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  #21  
Old February 17th 04, 03:53 AM
beeswing
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Kathy Cole wrote:

What earthly business is it of hers?


Good question. But it doesn't change the fact of her doing it. (She called me
Valentine's day saying "her daughter" had a gift -- a training bra -- for mine.
Her daughter already wears them, apparently. We turned her down.)

The word busybody *has* come to mind.

beeswing,
who wishes this never happened

  #23  
Old February 17th 04, 04:30 AM
beeswing
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Kathy Cole wrote:

It sounds to me like you handled it well, especially given the
completely intrusive behavior from the other parent. I'd drop the
topic, including not buying other non-bra styles of underwear, until a
time when your daughter brings it up.

I hope the other mother has the good sense to back off and mind her own
damned business.


Thanks. I'm pretty darn relieved.

beeswing,
who found it hard to be a good mom today

  #24  
Old February 17th 04, 05:32 AM
Leah Adezio
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beeswing wrote in message
...
Followup...Kid hated the "crop bras." Hated the whole idea. Which is fine

with
me, and I told her as much. Told her she didn't really need them and

wouldn't
for at least a few years.

They weren't expensive. I told her I'd put them upstairs in her underwear
drawer and if she ever did want them they'd be there. She was fine with

that
and went back to watching Lilo and Stitch.


And this is a Good Thing because Stitch totally rocks.

I think this could have been really ugly had they been given to her by a
classmate's mom in front of her classmate.

Still would like it if people could weigh in on this issue. Were the

choices I
made OK? I was really clueless how to handle this, especially given the
unwanted pressure.


FWIW, I think your husband's response was spot on. If you absolutely feel
the need to say something directly to this girl's mom, I think I'd go the
'It's a lovely thought, but I was planning on following a tradition that my
Mom started -- that when it's time for shopping for a girl's first "intimate
clothing", Mom took me shopping then treated me to special dinner out that
night, just the two of us. It was really special and I'm looking foward to
doing this with my daughter *when it's time* -- which it isn't yet. I'm
sure you understand.'

And if it's not true, it still could be if you choose to do this when it
*is* time.

Whether this is true or not, it conveys the message that shopping for a
first bra is something one's mother does for one's child -- not a stranger
based on *her* opinion that it's 'time' -- and that the parent(s) are the
ones to make that determination, not a stranger.

Maybe I'm old fashioned and sentimental, but to me, this sort of thing falls
under the category of 'rite of passage' and is not something strangers get
to make decisions about for *my* family.

Leah


  #25  
Old February 17th 04, 06:17 AM
beeswing
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Leah wrote:

FWIW, I think your husband's response was spot on.


Frankly, he said to her what I said to him...but being shy, didn't have the
guts to say directly.

If you absolutely feel
the need to say something directly to this girl's mom,


Chicken that I am, I let my husband speak for me; he's brasher than I am. I
have nothing to say to this woman. I wouldn't even recognize her if I ran into
her.

I think I'd go the
'It's a lovely thought, but I was planning on following a tradition that my
Mom started -- that when it's time for shopping for a girl's first "intimate
clothing", Mom took me shopping then treated me to special dinner out that
night, just the two of us. It was really special and I'm looking foward to
doing this with my daughter *when it's time* -- which it isn't yet. I'm
sure you understand.'

And if it's not true, it still could be if you choose to do this when it
*is* time.

Whether this is true or not, it conveys the message that shopping for a
first bra is something one's mother does for one's child -- not a stranger
based on *her* opinion that it's 'time' -- and that the parent(s) are the
ones to make that determination, not a stranger.

Maybe I'm old fashioned and sentimental, but to me, this sort of thing falls
under the category of 'rite of passage' and is not something strangers get
to make decisions about for *my* family.


I agree with you there. Bra shopping, whenever the "real" event might be, is
something I want to share with my daughter. I'm in a funny spot, though,
because my mom died when I was 13. I don't remember back far enough to recall
what the deal was with The First Bra, but my significant bra purchases were
done without the aid of my mother, but instead with my gram -- and frankly, it
was very awkward. I'm confused about how to handle these sorts of things. I
don't have a clear memory to rely on, and while I'm old fashioned and
sentimental myself, I really feel at sea with some of these things, without
having a mom or the experience of a mom to draw upon. I very much appreciate
having the "misc.kids.(moderated) community to lean on at times like these. I
feel a little lost.

Thanks so much for your comments. They basically echo the way I feel, myself.

beeswing

  #26  
Old February 17th 04, 12:51 PM
Rosalie B.
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(beeswing) wrote:

Rosalie wrote:

Has your daughter said anything to HER?


No, I really doubt it.

Has her daughter said
anything to you?


I don't personally know the woman *or* her daughter.

Have you asked your daughter about her daughter (if
they know each other


Yeah, we did that. They are friends but not close ones.

The whole thing was real strange.


That's why while it may be that this woman is just terminally
interfering and a trouble maker, there may be some other reason why
she thinks that your daughter ought to be wearing a bra.

Maybe it might be a good idea to ask around to other moms that you DO
know. Has she done this to other girls?


I was a kid who just totally ignored the whole thing as much as
possible for as long as possible, and my mom was happy for me to do
that (although she did think it important to give me 'the talk' before
it was necessary and several times so I'd know what was going on and
wouldn't be freaked out - mostly because her mom did not do that for
her) as she apparently felt as you do that it was too early to be
concerned.

So if it had been up to me, I would never have worn a bra (regardless
- and athletics was not a part of my life), even after I would have
failed the pencil test. I was very protected and clueless about sex
and if my mom had asked me I would have rejected the idea of a bra
too. So you can't always rely on the girl to know when she needs to
wear a bra.

grandma Rosalie

  #27  
Old February 17th 04, 12:52 PM
chiam margalit
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DD, age 11.5, started complaining that certain shirts bothered her
when she was in 4th grade. Because we live in a warm climate,
undershirts in summer really weren't the best idea, so I got her a
couple of the cotton 'sports' bras. Not 'training bras', more like
exercise bras with t-backs. She wore those for a year or two, and then
she did need a bit more support, and moved to an actual bra. She's
small still, hasn't moved to a real cup size, but I can think of some
adults she's bigger than, so she probably could use a real bra about
now.

I waited until she showed interest, but she wasn't, by any means, the
first kid in her class. There was at least one girl I knew of in 3rd
grade, and several in 4th grade that were before her. These were all
girls who could be considered overweight. DD is *very* thin, so her
need was actual breast tissue, and not just chubbiness.

My feeling is, ask every once in a while, and if your daughter doesn't
show any interest, then don't push it.

And tell your friend to MYOB and stop pushing YOUR child to grow up.

Marjorie

  #28  
Old February 17th 04, 03:53 PM
Cheryl
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On Mon, 16 Feb 2004 20:55:18 EST, (beeswing) wrote:

Cheryl wrote:

Well, my mum knew when I asked for one. She very carefully explained
to me that it wasn't necessary for me to have one when I first asked
for one since I had no breasts at all and asked me if I would be happy
with a camisole top with bra style adjustable straps. Since I
actually wanted it for the way it looked under clothes rather than
needing one this was a good solution for me at the time. Eventually I
started bouncing a little when I would do sport so I bought a bra then
for comfort. I think when a girl needs it for comfort during activity
is the best time to start.


How old were you when you actually wanted one? I actually can't remember *ever*
wanting a bra.


I honestly cannot remember. I know when I needed one was definitely by
the time I was in year 9, which was by about 15 since I was older than
most kids in my class. It may have been at 14, but definitely not
before 13. However there were some girls in my class who were wearing
bras when we started high school (in Australia there is no junior
high, so it's around age 12-13, 8th year of formal schooling), the
majority started wearing them by the end of that year or the beginning
of the next. So I probably asked for one about halfway through year
7, so at around age 13 and actually needed one about a year later.

However girls do seem to be maturing faster now than all those many
years ago (ha ha) when I was at school, I wouldn't be surprised at 11
and 12 year olds needing bras. 9 seems very young for it though, it
sounds more like a societal pressure than an actual requirement. The
fact that they are being sold in major department stores with sizes
for 8-10 year olds may be enough to convince some adults and their
daughters that they are necessary but I don't think they really are
for most girls at that age.


--
Cheryl
Mum to DS#1 (11 Mar 99), DS#2 (4 Oct 00)
and DD (30 Jul 02)

  #30  
Old February 17th 04, 04:14 PM
beeswing
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Cheryl wrote:

Yeah. That's why mum went for offering me a camisole. Something
between my skin and the white shirt that didn't look like a kiddie
vest/singlet.


Got it, now. That actually was what I was looking for but couldn't exactly
find.

(I think I'm having a bit of a language difficulty he I've never heard the
terms "kiddie vest" or "singlet." I'm trying to translate them by context.)

beeswing

 




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