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I have a third-grade daughter. A classmate's mother is pushing me to
buy training bras for my daughter, which apparently her daughter already wears. While it's true my daughter is starting to "bloom," she's still young and hasn't shown an interest herself. (I offered a while back.) My daughter seems like such a kid to me, and I don't want her teased...either for having one or *not* having one. How does a parent know when a young girl needs her first bra? Thanks. beeswing |
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beeswing wrote:
I have a third-grade daughter. A classmate's mother is pushing me to buy training bras for my daughter, which apparently her daughter already wears. Sheesh. To the classmate's mother, say this: "Thank you, but I will buy it when either daughter or I think it's necessary" Repeat as necessary. Scott DD 10.5 and DS 8, rolling my eyes. |
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dragonlady wrote in :
If your daughter isn't interested, and her body doesn't need them, I see no particular point to getting one. And why on EARTH would her classmate's mother think it's any of her damned business whether or not your daughter wears a training bra? I think that is the part of your post that most got my attention! It may be nothing to do with Beeswing's daughter, more that the other mum does not want her own daughter to be the only one wearing a training bra. -- Penny Gaines UK mum to three |
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![]() "beeswing" wrote in message om... How does a parent know when a young girl needs her first bra? When she asks? Seriously, most girls are self conscious enough that they'll somehow get you to know that they want one. Or, failing that, there may be a time when you decide that the subject needs to be brought up. But, if she's comfortable and you don't see any need for it, time to tell the other mom, thanks for your concern but we'll do it on our own timeline, thank you. Marijke mom to 2 boys (16 and 12) and one girl (15) |
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x-no-archive: yes
Regarding the so-called "training bras": Our computer network shut down shortly after I posted the question, and I hadn't seen any of the responses at that point. I took the opportunity to swing by a store just to see what's out there. I found some cotton-spandex "crop bras" (closer to a bra-shaped undershirt or undershirt-feel bra) in a size small for cheap and made a choice to buy some for my daughter so she'd have them if she does want them, whenever that might be. What actually happened, by the way, was that I got a phone call the other night from the other mom, whom I don't personally know. She told me that her daughter had a present for my daughter and would like to bring it by. (Mind you, these girls are classmates, not best buddies.) It was Valentine's Day; still, I was surprised but tried to act graceful about it. I told her that she and her daughter were welcome to come over. (They'd never even been to our house before.) THEN the women said, "Don't you want to know what it is?" You guessed it. A training bra. She had "noticed" my daughter the other day at school, and *her* daughter wears them, and she thought.... I was taken aback but didn't know how to react, so I politely said that I was sure my daughter would like it. (Though I was sure of no such thing.) Well. the other mom said she'd call right before she came over. In the interim, I talked to my husband about how I felt (that I didn't know that my daughter needed them or wanted them and when she did, I wanted to be the one to buy them not some stranger). He intercepted the lady when she called back (he's much more direct than I am) and politely told her, "Thanks but no thanks." My daughter knows that this girl wanted to give her something that we didn't accept, but she doesn't know what it is. This week is school break, but I'll bet dollars to donuts this other kid blabs to my daughter (and god knows who else) when she gets back to school. I knew I'd have to deal with this stuff soon somehow, but wasn't quite ready to , and now I feel forced to...I'll need to talk to my daughter before this kid does. (By the way, my head wasn't in the sand on this...we had discussed the issue with my daughter's pediatrician at her last appointment.) One other datapoint is apparently my daughter's best friend, who lives with her dad, asked her dad for some. Her dad, being rather clueless, brought her to a store, where the girl was told she didn't need them. There is some sort of social pressure going on at school, then, though I can't tell the extent of it. Since I have to talk to The Kid anyway, I thought I'd buy the "crop bras" just for her to have. It is a bit of a problem either way because these kids wear school uniforms -- with white shirts on top. Whatever a kid has or doesn't have...or wears or doesn't wear...is likely to be apparent to the other kids. I don't know if anyone really cares, though (besides this other mom, perhaps). I thought I'd not pressure my daughter at all, just be very low key and make them available so she has an option. I have no one to ask if this is a reasonable response on my part. (Is it?) I really would have preferred to blow the whole thing off for now, but it's clearly going to come up with the classmate when my daughter gets back to school. Oh yeah...and I'm not at all happy about this well-meaning parent. beeswing |
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"Penny Gaines" wrote in message
... It may be nothing to do with Beeswing's daughter, more that the other mum does not want her own daughter to be the only one wearing a training bra. I half-wondered that myself. beeswing |
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x-no-archive: yes
On Mon, 16 Feb 2004 18:08:30 EST, "Beeswing" wrote: Since I have to talk to The Kid anyway, I thought I'd buy the "crop bras" just for her to have. It is a bit of a problem either way because these kids wear school uniforms -- with white shirts on top. Whatever a kid has or doesn't have...or wears or doesn't wear...is likely to be apparent to the other kids. I don't know if anyone really cares, though (besides this other mom, perhaps). Honestly, given my experience with white shirts and school uniforms I'd say yes people care. Not all the girls in the year will care but it was extremely obvious who was developing just by the appearance of bra strap adjusters under the shirt. It was almost a competition among one group of girls to be the first to wear a "proper" bra rather than a training bra or a size smaller than an A cup. In my other post I mentioned camisole tops that my mum bought be, the crop bras would serve the same purpose - to look kind of like a bra but not be a bra when it's not necessary. Singlets wouldn't do the trick for me, they had to have that adjuster to look like a bra. Man I'm not looking forward to my kids hitting puberty! -- Cheryl Mum to DS#1 (11 Mar 99), DS#2 (4 Oct 00) and DD (30 Jul 02) |
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