as if you have been. Do the
children complain that you are overprotective? I'm sure they would let
you know if they felt that way.

"Robert - Michigan" wrote in message
. ..



"teachrmama" wrote in message
...

"news.comcast.net" wrote in message
. ..
I am not trying to be mean or spiteful, However I am not all to pleased
with the FOC in my area, as they have ORDERED me to send the children to
their mothers home for visitation. (including the 17 year old - said I
can be held in contempt if she does not go.. I simply am choosing not to
push that issue, after talking to the police found out if she is "forced"
to go it becomes a crime of kidnapping!!

I had the police tell me to make sure she has a cell phone on her person
(17 yr old daughter) that if she is forced in anyway to go to have her
call the police and report it as kidnapping that the visitation order is
NOT a defense to kidnapping..I had to laugh about that one, how a court
order can cause someone to break the law!

In Michigan a person of 17 years of age can legally move out on their
own and can not be forced to either live under the parents roof or under
their control. Any person that holds a person 17 yrs of age or older
against their will either by physical force or threat can be found
guilty of kidnapping.

In the past year my youngest has actually come home sick to his stomach
on more than one occasion from not eating much of anything all weekend
when she had them over night. The only thing I have on my side right
now is the court order is from 1pm to 5pm on the 1st and 3rd Sunday of
the month, and I am going to have to tell the ex that she is ONLY going
to get them during this time in order to keep my kids from suffering
malnutrition.

That sounds like a very good out for you. Four hours every 2 weeks is
bearable. Why not have the kids take a "picnic lunch" when they go over,
to share with mom? PBJs amd some chips are relatively inexpensive, and
you will know that the children are eating clean, healthy food.

Its not even the point of the cost of something for them to eat, it was
the fact that she told me that she had groceries for them when I asked 3
or 4 times in a 5 minute conversation.
I would have sent over a frozen diner or chicken or something, but at the
very least something normal for them to eat during the visit (as I have
done in the past when I was told up front she didnt have anything to feed
them) I was more ****ed off that she flat out lied to me and did what she
did to my children.

Several months ago when she admitted to not having anything for the
children to eat I give her a large package of chicken, potatoes, and a
box of cereal, and $10 to get a gallon of milk, and she bought a 1/2
gallon of milk (for 36 hrs - for 3 kids) and a bunch of CANDY!!
I had hoped she would have taken some responsibility for her own children
but she seems to fail at it every time, the money was to make sure they
ate properly and was not meant for her to just BLOW on junk food!

All I know is I give up, and going to do what I can to stop the
visitations at this point, I do not want my children put in any further
danger.

Another thing I did NOT mention, is that my ex meets strange men off the
internet on a regular basis for the sole purpose of sex, and a lot of them
KNOW where she lives, and I do not care to have my children in that sort
of situation should one of them decide to come by when the children are
there and do something stupid, as she really does NOT know any of these
guys, she meets them at the house or motel and sleeps with them the same
night she meets them normally withing 30 minutes to an hour..

I know she is still doing this because she has done it with a couple of
guys I know, though she has no idea that I know them...lol

Now this behavior would cause me to stop all visitation, too. Especially
with a 17 year old daughter! THAT is scary!! As for the food
suggestion--it had nothing to do with whether or not mom lied--she seems to
be a pathetic loser. It had to do with your ensuring that your children DID
have what they needed, no matter what mom did. But, with the meeting
strange men behavior I don't blame you for not wanting them there! I
certainly hope it works out for the best.

"teachrmama" wrote in

I know she is still doing this because she has done it with a couple of
guys I know, though she has no idea that I know them...lol

Now this behavior would cause me to stop all visitation, too. Especially
with a 17 year old daughter! THAT is scary!! As for the food
suggestion--it had nothing to do with whether or not mom lied--she seems
to be a pathetic loser.

All the signs of mental illness are quite obvious, I'm surprised she also
doesn't suffer from substance abuse.

Depression, low self esteem, unable to make rational decisions, no
motivation to keep her environment clean.

Dude, you don't need a family court judge, you need to get her committed, so
that she can get the real help she needs. Sounds like she's too far gone for
any real recovery!

"DB" wrote

"teachrmama" wrote
I know she is still doing this because she has done it with a couple of
guys I know, though she has no idea that I know them...lol

Now this behavior would cause me to stop all visitation, too. Especially
with a 17 year old daughter! THAT is scary!! As for the food
suggestion--it had nothing to do with whether or not mom lied--she seems
to be a pathetic loser.

All the signs of mental illness are quite obvious, I'm surprised she also
doesn't suffer from substance abuse.

Depression, low self esteem, unable to make rational decisions, no
motivation to keep her environment clean.

Dude, you don't need a family court judge, you need to get her committed,
so that she can get the real help she needs. Sounds like she's too far
gone for any real recovery!
==
I agree. She sounds like she's suffering from severe clinical depression.
Not only does she need
intervention, she shouldn't have those kids without supervision.