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#1
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Midwife choices
I had pretty much picked my midwife (and have a
signed contract at home, but haven't given her a copy). Now I'm starting to have second thoughts. My midwife has gotten excellent reviews on her technical skills, but I'm not sure that she does enough hand-holding for me. At 6.5 weeks, I had cramping (menstrual-like) and very light spotting (one bit of pink) after sex. I called the midwife to see if it was normal, and her response was "Well, you might be losing the baby, or you might not - there isn't anything we can do - keep me updated." So I asked if cramping after sex was normal and she said "yeah, it's normal, but you might want to lay off." No advice to drink water, or lie down, or anything other than not to have sex again. I wasn't even sure if she considered cramps without significant spotting to be a real miscarriage sign or if she was humoring me. I wanted to know if I needed to worry, or if I should go about my life normally, and didn't really get a good answer. Well, my cramping was caused by not eating enough, because when the midwife said "stop eating when you think you've eaten enough" my idea of eating enough and my body's idea of eating enough didn't agree and she didn't give me any guidelines for "enough". I've added another 600 calories to my diet and I seem to be fine. I spent a week worrying that I was in the process of a miscarriage because I was cramping for more than 12 hours a day. I know that if I'm going to lose this pregnancy, I'll lose it, but some kind of help figuring out if I was in the process of losing it would have been nice. Am I overreacting or expecting too much from my midwife, or is this a bad match? Elaine |
#2
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Midwife choices
Elaine wrote...
her a copy). Now I'm starting to have second thoughts. My midwife has gotten excellent reviews on her technical skills, but I'm not sure that she does enough hand-holding for me. Hi Elaine, See my other thread on this group about our midwife situation. It illustrates some warning flags that may pop up later on, and would be worth trying to spot early into the relationship. I didn't add that there were also some religious differences that became apparent later on (our midwife appears to be born-again Christian; we're agnostic with Eastern leanings)... which in itself is ok. However my wife wants to feel free to meditate in whatever way she wants to during labor (this includes with Buddha icons if need be) without feeling that the midwife will fail her or disapprove, and not to have expectations placed on her about what the wife's role is supposed to be. I think there needs to be some sort of dialogue about religious beliefs been mother and midwife early on in the interview. If the midwife doesn't care to share them, then it must be agreed that she will not from that point on. ~ Arthur |
#3
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Midwife choices
In article , Elfanie wrote:
On Thu, 28 Aug 2003 18:52:04 +0000 (UTC), Elaine wrote: At 6 weeks....not having sex would be the only recommendation. Bed rest for a 6 week pregnancy wouldn't do anything...because it's not from pressure on the cervix that things would happen... And drinking water wouldn't do much at 6 weeks, either....that's more if you're having a lot of contractions. Okay, this is really useful information. I have the problem that I expect medical professionals to know more than I do, but I've become accustomed to them being incompetent. So I end up with this bizzare trust/mistrust thing going on. I wasn't sure if she was brushing me off or telling me honestly that there wasn't anything at all to do. If you feel it's a bad match...then it is. The rest of it doesn't matter. If you feel like it's wrong..then it is. I don't know if it's a bad match or not. I suspect that it is actually a fine match, and that I'm being irrational. I know that for most of yesterday I was very irrational. I got an email from someone telling me that her bedside manner wasn't very good, and I think it just sent me into a tailspin. I think that I just need to try to ask her for the information I want, instead of being annoyed that she didn't offer it unasked. Elaine |
#4
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Midwife choices
Elaine wrote in message
... I think that I just need to try to ask her for the information I want, instead of being annoyed that she didn't offer it unasked. It's true no midwife is going to be a mind-reader. ;-) But I think personality is a very important aspect of the relationship, and if you don't feel compatible with this one, then I would at least go and talk to some other midwives to see if there is someone you really "click" with. There may very well be others who are more forthcoming with information, and more pro-active in general about getting you to your comfort level - drawing out your real concerns and asking if there's anything else you want to know, rather than passively giving you only the exact information that you ask about. It sounds like that kind of person would be much more reassuring for you to have around during labor. -- Cheryl S. Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 5 mo. And a boy, EDD 5.Sept Cleaning the house while your children are small is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing. |
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